Topic: Straying stories

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-06 06:35 EST
I see today with a newsprint fray My night is colored headache grey Don't wake me with so much. ~REM - Day Sleeper~



Stories usually begin with once upon a time, but this story is far too average for that. It's about a girl that maybe's a little bit like you, maybe a little bit like me....or maybe she's nothing like us at all. Her story really began when she was seven, sitting on a park bench and swinging her legs as she watched her mother smoking. Her mother always reminded her of a nervous dragon. There wasn't a father in the picture, mother always said the man was a warm gun and she had a trigger finger. Her mother was beautiful even after age had faded and converted that beauty into the mark of wisdom that captivated age in a canvas of lovely perfection. A pity her mother didn't see it like that. So many creams and treatments to keep herself as youthful as possible. It was that day that those bright eyes watched the world play and that little girl wanted to stray from her mother's standstill, tiresome existence in order to join the world in it's lively welcome of joy and life. The little girl....well she went to stand....and her mother gripped her shoulder, exhaling smoke into the sky with a ragged breath. "You're not going anywhere," she said. "They won't want to be around you....you'll never be like them." Well of course mother knows best, so the girl sat back down, increasingly aware of another bruise growing rose petals of purple and blue at her shoulder.

New time, New town. Sophie dropped her bags down in the room at the Red Dragon Inn. She adored the name of the Inn, all the more reason why she stayed there. It was so fierce and wild. A chuckle as it reminded her of other dragons she had faced down but never slayed. Oh she'd leave the dragon slaying to others.

She fell back on the bed with a full stomach, a happy burden of delicious food and sweet wine. Hands tucked behind her head as she was adjusting her glasses once more on the bridge of her nose.

Here she was with a brand new adventure on her plate, a brand new life to forge into a story of her own. She couldn't help but wonder how far she might stray this time.

Maybe the writers and librarians of this place wouldn't be so tempermental and wouldn't grouse at her when she laughed over an octave of barely audible.

The thought made her do just that, spirited laughter exploding from her before she paused and listened.

There was that smile then as she waited for a reprimand, a pound on a wall....and heard nothing at all but silence.

Yes....this place might just work out.

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-06 13:56 EST
If there's lessons To be learned I'd rather get My jamming words In first, so Tell you something That I've found That the world's A better place When it's Upside down, boy Gabriella Cilmi- Sweet About Me



Sweet Sixteen. It's the time that the majority of women look forward to. That transition that at one point meant a girl was becoming a woman. Certainly things have changed now but the tradition still remains. She didn't feel like much of a woman at the moment, glaring down at her hands as they plucked at pink taffeta that mother swore was tradition as well. A hand me down that seemed more like mother's wandering back to her old pageant days then celebration of her daughter's sweet sixteen. No one had come to the party but then when you moved from town to town every single month like restless vagabonds, what was to be expected. Still before her mother left for work she gave her daughter a smug smirk. The expression of "I told you so." Yes she was likely to hear an earful from Mommy dearest of how she just shouldn't try to fit in where she didn't belong.

She stood up where a solitaire candle burned as a personal flame of ridicule and torment on that lonely cupcake. Why waste the money when you know no one will come, that's what her mother had said. Maybe I don't need friends is what the sixteen year old had replied....defiant as ever.

She leaned over then, closing her eyes tight and blowed out the candle. That wish in mind. Tucked into heart and soul. A secret.

"Hey there, Killer."

Brown eyes that moved in shades of caramel to chai cream and mocha contemplation fixed on her mother's new 'man' of the hour. The woman was like Baskin Robbins when it came to her flavors of the month.

"Hey."

She offered a grumpy, sulky mutter of greeting. She had manners after all.

"Care to celebrate?" "Does it look like I want to celebrate?"

Her eyes narrowed, she knew the sort of celebration he had in mind. Knew when he grabbed her of the hard intent. That temper unfurled like a butterfly from coccoon. Her rage was beautiful and poetic. A pounding of fists....a scratching. Clawing away from gripping arms to escape. The pain exploded in her temple as she was thrown against the wall. She thought she saw stars....maybe she did.

Brown eyes flicked to the side as fingers curled to the lamp, pulling it loose from socket and thrown. When it came down to it....the choice between fight or flight. She chose both. The grunt was proof of impact.

So she ran.

Sweet Sixteen. Finally free.

