Topic: The World According to Jessica

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-02 19:10 EST

Hi My name is Jessica. I live with my Mistress, Moira. This is us.

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Puppy said Mistress and I have a sym'miotic relationship. That means Mistress needs me and I need Mistress. I only know Mistress loves me best of all her pets. We have lots of adventures.

(OOC Note: if the images in this post do not function, the posts can also be found at: Jessica'sBlog

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-02 19:16 EST

Puppy can be very naughty sometimes. Mistress gets very mad about that. So I came up with a plan. I asked Mistress and she didn't say I couldn't do it. So I did.

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I invited Puppy over for dinner one night and fed him yummy steaks laced with sleeping powder. He took a long nap. While he was sleeping I took a Big needle and put a tracking device under his skin. Now I can find Puppy anywhere!

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-02 19:19 EST

I had a birthday a few weeks ago.

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Mistress gave me a Tazer. It's a lot of fun and makes zappy noises. Mistress says I must be very careful who I tag with it, as some people are sue happy Ninnyheads. Mistress ate our lawyer last week so I'm being very careful.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-02 19:23 EST

I wanted cooking lessons because eating Mac'n'cheese is boring. So Mistress hired Chef Jean Pierre to teach me.

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Jean Pierre spoke in a funny accent and looked real yummy in his hat and apron. Mistress thought he looked yummy too, so after my lessons were over she ate him.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-02 20:01 EST

Seth, the nice man who found Wooly when the scary dolly made him get lost asked me where we were. I wasn't really sure what to tell him. So I thought I'd do some research for when it happens again.

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When I asked Mistress after we got home she said Rhydin was just a little bit off center to the rest of the universe. That's why so many things go wonky here. Maybe that's why the tea shop lets me pay for cookies with bottle caps I found on the street?

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 15:31 EST

Mr. Seth came from a far away place. He's kind of lost. He had a fancy flashlight that cuts things like an industrial laser. I wasn't too impressed because I seen cops bonk people on the head with flashlights like that all the time.

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Mr. Seth had lips that felt like a dead fishie, all cold and slimy. He kissed me on the forehead without even asking. It made me want to go eat fish. So I did.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 15:34 EST

On Tuesdays and Thursdays the Bloody Cross of Rhydin holds a donation drive for the blood bank. The nuns there are very nice.

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Even though I never give blood, they let me sneak into the recovery room and have Juice and Cookies. Sometimes they give me extra juice to take home.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 15:39 EST

Miss Ninnyhead who doesn't know how to pick decent prey stabbed Mr. Mask in the chest the other day.

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Mr. Mask, who has blood that may or may not burn Mistress to a crisp, turns out to be pretty nice. I got to play nurse and bandage him up. I even shared my juice from the Bloody Cross nuns. I hope Mistress gives me permission to play with Mr. Mask more. I really like him.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 15:44 EST

Mr. Mask works at something called the Duel Of Magic. People fling magic spells at each other. They have a rack of magical items for people who don't know magic.

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I want to play with those items. Mr. Mask didn't know if any of them could blow up a bus. I really want to blow up the 5th St. bus. The driver is a demon who wanted to steal my soul and use my corpse to mother his undead army!

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 15:49 EST

Mistress said that the blood of elves is especially tasty. It's Ef'vescent. That means bubbly. Like gingerale.

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At Christmas Mistress and I went to the mall. The elves with Mr. Santa were all drinking eggnog. Mistress snacked on a few and she got drunk too!

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 18:12 EST

I got a letter from a friend today. It was a very important letter and here is what it said.

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Please post this if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by demon bunnies. My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that being eaten by demon bunnies is not something to be ashamed of. Demon Bunnies hunt in well organized packs and are nearly unstoppable. They are truly ......terrifying. 93% won't copy and paste this....They have been eaten by Demon Bunnies.

Obviously demon bunnies are quite a problem. I think they are cute though. Maybe Mistress will let me raise them. (OOC Note: Thank you M for the demon bunny note.)

