Topic: Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Shoes

Dear Alice

Date: 2017-02-21 17:43 EST
https://68.media.tumblr.com/c83ae08b911220e2382b9c1f4bfee12b/tumblr_olqxovbzLt1w6b4b8o1_1280.jpg

The personal (private) blog of Alice Danielle Taylor.

Dear Alice

Date: 2017-02-21 19:21 EST
February 9 - 2017

You know what really pisses me off" Creepers. You know, those guys (and I suppose girls, too, but I'm not a lesbian and haven't had much issue with the ladies) who manage to make you uncomfortable just by standing there.

I actually left the apartment today. Instead of hitting up my usual haunts, I dropped in at the Red Dragon. Swanky place. Kind of a catch-all for the nexus transplant accidents. Lotta cruisers. They've also got this rodent infestation and they let animals hang out on the bar. Last time I was there, I made a comment about the cats and some bitch acted like she wanted to kill me, then sicced her effing dragon on me. It was ridiculous, so I've avoided the place for a while.

After Michael Vincent, I wanted a new sea of faces. I know I shouldn't give a crap about that ****stain, but the way it went down still rubs me the wrong way. ***hole.

I DIGRESS.

Went to the bar. Met some new faces. I even kind of liked them. No one was grossed out about the job — that was kind of refreshing. But there was one dude who was just totally creeping on this girl I met. Michael is his name. Complete with expensive watch and nice, crisp, custom suit. I'm starting to think all jerks are named Michael. So if you're reading this and you recognize this Michael Guy (not my ex M.V.), tell your boy he's an ass. I mean, who jokes with strangers about being a nefarious criminal who preys on pretty woman' That's not funny. That's gross.

He asks me about where I work after hearing me chatting about it with this other guy I met. Wants me to look him up if we ever need someone for interrogation and then goes on to say I'd better hurry, or someone might hire him to interrogate me.

Seriously' Rhydin's men need better pickup lines. Come on guys. Get it together.

I kind of shut him down pretty fast. So Michael moves on to the other girl in our little group of four. Starts telling her how he's been studying her and knows things about her. Then he made sure to say it wasn't a compliment....just that he had noticed little things about her. From all that watching her he's apparently been doing. Even after pointing out this girl's obvious discomfort, he just keeps at it. He's all, "I notice all the stuff you don't want people to see!" I wanted to slap the guy. So I flat out tell him she's uncomfortable since he can't take a hint. DUDE KEEPS CHATTING HER UP. She ended up leaving because the guy was such a creep.

He's lucky he left, too, or I'd probably have made a scene.

Hey boys" Stop being creeps. Otherwise you're going to have to keep paying for all the sex you want to have.

-Alice Antemortem

Dear Alice

Date: 2017-02-23 12:57 EST
February 10 - 2017

I was late for work today. We all know how much that makes me cranky. Why was I late for work you ask" I'll tell you why. I woke up to no water. None. Whatsoever. Stumble out of bed to take a shower and all I get is a few dribbles of what was left in the pipes before they started groaning and sputtering. Then nothing.

As if that wasn't irritating enough, I just keep getting a busy signal from the front desk when I try to call. I take the elevator down to the lobby so I can find out what the problem is and when the doors open up, I'm met with a flood of water. Water literally just pours into the elevator. There's a ****ing lake in the goddamn lobby. I was wearing my favorite Givenchy slide sandals, you guys. The ones with the mink fur. And now they're completely ruined. I swear to Keane I almost cut a bitch. You'd think they could put a warning sign up or something" Maybe shut the elevator down"

Exactly how I wanted to start my day. NOT!

Super swears up and down that everything will be fine by the end of the day and no one needs to panic. Get a call here at work saying the building is dead in the water (pun totally intended) until MONDAY. Which means I have to wade through Lake Rhydin again to go pack a bag and enough shoes to last me until then. FML.

