Fia was nervously fidgeting with the peridot necklace she wore around her neck. "Pele's tears," her mother had called the stone. The necklace had been given to her by her mother on the day of her birth, for she had seen the fire at once in her child's eyes. A striking combination of peridot green and burnt amber. And so she had named her Fiametta, or her "Little Flame" for her fiercely independent spirit. In her infancy, she did not even have a crib for her mother claimed that she had melted it and that, "No bars will ever cage her."
She gazed at the moon, vibrant and bright outside the small window of her trailer. It always seemed to heighten everything in her sphere. This full Harvest Moon was already pulling at the raging tides within her. She vaguely remembered an old gypsy telling her once that the veils between between worlds were at their thinnest on nights like these. Her temples throbbed. Her resistance was making the pain worse, she knew, but she was not going to risk losing control again.
Rusalka's "Song to the Moon" played on the vintage record player next to her bed; somehow, it soothed her. Her Mother had been an Italian opera singer of limited fame or notoriety, but possessed a purity of heart and voice that were unparalleled.
Fia had not taken well to any type of schooling and to this day, had enormous difficulties reading that went beyond any vague, limiting label of a "learning disability." Letters seemed to rearrange themselves on the page before her, forming their own messages that had nothing to do with the story within. Yet she yearned for stories from a young age and so her Mother had read them to her since she could not read them herself. "You read the flames my darling..and you read people. That is your gift."
That is my curse. Fia had thought, but she never spoke the words aloud to her Mother. She could never explain the ache she had within her to be able to one day read herself. She had a love for beauty, knowledge and truth in a way that she could not fully articulate in the limited language of her learned tongue. It sang like a Phoenix song in her bones, a battle-cry for destruction to burn away all that was false in a world that had felt too far too limiting for the wanderlust in her soul.
And so, for most of Fia's youth and until her Mother's death, the world would be her schoolroom. The two had traveled together to various small venues in the manner of two gypsies wanting to savor all the sensual pleasures the world had to offer. The same said pleasures eventually took their toll on her Mother's life.
Pacing in her trailer, she knew something felt off before she even set foot on The Midway. Perhaps it was the moon. Mismatched gaze of peridot and amber avoided the flickering flame from the candle on the table, beckoning her with its own gypsy's dance. Eventually, her gaze was pulled magnetically to the blue heart of the flame. The message came right away.
Why are you afraid to lift the veil" Why do you run from what you are"
Fia strode over to the table and blew out the flame, then turned to yank the needle off the record. Her fingers twitched and burned as she did so, nearly melting the vinyl.
"My Little Runaway..." A voice whispered in the darkness of the trailer.
Later that evening...
The night at the carnival felt like any other night. The rides clanked and caroused around hair pin turns, the shouts of exited townies drifted from one part of the Carnival to another; mixing and competing with the strident calls of the barkers as they sought to round up impressive crowds for tented attractions. Everything seemed normal"
But everything wasn't normal.
Fia eyed the Harvest Moon off on the horizon; the orange tinged disk hung low in the sky and served as a cosmic marker for the seasonal transition upon the land. Summer was giving way to autumn and the moon served as the vanguard to the coming change and reordering of things; a primordial cycle as old as the Earth and Moon itself.
Fia noted a few townies commenting on the moon here and there as they queued up before the carousel, but its significance went largely unnoticed save for its color and fullness.
But something felt off. The usual ease and banter that Fia had as a ride operator was missing. Even the guiding hand of the Carousel felt distant, a song on the radio just as you drove out of range of the station. The vibration and frequency muddled somehow.
Fia suddenly became aware of a high frequency buzzing sound. The kind of sound that cut through conscious thought to drill right through skin and bone to pierce deep within the mind. Heterochromatic eyes tried to blink away the sensation, to look and see if others heard it as well. But all appeared normal; to everyone save the Little Flame.
Trying to ignore it, Fia suggested this animal and that for the chosen riders and moved back to the control dais. A moment's hesitation stayed her finger as it hovered over the start button. A little warning, a shadowy thought fluttering like birds" wings and then it was gone and the button was pushed. She took a lean against the podium, elbow against the worn wood with chin resting on the palm to watch"
And that was when Fia knew something was definitely off. The Carousel seemed to accelerate out of control as it spun faster and faster, ethereal lines of lights and colors trailed behind their source like a photograph of high speed traffic. Sounds multiplied and echoed weirdly as they blended with the phantastic sights assaulted her eyes. Everything moved, danced, and chased itself in that never ending cycle"except the faces of the riders. They merely stared at Fia with each revolution, a distant interest on their expression as if they were watching and waiting for something climatic to happen.
