To my daughters, Winter and Aurora,
I am sorry. Do with these memories of my life as you will. Burn them. Read them. Wipe your backside with them. Despite the countless ways I have failed you, I have always loved you. I will continue to love you and pray that one day I will be worthy of having you in my life again.
A Sobering Task
I have honestly stared into the flames of the inn fire for days, wondering how this will start and where it will take me. I reveled the idea to leave a piece of my history behind for my daughters to have since they had not had me in their lives, really. But as I tried to pick out key moments of my life, ones that would make you proud of your Blackmoon lineage, I realize that my life has been not been as heroic as I has hoped. In fact, this entire feat has been very sobering.
Let me preclude with this. I am not a good man, not at all. What Sarah, Beth, and Cayt saw in me wasn't a good man; it was a bad man doing bad things for good. I am by far the sinner rather the saint, even as a dedicated, branded healer.
I feel that is the only thing I had ever been good at, being bad, destroying things, lives, hopes, kingdoms. Look at Cayt. Even though I helped save her homeland, Geladine, I destroyed her in the process. I destroyed my fiercest love's life in order to triumph. You have know that to know the context of my words and the magnitude of my actions.
The other thing you need to know is that I wasn't born of two different worlds or live in two different realms. There is the Light and there is the Darkness. I have been accused of picking and choosing which world to live in based on my needs at the time. The fact of the matter is this: there is only one bleeding world!
It is within that ONE world that I have navigated and negotiated the perils of the Darkness and Light. I would choose one over the other depending on which suited my needs at the time regardless if the cost was too steep. I admit though that I have mostly fought for the Light, though I frequently would stray into the Darkness to do so. I am not a knight in shining armor and certainly likewise I am not a stable boy shoveling dung.
I will have to leave you with that for now. I know no other way to communicate it, to organize it, or to feel it. I am certain that as you journey through my life, it will become less complicated for you.
Love, ~W
I am sorry. Do with these memories of my life as you will. Burn them. Read them. Wipe your backside with them. Despite the countless ways I have failed you, I have always loved you. I will continue to love you and pray that one day I will be worthy of having you in my life again.
A Sobering Task
I have honestly stared into the flames of the inn fire for days, wondering how this will start and where it will take me. I reveled the idea to leave a piece of my history behind for my daughters to have since they had not had me in their lives, really. But as I tried to pick out key moments of my life, ones that would make you proud of your Blackmoon lineage, I realize that my life has been not been as heroic as I has hoped. In fact, this entire feat has been very sobering.
Let me preclude with this. I am not a good man, not at all. What Sarah, Beth, and Cayt saw in me wasn't a good man; it was a bad man doing bad things for good. I am by far the sinner rather the saint, even as a dedicated, branded healer.
I feel that is the only thing I had ever been good at, being bad, destroying things, lives, hopes, kingdoms. Look at Cayt. Even though I helped save her homeland, Geladine, I destroyed her in the process. I destroyed my fiercest love's life in order to triumph. You have know that to know the context of my words and the magnitude of my actions.
The other thing you need to know is that I wasn't born of two different worlds or live in two different realms. There is the Light and there is the Darkness. I have been accused of picking and choosing which world to live in based on my needs at the time. The fact of the matter is this: there is only one bleeding world!
It is within that ONE world that I have navigated and negotiated the perils of the Darkness and Light. I would choose one over the other depending on which suited my needs at the time regardless if the cost was too steep. I admit though that I have mostly fought for the Light, though I frequently would stray into the Darkness to do so. I am not a knight in shining armor and certainly likewise I am not a stable boy shoveling dung.
I will have to leave you with that for now. I know no other way to communicate it, to organize it, or to feel it. I am certain that as you journey through my life, it will become less complicated for you.
Love, ~W