Topic: The Concrete Canary

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-04-28 20:26 EST

I remember days I used to dream about being somebody else. The whole tabula rasa deal, you know" Like everything wiped clean. Nothing to worry about, starting brand new. The idea of being whoever I wanted to be and making up my own life all over again was pretty amazing. Like out of a novel or a soap opera. I could just be? whoever! I could be a flirt, a shy girl, a tease, a druggie, a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, an outcast' or the girl that every guy wanted to be with. The funny thing is, when your dreams come true, they don't seem that dreamy anymore. I should know. It happened to me"

~The Beginning of the End~

"Yo! Hurry up little orphan hustler, the place isn't open forever" we only got a few hours to bust a move and make the scene. I heard this place has celebrities stopping by. Could you imagine it C" You and me" posing by rockstars, rubbing elbows with actors, kissing on young idols, it'll be surreal!"

Little Orphan Annie she wasn't. Still Jasmeen "Jazz" Flores, CiCi's current best friend and fellow adrenaline junkie had never let CiCi forget that she was an orphan, that her parents had "peaced out' and offed her to the local shelter. The whole baby in a basket ordeal was so overrated but yeah that was CiCi's life in a handbasket. Ha! The analogy killed her. Nose wrinkled with a dry smirk and a roll of eyes as she darted off after the dark haired girl even as her own thoughts were entertained by the ideas of being an orphan hustler left on steps of a shelter but she was a few stepping stones away from being Orphan Annie. Hard knock life indeed.

"Isn't this place 21 and up?" A hand shoved through the lanky mane that was a bursting sunbeam of canary yellow hue as sapphire depths flicked to her doe eyed partner in crime.

"Yeah but yo, it's Blackjack for us baby. We got the skills that'll get us through."

"Jazz, c"mon seriously they completely had the Po Po out last time that girl OD'd here" I can't risk being put in that facility again. I'd rather be on the streets."

"Girl" you are on the streets."

"Yeah' well. You know."

A trail off as she rubbed along the back of her neck and sighed inwardly. This wasn't her scene. Sure street cred was cool and earned her the respect to move like a concrete canary and got her now rubbing elbows with the trust fund babies but she couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't something more. Sure Jazz's daddy had plucked her off the streets and cleaned her up, saved her from a life of drugs, hookin", and absolute desperation to feature her as the brightly "feathered" bird to offset his daughter's brooding looks for his recent photo shoot which changed her life but there was that tinge of wonder.

Billboards in Times Square had splashed the image of her and Jazz facing each other, arms coyly looped around the other's waist, her cheek pressed into Jazz's raven dark hair with a daring look in CiCi's eyes that just screamed "come get me...if you dare." Nothing more then designer jeans worn for that shoot, paint it up on a billboard for those sapphire eyes to stare arrogantly over the world to match Jazz's smoldering pout and the teens were stars.

Since then there were no more shelters, no more streets for the concrete canary. No now there were mansions and money that came from the sky it seemed. Anything she wanted she got as the Flores family took her in and called her their own. Never the less she couldn't help but feel like she wasn't so much family as much as pet' a prized Golden Retriever or a Yellow Lab.

Nose wrinkled what happened when the agencies and magazines stopped plastering her name over the world" Would she be thrown out on the streets"the contemplation was ruined as she winced at a sudden rough pinch to her arm, her vision all but flooded with those cinnamon doe eyes and a scowling from Jazz's usual pout.

"Huh?"

"Dude! Seriously you gotta stop doing this whole hey where's Cici bit. It's so annoying! Come on! They're gonna close and we're going to miss Efron's fiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeee abs! Oooh that boy can make a musical with me any day."

"You can't sing."

"Details CiCi details. When he sees me move" he'll never care how I sound."

CiCi rolled her eyes as they went to the VIP line and flashed their ID cards. She hid that grimace as the bouncer flipped over her card and gave her the once over. She didn't look 21 because she wasn't 21. Not even a 20 year old birthday had come around. Last year of the teens just itching to crawl up into the twenties, that was CiCi. Intuition and a sense of unease itched along her spine as she was waved through and Jazz was squealing in delight. She watched as Jazz rushed on over to the bar and likely to the recent sight of celebrity eye candy.

CiCi meanwhile found herself drawn to the dance floor. She didn't care who was there, a flash of a polite smile when she was recognized but otherwise she kept to herself. Lost in the music her body moved as skillful and artistic as a dancer trained. A close of eyes and she lost herself to the catchy pop remix of the Veronica's "Untouched."