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-03 22:58 EST

I went to the magic island to find an exorcist to deal with the driver of the # 5 bus. The Hat Man said I might find one there. I didn't find one but I got to participate in a really fun tournament. I got creamed like corn in the first round.

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First I tried a magic wand but it sucked. Nothing happened when I used it it just went Pthhbbt! I got mad and stomped on it. I made a new friend though. He's a magical teddy bear. He can roar and bite people and shoot ice lazers from his eyes. He needs glasses though because he's a little nearsighted.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-04 14:40 EST

Is it really lemming season already? I was walking along the beach under the cliffs today and a bunch on lemmings landed on my head!

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When I looked up there was a little bitty dragon up there with the other lemmings. I'm not sure if he was chasing them or leading them. Either way people should watch their baby dragons better. Lemmings are getting hurt because of them!

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-05 18:49 EST

Last night Mr. Bear and I went to the tea shop because we promised to have pudding with the Hat Man. Turns out his name is Habib. He's pretty cool and like my fifth best friend.

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Mistress came just after Habib left. She was snacking on a farmer. She introduced me to two new friends, Aukai and Aolani. They were snogging with Miss Ninnyhead.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-05 18:55 EST

Mistress invited our new friends and some of their friends to a party at our place. Mistress keeps this really cool secret space under the lair that she calls The Underground.

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In The Underground there is this really awesome maze made all of stone plants and stone people. I call it the garden of despair because people cry in there a lot. Mistress said we could do dancing there. I already picked out a new party dress. It's blue like my eyes and has bows on the shoulders.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-05 19:34 EST

I wrote a letter to Mr. Franco today. He has his own blog too!

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I sent him a picture I drew of him. I went and read his blog till my eyeballs were fit to pop right outta my skull, and mistress yelled at me to turn the computer off and go to bed. I didn't turn it off because Mr. Bear wanted to look for a russian mail order bride, but I did go to bed.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-07 20:34 EST

The fish market is a very dangerous place. I went there to buy some tuna and got attacked by penguins dressed like pirates!

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They tied me up with their ropes and threatened to whack me with a herring! I escaped and luckily Mr. Aukai was at the tea shop to untie me. Mr. Aukai's pretty cool when he's not snogging someone.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-13 17:25 EST

Mr. Mask can't seem to stay out of trouble. Mistress let me go see the fights in the building they call the Outback. Mr. Mask got kicked so hard by a pretty lady his head near popped off!

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Luckily the pretty lady was a super fancy nurse. She even has a nurse costume too! I helped her bring Mr. Mask back to life by giving him pufferfish kisses like I saw Mr. Hasselhoff do on Baywatch. Then we went home and had cherry pie.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-13 17:29 EST

Despite being made of stone plants the Garden of Despair isn't empty of life. There are lots of creepy crawlies living in there. My favorites are the giant snakes.

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I like to wrestle naked with Herbert the Anaconda, who is their king. His scales tickle. He's really strong but once in a while he lets me win.

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-13 17:33 EST

I'm still trying to convince Mistress to let me raise demon bunnies. I told her we could keep them in the Garden of Despair. She asked me what Herbert thought of that idea.

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Herbert says that demon bunnies and giant snakes are natural en'mies. I think it might be cool to watch them have death matches. I wonder who would win?

Jessica · Date: 2010-02-13 17:38 EST

I made a new friend in the market when Mr. Bear stole Mistress's charge card to go buy dirty magazines. His name is Kay. He hangs out with Miss Aolani a lot.

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We talked about sharing. Kay said sharing brings people closer. Mr. Bear doesn't like to share at all. He says that the only way he wants to bring people closer is through experimental plastic surgery. Mr. Bear wants to make artificial Siamese twins using hobos. Kay didn't know what a hobo was, but he understood that experimental surgery hurts. Funny huh' Mr. Bear got in trouble when we got home because he wouldn't share the dirty magazines with Mistress.