((Note: This scene takes place a few hours after A Visit From Family.))
"You know," Lucy was saying some time later, "I got into medicine to treat people, but S.H.I.E.L.D.'s had me doing more research than anything." She turned, opening a cupboard in her basement laboratory to fish out a phlebotomy kit. Liv had already gone through these tests with her sister; now it was Johnny's turn. "A few months ago, I wouldn't have known where to start with this." She smiled at her brother-in-law. "Roll your sleeve up."
Johnny frowned at his one-time girlfriend and now sister-in-law, remembering a time not so long ago when they'd first met. He'd come into the hospital to have a check-up while she'd been on duty, and the rest was history. "You know I don't like needles, Luce," he reminded her, eyeing the needle suspiciously. "You already got a sample of my blood once. Do you really need it again?"
"Yes, I do," she nodded. "You know I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't necessary. I can call Liv down to distract you, if you like, but I do need to take some blood. If we're going to find out what?s going on here, I need to be able to run more than one test on a limited sample." She patted the chair, and sat down in another one. "While I'm doing this, you can talk to me. Tell me what?s really been happening, and how you're feeling about it."
"Has S.H.I.E.L.D. got you doubling as a therapist?" he asked, doing as he was told, taking a seat in the chair and rolling up a sleeve. He wasn't wearing his ever-present uniform today, judging it would most likely just get in the way. He wasn't trying to be a smart ass or give her an attitude, but it wasn't an easy subject for him to open up about either.
"This isn't anything to do with S.H.I.E.L.D.," she promised him, tying a tourniquet about his upper arm and gently flicking at the veins inside his elbow to bring them up. "We're family, Johnny. You're my little brother now, and I want to look after you as much as you want to look after Liv. And I know that you can't talk to her about this, and I doubt you'd be able to talk to Steve about it. So that leaves me. Sharp scratch, don't look down."
He couldn't really find much to argue with about that. He'd come to terms with the fact that she'd been his girlfriend before he'd started dating Liv, but it was still a little weird to hear her refer to him as a little brother sometimes, especially when he'd slept with her. Still, that was a long time ago and a lot had happened since then. He couldn't deny that they both had Liv's best interests at heart, and he had come to trust Lucy as much as he trusted his own sister. He turned his head so that he didn't have to watch her poke him with the needle, wincing a little in anticipation of the sharp pain he knew was going to follow. "I just want Liv to be happy, that's all," he admitted quietly.
Lucy was a very good doctor, however. That sharp pain was gone in an instant, the intravenous catheter in place, checked, and taped down almost before he could notice she'd stuck a needle in his arm. The needle itself went straight into the sharps bucket. "All right, the needle's gone," she told him, starting the process of filling the collection of little sample bottles she had lined up beside her. "She is happy, Johnny. I've known her for her entire life, and I've never seen her happier than she is now. And that's entirely because of you. This process is difficult for a lot of couples, and for some it can take years. So long as you're both being honest with each other about what is happening and how you're feeling, it won't hurt your relationship."
The Johnny she had once known might have complained that she'd tricked him, planning to take more blood samples than he'd agreed to, but this Johnny had matured some since then, and if it was going to take a needle stick and some drawn blood to make Liv happy, then he was more than willing to comply. "I thought you have to check my sperm count, not my platelets," he complained mildly, not really sure what the process involved really. He almost forget she was drawing blood from him, though he couldn't peel his eyes away from the catheter in his arm. "How am I feeling" Guilty, I guess."
"You guess?" As they talked, the little collection of vials filled up, each one attaching to the seal on the IV catheter with a small pop and detaching easily once they contained their fill of dark blood. "How can you be feeling guilty about something that you and Liv have absolutely no control over?" she asked him mildly, moving on to answer his question before he accused her of ignoring it. "I'm not asking for sperm because I don't think this has anything to do with infertility. But I'll check your hormone levels, and if I have to, I'll ask you to wank into a cup for me. Okay?"
"Oh, goody. How romantic. Got a magazine or two' I might need some stimulus," he complained, clearly not very happy about any of this, though he was more worried about Liv than anything else. He sighed, knowing it wasn't Lucy's fault. She was just trying to help. "Sorry, Luce. It just....seems so easy for everyone else. Why are we having trouble" Other couples get pregnant without even trying. It isn't fair."