She'd gone through orphanages and foster homes with the name of Jane Doe. Her parent's had a twisted sense of humor, whoever they were. Jazz's dad had laughed when he found out and promptly changed her name to CiCi. Since that day Jazz and her had lit up the night with their coy offerings of fake names to boys they'd never call, and fake IDs. CiCi didn't mind so much when it gave her access to the hottest night clubs and free drinks but mostly she just played along. It was always Jazz's idea to dress up and go incognito, clubbing with fake IDs so she could score the recent drug that the "in crowd" was doing.

Tonight CiCi was a smooth ing"nue with an ID card showing her as 21 and naming her as Charley Cadence. CiCi had opinions of that name, thought it sounded something more like an actress of the adult industry rather then young ing"nue" but eh Jazz had laughed it off and pushed her into it"and of course" CiCi just went along with it. It was a thrill, a rush, a high for every night to wear a new 'skin" and be someone new" Unpredictable, this was the life.

Unpredictable indeed, she couldn't shake that intuitive tug even as she shoved a hand through canary yellow, the teasing exposure of flesh dappled with sweat from a high event of hours upon hours of dancing. Jazz was usually out on the floor grinding up and against her to make the boys dream and fantasize about the two for one price deal of having CiCi and Jazz together but tonight she wasn't. Brows furrowed and she moved to the bar with a shining grin. Like diamonds in the rough that smile was. Beautiful but needing some work to play the flirt card.

"Hey! Have you seen my friend?"

A thumb in the direction of the bathrooms, a grimace as she realized that the bartender was motioning to the Guy's rather then the Girls. Blast. A nudge of the bathroom door, relief flooded sapphires as she recognized the bathroom was empty save for the rest of Jazz's new Jimmy Choo's and a pair of dirty sneakers. She was about to call out to her friend to try and convince her to not try anything that was being offered out like candy from a stranger, or at least to tell the girl to make sure to put a toilet seat cover on the toilet seat if she was going to be snorting from porcelain vessels but that strangled sound had her raking in speech. Lips pressed tight.

A sound of struggle of dispute, the sound of flesh on flesh that only could mean one thing where the streets could be hard and denying a Dealer his payment after scoring free samples for so long was like denying the devil his due. She knew then that Jazz's dealer was taking payment by flesh no matter the unwillingness of Jazz to pay that fine.

It was a scene that made her sick as she watched it from the mirror's revelation. Frozen in her tracks and unable to move. It was a minute too late when that bond of payment became unsatisfactory and a message had to be made, that Boone didn't take nicely to rich addicts getting freebies. A message made in blood and flesh forged by the vengeance of a dealer's reliable gun.

CiCi screamed when the gun went off, she couldn't stop screaming as she watched Jazz's body slump to the ground against those fabulous heels, Jimmy Choo's that never would be relieved of their stain of blood . She wouldn't stop screaming until the gun went off again when Boone's black eyes caught her reflection in the mirror" and her life became pure darkness?

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-04-28 20:28 EST

Life is so short. So fragile. We're only immortal until we die. So was the confession of a girl I once knew. I think we used to be friends. I don't remember what she looked like. Sometimes I think I can see her face but then the girl becomes a mirage, a ghost. I don't think I really knew her at all" I can only wonder what happened to her"

Awareness came with the aching blind of white of a hospital room in a shade they attempted to believe was soothing to patients. Of course for her she had to wonder if she was in a mental hospital as she found her struggles were met with straps across her wrists. She struggled, a silent cry of pain as the wrench of pain burned through her chest. She knew she was in the hospital but there was nothing more" nothing more then that awareness.

Voices in the hall, she caught snippets of a conversation. In tune, like a tuning fork to radiate sound and melody there was a sharpened awareness from the citrine haired girl in the bed. Had she gone crazy' Was that why she was here" She didn't know. Didn't know anything of what was going on. She was comical in her expression then, a scrunch of nose, a furrow of brows and a squint of eyes like one attempting to muster up a favorite memory of the past.

For the small blond haired girl there was nothing though. It was all white noise and pleasant hums. An inner tranquility that may have been drug induced. She didn't like that feeling of forced tranquility, it terrified her. She clung to those snippets of conversation that she could make out. "Drug induced coma for over two weeks?" "Doesn't remember a thing" "Fake ID"no idea who she is or where she's from." She looks like someone I've seen before though' like one of those girls." "No' not this one. Probably just a wannabe."

