Topic: Scribbled Words, Scattered Thoughts

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-07-18 01:00 EST
noise quiet shot quick duck Drey ale barley wine BS Frank Harris work deal bar inn blacksmith garden rose lost forgotten girl boy friend enemy night day house palace game con fight run die live kill murder life raise young old

Still no good. Dreams still haunt, no meaning to them.

Will. Harris. He is too good, and I cannot pay him back.

gunshot mage warrior fighter thief drink food eat sleep

None of it makes any sense!

Risa Dragon's Breath fireball fall fallen shaking drunk

Seems that I still cannot get drunk, no matter what. I can "will" it away. Is Harris right?

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-07-20 02:07 EST
power ruthless glitter strange light dark harm enjoyment fear torment scream

The dreams still haunt me, only getting worse.

night day forest land stars sky space earth death violent blood loss regret devistation monster fire destruction

vengence

Who am I?

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-07-25 17:17 EST
dreams death destruction violence fire chaos black heart fear trembling rage sorrow

Officially, three months yesterday since Harris found me on his farm. We continue to talk about what may have happened to me, or what may not. If I have forgotten everything, perhaps it was not worth remebering in the first place.

He may be right.

But I feel that something is still calling to me - some part of my past wants me back. But should I go back" Should I stop and live out this simple life"

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-07-26 23:38 EST
psionics, mental, telepathy, visions, visionary mind-reading, mind-readers, magic mayham

Why do my thoughts always lead down a disturbed path"

Is this who I really am' Or who I really was"

carnival, fun, parade, children, women, girls, boys games, fun, click, clack

Wait - that was strange - why did I go there with that' What does that mean?

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-04 17:36 EST
It was just a dream, was it not' Woke up this morning in an alley downtown, the dream so vivid, so violent.

But something...right?

I trembled, taking several minutes before I could gather myself.

cold, hard, vile, malicious...evil.

Maybe everyone is right - I should forget the past, and embrace my current life.

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-06 12:46 EST
In an attempt to cause a memory to trigger, I am moving away from writing simple words, things, items I come in contact with. Instead, I am going to try to trigger an emotional memory.

love, joy, happiness, jealousy, content, hate, malicious, creative, vengful, angry, lust

Some of these provoked a strong emotional memory. It was strange - only the negative did.

I am beginning to wonder if I should follow this through.

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-11 11:33 EST
I no longer believe I dream when I sleep; I live. This other part - this part of me I have forgotten has not forgotten itself - I simply cannot access it. I wake in places I have never been. My cloths - what is left them - are torn and more ragid. Harris believes that is because I am forcing something to come out.

He reminds me that I have a good life now, that I should not fight to remember something that perhaps truly is better left behind me. Perhaps this is a gift - a second chance to do something I have errored in the past.

He could be right, I may be working around something.

But the possibility of him being right, and the call that *something* makes to me is too good.

I hope the siren's call is not death?s call in disguise.

On a personal note, I do not understand it, but I had this strange urge to shave off my beard. It was even just coming out of the itchy phase.

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-16 14:05 EST
I am losing my mind! I do not understand what is happening to me or why it is happening! I have seen the local law enforcement and they have no record of me whatsoever! I have seen a mage " but can find no trace of my existence! Siris has been helping me out, but I do not think that anyone will have 'seen" me.

Not knowing who I am is one thing, but waking up 2 miles outside of town " that is the straw! I woke up and found my clothing ripped to shreds again, blood on my hands (not mine) and a body that looked like it had been beaten beyond normal conventions of identification.

Who am I"!

Perhaps I should start asking *what* am I?

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-18 23:19 EST
I know I must be going insane. I hear whispers from time to time. Voices, dark voices whispering to me. They want me to hurt, they want me to make people suffer. But these same voices saved me!

I was returning home to the farm early this morning when I became accosted by thugs who were demanding my money. I do not know or even pretend to understand what came over me next, but I found a piece of plumbing pipe in the alley that had been discarded and managed to defend myself with ease!

Almost as if my body remembered something more than what my mind did. But the voices were still there. I do not know what is going to happen or who I will harm. I have hidden all my notes, my books, my dreams in a small cave not far from the farm. If something happens, I only hope that these things will provide some insight.

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-20 11:53 EST
I cannot take this! My head feels like it is going to explode! The pain throbs so badly - but as soon as it comes, it leaves. No other pain can overcome it, no drug I have found will slow them down. Not even sleep will calm it. Even when they diminish, I still feel the pain throb through my bones.

Through all of this, I feel rage and anger that I have never before felt. I do not understand the source of it, but I can feel it, its almost tangable. I snap at everyone - but then again, I have not slept in days.

A darkness calls upon me, creeping up on me - I do not understand all of this!

I had to defend myself again - I do not know why I keep getting attacked - in doing so, I had to kill a man. But I did not simply kill him - I humiliated him, I degrated him. Stranger still: I enjoyed it.

NoWhereMan

Date: 2009-08-21 11:43 EST
I am being hunted! That is the only way to explain it. This darkness calls to me, and part of me responds back! I have not slept in several days, but I feel no fatigue, working harder than I have.

Physically, I am faster and stronger than I have been - faster still when I am attacked out of nowhere. I have now killed four men. I am terrified and excited all at once!

An anger, a rage courses through me that I can barely control.

I want this all to end!

Something deep inside me tells me that the end is nigh.