Long legged she stretched out in her bed, she'd fallen asleep with her clothes on again. A sigh as she became lazy. No one to answer to. No rules, no fussing blue haired hens to scream at her for running late.

Unemployment was starting to look lovely. Ever Sophie would look for the positive. Well now she'd have to find a job eventually. Maybe as a publisher or maybe there'd be a book store to take her in. She had experience after all.

Rolling on stomach she dropped her head on her hands, brown eyes that ever changed in hue but always would be some shade of brown sparkled with mischief and drive.

A book plucked from her packed bags. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow. Oh she had drive. Loads of it....but for once in her life....she felt maybe she should stop running, stop moving at such a fast pace....and slow down.

Just to enjoy the world for awhile....the freedom of life and it's sweet simplicity. No one to answer to. No one to hurt her.

This was enough for now. A page turned and a new book opened....near an analogy to the new life about to be written for Sophie Silver, reckless librarian extrordinaire.

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-07 20:22 EST
No, I will never be your stepping stone Take it all or leave me alone I will never be your stepping stone I'm standing upright on my own Duffy- Stepping Stone

Sexy and Seventeen isn't what they say now like the wild cat lyrics that we were used to caterwauling out while swinging our hips like we were born with tails. She was like a stray cat saved from the streets but still never leaving that street cat style. The one thing about her is that she kept with her studies, even after leaving her home and taking residence at a local shelter she continued to go to school. If anything her senior year was the most important thing to her, being smart meant that maybe some day she could get away from it all and move on and away from the life she used to lead. It was something nice to find mornings she wouldn't wake up with a cigarette burn on the flesh of her arm or a purple and blue blossom of a wicked flower's petals unfurling as a new bruise to imprint her skin. Things were looking up for her, she couldn't be happier and she finally found that her life was just turning around. She had Adam to thank her for that. He really had helped her out and helped her get through everything. After all that scoffing at happily ever after that she read in every single fairytale she was starting to think she became jaded far too soon. Maybe with Adam there was happy ever after. Maybe he was her prince charming rather then the prince of thieves she figured she'd end up. She was in love, and no one could stop her.

Arms filled with catalogs and applications for reputable colleges she ran up the stairs to his room, knowing his parents wouldn't be home and that he would have the door unlocked. It was an unusual thing to hear Coldplay blaring from his room when she knew for a fact Adam "hated- Coldplay. Especially that song, "Yellow?" so why in the world would he be listening to it now" Maybe he had a change in taste, she nudged the door open with a hip too rounded to be considered ballerina appropriate and not curvy enough to be figured as fat, a jesting tease on her lips. Locked and loaded for her usual quirky, sarcastic remarks.

"Ad"oh' Limbs that were far too dainty and smooth, far too feminine and sleek to be Adam's interlocked and twisted under covers. Twisted with limbs that were most certainly Adam's. A blush colored her cheeks and she pushed those glasses up the bridge of her nose, staring at her feet as the paper print of applications went fluttering around her feet. She couldn't help but wonder if her heart would follow suit to hit the floor. She didn't wait for answers" gone again. She'd find a college on her own.

The chef wasn't out tonight which brought a moment of disappointment when Sophie had ducked out of the kitchen, bumping the door with a hip that was never meant for the graceful feats of the ballet but was formed in a way that she was beginning to realize that maybe even Marilyn Monroe herself would huff in jealousy of the librarian's figure.

A tender behind the bar she ordered her whiskey sour from the fella she found was named Johnny. Following suit had the conversation with a lovely woman she had a feeling she would enjoy the company of. Katarina Smith the delightful ballerina with a name that Sophie just loved to say because it was so pretty and fun to say. So alluring.

Sophie found it amusing that a conversation of sheepish origins, the confession of a need for a job would haul her into doing a triple round of shots and a double dare with a baron. What a scream, Sophie drinking with a Baron. It was hardly on the lines of the King and I but well it was a start! That dashing Baron that was dressed in attire that made her think of a not so bald Hitman had even offered her a job as an archivist. Well now, things were looking up.

Add a lovely redhead with curves that deserved appreciation named Lilliana and two trouble makers to the mix and well" Sophie was thinking that things" were certainly looking up.

A pity that the one trouble maker lost his long island ice tea in the toilet and the other one making eyes at her (well probably at the wall behind her and surely not Sophie!) suddenly disappeared. Blast that Nexus but yes indeed" things were turning out and looking up.


Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-08 20:40 EST
Well now I found myself Wish I was someone else My hands are stained with love Wish I could take it away Seether- Hang On



The small print it gets us every time. Lessons learned and lessons that set us back on course. That's something I'm learning about now, how to get over things and just move on without really worrying about the past. There will be no Mr. Darcy to snub my pursuit or mock my jesting words. I think maybe the world is made of Jekyll and Hyde all smiles and endearing words but when you look a bit deeper in the eyes you might see the crazy person, the monster, or a person that you really don't know at all. Of course any reader would know that well these stories I spin for you well they aren't just fiction or tragic pieces of literature. This is far from the heartbreaking work of a staggering genius. Which on a foot note" try not to read Dave Eggers unless you want to feel that pain deep in your soul. I think I was depressed for days after reading just the first five chapters. I have to say that's some deep sh*t that the man went through. The plus side to it all, the silver lining to the grey cloud" It makes my life look a heck of a lot better in comparison. Thank god I don't have siblings to have to go through what I had to deal with when it came to mother dearest and now Adam. Of course you realize this is my story' and just like my life I make no amends or apologies for it.

She had all intentions of finding a job today but she just couldn't get the motivation when it came to the beck and call of the stack of books in her bag. Sophie had become obsessed with philosophy and the occult and diverse cultures and abstract religions. It all intrigued her to the end. She supposed it could be as a result of all the new people and races she was meeting with arriving in Rhy'din.

Three days in and she already felt overwhelmed and inspired all in the same time. There were troublemakers abounding though and little cat girls that were fascinated by the fact she smelled as sweet as chocolate. A hair pin was held tight in lips as she focused those milk chocolate browns on the mirror, peering over the frame of her glasses to make sure each unmanaged curl of hair was pinned up properly.

You know those silly librarians they never let their hair down and Sophie was ever the same wit that nature. Sophie only let her hair down when it came to being alone.

Eventually she figured it'd all come down to her approaching her new drinking buddy, the not so bald Hitman Baron Alain, and asking for a job to work in the archives. That in itself was probably a task that was going to overwhelm her but maybe she needed the challenge to get herself going on. Sophie knew it'd be a task to get her mind off of things" like what the hell she was doing here, or why she'd seemingly caught the eye of one half of a trouble making team of Brandon and Shane.

Little whispers of owing her a drink and slinging his arm around her like they were old confidants or best friends. Poor boyo that trouble maker was. Little did he know that Sophie was rare to trust anyone at all" friendship was certainly welcome but that didn't mean she'd give away her trust or her heart like some brainless fool or lovesick puppy. Nope? that just wasn't her way' but then again as she grinned to her reflection, she couldn't help but realize that she was never one to turn down a free drink.


Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-09 16:48 EST
Now there's never gonna be an intermission But there'll always be a closing night Never entertain those visions Lest you may have packed your baggage

First impressions are cheap auditions Situations are long goodbyes Truth so often to living dormant Good luck walks and bullsh*t flies Scissor Sisters-Intermission

College was a den of sin and temptation as much as it was a sanctuary for literature and folklore. It inspired her and tempted her, dangerous and alluring. Education and Adoration, what a dangerous mix that can be. You see I was one that could be drawn to either side. In fact I even became so shameless as to get a bit hot and heated in the horror section of a bookstore. I know I know, slap me on my wrists with a ruler, I'm horrid. Sometimes I just can't help myself. Life didn't give me a badge with the last name of Silver because I was completely innocent. Oh no....far from it....but then I have my limits, I have my line that I draw in the sand that keeps me separate. Separate from other girls and keeps me on the good side of that thin line between flirtation and floozie.

A tap of foot bounding a restless rhythm. Sophie stared at her ridiculous excuse of a closet. What to wear tonight' She didn't want to overdress but jeans just didn't seem to do it. Then again she didn't want to seem so earnest or give the wrong impression or make it look like she tried too hard. So what did Sophie do?

Hair was pulled up into a messy construction of a bun, selecting a short denim skirt that was short but not that short but not too long....next came the sleeveless blouse in the shade of teal, light cotton fabric in that crinkly intricate design. A turquoise and tiger eye necklace would complete the ensemble.