"No, it isn't fair," she agreed, gently removing the catheter from his arm and taping a cotton pad over the little stick injury left behind. He probably wouldn't even bruise. "I don't know anyone who deserves a family more than you and Liv, and it's incredibly unjust that it won't happen on its own for you. But I promise, I will find out what?s happening." She rose, adding most of the various little vials to the evaluation equipment already set up with Liv's samples, putting the machinery to work with a flick of this button or that switch. The last samples were put into the little fridge, just in case she needed more of his blood. "You know, your doctor would ask you a lot of questions about your sex life at this point. You don't have to tell me, Johnny. But I can see that this is cutting you up inside. You need to talk to someone."
Johnny watched silently as she drew the catheter from his arm, hardly feeling it. He was too busy feeling another kind of pain from a wound that didn't show. He almost snorted at her question, or at least part of it, trying hard not to feel bitter about the unfairness of it all. "Trust me, Luce, there's nothing wrong with our sex life. It's not for lack of trying." Or maybe they were trying too hard. "I'm pretty sure the problem is me."
Lucy studied him for a moment, not wanting to upset him, but not wanting to lie to him, either. "I have a theory," she told him finally. "Completely untested at the moment, but by the morning, I'll have results to examine. Would you like me to tell you now, or wait until I have evidence to prove or disprove it?"
He was still frowning, looking downcast and depressed and completely blaming himself though he had no evidence yet to prove it. "It can't be Liv. It isn't Liv. You and Steve had a baby. What's the matter with me, Luce?" he asked, very nearly tearing up. "Was it the radiation?" he asked. "Sue and Reed were zapped with it, too, and they had a baby."
"Hey, hey, hey ..." She waved a hand, trying to get him to stop the litany of why it was his fault. "For starters, it's no one's fault." She moved to sit down with him once again, catching holding of his hands as she looked him in the eye. "Biology is complex. No one really knows why some people can have children together and others can't. You have no control over this, Johnny, and you bear no responsibility for it. Neither does Liv. But you need to remember that blaming yourself, making yourself miserable about it, will only hurt her more. Exactly the way you feel, when she blames herself."
He wasn't sure why he was surprised by her reaction to his guilt and confusion, not really expecting her to be patient with him or try and offer any comfort. He wasn't sure what he was expecting exactly. He hadn't shared any of this with anyone, especially not Liv, not wanting to hurt her more than she was already hurting. "But it's true, Luce. It's me, isn't it' What if..." Johnny swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, threatening tears, looking more vulnerable and worried and frightened than she'd ever seen him. "You don't think she'd leave me, do you? If it's me? I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, Lucy."
Johnny frowned at his one-time girlfriend and now sister-in-law, remembering a time not so long ago when they'd first met. He'd come into the hospital to have a check-up while she'd been on duty, and the rest was history. "You know I don't like needles, Luce," he reminded her, eyeing the needle suspiciously. "You already got a sample of my blood once. Do you really need it again?"
"Yes, I do," she nodded. "You know I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't necessary. I can call Liv down to distract you, if you like, but I do need to take some blood. If we're going to find out what?s going on here, I need to be able to run more than one test on a limited sample." She patted the chair, and sat down in another one. "While I'm doing this, you can talk to me. Tell me what?s really been happening, and how you're feeling about it."
"Has S.H.I.E.L.D. got you doubling as a therapist?" he asked, doing as he was told, taking a seat in the chair and rolling up a sleeve. He wasn't wearing his ever-present uniform today, judging it would most likely just get in the way. He wasn't trying to be a smart ass or give her an attitude, but it wasn't an easy subject for him to open up about either.
"This isn't anything to do with S.H.I.E.L.D.," she promised him, tying a tourniquet about his upper arm and gently flicking at the veins inside his elbow to bring them up. "We're family, Johnny. You're my little brother now, and I want to look after you as much as you want to look after Liv. And I know that you can't talk to her about this, and I doubt you'd be able to talk to Steve about it. So that leaves me. Sharp scratch, don't look down."
He couldn't really find much to argue with about that. He'd come to terms with the fact that she'd been his girlfriend before he'd started dating Liv, but it was still a little weird to hear her refer to him as a little brother sometimes, especially when he'd slept with her. Still, that was a long time ago and a lot had happened since then. He couldn't deny that they both had Liv's best interests at heart, and he had come to trust Lucy as much as he trusted his own sister. He turned his head so that he didn't have to watch her poke him with the needle, wincing a little in anticipation of the sharp pain he knew was going to follow. "I just want Liv to be happy, that's all," he admitted quietly.