She closed her eyes and she felt she was drifting. Sapphires rested on the doorway, the open door she yearned to escape through as those hushed voices were interrupted by a sullen, frustrated curse of another voice. Separate, uninvolved and uninterested there was a vision of a man to stand in the hallway, rubbing at the sleeve of his blue shirt, seeming to reprimand the very existence of time itself as he rubbed his thumb across his wrist and tugged at that expensive looking watch that rested against his skin.

Contagious it was that sudden laugh that spilled free from her lips. Carefree in the soft sounds of laughter induced delight. Even from this distance she could hear that tick tock cry of protest it seemed coming from the watch itself, Sapphires honed in and sharpened. A critical understanding as the man cursing at his watch and perhaps Time as well peered into her room with an arrogant smirk and a perched brow.

A Cobalt Blue Boy that man was in her eyes, the man she'd later come to know as Jacob Hutchenson. Though he'd always call her "Kid" and he'd always be "Blue" to her. She never found out the reason he was in the hospital that day but it made her relieved to find someone sane when her world had all but disappeared. A belief that maybe she wasn't in the loony bin when she was laughing like a crazy person at the simple awareness of sound. A bizarre understanding she suddenly had, she knew how to fix things" she just knew.

Maybe she was a jeweler or a gemologist before. Perhaps she was a young ing"nue that dabbled in diamonds and gold, no risk trying her hand at it again. Right' Right!

A dimpled grin as she watched that Cobalt Blue Boy lean his frame against the doorway, a curiously bemused expression in his eyes before glancing to the doctors in the hall.

"Is this one alright' Kid looks like she has a screw loose."

"What! She's awake"!?"

A flurry rush of doctor coats and nurse scrubs a crashing sound of a chart plucked up and peered at.

"Charley' Charley' Do you know where you are" What day it is" What time?"

"No?"

Confusion became stars in sapphires as that gaze struggled to peek through coats and scrubs and suffocating cling of bodies leaning all around her and testing vitals as she strained to see the Cobalt Blue Boy.

A sigh of exasperation and a sullen scowl as when they finally gave her breathing room she found that the Cobalt Blue Boy was long gone" and Time itself" had left her alone. Forgotten all over again, like a lost canary that had lost its Song of Sunshine.

Time is a funny, fickle thing. It picks and chooses. Some say Time is a straight line. Past, Present, Future all just following along in a straight row, a thin ribbon pulled taut until it's snipped and you die. I see Time as a Web. Beautiful threads stretched and rippling across other threads, some intertwined. Some crisscrossed and patterned in a unity. So fragile and yet breathtaking with patches and holes but still" that web was a stable pattern. Upon meeting the Cobalt Blue Boy I suddenly understood those fragile flaws and that delicate pattern and understood" how to fix it. There were three things I'll always hold true to. One is that "Blue" would be a constant in my life from this point forward, Two that I had a strange understanding on how to fix things, and Three" that my name is Charley Cadence? and I have no idea who I am'

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-04-29 21:33 EST

http://www.supermodels.nl/ModelPics/leahdewavrin/215.jpg

~Shattered Glass- Present Day~

Devon had been a blessing. A relief. Salvation from that torment of Shattered Glass. That memory was just as broken. Cracked and Tarnished Image. But looking in Stefan's eyes when there was the challenge there to Devon she couuldn't help but feel like she was watching wolves fight over a meal or a mate.

Strangely enough Devon had....taken care of her. No coy playboy ways it seemed genuine concern for her well being. She did not know what to think of that, or what to make of it all. Charley found though with the way of her memories....it was best not to linger on thoughts. They might just break....or leave her all together.

Sighing she had closed the door with a hug to Devon in friendly way of thanks. It took her enough effort not to beg him to stay so she wouldn't be alone tonight. She was scared of it. Alone.

Finding herself staring at her cell phone for hours. Convincing herself to not call Jacob and beg him to stay or for her to come to his place. Something had spooked her to the very soul. Charley couldn't put her finger on it.

Beltane festivals were to be had. Changes to be made. Temporary as they were.

Like a canary had decided to wear a new shade and try something new....hair dye made the Concrete Canary a vividly intense macaw of cerulean shades.

Some may call them the shades of tears. The shade of dreams and clouds. Of Oceans and skies.