This would do. As long as Vinny didn't come out wearing a suit or something. The thought had her bursting out with laughter. Oh this was just dinner not a date. Of course not. A free meal for the librarian that seemed more of a mooch then anything.

A beautiful friendship to begin. She paused by her stack of books, flipping a few more pages of Vinny's little love guide. Snickering. Bless, she hoped he wasn't that narcissistic. One thing was sure....twenty questions would be had of Vinny when it came to that book.

It was just the way of Sophie....hopefully they'd adjust.

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-11 17:17 EST
Tell me baby what?s your story Where you come from And where you wanna go this time oh Tell me lover are you lonely The thing we need is Never all that hard to find oh

Tell me baby what?s your story Where do you come from And where you wanna go this time oh You're so lovely are you lonely Giving up on the innocence you left behind ~Red Hot Chili Peppers- Tell me Baby

Patience was not a virtue. If the seven deadly sins were to be found in my forecast and I had to choose just one, mine would be Pride. I remember once reading in a book that Survivors always want to step in the shoes and take the place of those that didn't survive in the difficult times. I wasn't so surprised to find survivors blame themselves for the failures, the death, and the anguish of those that didn't make it through. My life wasn't exactly perfect but it could have been far worse then how it ended up. The truth is I find survivors hate themselves for the fact they survived through the worst weathering of the storm. What makes us better then anyone else? What purpose do we have that gives us an excuse to live another day' I've become reckless with my life, pushing the limits, perhaps I've become restless" or maybe I'm just testing the powers to be to see if maybe they'll get tired of me. Then again I can't bear the weight of the guilt I'd have to carry for letting someone else take on the burden of my loss" I guess I'll live to see another day.

The dinner had gone better then expected, Vinny if anything was a captivating individual. He probably had more of a story to tell then he'd ever reveal but years of being surrounded by books had given Sophie awareness and insight that the eyes weren't just windows to the soul, but also those empty spaces between the bars of prison cells, or maybe just a crack in the walls that we all build up so strong. Some men were meant to be fortresses, some women meant to be temples.

Sophie wasn't sure exactly what she was supposed to be. She knew that the 'sexy librarian' glasses were more of a shield for an onslaught of revelation. Her eyes might give away a tragedy or a comedy, or worse a satire if she didn't keep herself well restrained. Oh Sophie didn't have any secrets but she was cautious when it came to the measured doses of life that she took, a swallow down of the sugar with the pain.

There was something more to Vinny that she was certain of based on his collection of books and his guarded responses. Oh these things weren't missed. Still Sophie had respect and appreciation for guards, and walls, and impenetrable fortresses.

She was far from Alexander or Constantine when it came down to it. Certainly Achilles would have laughed at her vain attempts to make it through the challenges presented in her life. Dante's guides through the inferno would likely drop her off at purgatory to finish up a mass of paperwork while advising her to keep her mouth shut and finish up the paperwork because that's what a good little librarian did best.

A musing notion it was to think about, the interest and attempts of making friends and getting jobs. Perhaps she should ask Ophelia or Gaiman's Delirium for advice. That would be a fascinating conversation around a few rounds of beer.

Truth be told she was drawn to the like of others, the curious walls that people put up to keep others out' of course Sophie ever had an itch to try to break down those walls and remedy the pain or fierce emotion that caused those walls to be built in the first place. Maybe it'd give her a method to break down her own walls. Oh she wasn't Berlin" or China but she had her own fortress in her head and surely around her heart.

Long nights ended in front of the television watching crazy musicals with Hot Shots, so dark and obscene and tacky those sorts of movies were but it just brought a hidden glee for the librarian. A gothic delight that was so difficult to understand. Just another one of her quirks and that night she'd dream of apples, delicious and dangerous, a sweet poison that'd linger on her tongue for days after?

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-29 19:11 EST
If I tell you what you want to hear, will it help you to sleep well at night" Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear, now just cuddle up and sleep tight.

I'm hungry, I'm dirty, I'm losing my mind... Everything's fine! Tracy Bonham- Mother Mother

Everyone expects you to be the family darling. The adorable good girl from the small town. The problem with small towns they know everything about you. I was careful with hiding my past from those that didn't know me and were starting to get to know me. I was tired of hearing the click of tongues and the shake of heads with hearing my mama being a once beautiful creature now filled with self loathing for beauty lost. Drug addicted harlot that my mother was and everything was peaches and cream for my freedom from that event and lifestyle until my mama's past came back to haunt me. Needless to say sometimes....I'm not as innocent or pure as I seem. The serpent indeed or perhaps Eve. Maybe we all could sit down and have a drink some time.

