Topic: Colista

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2006-08-07 22:15 EST
There were two graves Jewell was a visitor to more often than not; she had ordered a bench set up opposite of them for that very reason. She was there sitting on that bench now after an awful verbal fight with Alex and Brian at the Inn. She had traced the lettering on both graves first before taking her seat: "Celfina Cher Colista" on the right and "Gene Colista" on the left.

"It felt like old times, love," she addressed the stone on the right. She always spoke to that one even if she would carelessly admit that she had no belief in an afterlife and was unsure if her "sister" had one when she was alive. It didn't really matter, it was for comfort's sake. "They were just shouting at each other like little children, like the stupid little boys they are. And you know," she wiped a hand over her eyes, sniffling, "you know they won't listen to me...they won't stop. They would have listened to you, you were always louder..tougher. Or Midara..or even Kat maybe. I don't know."

Her elbows went to her knees and her face buried in her hands as she fell silent for a time. She could only guess at what her sister might have said to her. Her voice was muffled by her fingers, "I gotta be loyal to Alex...you know that. You'd understand that. The kids..and..just for me. But Brian, I will always be loyal to Brian. He's my brother no matter what," fingers slid down her wet face so she could look at that headstone again, "you taught me that too well to forget. Family is family."

Jewell remember Cher's mother and how she had tried to kill her daughter but Cher had still regarded her as family. That was who she learned her values from and she clung to them.

She rubbed at her face roughly to wipe away the tears, "These men are gonna be the death of me, love...I know it."

She spent some more time sitting there, catching both mother and son up on the latest gossip and goings-on in her life before it was time to leave. Leaning over, she kissed each headstone and left a waterlily for each behind before she was gone.

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2006-10-05 23:53 EST
"I'm back again. I'll bring the kids by next time," she settled onto the bench opposite the two graves she visited. "They get more beautiful by the day, Cher. Eva-Jade just has that attitude about her, just like you. She's gonna be breaking hearts soon enough. And I can see what Gene must have looked like as a child when I look at Raven and Oz"Oz has the same nose." She has to stop, her voice too thick with tears to speak.

"Sometimes I just miss you so damn much?"

She just sat there, keeping herself company with cold headstones.

"Brian has to go away for a while"I'm so scared I'm gonna lose him too. Alex is gone. I want to hold onto everyone so tight that they can't leave"but you all go anyways," her breath hitched a bit and she paused. "I miss him, Cher. I didn't want to be with him, don't want to be?not after what I was told," her voice dropped to a harsh whisper. "I just miss his presence in my life"we were family for so long. Him and Brian'they were the only ones that ever cared about me when I got here, they looked after me. We were friends. I should put a head stone up for him here, right near yours"because it doesn't look like he's coming back this time."

After another moment's pause, her eyes distant, "But that's fine, you know. I'm strong. You've all helped me build myself up since I came here and I'm strong now"I could stand alone if I had to. But I don't have to, I don't want to." Eyes focus in on the engraved words. "I have this new beau. I don't know if you'd like him, but you'd tolerate him for me. He treats me real well, sweets. And he loves me"that's the most important. We have fun together."

"Wyh's gonna be our sister now. She's not going to replace you. You'd like her'she's fiercely loyal to Brian and I, and we to her."

Stared ahead again, "Nothing better happen to Brian while he's gone"they'll be hell to pay." Gives a little empty laugh, "People don't take me seriously, but just you watch. No one messes with my family."

She stared down at her hands, frowning at the half-moon marks marring her palms from her nails, "I should go." She leans forward, pressing a kiss to each headstone, "Have peace, loves.?

Brian Ravenlock

Date: 2006-10-30 05:56 EST
Somehow Brian found himself here....It had been well over 4 years since he had even been to this part of the cemetary, and longer since he had even spoken to her. Memories came rushing back, as the elder Ravenlock took a seat on the bench and faced Gene and Cher once more. The cold breeze that swept through the grounds, caused him to wrap his trench about his form tighter a bit, as blue eyes looked around the area, and then came to settle upon Cher's stone.

"Hello, sweetheart...I know it's been a long time. Gods, It's felt like a lifetime ago since we spoke...Since you were with us on this side of the mirror. I miss you and I am sorry, I didn't come sooner. It's been a hell of a ride as of late. And it's so different from way back when. Damn it Cher, I could use your guidance right about now. More than you know, I truly could. We lost Alex, we lost Lucy...My daughter is in another realm. Yeah, I have a daughter and I was married too for a time. It didn't work out however, still Elena...That's her name. She was worth it."

