"You know, if someone had told me last year that I'd be spending Remembrance Day in a mausoleum, I'd have laughed at them," Dominic mused thoughtfully, leaning back against one of the older tombs. "But then ....last year no one could have predicted what would happen."
He looked up at the plaques on the wall in front of him, each commemorating a member of his own family who had died before him. Raleigh Granger was here, as were his brothers and sister, and almost everyone who had come after them in the direct lines. But they weren't why he had come. No, his reason for coming was still shining white, as though it had been carved out of the pristine marble and place up there among the Grangers past only yesterday.
Gwendolyn Amarice Granger, nee Laurent. Beloved wife and friend. Born 14th December 1976. Died 4th June 2011. May she never be forgotten.
"Three months, Gwen. It's been three months, and I still can't believe it. Everyday I come home, and I expect to see you fiddling around with some new dye, or arguing with Humphrey about his stubborn damned pride. You wouldn't be very proud of me right now."
He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, scrubbing ruthlessly as eyes that refused to stay dry, despite his promise to himself that he would not cry. That was the one thing she had always insisted on - graves were not meant to be wept over; they were there as a reminder to the living of the life that had now gone, and should be treated as such. Gwen had been so vehement about it, too. Put flowers on them, she'd say, or pour a bottle of whiskey, or whatever, but don't cry. They wouldn't want you to.
She wouldn't want him to cry, he knew. She'd want him to miss her, obviously, but not to let her loss derail his life the way it had. She'd be furious with him if she were here, absolutely incandescent at him for falling apart like a child.
"I haven't been back to work," he confessed to the silent stone. "I haven't been able to do anything much. I'm lost without you, Gwen. Fifteen years of happy marriage, and what do I have to show for it' A bedroom full of photographs and empty bottles, and a family who walk on eggshells the moment I enter a room. Well, apart from Gigi."
Gigi, the only one of his myriad cousins who had gone out of her way to drag him out of his suicidal depression with tough words and harsh truths. Gigi, who had spent the most time with Gwen when he was away, who had come very close to beating the crap out of him when he was drunk and incoherent. Gigi, who'd spent the last three months putting up with his drunken and self-pitying antics.
"I'm going to get my act together, Gwen, I promise. I'll make you proud of me again. There's a trip planned to one of the more technologically backward Earths soon; Professor Mycroft has been on my back about getting ready to go, since the tribal systems of Terra are my specialty. I'll stay for Ollie's wedding, of course - you'd like the girl he's found, a right proper lady and everything. She, uh, she helped me a bit ....gave me this poem I'm going to hang for you here. It was written by a Terran poet, a woman called Mary E. Frye. I hope she was right when she wrote this."
From his bag, he withdrew a beautifully framed piece of canvas, on which had been embroidered with painstaking attention to detail thirteen lines of heart-breaking poetry. Dom touched it almost reverently, nodding to himself as he re-read the lines.
"It helps, to read this when I'm getting down," he admitted to the cold, unfeeling stone that bore his beloved wife's name, rising to hang the framed piece beside the elaborate G of Gwendolyn. His fingers traced the cool marble, touching lovingly the carven shape of a name whose face he would never now see again, except in the many photographs that littered his home. His face crumpled, hot tears escaping as sobs began to wrack his broad-shouldered form.
"I miss you."
*~*~*~*~*~*
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
So do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.
- Mary E. Frye