These were the colors she chose to dye her hair. The light upon touching the blue dyed strands would reflect gentle sheen of amethyst, of topaz, of sapphire in that mix. As mysterious and breath taking as a mystic topaz.

It was how she would feel tomorrow she prayed. Breathtaking and mysterious. Fitting into that mold.

As she fell asleep that night, eyes on her newly found dress she found herself wondering if maybe Devon would see her claimed as water nymph rather then sunshine charms. Just for one night. Maybe just to see her at all....

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-04-30 06:32 EST

Outside looking in. Sometimes that's how it feels when you're grasping and struggling to remember well....yourself. Maybe at one point I wasn't so awkward. Perhaps I had some finesse and skills when it came to the madness of this world. It terrifies me when people disappear because I don't know if merely they got tired and just left me behind....or if I forgot them all together...

Beltane was an elusively strange creation of intrigue and beauty for Charley. Fairy lights and a thrum of energy and music that was unspeakable and moving. It moved her, spoke to her soul as music would and ever had. Thankful for the music it proved a distraction.

Sapphires sparkled and shined and that dimpled grin remained while she skipped and twirled and spun being tugged along by Niamh. So aware of what Niamh and Brishen were denying and coyly toying with. Affection, a bond between the pair.

The lil ingenue had been looked after though with Brishen setting up a date for her. There'd been notes that Stefan couldn't come and then he was there at the inn.

She felt like she was being punked. She felt like a fool or a girl stood up at the prom when she turned around in the Glen to include Stefan in the festival events only to find....he bailed.

So she danced and she laughed and she drank and she would party. Carefree and free spirited even while her mind was going a mile a minute to piece together her worries. Did he leave or did her mind erase him"

The thoughts disturbed her. When she had the chance she went to 'mingle' and plot her escape.

It didn't take much. Ten minutes later that concrete canary was running through gravel and cutting up the soles of her feet feeling near as blue as her hair.

Maybe she needed the sunshine back. Inside her loft she was able to scrub it all away. The dress pitched in the laundry basket and hand moved through slick cerulean blue strands.

Back to work as she eased on that work bench and picked up a pair of earrings. It was the one thing she understood and did so well....fixing things. She wondered when she'd be able to fix herself.

Peace will come to me. I'm sure it will. I have that great foolish hope. I wonder what I'm doing here, do I belong" Is my situation a blessing or a curse" Am I supposed to do something with this ordeal" Is it a second chance to make my life all over again? Perhaps it's written in the grand scheme of things. Then again I don't think God has time for simple, silly Charley Cadence. He's probably busy helping people fall in love and saving the poor and sick and hungry. I just wish I knew....what I was supposed to do....if this is a gift I was given. I wish I knew the answers...

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-05-01 17:11 EST

Boys are dangerous but Girls are violent souls. Turbulent and unexpected in how they can be so sweet and yet so unsavory. I find myself leaning more to danger then violence when it comes to my choices in the end. I fear my violence, I fear I don't know the reason behind it. Just a fragile uncertainty that everything I know will be lost. I cannot lose the summer" I have been trapped in winter for far too long and the memories of those long nights" they make me so cold...

Spring felt like summer to her at that moment. There was that warmth that spread and moved through her, spilling in her veins and pooling through her soul. Charley imagined if one could feel liquid sunshine then that warmth within her, filling that cold in the dark empty alleys of her mind, chasing away the shadows. There was sunlight now even when the sun had long set on the day. She sat in the window seat with the window open to let in the spring night air, fingers smoothing through those blue stained strands of citrine. Even now that blue still remained causing the canary blond of her hair to shine through like the sun fighting through the clouds. Her hair as ever was like her style, a fragile claim and hold of Hope.

Her fingers worked, skilled and precise. Thin strands of hemp and brightly colored beads gathered in her lap as she worked on those bracelets, some would become chokers. But those beads were not just simple find in the craft store sorts. No not at all. What she possessed were true precious jewels that had been worked into gleaming beads. Hours upon hours of dedication to that crafting and polish she had taken to make the jewels perfectly round.

She took her time and stayed dedicated to her craft, her work was important to her but these were gifts" and all the more significant. Charley had made friendship bracelets, chokers, and key chains for all her friends. Perhaps it was a childish thing but it suited the carefree and near whimsical nature of the concrete canary.