Fia felt herself pitch forward, falling towards the enveloping darkness of unconsciousness. The last thing she remembered seeing was the burning disk of the Harvest Moon, an all seeing eye of the being she was about to meet.
It was a golden light that flooded through her completely first, warm as the Sun, and the voice that follow had a similar effect. Its vibration more beautiful than any symphony ever composed by mortal or angel.
"It is time now, dear one. For your name to be cleared. For the truth to be brought to light. You are a Catalyst."
"Why did you bring me here" You're cheating and you know it." She ground out. "This is entrapment."
"No. This is what we call necessary intervention. A rift has occurred, the veil is thin this evening and you have been resisting.You refused to look into the flames for the messages. You cannot hide forever.
"Semantics. And I prefer to look at it as selective participation."
Why are you so hesitant, my Nasreen"
"Because they demonized me." Literally. "Not that you would know what that is like. You were always the golden boy" Fia spoke with thinly veiled venom.
"Their ignorance and perversion of the truth is not your concern. The truth may be repressed, perhaps for thousands of years, but all will be brought to light. Stop running.They have vilfied you for long enough. It is time now. No more hiding. All will be brought to light. All that must be revealed, shall be...in its proper time. The shadows can no longer hide or repress the truth. It is part of the expansion that is taking place. We all must do our part."
"Who the f*#k wants to look at their shadows" Yeah. That's going to go over well. " She still wasn't buying it. It was in her very DNA to question everything...even him.
Their soul will choose. If not, their journey will just take longer. I am nothing else if not patient. You know this. Your job is to open the door. Whether they choose to face it and walk through the fire, is their choice.
"Do you know how isolating this is?" She snapped."People either think you're a freak, insane, a damn witch, or trying to con them. Hell, I'm my own walking sideshow. Who needs the Carnival?"
"It is the rare person that wants to face his shadows. Nevertheless, the only way out is through. One can not recognize their light without first acknowledging their shadow-self. It is the order of things....And when have you ever cared what others thought' Dear one, you are my original rebel after all. He had no idea what he had in store with free will when it came to you."
There was amusement in his voice now, a warmth and fondness that melted some of her meticulously constructed wall. It was his capacity for humility that had always brought it down and humbled her to her core.
"I miss you." She admitted, the words catching in her throat. The vulnerability of the statement like a ribbon that had her slowly unraveling. "You saw me. You never judged me or tried to control me. It's awful on this God forsaken rock without you."
"There has never been separation between us. Only the one you have created with your mind and your resistance. I need you here now. I need your abilities for this purpose. Will you do this for me?"
"Do I have a choice?" Her voice wavered as she spoke.
"You know you do. I would never force you.I have always loved you. You were with me to the end."
"I know. I hated him for that too. What they did to you."
"It was my journey. I chose it. As you have yours."
"What do I do now?"
"You Wake up."
"Fia! Fia can you hear me" Fia...."
Fia slowly opened her eyes to the sound of Issac's slow drawl and his face leaning over her.
**********************
I am Lilith, Grandmother of Mary Magdalene
I am Lilith, whose sexual fire was too hot for God.
I am Lilith, the First Woman, who chose the rage of exile over the cancer
Of servitude.
I am Lilith, Mother to the Mother-less.
I am Lilith, whose blood covers the moon.
I am Lilith, standing on owl's claws at a woman's crossroads.
I am Lilith, the Whore in the gateway of the Temple.
I am Lilith, whose serpentine tongue caused Eve to laugh, and pick the
apple!
I am Lilith, Revolving Sword of Flame " scorching hypocrisy from truth's
white bones.
I am Lilith, free-moving in the Wilderness.
I am Lilith, spirit of night and air.
I am Lilith, in whose dark caves transgressors find sanctuary.
I am Salome.
I am Morgan le Faye.
I am the Queen of Sheba "
My hair is black, and I am 'dark but comely",
(Solomon sang my song!).
