Topic: Dark Clouds

Olivia Storm

Date: 2014-05-25 10:16 EST
Some days were good. Some days were over-the-top, but in a good way. Some days were just average. Some days were bad. But some days ....some days were soul-destroying, sucking the joy out of almost everything. And it was days like that when Liv made an extra effort to at least seem her usual self, and usually failed miserably. Today's plan was already doomed to failure - Johnny had learned over the last months to be at least slightly suspicious when Liv made lasagne as a surprise "just because".

Whether Johnny noticed or not, the newest member of their little family sensed something was wrong with her mistress and had been following her around all day in hopes of providing what comfort she could. They say dogs can sense the mood of their owners, and if Bella was any example to go by, it seemed that was very much true. Like Liv, Johnny had his good days and bad days and for the very same reasons. Though for the most part he was happy, it was difficult watching everyone around them starting a family and having children when they still had none, despite their best efforts. None of this affected how he felt about Liv, but each month that passed and still found her without a child growing inside her made him worry more and more that it might never happen at all.

It was just as well Liv did have Bella to keep her company, really. If she had been alone in the apartment today, she probably would have been a wreck. The test packet stood unopened on the kitchen counter - there had been no need to use it. And that, of course, was the source of her determination to be happy and cheerful for Johnny when he got home. This determination was not helped by the fact that every time she sat down, Bella climbed up to cuddle in under her arm, and just that little bit of affection from their dog was enough to set Liv sniffling. "Oh, this is ridiculous, Bells," she said, blowing her nose for the umpteenth time. She crouched down to ruffle the beautiful dog's fur fondly. "He's going to be so disappointed. I hate letting him down."

Sue and Reed had a baby. Steve and Lucy had a baby. Jon and Vicki had two babies. And the list went on. It seemed nearly everyone they knew and were close to was having a family, but them, but despite Johnny's worries, he was determined to keep his hopes up and spirits up, if only for Liv's sake. Or at least, that's what he'd been telling himself as month after month passed them by. They had been talking about making some changes in their lives, about moving to a house that would be more homey and more suited to a family, but as yet, they were still living in the condo that had once been occupied by Jon and Vicki before they'd moved to Maple Grove. There was no thump on the roof to signal Johnny's arrival home from the fire brigade where he'd been working for the last year or so. No whoosh through a window. Instead, the door to their apartment was heard opening with a small creak as he returned home the conventional way.

Bella was up and out of the kitchen before the door opened, eager to welcome Johnny home with all the affection she'd been denied when she was a puppy. Pre-warned, Liv pushed herself onto her feet and wiped her face once again, dropping the tissue into the trashcan and inserting the lasagne into the oven. "Easy, Bella, don't flatten the man," she called with forced joviality, hoping her husband wouldn't notice anything false in her tone.

Fortunately, there had been no huge emergencies today to further dampen his mood. No one had blown up the Marketplace or otherwise tried to cause chaos. It had, in fact, been a fairly quiet day - one of those days when he'd felt a little bit useless, but it was better to be there and not be needed than the opposite. "Hey, girl!" Johnny greeted the dog with his usual rub of her ears and hug to her neck. "Where's Mama?" he asked, as he got his face licked for his trouble. If all they ever had was fur babies, at least it was something.

That one word, overheard from the kitchen, undid all Liv's work at wanting to show him a dry face when he got home. Her throat tightened, her lip trembled, and she felt the first tear slide free, abruptly turning her back to the kitchen door to lean against the edge of the sink and try to calm herself down. By the front door, Bella bounced on her forepaws, eager to have Johnny make everything all right again. She took hold of his sleeve gently between her teeth and tugged, suggesting not so subtly that he go to the kitchen.

Johnny arched a brow, smart enough to understand that Bella was trying to tug him further inside, but not really sure why. He didn't really smell the lasagne cooking yet, or that might have given him a hint at Liv's mood. She never cooked lasagne unless she was trying to please him for some reason. But then, he had asked the dog where her mistress was at, and Bella was an unusually intelligent canine. "Liv?" Johnny asked as he was tugged toward the kitchen. He was wearing a shirt with a Captain America shield emblazoned on the front - not only his hero, but also his brother-in-law and one of his closest friends - along with a pair of jeans and sneakers, his ever-present fire-proof uniform underneath it all.