-AliceAntemortem

KeenContagious posted on 2/10 at 3:02 pm: "It's not nice to swear, honey bunch. ;)" AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 3:03 pm: "Bite me, ass****. Those were five hundred dollar shoes." KeenContagious → AliceAntemortem at 3:03 pm: "You act like I can't easily replace them, sugar lump." AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 3:04 pm: "Call me sugar lump one more time." KeenContagious → AliceAntemortem at 3:04 pm: "Sugar lump one more time." AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 3:04 pm: "I hate you." KeenContagious → AliceAntemortem at 3:04 pm: "There's my ray of sunshine.?

Dear Alice

Date: 2017-02-23 14:29 EST
February 11 - 2017

I have another complaint: Cab drivers who don't help their patrons with their bags. I mean, it's not like I can't lift the damn suitcases myself, I'm more than capable, but damn" I sure as hell am not about to tip someone who doesn't at least try.

I picked the Red Dragon as my new home away from home. I know, I know — after skeezeball Michael" To be honest, he's exactly why I picked the place. Part of me really hopes I run into him again so I can give him a piece of my mind. I didn't see him tonight, but I did see a couple faces from last night again.

Tall, Dark, and Handsome (henceforth to be called TDH because I can't even begin to dream up how to spell a name like his — it sounds so exotic) lives in one of the rooms at the RDI permanently, I guess. He's friendly. But vain in that way where you can tell he's insecure and probably has a lot of baggage. But it wasn't so overblown that it made me want to stab myself with a fork or anything. Wanted to ask the guy all sorts of questions, actually.

Pretty sure the only person whose vanity tops TDH's is Homeboy. Don't try to deny it, Keaneykins. You know you're in love with your reflection. And with good reason, I admit. Your devilishly handsome good looks are noteworthy.

TDH complimented my shoes. Way to go, Guy. That's definitely the best way to butter me up. He's kind of a schmooze with the flirting, but all the talk about shoes kept me distracted. Sue me! I'm only human. Ev and I even got him to try walking around in a pair of heels. Guy's a good sport, I'll give him that. Non-fragile masculinity is so attractive. Mm.

What's not attractive" Overtly grotesque sexual discussions in public places.

This chick pulls out a frickin" book of fanfic porn and starts asking this other girl if she's into large girthy bats. Talking about ripping her clothes off. I tried to ignore it in favor of watching Ev show TDH how to really strut in a pair of heels, but this chick was just so ****ing obnoxious and loud. I get that it's a bar, and everyone in this goddamn town is horny af, but would it kill them to maybe tone it down a little" Just enough so I can have a conversation with another interesting person without having to overhear someone screaming at the top of their lungs that they want sex. I'm not even joking about this or exaggerating, my friends. She was literally behind the bar, dressed in a skimpy maid's uniform, pretending to be the bartender, asking people if they needed "wetness" and screaming about wanting to have sex with somebody.

TDH took it upon himself to tell her that no one cared. And while, in part, I agree" the other part doesn't! I do care! Stop being nasty, Rhydin. Stop it! Nobody needs to be that damn thirsty.

I took TDH to O"Cleary's since he can't seem to get drunk anymore and I felt sorry for the guy. Thought maybe the battery acid they call liquor there would do the trick. It didn't. So we went out for pancakes and talked instead.

Shoe compliments and breakfast. Guy plays a tight game.

-AliceAntemortem

KeenContagious posted on 2/11 at 8:29 am: Video AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 9:01 am: "This is why we're friends."

Dear Alice

Date: 2017-02-24 13:48 EST
February 12 - 2017

Question: Why do so many people around here have trouble being friends with the opposite sex" Or the same sex if you're queer. Basically: if sexual attraction is even remotely possible, then being friends is somehow off the table for a lot of people. Why is that' Why can't I say I love my male friends without someone insisting there's some hidden layer of sexual and/or romantic attraction"

In the same vein, why do people who are dating get so jealous of their girlfriend or boyfriend hanging out with someone else? I'm sorry, but if you're worried them spending time together or being alone will cause them to cheat, then maybe you just shouldn't be with that person' I mean, who the **** stays with someone they suspect is going to cheat' Either trust your partner to do the right thing or stop dating. It's not difficult in my mind.