I am Eve's big sister.
I am Lilith, Mother to the motherless.
I am Lilith, whose sexual fire was too hot for God.
I am Lilith, living in the Shadow.
Waiting. For you.
-Cosi Fabian
She gazed at the moon, vibrant and bright outside the small window of her trailer. It always seemed to heighten everything in her sphere. This full Harvest Moon was already pulling at the raging tides within her. She vaguely remembered an old gypsy telling her once that the veils between between worlds were at their thinnest on nights like these. Her temples throbbed. Her resistance was making the pain worse, she knew, but she was not going to risk losing control again.
Rusalka's "Song to the Moon" played on the vintage record player next to her bed; somehow, it soothed her. Her Mother had been an Italian opera singer of limited fame or notoriety, but possessed a purity of heart and voice that were unparalleled.
Fia had not taken well to any type of schooling and to this day, had enormous difficulties reading that went beyond any vague, limiting label of a "learning disability." Letters seemed to rearrange themselves on the page before her, forming their own messages that had nothing to do with the story within. Yet she yearned for stories from a young age and so her Mother had read them to her since she could not read them herself. "You read the flames my darling..and you read people. That is your gift."
That is my curse. Fia had thought, but she never spoke the words aloud to her Mother. She could never explain the ache she had within her to be able to one day read herself. She had a love for beauty, knowledge and truth in a way that she could not fully articulate in the limited language of her learned tongue. It sang like a Phoenix song in her bones, a battle-cry for destruction to burn away all that was false in a world that had felt too far too limiting for the wanderlust in her soul.
And so, for most of Fia's youth and until her Mother's death, the world would be her schoolroom. The two had traveled together to various small venues in the manner of two gypsies wanting to savor all the sensual pleasures the world had to offer. The same said pleasures eventually took their toll on her Mother's life.
Pacing in her trailer, she knew something felt off before she even set foot on The Midway. Perhaps it was the moon. Mismatched gaze of peridot and amber avoided the flickering flame from the candle on the table, beckoning her with its own gypsy's dance. Eventually, her gaze was pulled magnetically to the blue heart of the flame. The message came right away.
Why are you afraid to lift the veil" Why do you run from what you are"
Fia strode over to the table and blew out the flame, then turned to yank the needle off the record. Her fingers twitched and burned as she did so, nearly melting the vinyl.
"My Little Runaway..." A voice whispered in the darkness of the trailer.
Later that evening...
The night at the carnival felt like any other night. The rides clanked and caroused around hair pin turns, the shouts of exited townies drifted from one part of the Carnival to another; mixing and competing with the strident calls of the barkers as they sought to round up impressive crowds for tented attractions. Everything seemed normal"
But everything wasn't normal.
Fia eyed the Harvest Moon off on the horizon; the orange tinged disk hung low in the sky and served as a cosmic marker for the seasonal transition upon the land. Summer was giving way to autumn and the moon served as the vanguard to the coming change and reordering of things; a primordial cycle as old as the Earth and Moon itself.
Fia noted a few townies commenting on the moon here and there as they queued up before the carousel, but its significance went largely unnoticed save for its color and fullness.
But something felt off. The usual ease and banter that Fia had as a ride operator was missing. Even the guiding hand of the Carousel felt distant, a song on the radio just as you drove out of range of the station. The vibration and frequency muddled somehow.
Fia suddenly became aware of a high frequency buzzing sound. The kind of sound that cut through conscious thought to drill right through skin and bone to pierce deep within the mind. Heterochromatic eyes tried to blink away the sensation, to look and see if others heard it as well. But all appeared normal; to everyone save the Little Flame.
Trying to ignore it, Fia suggested this animal and that for the chosen riders and moved back to the control dais. A moment's hesitation stayed her finger as it hovered over the start button. A little warning, a shadowy thought fluttering like birds" wings and then it was gone and the button was pushed. She took a lean against the podium, elbow against the worn wood with chin resting on the palm to watch"
And that was when Fia knew something was definitely off. The Carousel seemed to accelerate out of control as it spun faster and faster, ethereal lines of lights and colors trailed behind their source like a photograph of high speed traffic. Sounds multiplied and echoed weirdly as they blended with the phantastic sights assaulted her eyes. Everything moved, danced, and chased itself in that never ending cycle"except the faces of the riders. They merely stared at Fia with each revolution, a distant interest on their expression as if they were watching and waiting for something climatic to happen.