Rubies for Lilli, Blue Topaz for Brish and Nia since she saw the two near as a joined pair, Peridot for Brandon, Citrine for Devon, Sapphire for Jacob, and Amethyst for Jessie.

Contentment and joy was found in the simple design of creation by her own hands. Lilli, Brish, Nia, and Jessie would receive the bracelets, Jacob and Brandon the key chains, and the hemp choker for Devon that was so similar to the one she was forging for herself. The precious gem was centered, the focal point of that design with their initials carved into wooden beads to frame the gem. Hemp threads carefully decorated with tiny ornate beads of multiple colors that would reflect the "colors" of their personalities. She had made sure each and every one of those gifts, like her friends, ever unique.

The smile had never left lips. Charley's lips still held the reminder of summer warmth forged by the touching kiss of uncertainty. For once in her life as she looked down at her lap and those beads that represented her friends, she found" that she felt at home. She had found a place to belong.

Love and compassion I find make my spirit warm. Day by day it is easier to push the shadows away and rid my life of the cold it ever seemed surrounded by. Dorothy had once said there's no place like home. I'm obsessed with Oz as much as Wonderland" but I have no ruby slippers. Funny thing is" I'm starting to learn I don't need a rabbit hole or a pair of ruby slippers in order to find a place that I fit in. I'm glad he stayed" I'm even more glad that I didn't run away when I found out he would"

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-05-09 06:38 EST

The past sometimes will follow you. For me I tend to find it comes in glimpses and flashes. A piece of broken glass, a fall of a book that thuds like a gun shot in the night, someone disappearing unexpectedly. I know these things should be significant, like my mind is trying to tell me something to help me remember. The truth is....my reaction to those things scare the hell out of me so why would I want to remember anything that makes me feel so horrible" I'm not crazy....I'm not losing ground like some psycho freak, I just fear the time I'll lose everything again. I can't risk that, not losing the one who understands me without question and doesn't find me a freak when I have those moments that I don't feel so....normal

~A girl named Cici- The past~

The girl had a style that made it easy to see beyond the fact that she was living on the streets and spending her nights in homeless shelters. It could be worse, she could be turning tricks. The shelter kept her fed so her days were spent wandering the bright lights and fast streets of the Big Apple.

The long skirt of cloud colored blue flowed around her, teased and whispered secrets at her ankles. Flip flops and a white tank top with a simple beaded necklace of blue and white shells. She found herself pausing at a beading store when her life changed forever.

"You...girl, who are you?!?"

She froze immediately when her arm was grabbed, blue eyes widening as she flicked a gaze to the older man. "I'm no one." Jane Doe right' It was the equivalent of no one....and with a name like that to be blessed with, she figured her parents wanted her to be nobody. Nothing at all. Barely existant.

A light snort escaped the man as he claimed her chin in her hands and gave her a once over.

"You're coming with me." "Uh..."

A flick of eyes to the girl behind the register who just stared at the canary blond with a mix of worship and hatred.

"Are you stupid! Go with him....he's like the most infamous modeling agency ever here!"

She had to take the girls word for it and she....well had nothing to lose.

"What's your name girl?" "Jane."

A wrinkle of nose as he looked her over again. She never felt more like a prized filly in a auction then ever.

"That won't work...won't do at all..."

He dragged her off and in a blur she found herself cleaned up and put in a swarm of hair stylists and make up artists. Once they were done with her she was left with blond hair as bright as citrine jewels and sapphire eyes popping out with a smoldering, street cred allure.

"Wow." "Jasmeen come here and meet the girl you'll be doing the photo shoot with....this is CiCi."

CiCi. She blinked at the name as she stared at the girl that unknown to her would become her future best friend. The girl had a sulky natural pout, dark eyes, and raven black hair. The polar opposite of CiCi.

Thus the shoot would begin it was casual and fun and she and Jazz were bonding on the set. The darker haired girl leaned over then to whisper in the blond's ear.

"Want to give them a shocker?" "Sure why not."

Jazz continued to whisper until CiCi was laughing. Nothing to lose she complied as both girls in time tore off bras and t-shirts leaving the pair in nothing more then those designer jeans.

They threw their arms around each other, laughing and working for the camera. Mr Flores wasn't happy with the sudden vision of his youthful daughter being half naked with a girl off the streets. CiCi saw the look and that anger.