Libraries were made for quiet time but that time was threatened by the brutal cursing splitting off the tongue of one savage creation that was one of her mama's ex lovers who was going through a bad mind trip off some potent laced drugs. Threatening the old head librarian even as Sophie peeked around the corner of the book shelf she was shelving.

Something snapped in her, a burning fury that made one question if the River Styx had become a hot chocolate trail of decadence and disdain.

"Hey! "

The only use and best use for a Nicholas Sparks or a Jodie Picoult book at that point was to use as projectiles to be tossed at the head of Marcus.

She sneered when he came up towards her, his fingers twisting around her braid to pull her head back even as her fists went flying towards his face. Tempermental that fury for those long hours dealing with her mother's issues and the men she kept around.

"Where is it Sophie?" "I don't know what you're talking about!" "Yes you do Sophie. You took it and I want it back." "Screw you, Marcus!"

Knee slammed into his groin as she struggled, slammed into the book shelf with the force of a druggie's bad high and those books went spilling around her, tumbling around as there was a shout of dismay from the older librarians.

She saw the gun before she knew what was happening. She didn't hear his words only knew she had to get away from this all and run.

Never would she be fast enough the books fell around her and she dropped to her knees as he tackled her to the ground. The gun went flying from his fingers and she was running on adrenaline and instinct. Blind to the moment of awareness and self inflicted clarity.

Hand found the gun and it was fired off. Deadly rounds till she knew he was good and dead. A smile twisted her lips in cruel satisfaction of the past leaving her good and well alone as those milk chocolate depths went dead behind her librarian glasses.

"Don't you know, fvcker, you're supposed to be quiet in a library! Shh!" "Sophie....oh my god....Sophie what have you done girl, what have you done!"

The horror spilled through her and she looked over her shoulder to the library crones who were staring at her like she was a killer, a beast.

"No....no....you don't understand....he's the bad one....not me!"

She looked down at herself and her blood splattered clothes. A drop of the gun as those eyes went to wild caramel as she heard the siren's scream. The familiar sight of red and blue light.

"I...I'm not a monster..."

I never expected that I'd end up as bad as my mother in my own way. Now I have blood on my hands and I don't know what to do. This is my secret. This is my confession I'd never give to a priest. Holy moments. Yes the Garden of Eden would likely become my play ground of delight. There were worse things that people have done but I feel my humanity slipping. Maybe I'm just not normal. Maybe I never have been. Heaven forgive me for who I have become....

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-05-31 07:22 EST
You caught me lingering in another girl's paradise the way she paints the world — i want that in my life emeralds, you should know, are renting in her meadow with a stroke beauty lives how could i resist you are desire

when it all is said said and done who can love you and still be standing Tori Amos-Another Girl's Paradise

I never figured i'd be the one that became so exposed, raw in the revelation of my spirit. Sometimes do others realize that the questions asked will leave you glimpsing souls. Insight I find is an amazing thing. Bronte or Eyre would probably expect more from me. Some sort of trial or tribulation I would have to go through. An agrument or haughty demeanor to shut the world out....and then here I am....letting a trouble maker in with but a handful of questions. I would be a miserable contestant when it came to Truth or Dare. Thank the days that I was never meant for being a Beauty Queen....but I still can like the gifts and the attention. Even fleeting. Even small....it's still so significant to me.

What a lovely situation. The morning light crept and crackled through Sophie's room casting gleams of gold through the shadows of her room. Rather then the typical Sophie it seemed cousin IT had found the way under her sheets. The unbound chocolate tresses spilled all around her, rich like a lost Rapunzel though she seemed more suitable as a dryad then a princess.

Unexpected turns, she was near grateful that her best friend, Justin Constantine, hadn't been there to tease her senselessly of that uncertain turn of events that still left her giddy and lightheaded.

The troublemaker intrigued her. A conversation meant to be one sided and about her instead seemed to give her a bit of a glimpse into Shane. He kept up walls and guards just like she did.

A brazen point and a carefree whim had left her exhaling wishes to leave dandelion seeds rolling and floating on a wisp of wind. More so brazen when she had kissed Shane's cheek,near to the corner of his mouth and found herself intimately close to him, a full claim of lips as he took the reins.