"I'm in here!" Three words that got out without being overtly trembly or upset, and bought her just a little bit longer to wipe her face dry for the hundredth time that day, though there was nothing she could do about the slightly red-rimmed eyes he was going to see. She turned away from the sink and started to work on the bread, having already decided on home-made garlic bread tonight. She managed a warm smile as Johnny came into view. "How was work?"

"Work was fine. Uneventful," he replied as he stepped into the kitchen, going up to her and wrapping his arms around her waist from behind her while leaning in to touch a kiss to her cheek with unnaturally warm lips. "How was your day?" He hadn't yet noticed the red-rimmed eyes or the unopened test kit, but it was only a matter of time.

She leaned back into him, the tension she'd been carrying easing away now Johnny was there and present, his warmth wrapping her up and reminding her that she would always have something to be joyful about. Turning her head to kiss his cheek in return, she rested her forehead against his jaw, sighing softly. "About the same," she said, lying by omission rather than just leaping straight into a conversation that would hurt both of them. "Quiet, just me and Bella."

That brought a small frown to Johnny's face, and he wondered if she'd been thinking the same thing he'd been thinking. While they had both appreciated her boss' generosity in letting them use his condo, it no longer felt like home. It felt too secluded, too lonely, too far away from everyone they cared about, and he'd thought Bella might be happier someplace where she could have a little more freedom, rather than being cooped up in an apartment building all day. "I've been thinking, Livvie..." Johnny started. "Maybe it's time we move."

"Did you have somewhere in mind?" she asked softly. She knew her Johnny well enough to know that he wasn't going to bring this up unless he had a definite idea of where he wanted the conversation to go. They'd talked about it before, of course, hence the number of real estate catalogs around the place, but had never really come to a conclusion on the subject.

Olivia Storm

Date: 2014-05-25 10:17 EST
It was true - they had been over it and over it, but no one place had seemed right, and then it had hit him, like a whack in the head. It had been there all along staring him right in the face - the one and only place outside of New York that felt even halfway like home. "Maple Grove," he replied matter-of-factly. It was then he thought he caught the hint of a familiar smell, and it wasn't smoke or fire. "Are you making lasagne?"

Liv blinked, surprised that the Grove had never occurred to her as somewhere they could settle. "Do you think they would let us?" she asked curiously, her upset forgotten for a moment. "I know there are a few empty houses, but ....well, we're not Grangers. Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if they did let us live there with them?" Her eyes lit up momentarily with that hope, only for her to glance down at the oven as he queried the scent he had caught. "I thought you might like it for dinner," she said, trying to make it sound innocent. "We haven't had it for a while."

"Why wouldn't they let us live there" We're practically family!" Johnny exclaimed with a smile. After all, hadn't Jon and Vicki and even Humphrey told them that often enough' Especially Humphrey, as his was the only opinion on the matter that really counted, and while he might like to tease the other couple, Johnny had learned it was done out of a rare fondness and not maliciousness. The smile was short-lived, however, as soon as she confirmed his suspicions regarding dinner. "What's wrong?" he asked, knowing she never made him lasagne unless she was trying to please him for some reason. He glanced around as if to search for some clue, his eyes finally alighting on the unopened pregnancy test box, and his expression darkened with a quiet, "Oh."

And that was it. No more pretending, no more distractions. He'd seen the evidence, and Liv felt the tears welling up again. "I'm so sorry, Johnny," she whispered tearfully, ducking her head in some futile attempt to hide the fact that she was crying again. She'd cried so much over the past months, it was a wonder she wasn't supplying the water for the whole building.

He didn't need her to explain further, knowing her well enough to sense the tears in her voice and how this was tearing her up inside. "It's-it's okay, Livvie," he told her quietly as he rested his chin against her shoulder, trying and failing to sound very reassuring, despite his best efforts. He wasn't sure how many more disappointments either of them could handle before it started to take a toll on their relationship. "Maybe the timing just isn't right yet," he suggested for about the tenth time or more. There was no reason to believe Liv couldn't get pregnant. As far as they knew, there was nothing wrong with her. Lucy had gotten pregnant almost right away, and Johnny was starting to wonder if he wasn't the source of the problem, rather than her.

She turned in his arms, tucking herself close into his embrace as she let the tears go, soaking his chest in the process. Liv hated to be so obviously upset, so obviously heartbroken by her continued failure to give Johnny the baby they both so desperately wanted; she knew it upset him more that she was hurting over it, and distressing her beloved Johnny was the last thing she wanted. But there was no one else she trusted to share that heartbreak with, not even her sister. Even as she cried, she kept apologizing, certain that the fault was entirely hers, adamant that it must be something wrong with her. After all, Lucy had given birth to a beautiful baby boy almost a year ago, with no complications, no problems at all. In Liv's mind, the problem had to be her.

