They were all standing around me; fleeting glimpses from red-rimmed eyes, swollen from the salt of too many tears, looking through but never resting upon me. I wrapped my arms around my daddy and whispered, "Ssshh daddy, please don't cry. Please tell me what?s wrong and I'll fix it."
I'd fix it. That's what I always did; I fixed things so people could be happy again. Everyone always said it was a gift but what good is a gift when you can't use it to help those that you love"
I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't look at me, why he wouldn't speak. Confused, I let go of him after several minutes of him not responding and looked around again. Why was everyone so upset' Everyone I knew was crammed into this place.
I moved away from him then, towards the double doors of gleaming wood; towards an even larger crowd in front of the building extending down Main Street. I recognized this place, I'd gone to services here every Sunday since the moment my mama brought me home from the hospital. I'd never seen so many people lined up to hear Reverend Mason's sermons; not since"
The moment of revelation felt just like it looks in the movies; dramatic and moving in slow motion. I turned and ran past their unseeing eyes, past their sobbing disbelief spoken in hushed whispers that, oddly enough, I could hear as clear as if they were spoken into my own ear. A few voices in particular caught my attention and I found myself drifting towards them.
"He told her not to drive that car so fast. He should've taken it away from her. Never could tell her no, though?"
"I heard she was racing the Patterson boy?"
"I heard she was drunk?"
"I heard she was pregnant?"
Funny how one comment spoken out of sadness and frustration can be the snowball that starts the avalanche, isn't it"
"Her father always did coddle her too much. Let her run wild after darling Rene died. God rest her sweet soul. At least Dove will be with her mother now. It's not good for a girl to grow up without her mother to guide her. These are the kinds of things that happen."
"Be with her mother now" You're assuming the poor dear was even a true believer. She was here every Sunday with her poor father and brothers, but that girl had the look of sin about her. She was much too pretty not to know the effect she had on these boys."
I stood there, at the end of the pew where I had first confessed my sinful nature and asked for God to forgive my transgressions. I was nine at the time, and my greatest sin had been stealing a piece of candy from my older brother's stash. Apparently now my greatest sin is the face my mother graced me with and the eyes inherited from my father.
"Oh she knew, all right, and thought she was too good for any of them. My Jason asked her to the senior prom and she said she wouldn't be going. Probably thought she was too good for a small town prom. Her mama was like that too; always too good for all of us little country people. She was from the city, you know. If Charleston was so wonderful why did she need to move here?"
"Why poor Jackson married that woman, I'll never know. I would have taken him had I known he was that desperate."
I had been full of the belief that people were whole and good but what I was hearing now, from three of my mother's self-professed closest friends, threatened to rip away that sweetly naive belief that I had clung to for all of these years.
"He met her when he went away to college to study ranching. Can you believe that' Why would somebody need to study ranching" His daddy was gonna give him the entire place either way."
"That family's always been weird and uppity."
"Jackson is going to need a woman's touch to keep up that house and feed those boys now that Dove is gone too."
"I'm sure you are just the woman for the job, Anabelle.? I imagined the feeling of tears stinging my eyes, but it was just that: a simple imagining. There were no tears, just as there was no touch from my hand as I had tried to console my father, and no real sound to my voice as I had spoken to him. I moved away from the three that had started plotting how Miss Anabelle Milton would lure my father into her clutches. I was powerless to stop it, too. As I walked back towards my grief-stricken father; my fears confirmed when I saw the casket, and my body within it. I sat beside him and held his hand even though I knew he wouldn't feel it.
I'd fix it. That's what I always did; I fixed things so people could be happy again. Everyone always said it was a gift but what good is a gift when you can't use it to help those that you love"
I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't look at me, why he wouldn't speak. Confused, I let go of him after several minutes of him not responding and looked around again. Why was everyone so upset' Everyone I knew was crammed into this place.
I moved away from him then, towards the double doors of gleaming wood; towards an even larger crowd in front of the building extending down Main Street. I recognized this place, I'd gone to services here every Sunday since the moment my mama brought me home from the hospital. I'd never seen so many people lined up to hear Reverend Mason's sermons; not since"
The moment of revelation felt just like it looks in the movies; dramatic and moving in slow motion. I turned and ran past their unseeing eyes, past their sobbing disbelief spoken in hushed whispers that, oddly enough, I could hear as clear as if they were spoken into my own ear. A few voices in particular caught my attention and I found myself drifting towards them.
"He told her not to drive that car so fast. He should've taken it away from her. Never could tell her no, though?"
"I heard she was racing the Patterson boy?"
"I heard she was drunk?"
"I heard she was pregnant?"
Funny how one comment spoken out of sadness and frustration can be the snowball that starts the avalanche, isn't it"
"Her father always did coddle her too much. Let her run wild after darling Rene died. God rest her sweet soul. At least Dove will be with her mother now. It's not good for a girl to grow up without her mother to guide her. These are the kinds of things that happen."
"Be with her mother now" You're assuming the poor dear was even a true believer. She was here every Sunday with her poor father and brothers, but that girl had the look of sin about her. She was much too pretty not to know the effect she had on these boys."
I stood there, at the end of the pew where I had first confessed my sinful nature and asked for God to forgive my transgressions. I was nine at the time, and my greatest sin had been stealing a piece of candy from my older brother's stash. Apparently now my greatest sin is the face my mother graced me with and the eyes inherited from my father.
"Oh she knew, all right, and thought she was too good for any of them. My Jason asked her to the senior prom and she said she wouldn't be going. Probably thought she was too good for a small town prom. Her mama was like that too; always too good for all of us little country people. She was from the city, you know. If Charleston was so wonderful why did she need to move here?"
"Why poor Jackson married that woman, I'll never know. I would have taken him had I known he was that desperate."
I had been full of the belief that people were whole and good but what I was hearing now, from three of my mother's self-professed closest friends, threatened to rip away that sweetly naive belief that I had clung to for all of these years.
"He met her when he went away to college to study ranching. Can you believe that' Why would somebody need to study ranching" His daddy was gonna give him the entire place either way."
"That family's always been weird and uppity."
"Jackson is going to need a woman's touch to keep up that house and feed those boys now that Dove is gone too."
"I'm sure you are just the woman for the job, Anabelle.? I imagined the feeling of tears stinging my eyes, but it was just that: a simple imagining. There were no tears, just as there was no touch from my hand as I had tried to console my father, and no real sound to my voice as I had spoken to him. I moved away from the three that had started plotting how Miss Anabelle Milton would lure my father into her clutches. I was powerless to stop it, too. As I walked back towards my grief-stricken father; my fears confirmed when I saw the casket, and my body within it. I sat beside him and held his hand even though I knew he wouldn't feel it.