A gloved hand slid through Brian's hair a moment, setting aside the bothersome locks of his namesake, as he shook his head a bit.

"I was thinking about you all lately, love. You, Midara, Katharine, Megan and Link, Acada, Jitter and Thyme. Damn it, where did it all go south' I mean, we lost so many. Well, that's what I thought. But wise Dark Knight once told me, when a door closes another opens and he was right in spades. The family has grown again, and by leaps this time. We have new sisters, a niece, more. It almost reminds me of way back when. They can never take the place of all of you, by any means. But we love them dearly, and I know you would too. We have Wyheree, and Icer. Those two are amazing, and I love them to no end...And get this, Icer is an Icer Dragon!"

A bit of laughter escaped his lips, as he then continued.

"Wyheree, is an elementalist and so fierce in her loyalty...Well they all are, as we all are. But Wy...Well she does remind us of you somewhat, especially in her regards to protecting her loved ones. We have Julie, my brother Jacyn's daughter, who by the way is a most incredible young lady. So much more to her, it scares me at times. But she is a treasure unto herself, and there is also Lucy who we recently lost, but I am trying to find a way, some way to get her back...That's another story, altogether."

"That is not even counting our family from Vana'diel...Oh Cher, I know you'd love them all...especially Kerri, granted she would annoy you to NO end, but the children...She makes it worth every bit of it alone to see her with little ones. It's...Well it's so different now, Cher. Everything. This city, this realm. Those of us who remain and what we are doing now. For example, I cook now and am living with a wonderful woman named Jenai, whom I adore so very much. We have such a great time together and I am much happier now than I have ever been. And Jewell is doing great too. She has a great man in her life, and went through a rough patch in general, then again we all did. But she is the Empress and as always, she made is through with her head held high, just as you taught her."

"I wish you were here so badly, Cher. I mean I know you are in our hearts, but I wish it were more. I promise I will return soon, and we'll talk again. I just wanted to keep you up to speed, and well...I missed you. I love you, Cher."

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2007-01-03 13:32 EST
"I've been shirking my duties, love"I really have," she said as she sat down on the bench, shivering a little as she felt the cold stone through her thin dress. "I've been leaving flowers for you but I haven't had time to catch you up. I couldn't go any longer without doing that, though"I need you to help me clear my head."

She set her elbows on her knees, head held up with her chin cushioned in the palm of her one hand. "Things with Alex and I have been calming down, finally. We spoke at length the other day, agreeing to put all the past and bitterness behind us. I'm finding it real hard, though, Cher. Maybe I'm just bitter because I failed at something"he seems so much happier without me, now"like the old Alex. And I just feel like, he blames me for everything that went wrong. Maybe it is my fault," rubbing her hand over her face, "I don't know anymore. It shouldn't matter but this is what I do to myself"I dwell and dwell until I go crazy."

"I just want us all to be family again. I can't even explain to anyone how badly I want that, I need that. Maybe it's just a pathetic longing for the past"I should just give it up. Nothing will ever be exactly like it was then." Her voice is starting to get thick, eyes stinging with tears that certainly aren't from the wind whipping at her hair. "How could it' Alex and I aren't together"and we can't just go back to be siblings so we're at this horrible liminal spot. And you?you're just gone." She had to cover her face for a moment, even though she promised herself she wouldn't do this again; she could never keep that promise.

"How many times am I going to tell you I miss you?" It came out mumbled, muffled by her hands before she dropped them to her lap. "How many times, Cher" How many times do I have to say it"wishing for you back, praying to every divinity out there that somehow you'll be able to come back to us" Every other low-life in RhyDin seems to have a million lives and the one damn person I want to see the most can't come back to us?"

She forced her hands to relax from their clenched position, wincing slightly at the more than familiar feel of her nails biting into her palms. They sat in silence awhile, the comfortable silence between sisters. "Lain is part of the family now. I guess that's what?s really bothering me the most. I can't stand her, Cher." Her tone doesn't have that vehement fire it often does, she sounds almost resigned. "And I'm jealous"though not because she's screwing Alex or with him or whatever." A little mirthless laugh bubbles forth, "If I hated everyone that was with Alex then I would have hated you?and Tara for being engaged to him. Oddly enough, you two are the dearest women to me ever. Ever."

Another little length of silence as she composed her thoughts, "No, I guess I'm jealous because I feel threatened. I don't want her to take my place in the world, Cher. She's taken my place in Alex's life, that's fine. But what about Brian, next' She's part of the family now"what will stop her from being the sister that I am supposed to be? I know I didn't feel that way when I told Brian I'd love to have Wyh as my sister"but Wyheree is different. I know Wyheree knows what it means to be a Ravenlock; I don't feel that way about Lain."