They had been trying for nearly a year now, and nothing had happened, despite their best efforts. Maybe they were trying too hard; maybe they wanted it too badly, but Lucy had gotten pregnant so easily - without even trying really - that Johnny was convinced it had to be him. Maybe it was time to stop guessing, and find out for sure, but Johnny was almost afraid to know the truth of it. He held her close while she cried, just as he'd done month after month, rubbing her back while her tears soaked his shirt, if only for a moment before the furnace inside him dried those same tears. He whispered soft reassuring words, telling her it was okay and that he was sure they'd have a child of their own when the time was right. Maybe even twins, like Liv and Lucy, though in his heart, he was starting to wonder if it would ever happen, and it was getting harder and harder to reassure her when he was starting to feel hopeless himself.

"I'm sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't do this," she sniffled finally, pulling back to wipe her face harshly as she looked up at him. "I shouldn't have got my hopes up. I was only a couple of days late, that doesn't mean anything." Taking a deep breath, she curled her hand to his cheek. "Maybe next month," she said softly. "We'll keep trying." But how long could they keep trying before it really started to hurt"

He frowned down at her, his heart aching for them both, feeling almost as though it might break. He wasn't sure why this was so important. At least, they had each other and he knew they should be thankful for that, but every time another child was born, it was like a dagger in both their hearts, reminding them of what they wanted so badly and had not yet been blessed with. "No," he replied, hoping what he had to say wouldn't hurt her or make matters worse, but he couldn't bear to cause her any more pain. It was breaking his heart to see her this way. "I think it's time we find out what?s going on."

For a moment, Liv didn't respond, taking a deep breath once again before admitting why she hadn't suggested that a few months ago. "I'm scared," she confessed quietly. "What if there's something really wrong with me" I hate hurting you like this every month, but I'm scared of finding out what?s really wrong."

He tipped her chin up to meet his gaze, blue eyes shining with rare and unshed tears. There were those who thought Johnny was nothing but a brash, reckless thrill-seeker, but those who knew him well, those closest to him knew better. They knew he was far deeper than that, and that there was nothing more important to him than his family. He frowned sadly down at her, somehow guessing it wasn't her that was the problem at all, but him. "What if it isn't you, Liv" What if it's me?"

"It can't be," she insisted, shaking her head. But she was also practical enough to actually answer the question, however unlikely she thought it was. "Then we'll find a way around whatever it is. And if that's not possible, there are hundreds of children who need a family. We could do that."

Olivia Storm

Date: 2014-05-25 10:19 EST
"Yes, it can be," he pointed out. "I'm the one who's not....not normal. I'm the one who's..." He broke off before he used the word "freak", knowing how much she hated it when he berated himself this way. "We should find out for sure, Liv. I can't stand to see you like this anymore." His fingers brushed her cheek in a soft caress, sadness and worry all too apparent on his face. For once in his life, he was thinking with his head, knowing this was the smart thing to do, the right thing to do. Once they knew for sure, one way or the other, then they could go from there. They wouldn't be the first couple who couldn't have children the conventional way.

"It might not be that there's anything wrong with either of us," she said quietly, wanting to reassure him, but not wanting to lie, either. "It might just be that we're not compatible in that way. It will be no one's fault, no matter what we find out." She raised her hands, cupping his face until he was looking into her eyes. "No one's fault," she repeated fiercely. They both tended to blame themselves, often without cause, for anything that upset the other. "And I won't cry anymore. I promise."

Forced to meet her gaze, he recalled the reason he'd fallen in love with her in the first place, rather than Lucy. Lucy was the older of the two and some might say the stronger, but Liv was the one who had seen right through him right from the start. It was Liv who had touched his heart, and it was Liv he had fallen in love with. "We'll get through this, Liv, just like we've gotten through everything else. We'll figure it out together."

"We will," she agreed, hating that it had taken her a monumental storm of crying on his chest to start thinking clearly about all this once again. "But for now, we'll have dinner and we can talk about that dream house we were going to try and build. Because if anywhere has space to build in, it's the Grove, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he replied, forcing a smile for her sake, despite his worries. Worries that she might leave him if she found out it was him that was causing her inability to conceive, but that was just silly, and he knew it. There were other solutions to the problem, and they'd figure it out together. He brushed a gentle, warm finger against her cheek to wipe away her tears. "I love you, Livvie. Please don't cry anymore," he pleaded, almost looking like he was about to burst into tears himself.

