"one pierced moment whiter than the rest
-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep i watch the roses of the day grow deep." — e.e. cummings
Koy let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room. The little moonlight slivers that snuck past the closed window shade fell over the sleeping form next to her. She reached a hand out as a reflex, confirming that he was really there. Convinced that, for tonight at least, Matt had the luxury of choosing his old room in the Outback over sleeping amongst the stars, Koy quietly got out of bed.
The peacock-themed ball gown that imprisoned her for the majority of the night rested in all its multi-layered and feathered glory on a chair in the corner. She chose one of Matt's sweatshirts instead, throwing it on over her boy-cut shorts. Not one of her finer outfits but she didn't expect to run into anyone where she was going at this time of night.
Reaching underneath the shade she fumbled to unlock the window without waking Matt up. Finally cracking it open she took great care to slide the pane up high enough. Swinging one leg over the window frame, she waited until her foot found the metal bars before lowering the rest of herself out onto the fire escape. Knowing the Outback's proclivity for burning down suddenly, the newest building had been equipped with all the safety measures necessary in case of another "incident".
She lowered the window behind her, leaving the smallest crack open so that the breeze wouldn't disturb Matt. The cold air felt good on Koy's face. She liked the way it stung at her bare legs. It was another way to remind her that she was alive.
Matt's room was on the second floor of the Outback. They had their own home now but sometimes it was nice to crash there. Koy climbed up the escape ladder that attached to the roof, hoisting herself onto it.
Although she knew someone in the city was not only awake but up to no good, from the rooftop Rhydin looked peaceful. She sat on the ledge and let herself enjoy the view of the slumbering city. Dangling her legs over the edge of the building, she replayed the night in her head.
When the illustrious Daven Mallie gave an order, even Koy followed it. Especially when staying in his good graces meant Millie & Mallie's department store would continue to carry her swimsuit lines. Koy preferred to clothe the guests at New Haven's snootier charity events rather than mix and mingle with them at the various balls and banquets held in honor of this endangered species or that rare disease that one of their own suffered from. These were the same people who called beggars vulgar and turned a blind eye to the plethora of real social problems surrounding them.
But Daven had an upcoming runway show to promote and since The Heavenly Boutique's collection was to be featured, he could force Koy to attend an event as painful as a masquerade ball to raise money for preserving the Peabody Piping Plover. Koy didn't want the bird to become extinct per se, she simply knew everyone 'supporting the cause" cared much more about having another reason to put on their finest and gather. Those motives kept Koy in business after all.
After an excruciating night of smiling and schmoozing, Koy needed to see people she actually liked. Normally, she would have settled for washing away her irritation with whiskey but she needed to keep her mind clear. What would have been Lirisa's eighth birthday was soon approaching and Koy wanted to get through this year without a scene.
Eight years. Koy found the date of her daughter's birthday more disturbing than the date of her actual disappearance. Koy drove herself crazy imagining what she should be doing instead of mourning her loss: hiring a magician, stuffing a pi"ata, and making sure there were enough cake and napkins to keep all of her smaller guests fed and tidy.
Though her methods were not commendable, Koy learned how to cope. Most of the time Koy even managed to put on a good show for the general public. She drank too much. She worked too hard. She fought until she bled. She struck a careful balance between distracting herself from thinking and avoiding a permanent state of numbness.
And now she had Matt. His patience and unconditional acceptance constantly surprised her. She put up walls and he coaxed her out from behind them. It scared her that she had let someone get so close; it scared her even more to think of losing him. But the thing she loved most about him was that no matter how hard she pushed, he would not let her drive him away.
This night was no different. In her irritable state she took his teasing about her odd bird-inspired outfit as a chance to pick a fight. Instead of feeding into her insanity, Matt saw right through her. He knew what Koy needed better than she did. He made her more comfortable by helping her remove her heels, fixed her something to eat, and sat with her until she finished venting.
She wanted to tell him what was really bothering her. She should have told him about the dead girl she saw in the alley behind the Red Dragon Inn and how the young, lifeless face haunted her dreams. What bothered her about the whole scene was not how senseless the girl's death was but that she had no one looking for her, no one who loved her and was grieving. Despite her efforts, Koy never found her daughter. Even after the guard informed her that they found the body of her husband Mikal gutted and rotting in a forest outside of Shard, most likely the work of marauders, there was no trace of the child he had stolen. Koy assumed the worst of course. The dead girl augmented the fresh pangs of guilt she was already feeling at Lirisa's upcoming birthday. She wondered if her daughter suffered alone like the girl in the alley.
She should have told him about how helpless she felt.
Instead, she spoke about every other topic under the sun. Matt sensed this but she dodged every attempt he made to draw out the truth. Evasion was one of her finest survival skills. With his missions calling him away from Rhydin so often Koy did not want to ruin the little time they had together. He was patient but her past track record taught her that every man had his breaking point. Who wanted to be around an emotional wreck?
Koy would try her best to get through the next week with a smile on her face. No one needed to know how deep the wound was or that despite her best efforts it would never fully heal. She just had to control herself which meant she needed to stop drinking, at least until she could trust herself. She knew the odds stacked against her would make it impossible to get through the day unscathed but what else could she do'
From the rooftop, Koy watched the sun start its ascent over Rhydin and tried to convince herself that today would be a good day.