"Ugh"I sound like an insecure sixteen year old again, don't I?" Shaking her head, "Maybe I'm just making my dislike for her cloud my thoughts. I should be happy'she makes Lex happy, right' And I have Skyler and I'm happy with him, Cher"I really am. I just don't know, I don't know. I've been working so hard on these murders and running myself into the ground at times, I don't always know which way is up. You know I've lost probably close to ten pounds since this whole ordeal started" I'm too good at glamour now, I don't think anyone has noticed. I don't want them too."

A little grin, "You know, you used to do that. I remember you covering up your injuries this one time so no one would notice." She shakes her head again, "I'm proud to be a little like you, Cher. I really am."

She stood, leaning over to kiss the headstone, and whispering, "Thank you for being the best sister I could ever have."

She stepped over to kiss Gene's as well, "Brian and Jen got me a new cabbit to replace the old one. It just occurred to me, but I think I'm going to name him Lucky"like your old pet lizard, Gene. Thanks." Another kiss to that second headstone, Gene's, "Miss you, baby."

Leaving a water lily before each grave, she left the cemetery.

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2007-02-05 17:05 EST
She had been visiting the cemetery every day since Skyler had died but it was only two weeks after his death that she finally stopped at the two other gravestones that were important to her.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't been around." She took a seat on the bench across from Cher and Gene, "I've been here"even you guys could probably hear my incessant wailing." She had adopted a very dry sense of humor these days"it fit because she rarely found anything truly funny.

"You probably don't know"Skyler died." She still couldn't say that without tears pooling in her eyes, her breath hitching. "I know we haven't know each other as long as Alex and I but this hurts so bad inside"I mean, it hurts to breathe sometimes when I think about it. Everyone's been watching me like a hawk"afraid I'm going to do something stupid, I guess."

She wiped at her eyes a little, leaving her cheeks damp. "Maybe I've already been stupid"not leaving my house, crying non-stop. I just don't feel like doing anything else, though. Not much else, at least."

"I wish you were here to coach my through this"Wyh and Tass have been really great, though. I have this endless support system but it doesn't make it stop hurting."

She rested her elbows on her knees, exhaling loudly. "I just want him with me. Why is it that the people I love the most always leave me" I can't keep a hold on anyone. People would say that at least I've had you all here with me for a time, to love and hold on to"but that's not enough." She groaned, rubbing at her forehead roughly with a fist, "Maybe I'm just an awful, selfish, and greedy person!"

"That's probably it. Or maybe bad karma"or whatever it is people believe in these days. Maybe I did something wrong, screwed the universe over and now you're all paying for it. Death is just going to pick my loved ones off one by one." It was a horrifying idea, but she couldn't get it out of her mind. She ran with it. "See"first it was my two babies, and they almost got Moradin too, but we beat Death that time," her nails bit into her palms. "Alex somehow managed to keep beating Death, too"but that's different," shaking her head. "Because than you and Gene went, Midara's gone"and Lucy and now Skyler." Her breathing was quickening, heart racing as she was working herself up over this, "And next will be Brian and the kids"one by one. And I'll be the only one here. Just me, by myself'standing alone."

She covered her face with her hands, shouting into them in frustration; the sound was muffled enough not to disturb other mourners or the dead. She let her hands fall, allowing her to gulp in air. "I need to stop doing this to myself"I need to! I'm going to go crazy if I don't. Absolutely off the wall." She laughed helplessly.

"I love you both." She stood up, kissing each headstone. "Don't worry about the kids, I promise I'll never leave them.? Water lilies, not blood, were left behind on these graves.

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2007-08-14 11:19 EST
"You would be so ashamed of me, wouldn't you?" Those words were said with an embarrassed smile as she took a seat on the bench set before two most precious gravestones. It had taken Jewell a while, a long while, to get up the nerve to come here again. The cemetery was a place she had taken to avoiding, but she could not do that any longer. "I'm sorry it's been so long, my loves, so so very sorry. I really thought better of myself"that I wouldn't do this to you, leave you for so long." Tears stung her eyes as usual, though more out of shame for the abandonment of her loved ones than over the persisting hurt at their loss.

