Topic: Office Bitch

Azer Hykarus

Date: 2010-01-01 18:31 EST
A sigh escapes his lips as he bangs his head against his desk, scattering file folders, papers, and other assorted cubicle wares along the white marble floor.

"I told you sir, I can't just let you through The Gates. You need to wake up and do something with your life. Do good things, be moral. If I could let anybody and everybody into Heaven the place would be over-run and nobody would learn to be good people to get their rewards when they pass on. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave or I'll have to call the Centurions to expel you."

A chestnut haired Angel would push the button, lighting up the next number on the Turn-o-Matic. The next poor soul would come up to him and file their paperwork. The angel shuffles it into the Inbox of his superior for review.

"Thank you Ma'am. We will contact you within 36 hours. Please return to Purgatory and await to be recalled."

This is what the angel did, day in and out. Every freaking day. He's getting tired of denying people, he's getting tired of telling them they can't find peace.

The button is pressed. Another joe public steps up and bitches at him about the service. Lever is pulled and the floor drops out from under the man, depositing him straight into Hell.

"If you're going to complain about Paradise, you belong in Hell, you ungrateful jerk."

And that did it.

"AZER HYKARUS! To my office. Now."

The named one would pull down the grate of his booth, and walk towards his boss's office, hands in his pockets.

"Yea, what?" , he speaks. "Mr. Hykarus, we've received many complaints against your person. Given your track record of impeccable service to The Lord and being generally a great team player in the office, I'm allowed to give you a choice. Resign, Or I fire your ass." "Wait....what?" Azer stammers, obviously unware that he's getting his walking papers. "You heard me. You're juggling too many duties as it is. Overseeing the West Winds, Managing the Summers, Keeping the Holy Beasts fed and maintaining the Fires of Elohim. At your workload, I'm thoroughly impressed that you haven't cracked under the pressure. Either Resign or I put your first bad mark on your record with a firing." The elder Angel would look down at Azer and scratch at his beard.

"Fine. I quit. I was getting tired of being the office bitch anyway." Quite unlike Azer to use profanity; He takes his final paycheck, gives Old Man Elijah the finger and walks out of the building.

"I'm free! Finally! No more ungrateful jerks breathing down my neck because I didn't get that platter of buffalo wings to them fast enough! No more messing with the Xerox Machine! No more paperjams! WAHAHAHAHAH!" Azer shouts in glee and does cartwheels all the way back to his flat...

...only to find out he's been evicted.

"...Alright, what gives..." A frown. He takes the note off the now barred door.

Dear Mr. Hykarus, It has occured to us that despite your three centuries of service as the Keeper of the Holy Beasts and Fires of Elohim, Your services are no longer needed and therefore you have been evicted from the Keeper's Tenements. You have been re-assigned to double your hours as Overseer of the West Winds and The Summer. Please report to the Geodome at 04:00 tomorrow for your reassignment.

~The Management

"Well screw me sideways runnin' with a pitchfork...How do these people expect me to do all that?"

And so, Azer decided to go straight to The Boss Man himself. He completely ignores Metatron and walks straight into The Throneroom and looks up at God Almighty.

"Sir, I am troubled. I have recently been asked to resign from my Office Job, Evicted from my home, and now the Archangels want me to double my duty hours. Normally, I'm not one to complain, but I need a freaking vacation."

And lo, did God look upon Azer Hykarus.

"It is done. You have done so well with the humans, that I shall grant you a century among them."

And the floor opens up from under Azer and deposits him onto the earth of RhyDin in a meteor shower. He gets up after an hour, his wings mangled, body aching and blood in his mouth. He spits out a wad and heads for the nearest establishment that serves stiff liquor, because damn it all..It ain't a vacation until you get piss drunk.