Sergeant Walter Eaton stood at the Police Station reception desk busying himself with whatever it is that Police do when they're manning reception, when a person literally walked in through the door.

Now, to clarify, the door was never opened and there was no gap for anybody to climb in through.

He actually passed through the wood without causing any damage at all.

The man walked over to Walter and said: "I'm here to report a murder."

Walter noticed that the man was slightly transparent. He could see the far wall through the man's skull.

"Okay," Walter said, "what is the name of the person who was murdered?"

"Richard Thomas," he said.

"And what is your name, and your relation to the murder victim?"

"My name is Richard Thomas, and the murder victim is me."

Walter was confused. "What?"

"Observe," said Richard, as he passed his hand through the Sergeant's chest.

"I really don't think we have any regulations regarding this sort of thing, let me get the chief."

Richard saw Walter disappear to the back of the station. After a few minutes he heard a muffled argument going on.

Walter pushed the Chief through to the reception area and was saying: "See for yourself."

The Chief composed himself and said: "So sonny, you claim to be dead eh?"

Richard was very polite. "Yes sir."

"Deceased" No longer Living" Inanimate?"

"That's right, yes sir."

Walter leaned towards the chief. "Try touching him, guv."

The Chief looked at Walter, who nodded. He reached his hand out towards Richard's chest and had a heart attack when the man's body offered no resistance.

Richard went down to the Crematorium where his funeral was taking place. Some frogmen had recovered his body and they were now going to cremate him.

He went to the chair next to his girlfriend, Lucy Jane, and crouched down to give the impression that he was sitting next to her.

"I notice Harry Trooper was too gutless to show up," he sneered.

"Please, Richard, don't do this, don't charge your best friend," Lucy begged.

"He has to pay. He killed me for crying out loud."

The vicar suddenly shouted out: "And now, the eulogy, presented to us by everyone's favorite dead guy, Richard Thomas."

Richard leapt up onto the alter. "Hello everyone. Richard Thomas will be missed by all who are present. Especially me." Everyone exploded in a fit of laughter.

"Yes sir." Mr Forensic returned to his seat.

"Any more witnesses?" the Judge asked.

"No your honour," replied both parties.

"Final comments to the jury?"

Kingston stood up. "Jury, Mr Thomas's argument is weak at best, he didn't even have any witnesses, he was totally unprepared for court. It must be said that there is definitely reasonable doubt as to whether this crime actually took place. You know how to vote."

Richard stood up. "Jury, are you going to believe the incoherent rantings of this dangerously obese mortal?"

"Objection. My obesity has nothing to do with anything."

"Sustained. Jury, forget what he said about the obesity, etcetera."

"His whole argument rested on lack of forensic evidence, but I say, I've lost too much, my character witnesses said I was a good driver, not prone to losing my concentration, the only way this could have happened is if the car was defective."

"We will reconvene in thirty minutes to hear the jury's verdict. Dismissed."