Fia felt herself pitch forward, falling towards the enveloping darkness of unconsciousness. The last thing she remembered seeing was the burning disk of the Harvest Moon, an all seeing eye of the being she was about to meet.
It was a golden light that flooded through her completely first, warm as the Sun, and the voice that follow had a similar effect. Its vibration more beautiful than any symphony ever composed by mortal or angel.
"It is time now, dear one. For your name to be cleared. For the truth to be brought to light. You are a Catalyst."
"Why did you bring me here" You're cheating and you know it." She ground out. "This is entrapment."
"No. This is what we call necessary intervention. A rift has occurred, the veil is thin this evening and you have been resisting.You refused to look into the flames for the messages. You cannot hide forever.
"Semantics. And I prefer to look at it as selective participation."
Why are you so hesitant, my Nasreen"
"Because they demonized me." Literally. "Not that you would know what that is like. You were always the golden boy" Fia spoke with thinly veiled venom.
"Their ignorance and perversion of the truth is not your concern. The truth may be repressed, perhaps for thousands of years, but all will be brought to light. Stop running.They have vilfied you for long enough. It is time now. No more hiding. All will be brought to light. All that must be revealed, shall be...in its proper time. The shadows can no longer hide or repress the truth. It is part of the expansion that is taking place. We all must do our part."
"Who the f*#k wants to look at their shadows" Yeah. That's going to go over well. " She still wasn't buying it. It was in her very DNA to question everything...even him.
Their soul will choose. If not, their journey will just take longer. I am nothing else if not patient. You know this. Your job is to open the door. Whether they choose to face it and walk through the fire, is their choice.
"Do you know how isolating this is?" She snapped."People either think you're a freak, insane, a damn witch, or trying to con them. Hell, I'm my own walking sideshow. Who needs the Carnival?"
"It is the rare person that wants to face his shadows. Nevertheless, the only way out is through. One can not recognize their light without first acknowledging their shadow-self. It is the order of things....And when have you ever cared what others thought' Dear one, you are my original rebel after all. He had no idea what he had in store with free will when it came to you."
There was amusement in his voice now, a warmth and fondness that melted some of her meticulously constructed wall. It was his capacity for humility that had always brought it down and humbled her to her core.
"I miss you." She admitted, the words catching in her throat. The vulnerability of the statement like a ribbon that had her slowly unraveling. "You saw me. You never judged me or tried to control me. It's awful on this God forsaken rock without you."
"There has never been separation between us. Only the one you have created with your mind and your resistance. I need you here now. I need your abilities for this purpose. Will you do this for me?"
"Do I have a choice?" Her voice wavered as she spoke.
"You know you do. I would never force you.I have always loved you. You were with me to the end."
"I know. I hated him for that too. What they did to you."
"It was my journey. I chose it. As you have yours."
"What do I do now?"
"You Wake up."
"Fia! Fia can you hear me" Fia...."
Fia slowly opened her eyes to the sound of Issac's slow drawl and his face leaning over her.
**********************
I am Lilith, Grandmother of Mary Magdalene
I am Lilith, whose sexual fire was too hot for God.
I am Lilith, the First Woman, who chose the rage of exile over the cancer
Of servitude.
I am Lilith, Mother to the Mother-less.
I am Lilith, whose blood covers the moon.
I am Lilith, standing on owl's claws at a woman's crossroads.
I am Lilith, the Whore in the gateway of the Temple.
I am Lilith, whose serpentine tongue caused Eve to laugh, and pick the
apple!
I am Lilith, Revolving Sword of Flame " scorching hypocrisy from truth's
white bones.
I am Lilith, free-moving in the Wilderness.
I am Lilith, spirit of night and air.
I am Lilith, in whose dark caves transgressors find sanctuary.
I am Salome.
I am Morgan le Faye.
I am the Queen of Sheba "
My hair is black, and I am 'dark but comely",
(Solomon sang my song!).
I am Eve's big sister.
I am Lilith, Mother to the motherless.
I am Lilith, whose sexual fire was too hot for God.
I am Lilith, living in the Shadow.
Waiting. For you.
-Cosi Fabian