This is on my mind right now because I had to deal with it (and more) yesterday afternoon. I was hanging out in the Teas"n Tomes when this guy named Zan comes in. I'm not going to shy away from using his name on the blog because he put it out there for everyone to see on the Valentine Tree. I was in the process of making a valentine for Keane when Zan invites himself to join me. We talked about the sad state of my apartment and then he said he'd offer to let me stay on his couch, but didn't want to ruin whatever I've got going on with whoever my valentine was for.

First off, who offers their couch to a stranger" Is it just me, or is that weird" And I'd like to assume he was just trying to be nice, but him automatically assuming that my sleeping on his couch would somehow ruin my relationship with an unknown romantic interest' Obviously he was thinking we'd be doing more than sharing space. That annoys me. Anyway, I tell him the valentine is for a friend. Platonic love. It's a thing that I apparently have to explain to people. And it's a notion he dismisses immediately, saying he 'doubts it' and suspects Keane doubts it as well. That just annoyed me even more. But I don't have jack **** to prove to this guy, so I just let him think whatever he wanted. Talking about it would have only made me get bitchy with him. At first his quirkiness was amusing in a weirdly endearing sort of way. But then he cranked the dial up past a hundred by bringing up scat play. WHO THE **** DOES THAT"! Not only that, but then he says he's going to set me up with a blind date, insisting on it even though I declined several times.

Attention, Men of Rhydin: "NO" DOES NOT MEAN "YES." It means "no." Full stop.

Then, just when I was thinking I couldn't find him anymore repulsive, he took a picture of me. I told him to delete it. He hadn't even asked me if he could do that! He says, "No way. Besides, I need it for myself. With a little photoshopping, we'll have a naked Ali on our hands. Rather, on your hands and knees."

And he expected me to hook him up with one of my friends after that' I think he's unhinged. Disgusting and unhinged. I was so angry. I wanted to punch him in his disgusting, stupid mouth, but decided it was better to just get out of there. I think part of me was hoping he was joking (badly) about pimping me out. Then later on I find this:

https://68.media.tumblr.com/86f8465dc865736b36b482dfcf365857/tumblr_olw605u8aY1vaxy72o1_500.jpg

I edited my face out of this picture for the sake of the blog, though I'm sure there are some readers who saw the real deal on the Valentine Tree before I took it down. This mother****er. I was so mad when I saw it. I told him that I didn't want him setting me up with anyone and he ****ing did it anyway. Honestly, I was a little humiliated to have my picture attached to something advertising my body like it was a piece of meat. That's how I saw it. Yes, I'm fully aware that maybe he didn't mean for it to come across like that, but it did. I'm not a thing. And I don't appreciate the implication that I give a **** about the length of a man's penis. I'm not that shallow.

At least my boy Keane's got my back.

So **** you, Zan. Not cool.

-AliceAntemortem

KeenContagious posted on 2/12 at 3:49 pm: "Woe is me! Tragically friendzoned! lulz" AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 3:51 pm: "Hahahaha. We all know I can't seem to keep a boyfriend. Friendship's where it's at bby."

KeenContagious posted on 2/12 at 4:20 pm: "NEWSFLASH!! Boys and girls can be friends without wanting to bump uglies, Rhy"Din. Film at 11!? AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 5:12 pm: <3

Dear Alice

Date: 2017-02-28 23:12 EST
February 17 - 2017

What in the blazes is going on out there, Rhydin"! I mean, this place is Fifty Shades of ****ed up all the time, but this was a whole new level of crazy. You know, it's just like a bunch of stupid priests to ruin Valentine's Day for all those sex-crazed denizens out there. If they can't have fun, then no one can! Am I right' Ass*****. Thanks to them, I've been unable to get back into my apartment because work on the pipes got delayed.