She smiled faintly, just enough to show him the warm tenderness that was always there, always for him, in those big brown eyes. "I won't," she promised, though the promise was mostly not to cry in front of him again. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I never meant to make you feel bad about all this. I love you, and even if it was just you and me for the rest of our lives, that would be enough. Because you're everything to me."

"I know how much a baby means to you, Liv. And it means a lot to me, too. Sue and Reed have a son. Steve and Lucy have a son. Now it's our turn," he insisted, though he'd be just as happy with a daughter as a son. It didn't really matter to him, so long as their child was healthy. "Maybe-maybe we should go to New York," he suggested. "Lucy has access to S.H.I.E.L.D. Maybe she can figure it out."

"All right," she agreed, not needing to consider this. Lucy was the only doctor she truly trusted when it came to solving this mystery, anyway. "If you're sure. I mean, well, you'll have to give her a cup of-of Johnny juice, at the very least. But then, you won't have her sticking her hand between your legs, so I suppose that evens out."

Despite the serious nature of the conversation, Johnny couldn't help but crack an amused smile at Liv's warning. "I think I can handle giving her a sample, and if I have trouble, I'll just ask you for help," he teased, that impish gleam of his lighting his eyes as he brightened. Having a plan was half the battle, and now that they'd decided he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. At least, they weren't leaving things to fate anymore, but taking matters into their own hands, so to speak. "No more tears," he said, resting his forehead against hers. "Promise me. Not until we find out what?s going on."

She giggled softly, drawn close into his arms as he lowered his head to hers, more than happy to be momentarily enveloped by everything that made her Johnny who and what he was. Looking into his eyes with the devastating honesty that she'd carried with her all her life, she smiled for him. "I promise." By their feet, Bella seemed to relax, leaning herself heavily against Johnny's leg as the tension that had been hovering around Liv all day finally dissipated. The dog had absolute faith in her master's ability to make everything all right where Liv was concerned, and had yet to be proved wrong.

"Good," he replied, brushing his nose affectionately against hers. "If you're a good girl, I'll take you out for ice cream later," he added, with a smile. While lasagne followed ice cream for dessert might not solve all their problems, it sure made them a little easier to bear.

Liv blushed a little, rising up onto her toes to kiss him affectionately. "So you're not going to tell me off for trying to butter you up with your favorite food this time?" she asked through a slightly mischievous smile, her hands stroking gently against his back, reluctant to pull away.

"Hell, no!" he exclaimed with a grin. "I like being spoiled," he admitted bluntly, touching a warm kiss to her lips, unashamed of his admission. No one had ever spoiled him the way his Livvie did, not even his sister - especially not his sister. "We'll call Lucy tonight, after dinner, and see what she thinks. Think they'll mind if we bring Bella along for a visit?" The dog barked once as if in reply when she heard her name mentioned.

Liv giggled once again, wrapping her arms around his neck as she hugged him tight for a long moment. "I love you," she assured him once again, before turning her attention to the actual question. Her eyes wandered down to Bella, who was sat up, big eyes switching back and forth between them expectantly. "Oh, I don't think they'll mind," she said, reaching down to scratch Bella's ears. "You can teach Steve how to look after her."

Johnny laughed at that suggestion. "Me, teach Steve something" That'll be a first!" His blue eyes brightened, his whole face lighting up now that they had come to a decision. Besides he loved their little visits to New York to visit family, though they had decided long ago that Rhy'Din was home now.

Maybe in ten or twenty years' time, they would go back to Earth, settle in New York to be near Steve and Lucy, and Sue and Reed, but for now the two babies of their respective families needed to prove to themselves and to their protective big sisters that they could make a good, happy, successful life for themselves without unsanctioned interference. They were getting there, too; slowly but surely making the decisions that would shape their lives to come. This was one bump in the road - admittedly, a rather monumental one, but still just a bump in the road. Liv had no doubt that they would overcome it, one way or another, the way they had overcome everything else that had come to them since they had met. Together.

((The path of true love never does run smooth for these two, does it' Heartbreak aside, they'll be fine. Promise. Eventually. Awesumungus thanks to Johnny's player!))