Lucy suggested I start a journal. She says it's therapeutic, that I need to write down my feelings so I can sort them out, but I'd rather draw. I've always found drawing relaxes me, makes me focus my mind in a different way than I do when I'm out in the field. I tried to draw a picture of Bucky the other day, but I can't seem to get it right. It's like his memory is slowly fading from my mind, and I don't want that. I want to remember him. I need to remember him. Not the way he died, but the way he lived.
Peggy tried to tell me it wasn't my fault, but I know better. Bucky might have been an ass sometimes, but he never let me down. He always had my back, and I repaid him by getting him killed.
But maybe I should start at the beginning.
My dad was an alcoholic, and when he died, he left my mom and me to fend for ourselves. I always thought it was pretty selfish of him, but I guess he did the best he could. Mom said it was the war, that he'd never really gotten over it. Mom died when I was a teenager. Pneumonia, they said, but I think she just wore herself out. Bucky's parents took me in, and he became the brother I'd never had.
I graduated high school and went to college for art, because what else was I going to do' But then, war broke out in Europe. The rest is in the history books, and I'm not going to repeat it here, except for a couple of things.
Peggy and Dr. Erskine believed in me when no one else did, not even Bucky. I didn't volunteer for the serum because I wanted to become what I am. I volunteered because I wanted to do my part to end the war, and the serum was the only way. Captain America was just a symbol. That's not my name. My name is Steve Rogers. They only made me a Captain because they had to give me some kind of rank. They wanted to use me as a propaganda tool, but that's not what I signed up for. I wasn't interested in killing Nazis, necessarily. I didn't want to kill anyone. I just wanted to do the right thing. That's all I've ever wanted really. Sometimes you just don't have much choice.
Someone once asked me if I have any regrets. I don't really believe in regrets. There's no point in regretting what can't be changed. It'll just drive you crazy. I don't even regret the sixty-seven years I missed out on. My only regret there is Peggy, but I don't regret what I did, and I don't think of myself as a hero. It's a little embarrassing really. I just did what needed to be done. I couldn't let all those people die. What other choice did I have?
If not for the deep freeze, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have met Lucy, and I wouldn't have three kids I adore. They say everything happens for a reason. It's not always easy letting go of the past, but I'd like to think that's true. I'd like to think there's a bigger force out there somewhere watching over us, steering our futures. Call it God, if you want. Fate. Destiny.
My destiny might have been to become Captain America, but deep down, I'm still just a kid from Brooklyn, looking to always do the right thing. I just hope I always know what that is.
Peggy tried to tell me it wasn't my fault, but I know better. Bucky might have been an ass sometimes, but he never let me down. He always had my back, and I repaid him by getting him killed.
But maybe I should start at the beginning.
My dad was an alcoholic, and when he died, he left my mom and me to fend for ourselves. I always thought it was pretty selfish of him, but I guess he did the best he could. Mom said it was the war, that he'd never really gotten over it. Mom died when I was a teenager. Pneumonia, they said, but I think she just wore herself out. Bucky's parents took me in, and he became the brother I'd never had.
I graduated high school and went to college for art, because what else was I going to do' But then, war broke out in Europe. The rest is in the history books, and I'm not going to repeat it here, except for a couple of things.
Peggy and Dr. Erskine believed in me when no one else did, not even Bucky. I didn't volunteer for the serum because I wanted to become what I am. I volunteered because I wanted to do my part to end the war, and the serum was the only way. Captain America was just a symbol. That's not my name. My name is Steve Rogers. They only made me a Captain because they had to give me some kind of rank. They wanted to use me as a propaganda tool, but that's not what I signed up for. I wasn't interested in killing Nazis, necessarily. I didn't want to kill anyone. I just wanted to do the right thing. That's all I've ever wanted really. Sometimes you just don't have much choice.
Someone once asked me if I have any regrets. I don't really believe in regrets. There's no point in regretting what can't be changed. It'll just drive you crazy. I don't even regret the sixty-seven years I missed out on. My only regret there is Peggy, but I don't regret what I did, and I don't think of myself as a hero. It's a little embarrassing really. I just did what needed to be done. I couldn't let all those people die. What other choice did I have?
If not for the deep freeze, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have met Lucy, and I wouldn't have three kids I adore. They say everything happens for a reason. It's not always easy letting go of the past, but I'd like to think that's true. I'd like to think there's a bigger force out there somewhere watching over us, steering our futures. Call it God, if you want. Fate. Destiny.
My destiny might have been to become Captain America, but deep down, I'm still just a kid from Brooklyn, looking to always do the right thing. I just hope I always know what that is.