A twitch in jaw and she pulled Jazz closer, arms and line of body arranged in artistic fashion, cheek resting on those dark curls as CiCi's sapphire eyes smoldered with the intensity of a challenge, a dare to the man who hauled her off the streets to be a model offset to his daughter.

Jazz pouted and offered those doe eyes, but CiCi's eyes were the million dollar money maker at that moment. A look that ever would scream out that challenge and raw dare to the world....just come and get me.

The photographer flashed a grin over his camera "That's it, Boss. We got our shot....these girls....are money."

And all Flores could do was smile. The next day....CiCi and Jazz were on the largest billboard in Times Square. Infamous over night.

There's often the wonder of who I once might have been, if I'm really truly myself...the real Charley since I don't have the basis of nature versus nurture to influence who I have shaped myself to become. Was I a person before that my friends would have liked" Maybe I was just a wall flower that found her way here....surely not as high class society and bright lights as Devon's Hollywood lifestyle. Crazy to believe that someone recognized him here from his life before....what would happen if someone recognized me" What would it mean....would it change everything"

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-05-10 15:12 EST

Things never happen as we expect. Memory loss wasn't exactly on my forte of top ten things to do with my life. But maybe it's the best thing that ever happened to me. If I hadn't lost my memories then I wouldn't have found Devon. Maybe I wouldn't be a person he would have liked. I feel oddly enough....that I've really become myself....by forgetting everything that I once was. Maybe, just maybe, being myself without the walls....was the best choice I made.

~The Past: Take me on the Floor~

The club was rocking and CiCi was just starting to learn what it was like to be in the limelight. Dancing and grooving, grinding and rocking out on the dance floor as a never ending supply of lemon drop shots were delivered her way. They even named the drink after her....adding a bit extra to that lemon drop shot and calling it CiCi's Charm. All because that drink reminded the bar tender of her wild tousled strands of canary yellow.

Jazz was on the stage doing her smug rendition of the Veronica's "Popular." CiCi was just content to root on her friend and hide in the crowd with the ravers and the clubbers. Then her hand was grabbed.

"C'mon hussy...it's time you show them what you got." "Jazz....please...I'm already plastered up in Times Square with you half naked...and grinding here like a well oiled machine..and now you want me to do more?" "Get a name for yourself girl. I want you to sing." "No No No. Jazz I can't.." "Yes you can. So go get changed and get your butt on stage. I know just the song for you."

Uh oh....she was shoved behind the stage and stripped down to bare minimum, she'd become used to the whole being naked in front of people with the modeling bit but being dressed up in something seeming more appropriate for a burlesque club. Well that was new.

Rub of that heart shaped beauty mark and she went stumbling on the stage. Wincing at bright lights like a doe in headlights, fingers curled around that mike as that smoldering 'come and get me' gaze flashed through sapphires. It was all a front. A wall but it saved her from her heart dropping on the floor when she heard the first chords of Avril Lavigne's 'Hot' Come playing through. She was going to -kill- Jazz.

Never less her voice came out, soft and low undertones of sultry promise. The fear and shyness was in lyrics till she lost herself to the music. Gave in and Gave way. That might have just been the lemon drops.

You're so good to me, baby baby

I want to lock you up in my closet Where no one's around I want to put your hand in my pocket Because you're allowed

I want to drive you into the corner And kiss you without a sound I want to stay this way forever I'll say it loud

Now you're in and you can't get out You make me so hot, make me wanna drop You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream You're so fabulous, you're so good to me, baby baby You're so good to me, baby baby

I can make you feel all better Just take it in And I can show you all the places You've never been

And I can make you say everything That you never said And I will let you do anything Again and again

Now you're in and you can't get out

You make me so hot, make me wanna drop You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream You're so fabulous, you're so good to me, baby baby You're so good to me, baby baby

Kiss me gently Always I know Hold me, love me Don't ever go, yeah

You make me so hot, make me wanna drop You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream You're so fabulous, you're so good to me

You make me so hot, make me wanna drop You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream You're so fabulous, you're so good to me, baby baby You're so good to me, baby baby You're so good

A grooving and a dance, she was shy then and ran off the stage with a laugh in a streamline style of burlesque quality. What a change from the streets....she kinda felt like she was in perfectly in masquerade...every single day. No one really knew her at all...