Had it only been hours ago that he had walked her to the end of the stairs of the Red Dragon with that awkward parting moment' She covered her face with her hands and laughed, before that mood tempered itself a bit and she crawled out of bed and crossed over to the window. Peering out as she pushed the window open to look out at the world awakening around her.

Fingers pushed through the hot chocolate waves she so rarely if ever let down, elbows on the window sill as she curled and fit that hardly so frail, hardly so skinny figure of hers near for a window seat....and for a good moment that lingered she daydreamed.

She hadn't lied. His smile had lingered with her even when he wasn't around.

Sophie Silver

Date: 2009-06-06 18:28 EST
I'm standing in the heart of nowhere Futility's forgotten soldier The days are getting dark and colder I don't know right from wrong

Can't mend the things you haven't broken Can't close a door you've never opened I wish I hadn't been to weak to cry September-Freaking Out

"Marry you?" Those milk chocolate depths had the look of shock over those librarian glasses, fingers curling on her desk as she closed the copy of Canterbury Tales she'd been reading. Her voice barely above an octave more then whisper. It was a library after all. "Geez, Silver, c'mon you make it sound like I'm asking you to get cancer." "After everything you think this is the problem solver?" Her jaw clenched to keep her from crying, to keep her from yelling. "You got another girl pregnant, you broke my heart, you told me that she was everything I wasn't. How did you expect me to feel?"

The book was pulled towards her, set to the stack. Added with Baer's 'Kiss me Judas' and Stephen King's 'Cell' and held towards her chest. Covered her heart like a shield. Clarity settled in. Reality claimed her. Marriage wasn't about love for Adam and her, oh no. She was far from Eve, far from Lillith. But at least she didn't get them kicked out of the Garden of Eden. A lopsided and weary smile tugged at her lips at that. Marriage for him, Adam being married to Sophie....well for him....that just meant an easy way out.

He thought she would just accept everything he did, because she loved him.

"I'm sorry. I can't. Find someone....who believes in you more then your lies." The box with the engagement was pushed back to him and Sophie just took a few steps more towards a destined life as the crazy cat lady. Or so it would seem

The books had been stacked. Oh it was only a dozen that she had in those boxes and it didn't take her long to move and get settled in to the Barony. After that walk home with Shane at her side she had so much to think on.

He'd been right. Neither one of them were ready for a serious relationship. So many thoughts of a gun firing off it's ammunition and the way a body could jerk and twist as bullets sank into flesh and the shine of a diamond were mulled over as she sat on her bed.

Her fingers nimbly plucked bobby pins out of hair till the soft thickness of curls spilled down her back. Her eyes caught the side view of herself in the mirror. Not letting her hair down in public had nothing about relaxing or being carefree, had nothing to do with being tightly wound. It was a bittersweet memory. How easily that hair could be clutched at to slam skull into windows when a mother that hated herself came home drunk and took all her hatred out on her only daughter before handing off the same daughter to her mother's recent lover because he had crooned over how he'd love to feel his hands in Sophie's hair.

A shudder, a look away. She was moving around so much anymore. Her thoughts and actions seemed so rampant and restless. Dangerous. Sophie couldn't believe she asked Shane out to dinner. How awkward. She'd never been that way before. No. She was always the one waiting for the man to be the one to make the first move.

Had she overstepped her bounds" The Chef's watchful nature of her after that action made her wonder so. One day she'd find him on a quiet day and shuffle through some pages of his mind a bit, to try and understand those looks he gave her. Maybe to get a value on what he thought of her. Sophie respected Ali despite the greetings and acknowledgements between being so rare and insignificant. His impression mattered. Sophie felt that whatever might come from his lips might just make sense. Might set her right in her ways.

Or maybe he'd throw her off her way entirely. Sighing she eased off the bed and wandered to the book shelves that Alain had made sure would be there for her. There was a quiet pleasure in empty shelves. The promise that come money in her hands she might start to fill them.

Perhaps she would search the grounds come the following morning. Find herself a hobby besides just stuffing her nose in a book or stacking book shelves.

Brush lifted up from the night stand and she set to stroking the brush through her hair. Long soothing rhythm as she closed her eyes. She'd take each day as it came. New friends. A planned date based on her own awkward outbursts now and a new job.