"Six months"we have a lot of catching up to do," and she laughed in spite of herself. "I saw you last after Skyler had died. I was in a bad place then, my Cher, so much worse than when I even arrived in RhyDin. It was like I was just giving up, I didn't want to play this life game anymore. It didn't seem like it was worth it, you know?" Her eyes bore in to the grave on the left before she shook her head, voice softer, "You would know if you were here, I'm sure of it." She took a deep breath, composing herself a little, "But I got over that, I had to. I'm too strong to give up and give in like that"and not just because of the children'though you must know that I would never leave them"but because of me. I didn't believe in that strength, though, I still don't." She rolled her eyes, smirking, "Nothing new there, right' Fortunately, there are others"and Cher, they're so loyal to me. They love me. And they wouldn't, they won't, let me forget how strong I can be."

"Besides Brian and Wyheree, because you know family is always there for me and I love them so much for it, there's Issy." She leaned back a little on the bench, carefully setting the two water lilies she brought with her aside for the moment. "Stars, Issy's something else. She tells me how strong I am, Cher, but we're so alike because you know, she doesn't even see that same strength in herself just like I never see it in me. We've got each other's backs and I will never desert her. I met her through Tara and it seems"almost everything good in my life right now has come through that beautiful, wonderful, amazing friend. So many things," but she stopped herself, she was ready to get to that just yet. "Tara's not in RhyDin anymore, she had to leave and go home. I miss her so much. But Issy and I, we look out for each other. You'd both have to love her for that, wouldn't you? For making sure I keep standing on my feet. She keeps me in line when I need it."

"But I guess I should stop dancing around what I really want to tell you both about." She had the most girlish smile on her lips now as she set forward, elbows resting on her knees and her hands pressed against blushing cheeks. "Stephen. You'd forgive him for being a sailor, Cher, you'd have to. For me. You too, Gene. Maybe begrudgingly, but I know you'd both admit that you love him. It's been so long, I can't believe I haven't been here to tell you this sooner. I was scared, though. That it wouldn't last, that this was just some dream I stumbled into after those months of nightmares and one day I would wake up to find myself in hell again. I don't think I could take the disappoint of this not being real, of him not being real."

She covered her face, laughing. "Oh, I'm sure I sound crazy! You'd both would think I've gone and lost my mind if you could hear me now. And maybe I am a little crazy," shifting to hug herself, "but if I am, so be it. I know I told you I was happy with Skyler, that I loved him"and I was and I did. But not like this. With Skyler, it was a fleeting happiness. Something to keep us both afloat, perhaps"to grab on to for a little while before it slipped through our fingertips. I don't think it was ever meant to last." Her eyes went unfocused for a time before she shook her head of those thoughts, "But with Stephen" Cher, it's like I've suddenly opened my eyes and realized that everything before this was wrong. No"maybe not wrong," she bit at her lip, "but just not completely right' Now I've stopped a moment and looked around me when I'm with him and I think, "This is where I was meant to be. This is my place." And it is, undoubtedly. I loved Alex, and I loved Skyler"and others too. But when I'm with Stephen, it's like finally being home, Cher. I never believed in destiny but, hey, who knows?"

"We got married in June and he really is crazy about me. He treats me well too, Gene, so nothing to worry about. And I can tell him anything, have been telling him everything. No more secrets, not from him. And it's scary to do that but wonderful at the same time. I can just be me. Flawed, horrible, obnoxious me." She stared at her hands a while, laughing quietly, helplessly, at herself and the past. "Did you know that this was the first time that I was sure that someone loved me for me"all of me" Not just the part of me that shines through in that dirty barroom," her fingers curled into fists, "but the darker parts I hide away under that bright veneer and that only some even know exist. And I know it, too, I'm not just assuming he does. I know it because he loved me at my lowest first and anyone that can love me there can handle the rest, no?"

"He doesn't mind that I'm social, that I love to sit around and just be surrounded by everyone sometimes. He doesn't hate that. He doesn't sulk off to the side or just wait for me at home, begrudgingly. Nope, he's right there by my side." There was such pride and general emotion swelling up inside, laced through each word. "Nature, we're something to behold, I'm sure of it. He's someone who can finally keep up with me and I wish, for just one night, that you guys could be here too. That we could all just sit around, and you could chat"get to know him. He'd tease you something shameless, Cher, get your temper going just as he tries to do with Wyh. And I wish?"

She had to swallow hard because she was loosing control again, "But that's just stupid. It doesn't matter. Next time, I'll bring him by to see you instead. I wanted to come alone this time, catch you up on everything. And yet there's still so much to tell, isn't there" Maybe I'll come back tomorrow." She was standing now, retrieving those two water lilies. "The children are well, of course. I have so much to tell you regarding them, and here I'm wasting your time gabbing on about myself. They'd make you proud, Cher"I just know it." She set a flower before each grave, pressing her lips to the cold stones. "Be at peace.?