It's strange to believe that he truly sees me. Me for who I am. No walls just....vulnerable, shy, awkward me. And that he likes me for it. It's scary....and yet so wonderful. I wish...if anything....on any falling or shooting stars...that things continue this way and never end

(Avril Lavigne-Hot)

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-05-13 08:18 EST

Is it crazy to miss someone when they're gone" Is it even insane to worry about losing the people you care for" I think sometimes the world has forgotten about what really matters. I'm far from a politician, more so just a simple jeweler trying to get myself back standing stable on my own two feet. But when I look in the mirror and see a bullet wound I have to wonder what the hell I've been through' What did I do to cause this all to come about' Maybe for now it's better to leave the past in the past and be grateful for what I have now. I pray every night I don't lose what I have now....

~The Past : Falling In and Falling Out~

"Jesus, CiCi look at you! What the Hell I go to Milan for one week and I come back and you're on the cover of one of the hottest fashion magazines ever! Next you'll be cutting a record deal or some ridiculous sh*t like that. Yo! I'm talking to you wouuld you stop playing with those fvcking rocks!"

"They're not rocks....it's an unpolished amethyst. Jazz....what do you think I'd look like with purple hair?"

"Have you lost your ever loving mind?"

A scoff, hands on hips as Jazz stared at her best friend with those wide doe eyes and that permanent pout pursing into a sultry smirk. CiCi wasn't buying it but still she dropped the amethyst back on the table and cut a bemused look to Jazz.

"A record deal hmm?" "Yeah whatever, dream on sistah."

Those sapphires lingered on her friend for a moment, searching those piercing dark depths. It almost seemed like Jazz was jealous of her. Ever since Jazz had got into the whole drug scene she'd been acting off. Hyper and anxious, paranoid and tempermental. Well Jazz was ever tempermental as a spark plug waiting to combust but it seemed worse these days.

"CiCi darling come on we need to finish this shoot." "Sure thing, Paulo, I'll be right there."

A smile was flashed the photographers way even as she caught Jazz sneering from her peripherals. When she looked full on at Jazz her friend was grinning at her. Normal....but then CiCi couldn't help but wonder if it all was a facade.

"Hey I want you to meet one of my friends tonight, C, He's so fine. Tall, Dark, and Sexy." "I don't know, Jazz....I mean the last time....things went a bit crazy." "Whatever C, you're so tightly strung, a guy tries to grope you and you act like he's trying to take you against your will. This is life and the world you're in now, honey, get used to it. I'll see you tonight. Stop being such a b*tch." "Jazz..." "Love ya babes! I'll see you tonight." "Bye."

That word was a whisper as she wrinkled her nose, even as the makeup artists fell around her like carrion birds around a kill for those final touch ups. Fingers touched on a glossy magazine cover of the most recent celebrity gossip rag. The cover blasted accusations on the actions and lovers of Hollywood's 'youngest playboy.'

Sapphires lingered on that magazine cover as a wistful smile tugged on her lips. A quiet murmur

"Looks like we both got a bit over our heads when we got pulled into this life, huh fella?"

Even models from the big apple could have crushes on hollywood playboys but CiCi was just a concrete canary when it came down to it in the end, smiling all the time. A parrot smile when she felt so out of place.

Shoved out on the set of the photo shoot, dressed like a punk rock and ska version of Alice in Wonderland she put one hand on that fake looking glass and posed. Kiss face as those sapphires blazed in the reflection of the mirror and the photo was snapped, and all she could think was that she wanted to be anywhere but here...

Perhaps I'm selfish, maybe it's ridiculously inappropriate for me to pray and wish and hope that what happened before won't happen again. I like where I'm at now. I kinda....feel like I belong here. Like I'm meant to be here. That rather then being on the outside looking in, I'm actually watching from the other side of a two way mirror and his reflection is mine as much as I am his. Mirror Images when I look in his eyes. I might not remember anything of my past...or what happened before....but I think maybe, he understands....and he's glad to be gone from his past too.

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-10-23 17:59 EST

I have been so busy it feels like my life is just spinning on a top. I cannot get it to slow down. A merry go round with a life of its own. Still I feel so much more alive. Circles and Circles. I want to stop spinning but then I'm afraid that if I did that I'd lose this feeling all together. Lose it all and go back to forgetting everything. Summer's long since gone and Fall has begun. I found more then not that I find myself staring out the window and watching the leaves change. Sometimes if I watch long enough I believe I can ACTUALLY see them before my eyes. It is amazing. My life is amazing. Devon has changed my world.