Things might just be going in the right direct. Bless, she hoped they were. As she went to bed that night, curling under the sheets she couldn't help but think about her conversation with Shane. Not ready for a serious relationship, no she wasn't, but behind all those smiles and charm she couldn't help but think that maybe it'd be nice to take that hidden sadness out of his eyes. Maybe. Just maybe.

As she drifted off to sleep her thoughts kept on wrapping around that cautious notion that she was ever prone with attempting to fix everyone else even when it meant she'd leave herself broken.

Sophie Silver

Date: 2010-07-22 20:14 EST
What I do, you think so far Is it all your hoping for Does it live up to your every dream Or do, we disappoint While you make the choice When you wake up can you hear a scream

So don't rely on people you meet Cause no-one is safe in these streets Little Boots-New in Town

Survivors hate themselves. I learned that so many years ago, the whole why me. What makes me any better then the rest, why is my life more significant when I feel like I've done nothing to deserve it. It seems reasonable that they would do better then me, be more successful then me" that they would change the world" while I just watch it go by while I crush it and destroy it in my hands"my mere presence is destroying this place.

"I don't know why you waste the time, Sophie. They don't even notice you, they don't see anything about you at all. You are insignificant, a wallflower. Unforgettable in every way, it's a shame I couldn't have a prettier daughter, someone to keep up the family name. When I was your age" the men were waiting in a line to get a chance with me, but you? well you? there's no one knocking on the door for you? and they never will be."

Unforgettable, unnoticed, a wallflower, insignificant, ugly. She had heard the words day after day from her mother to the point she tried not to look in the mirror much. There were times she heard others comment about her looks and claim her as a pretty girl but she ignored them, she just didn't see it. After hours of hiding in her bedroom and crying until she couldn't cry any more she couldn't see how if she was so pretty how she could be so alone and feel as miserable as she did day in and day out. Sometimes when she dared to look in the mirror on the days when that whisper was a bit louder in her head of all the ugly things her mother had said about her, when that whisper was a bit more believable, she wanted to smash the mirror into pieces. If only it would quiet the torment in her soul, the aching depth of loneliness she harbored within.

She knew why her mother tormented her so, why so many others turned away. They likely saw the secret that Sophie even as a child in her first breath was a murderer. Her mother hated her for the simple fact that Sophie had survived when Sylvia had never known a first breath of life. Sylvia had been beautiful, a perfect angel of complexion and appearance. Sylvia was the little beauty where Sophie was the wailing, red faced child from the womb.

Sophie could only watch her mother head out for another night with another man, leaving her alone to a house of leaves and shadows as she looked around to the photos of her family. A house that was filled with the smiling faces of the beautiful, and every single frame held not even a solitaire photo of Sophie.

Perhaps it was best' she wanted to disappear. No one really saw her, no one wanted to. She was nothing but an empty shell and a vacant soul. A survivor as much as a murderer with a heart weighed with guilt. Nothing she ever did would be enough'she would never be good enough to make amends for the sins of the innocent.

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It had been the first time in years that Soph's dared to stare in a mirror, the first time in years she made the effort to mess with her appearance. For the first time she took a bit more time taken with her hair, a bit of gloss, a touch of shadow and mascara as she remembered that he had actually seen her, had remembered her.

He had seen her.

Far more shocking was that he wanted to take her out for coffee. Sophie had to wonder if perhaps he was merely being nice since Kitty, Anya, and Ali seemed to be looking out for her, looking over her. Gods but he had even asked for their permission to take her out.

Even Adam hadn't gone so far, yet Adam never had cared that much she was just someone that doted on him. Where he was wonderful she was nothing. He like her mother had let her realize that over and over again and yet she came back for more.

Masochist for emotions it seemed and yet she was laying her heart out on the line. She was starting to care again for this man that was so out of her league. It seemed like a fairytale, yet in this fairytale maybe the ugly duckling never became the swan' maybe? she was just a duck still.

The thought left her smiling, sure she was a duck but she'd be damned if she'd let any Bambi, Thumper, or Flower win him over. He deserved better" didn't mean she was deserving of him' but he". Well" just deserved more.

Day by day I think I'm finding my way again. Starting to believe in the things others people see rather then what I want to believe. I'm finding the wonder again, I can believe again in so many wonderful, amazing things like love" and maybe? in myself.