The writings on the wall

Clean but hardly cleansed of the dirt that had fallen on her spirit, scuffed up and marred her heart. Nails had been trimmed and cleaned, body scrubbed free of blood and dirt, and hair back to its soft fall of gold. Curled up on her bed she hugged her knees and rocked as she looked over the manifesto that seemed to cover the white walls of her room with black scrawling words. Near every inch of the walls were covered with writing. Poetry, quotes, sayings and recollections of the little wolf were her comfort and kept the walls from looking so white. Kept her from feeling insane and suffocated by the claim of four walls.

London below had once been her home. A part of the Neverwhere pack she had become their new play thing, the new blood doll that kept the fragile alliance between the blood drinkers and the wolves in binds. Eventually though the Ulfric had tired of this alliance and wanted the territory back. Caught in the middle, Zo had become their victim, their bargaining chip, their hostage. Days spent with beatings and torture from the pack she had come to call family and nights spent with being nothing more then a snack for the blood drinkers. After so many years of that life, Zo had thought she had come of the age where she could redeem herself, find her own bargaining chip. Zo only had herself to offer, and proved to the Ulfric that she had kept solid years of servitude.

Such was how she ended up in Rhy'din with names seared into her mind. The promise that she could redeem herself if she could provide the Ulfric with the two wolves by the name of Stefan and Merahsha. Zo had felt horrible bartering herself for the lives of two other wolves but she had neared her breaking point. That thin line between sanity and madness where one did anything they could to survive and keep themselves above it all.

Fingers rubbed along her cheek as she moved to one of the walls, fingertips tracing the words written there. Neverwhere. Never was. Never will be.

Nothing.

Those moss agate eyes, the old gleam of emerald city depths moved over the words with a furrow of brows as she considered the recent turn of events. The Neverwhere pack had come to Rhy'din to check on Zo's progress. The fact that she lived with Stefan was something unacceptable and the punishment was taken out on her flesh, on her mind, on body.

Breaking down the little wolf even more till she felt nothing inside her soul. Dead and alive all at the same time. As if the pain was her only reminder of her existence in this world. The memories repressed the woman became more submissive wolf then ever before.

The will to live was a faintly flickering flame. Desolate and lost inside her own thoughts her palm kissed the words there written in a scrawling plead.

Save me. Free me. Heal me. Take the shadows from my soul Help me find the will" To live again.

So dead inside. Head bowed as that feeling could all but consume her in those lonely quiet hours. Eyes closed as she thought over new wolves, new faces seen and found that had offered her threads of kindness despite her physical, emotional and mental state. Gold eyed male with his red haired companion, Stefan, and then the one with the alpha wolf shirt with a spirit that screamed dominance and steadfast control. Secure within himself that left her bowing her head in submission.

Consumed with the images in her head of these four, the pen was picked up and an empty square of wall became her tablet to write upon again?

~A Sort of Fairytale~

The rain had stopped leaving Zo to wonder if perhaps, maybe it all had been just a dream. A silly little fantasy she had twisted in her head. Boys and certainly not men did not kiss Zo. They did not look sideways at Zo. They didn't think twice about Zo.

Stefan was an exception to the rule. He looked after her as a best friend would, kept her from going crazy when the nightmares came back to haunt her. Did he even realize though that she was sent to hunt him' To take him back to the Neverwhere pack to save herself"

It all seemed so dangerous to get involved with Zo. Still as summer began to move its way into the promise of fall the sudden brightness to those emerald city eyes could not be ignored. Zo felt more alive then ever before, more like herself and how she had been before all the bad stuff had happened. The things she didn't talk about but the things that left her screaming in the middle of the night.

She had stayed in her room, unwilling to head outside or venture back to the Inn since that kiss with Gavin. Would he regret that kiss and pretend like she was invisible" It was promise just a silly little fairytale notion of Zo to believe that the kiss was special and that they both wanted it. That it was desired by both parties and beyond that' that the kiss meant something to both of them.

Zo if anything was terrified to face Gavin. She feared the Wolf would mock her or worse find a girl far more normal and far less complex then she was.

She could not stand that thought. Still that day she was tired of running away and fearing each and every thing that left her uncertain in her life.

It was time to pursue life in the hopes of finding a fairytale. After days of hiding out, she finally would venture out again to find her fairytale. Well, sort of.

Days had passed. The Golden glory of her had begun to fade again. Emerald city eyes went dim. Ignoring the light.

Huddling in the basement she rocked, hugging her knees.

So many days had passed. The Nightmares took her nights from her. She had not slept, had not eaten for days and it showed.

She was so thin, frail. Like at any moment she was meant to shatter and break.

The nightmares began when the Geri had come for her. Roughed her up good.

The bruises still decorated her flesh.

They were not kidding. The Ulfric was not playing around, that was the message.

Find Merahsha and bring her in, Bring in Stefan. Hand them over and she would be freed.

She had not had the strength to clean up the bile in the corner where she had lost the contents of her stomach when the Geri had inflicted her with a good dose of silver.

Straight in the veins.

Not enough to kill but enough to get a point across. The point was made.

Zo could not have a future. Was not meant for joy.

The little wolf was meant as nothing more then slave and blood doll.

She knew this now.

Zo would run away. Gavin would not be allowed to become a part of her life.

It could not be tolerated, her fragile spirit would not survive if something happened to him.

There was no time for tears. She was dry and empty. Nothing but a poisoned girl rocking back and forth in a room covered in writings.

His name painted in ink like a prayer. A wish for salvation.

Zo had been wrong. He could not save her from her life, no one could.