"Yeah I can get it done, a week? It'll be a push but sure thing. Yeah no problem. I know you're a friend of Blue. I'll get it taken care of."

The cell phone was snapped shut as Charley sat back at her desk and looked over the order forms. A hand shoved through that canary blond of her hair as she blew out a breath that sent her bangs falling in her eyes.

It had been the busy season. People planning on gifts for the holidays for beloveds and spouses. Girlfriends and siblings. It was the crazy times but Charley had no protest.

She liked where she was at and the life she had built for herself. Everything was falling into place.

Home was where the heart was.

The heart...

A little grin as she thought of Devon and flipped open her phone. Speed dial was a blessing.

"Hi handsome. I just wanted to say I love you....and I miss you."

A tiny laugh from her as she snapped the phone shut. So strange that she could miss someone when they never were that far away or gone for very long....but with Devon it was so much different.

Every moment he was away from her side she felt the separation. He was her Sunlight.

Her Summer.

Her everything.

Palming a grin she set back to work, a little hum found to keep the remaining hours of work to just fly right on by.

I don't fear love anymore. I don't worry that I'll forget my family and friends. Or that I'll lose the love of my life. I don't fear any of it. There is so much hope now. Such brightness in my life. I'm filled with life and love. Complete. It feels so good to be alive.

Charley Cadence · Date: 2009-12-24 17:17 EST

Things change. The more you get comfortable the more it seems things will alter. I thought at first it was the notion of just everything slipping through my fingers and that I was losing a grip on it all" but I find now that's just the way of things. I wish you were here. Each and every day I feel the void expanding. Yet I made a vow, a promise that I would not let the shadows take me again. I have been somber and I have mourned for so many months now. Time goes on without you, goes on even when I've wished it to stop so that I might find you again? but I'm still so very aware" you're no longer here. It is time to move on' and I confess" I am afraid.

Months had passed. Ticked and tocked in a constant clicking hiss and droning whisper of a steady motion of time passing her by. The knocks on the door had been ignored. The phone calls went to voicemail until the mail box was full. Even Blue's arrogant provoking had done nothing to stir Charley from her restless abandonment of civilization and society. Hermitage it seemed was best. She did not dare move or even venture outside for the theory that if she did leave, he might come back for an second, a minute, maybe even an hour and she would miss him and then he would be gone all over again.

Still the months went by. Blue eventually had not given up but had become more determined. Her darling Blue, Jacob ever despite his narcissistic pride and festering arrogance was her best friend. It had been the subtle plea in his tone, the light of worry that had begun to burrow in his eyes that had made her aware of the time and days.

So many days gone by, so much time had passed by without him there. Her Golden Boy. Devon had held her heart for so long that she near felt desolate without him. Charley continued on forgetting the will and the whims and ways of how to carry on, what it meant to live.

Till that day it all had changed. It seemed so unreasonable. If something had happened to him, Devon would never want her in this constant state of mourning and despair. Devon knew that ever and always Charley was meant to be a creature of love and light in the concrete gray of a dismal world.

That Charley would always be a Concrete Canary.

Little bird or not she found herself that day pushing up out of bed, awakening in hopes to find him there at her side but still finding the empty spot. His side of the bed had become so cold.

Sometimes Charley wondered what it had felt like to feel sunshine and sunlight. Clear in her mind was the lasting memory of their day on the beach, basking in the sun with their flesh glistening and salty from the plunge into the ocean and chasing the waves like dolphins and how she had that sensation' that this was life.

Charley wanted to live again, wanted to shine again.

He wouldn't want her broken. No never Devon.

With that thought in mind she had found the strength to cleanup and find clothes fitting for the weather. Winter" already Summer was so far gone. Was it the end of Summer when she had last seen him"

Bundled up with the door drawn open she stepped out with boots pounding a rhythm on cobblestone streets. The Concrete Canary was back out for a night on the town" and oh she had a promise. She would still shine. Shine for them all through all the cold and darkness she feared so.

Sometimes I dream you're still here. That you are just so close I can hear you whispering my name like a secret and biting your lip with every confession of adoration. I know that the memories are what keep me going. These memories I've made with you and with the rest of our friends. Some way, some how I am going to find a way. I'll burn so brightly I'm sure you'll see me again. If you're lost somewhere out in the shadows and the darkness and can't find your way home" I'll be the light that guides you home. This is where we belong. I will bring you home. I will be that light. Just as you were the light for me.