Lucy was a very good doctor, however. That sharp pain was gone in an instant, the intravenous catheter in place, checked, and taped down almost before he could notice she'd stuck a needle in his arm. The needle itself went straight into the sharps bucket. "All right, the needle's gone," she told him, starting the process of filling the collection of little sample bottles she had lined up beside her. "She is happy, Johnny. I've known her for her entire life, and I've never seen her happier than she is now. And that's entirely because of you. This process is difficult for a lot of couples, and for some it can take years. So long as you're both being honest with each other about what is happening and how you're feeling, it won't hurt your relationship."
The Johnny she had once known might have complained that she'd tricked him, planning to take more blood samples than he'd agreed to, but this Johnny had matured some since then, and if it was going to take a needle stick and some drawn blood to make Liv happy, then he was more than willing to comply. "I thought you have to check my sperm count, not my platelets," he complained mildly, not really sure what the process involved really. He almost forget she was drawing blood from him, though he couldn't peel his eyes away from the catheter in his arm. "How am I feeling" Guilty, I guess."
"You guess?" As they talked, the little collection of vials filled up, each one attaching to the seal on the IV catheter with a small pop and detaching easily once they contained their fill of dark blood. "How can you be feeling guilty about something that you and Liv have absolutely no control over?" she asked him mildly, moving on to answer his question before he accused her of ignoring it. "I'm not asking for sperm because I don't think this has anything to do with infertility. But I'll check your hormone levels, and if I have to, I'll ask you to wank into a cup for me. Okay?"
"Oh, goody. How romantic. Got a magazine or two' I might need some stimulus," he complained, clearly not very happy about any of this, though he was more worried about Liv than anything else. He sighed, knowing it wasn't Lucy's fault. She was just trying to help. "Sorry, Luce. It just....seems so easy for everyone else. Why are we having trouble" Other couples get pregnant without even trying. It isn't fair."
"No, it isn't fair," she agreed, gently removing the catheter from his arm and taping a cotton pad over the little stick injury left behind. He probably wouldn't even bruise. "I don't know anyone who deserves a family more than you and Liv, and it's incredibly unjust that it won't happen on its own for you. But I promise, I will find out what?s happening." She rose, adding most of the various little vials to the evaluation equipment already set up with Liv's samples, putting the machinery to work with a flick of this button or that switch. The last samples were put into the little fridge, just in case she needed more of his blood. "You know, your doctor would ask you a lot of questions about your sex life at this point. You don't have to tell me, Johnny. But I can see that this is cutting you up inside. You need to talk to someone."
Johnny watched silently as she drew the catheter from his arm, hardly feeling it. He was too busy feeling another kind of pain from a wound that didn't show. He almost snorted at her question, or at least part of it, trying hard not to feel bitter about the unfairness of it all. "Trust me, Luce, there's nothing wrong with our sex life. It's not for lack of trying." Or maybe they were trying too hard. "I'm pretty sure the problem is me."
Lucy studied him for a moment, not wanting to upset him, but not wanting to lie to him, either. "I have a theory," she told him finally. "Completely untested at the moment, but by the morning, I'll have results to examine. Would you like me to tell you now, or wait until I have evidence to prove or disprove it?"
He was still frowning, looking downcast and depressed and completely blaming himself though he had no evidence yet to prove it. "It can't be Liv. It isn't Liv. You and Steve had a baby. What's the matter with me, Luce?" he asked, very nearly tearing up. "Was it the radiation?" he asked. "Sue and Reed were zapped with it, too, and they had a baby."
"Hey, hey, hey ..." She waved a hand, trying to get him to stop the litany of why it was his fault. "For starters, it's no one's fault." She moved to sit down with him once again, catching holding of his hands as she looked him in the eye. "Biology is complex. No one really knows why some people can have children together and others can't. You have no control over this, Johnny, and you bear no responsibility for it. Neither does Liv. But you need to remember that blaming yourself, making yourself miserable about it, will only hurt her more. Exactly the way you feel, when she blames herself."
He wasn't sure why he was surprised by her reaction to his guilt and confusion, not really expecting her to be patient with him or try and offer any comfort. He wasn't sure what he was expecting exactly. He hadn't shared any of this with anyone, especially not Liv, not wanting to hurt her more than she was already hurting. "But it's true, Luce. It's me, isn't it' What if..." Johnny swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, threatening tears, looking more vulnerable and worried and frightened than she'd ever seen him. "You don't think she'd leave me, do you? If it's me? I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, Lucy."