((Cross-posted on the RoH forum))
-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep i watch the roses of the day grow deep." — e.e. cummings
Koy let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room. The little moonlight slivers that snuck past the closed window shade fell over the sleeping form next to her. She reached a hand out as a reflex, confirming that he was really there. Convinced that, for tonight at least, Matt had the luxury of choosing his old room in the Outback over sleeping amongst the stars, Koy quietly got out of bed.
The peacock-themed ball gown that imprisoned her for the majority of the night rested in all its multi-layered and feathered glory on a chair in the corner. She chose one of Matt's sweatshirts instead, throwing it on over her boy-cut shorts. Not one of her finer outfits but she didn't expect to run into anyone where she was going at this time of night.
Reaching underneath the shade she fumbled to unlock the window without waking Matt up. Finally cracking it open she took great care to slide the pane up high enough. Swinging one leg over the window frame, she waited until her foot found the metal bars before lowering the rest of herself out onto the fire escape. Knowing the Outback's proclivity for burning down suddenly, the newest building had been equipped with all the safety measures necessary in case of another "incident".
She lowered the window behind her, leaving the smallest crack open so that the breeze wouldn't disturb Matt. The cold air felt good on Koy's face. She liked the way it stung at her bare legs. It was another way to remind her that she was alive.
Matt's room was on the second floor of the Outback. They had their own home now but sometimes it was nice to crash there. Koy climbed up the escape ladder that attached to the roof, hoisting herself onto it.
Although she knew someone in the city was not only awake but up to no good, from the rooftop Rhydin looked peaceful. She sat on the ledge and let herself enjoy the view of the slumbering city. Dangling her legs over the edge of the building, she replayed the night in her head.
When the illustrious Daven Mallie gave an order, even Koy followed it. Especially when staying in his good graces meant Millie & Mallie's department store would continue to carry her swimsuit lines. Koy preferred to clothe the guests at New Haven's snootier charity events rather than mix and mingle with them at the various balls and banquets held in honor of this endangered species or that rare disease that one of their own suffered from. These were the same people who called beggars vulgar and turned a blind eye to the plethora of real social problems surrounding them.
But Daven had an upcoming runway show to promote and since The Heavenly Boutique's collection was to be featured, he could force Koy to attend an event as painful as a masquerade ball to raise money for preserving the Peabody Piping Plover. Koy didn't want the bird to become extinct per se, she simply knew everyone 'supporting the cause" cared much more about having another reason to put on their finest and gather. Those motives kept Koy in business after all.
After an excruciating night of smiling and schmoozing, Koy needed to see people she actually liked. Normally, she would have settled for washing away her irritation with whiskey but she needed to keep her mind clear. What would have been Lirisa's eighth birthday was soon approaching and Koy wanted to get through this year without a scene.
Eight years. Koy found the date of her daughter's birthday more disturbing than the date of her actual disappearance. Koy drove herself crazy imagining what she should be doing instead of mourning her loss: hiring a magician, stuffing a pi"ata, and making sure there were enough cake and napkins to keep all of her smaller guests fed and tidy.
Though her methods were not commendable, Koy learned how to cope. Most of the time Koy even managed to put on a good show for the general public. She drank too much. She worked too hard. She fought until she bled. She struck a careful balance between distracting herself from thinking and avoiding a permanent state of numbness.
And now she had Matt. His patience and unconditional acceptance constantly surprised her. She put up walls and he coaxed her out from behind them. It scared her that she had let someone get so close; it scared her even more to think of losing him. But the thing she loved most about him was that no matter how hard she pushed, he would not let her drive him away.
This night was no different. In her irritable state she took his teasing about her odd bird-inspired outfit as a chance to pick a fight. Instead of feeding into her insanity, Matt saw right through her. He knew what Koy needed better than she did. He made her more comfortable by helping her remove her heels, fixed her something to eat, and sat with her until she finished venting.
She wanted to tell him what was really bothering her. She should have told him about the dead girl she saw in the alley behind the Red Dragon Inn and how the young, lifeless face haunted her dreams. What bothered her about the whole scene was not how senseless the girl's death was but that she had no one looking for her, no one who loved her and was grieving. Despite her efforts, Koy never found her daughter. Even after the guard informed her that they found the body of her husband Mikal gutted and rotting in a forest outside of Shard, most likely the work of marauders, there was no trace of the child he had stolen. Koy assumed the worst of course. The dead girl augmented the fresh pangs of guilt she was already feeling at Lirisa's upcoming birthday. She wondered if her daughter suffered alone like the girl in the alley.
She should have told him about how helpless she felt.
Instead, she spoke about every other topic under the sun. Matt sensed this but she dodged every attempt he made to draw out the truth. Evasion was one of her finest survival skills. With his missions calling him away from Rhydin so often Koy did not want to ruin the little time they had together. He was patient but her past track record taught her that every man had his breaking point. Who wanted to be around an emotional wreck?
Koy would try her best to get through the next week with a smile on her face. No one needed to know how deep the wound was or that despite her best efforts it would never fully heal. She just had to control herself which meant she needed to stop drinking, at least until she could trust herself. She knew the odds stacked against her would make it impossible to get through the day unscathed but what else could she do'
From the rooftop, Koy watched the sun start its ascent over Rhydin and tried to convince herself that today would be a good day.
((Cross-posted on the RoH forum))