But I guess I shouldn't complain too loudly. TDH and I have been able to run into each other every night for the past few days. Starting to think he needs a better Blog Name than TDH. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see! Depends on whether or not he actually uses my number. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let's start on Valentine's day.

So he and I have hung out a couple times now. There was that midnight pancake run, too. On V-day I show up at the bar because the club I was at was getting attacked by crazy people. That whole outing was just a huge bust. I mean, come on. Why'd it have to happen right then?" I was just about to go dance and look ridiculous, too. Chances were high I'd have been able to punch someone in the face for thinking they could touch my ass just because I was shaking it provocatively on the dance floor. Since I couldn't have my fun at the club, I went back to the Red Dragon and that's where I ran into TDH again.

If my night was made lame by those crazy psychos out there, then TDH made it all better by giving me a gift. I know what you're thinking. "But Alice, you just met him! Why are you letting some random dude give you gifts?" I'll tell you why: It was a mother****ing vampire heart encased in glass, that's why. I was a little bit tipsy. I might've squealed when he gave it to me. Don't hate. It was the best Valentine's day gift ever. Honestly not sure how anyone's ever going to be able to top it. So sorry Future Husband!

A real, intact vampire heart! Still vivid and pink along the aorta, pulmonary arteries, and veins, but fading to a nearly necrotic black color near the lower reaches of the myocardium tissue. The glass block itself is made up of thin sheets that are all able to come away individually, allowing me to examine each slice of the heart on its own. I can see inside the atrium and the ventricles, all the valves. It's literally the perfect gift for a budding medical examiner superstar. I need like" a hundred more of these. All different kinds of species. Gib plz! ::grabby hands::

The next night I gave him my number. I know. I shocked myself, too. But come on now. Give me a break. Especially you, Keane!

Then last night, he showed up while I was in the common room doing some studying for a paper I need to write. I was doing it there instead of my room because my neighbors were having really loud sex and it was making me grumpy. For reasons. That, and I was too lazy to walk any further than the hearth. I'm glad he got there when he did, because I was starting to go cross-eyed from all that reading and concentration. Also he's fun to talk to. And really, really hot. Not gonna lie. We went out for milkshakes and talked some more.

Current gut check" He seems really nice. Pretty guarded, but desperate for meaningful interaction. I actually think he's lonely. That's the kind of vibe I get from him. I know he's probably got a **** ton of baggage, but he hasn't tried to dump it on me yet. That's always a plus. Not that I'd never be willing to hold a bag or two for a friend, but people around here have this tendency to overshare right off the bat.

SOME MYSTERY IS GOOD, PEOPLE!

Anyway. Like I said earlier" if TDH actually uses my number, we'll definitely have to think about giving him a better Blog Name. Message me with your suggestions! And stay safe out there! It's still kind of messed up on the streets. My shoe of the month package got delayed because of all this crap. KNOCK IT OFF! >:[

Completely unrelated sidenote: I think I made some lady friends who don't find me intolerable. Ev and her sister. We went ice skating today. Ee is ****ing phenomenal, a total angel zipping around the rink. I was lucky enough to keep from falling on my face.

-AliceAntemortem

KeenContagious posted on 2/17 at 12:14 am: "Don't you whine at me, missy! I've been giving you a break by leaving you alone! Not gonna cramp your style. Rootin" for ya!" AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 12:16 am: "ily." KeenContagious → AliceAntemortem at 12:16 am: "Besides, being third wheel is boring." AliceAntemortem → KeenContagious at 7:42 am: "Psh. Okay fine. You've got me there. But you should come meet him eventually. I want to see if it's possible to contain so much vanity and ego in one room." KeenContagious → AliceAntemortem at 11:38 am: "Okay but if the universe implodes I want you to remember you asked for it." PrncsBaybEE posted on 2/17 at 4:49 pm: "Vday was totally ruined. Those jerks are gonna pay." AliceAntemortem → PrncsBaybEE at 6:01 pm: "You get "em, honey. Hope you get a Valentine's day redo.?