Lorelie blinked her violet eyes and stretched.
...Another day. Breathe in, breathe out.
She sat up, very slowly, not wanting to encourage her morning sickness.
...So far, so good.
The amythyst haired girl put her feet on the floor and a hand to her head, trying to feel, trying to feel anything.
...And felt nothing but a wave of despair.
With a small sigh and a soft pat to her bulging belly, she stood and made her way to the tub. She turned on the hot water and added bits of contents of several jars and bottles after she stoppered up the drain. A hot bath would cure the depression she felt. She went back to her bed and grabbed her cigarettes from her bedstand, then perched on the edge of the tub, her legs stretched across as she sat on the rim. In her homeland, smoking was not considered taboo for pregnant women. She cut down though, and tried not to smoke in front of the others, much as she had when she was with her husband.She had quit drinking scotch though, and any other kind of spirits for that matter.
...Which figured because now was when she needed it the most.
She lit up and took a long drag, lifting her head and blowing the smoke out her nose. She watched as the bluish plumes swirled with the clouds of steam from the hot water. She thought about nothing...anything to keep thoughts and doubts about her husband from her mind.
If he had left her...well, then, she'd have to move on. If he was dead...then she would never remarry, she was certain. But she was caught in limbo...not knowing what had happened and if he was safe. How long could life go on this way' How long could she wait and still save her sanity"
...And the baby needed a father...
She snorted as she slipped off her night dress, minding her cigarette. She studied her scarred, tattooed, and pierced body critically, not liking what she saw. Her tummy bulged, though not so much. Enough to be a giveaway, though.
...What man would have her"
She took another drag. "None, that's what." She informed herself, her strange thick accented words floating on the smoke which drifted from her lips. She gently stroked her navel, where the word "Toby" was tattooed around her belly button. Proof that she hadn't dreamed him. Proof that she had fought and fought to live a happy life with him.
...of course she had failed.
"Enough!" She scolded herself aloud, taking a painfully deep drag, as if she might be able to burn out the voice in her brain. She let the smoke out, smiling a bit. She was "tetched" as the people of her homeland called her. Most storytellers were eventually. But she didn't have time to be crazy. She couldn't fit that in her schedule. So she lived with it. And everyday, the pain of her grief faded a bit.
...But it stayed.
She tossed her half burned cigarette into the sink drain and stepped into the water, sinking down deep beneath the bubbles before turning off the water with her foot. She sighed and leaned her head on the rim, her long violet hair floating atop the water.
The baby kicked once or twice and Lore fancied it a soft, comforting feeling. "Don't worry, Karmalore...Mommy will figure this all out. " She crooned softly. The baby settled back down.
...Which brought her to her other worry, something Renna had brought up and Lorelie had feared from the start.
The baby was aware. Lorelie was just short of five months pregnant and the child was aware of what went on around it and around Lorelie. Not only that, but shortly before the baby started kicking and moving, it had been surprisingly still, all most worrisome. Then, it had learned to "kick" in a different way. The baby inside her knew her thoughts and could on some lever express its own. Not as words or clear visions, but just primal pulsings, bits of debris more than actual thoughts. Karmalore was going to have some of her father's talents, and all before she was born.
...It scared Lorelie.
She found herself thinking of the baby as a thing, a strange tumor perhaps...a freak of nature and not a child. Her child. That scared her. She couldn't let herself fear her, resent her...She was her mother! She had to-
She shook her head and focused on the bathwater, clearing away the thoughts like sweeping a floor.
"Shhhh..." She told herself, her voice near a whisper. "Breathe in, Breathe out"
