She hurt. Her chest was burning, her face ached, her skin was stinging where salt tears had burned into her cheeks and chin. Jon ....Correy ....she couldn't even put it into thoughts, let alone words. What she'd seen, what she'd heard, what she still felt ....it was tearing her up inside.

"What's going on?"

"You should probably sit down."

"You didn't," she said in soft anguish, again looking between them. "Please ....tell me you didn't."

"Kaylee ....I'm so sorry, Kay. Please believe me."

Who knew what Rhae thought of what was going on. Kaylee had bounced back into Maple Grove early in the day, announcing her return to celebrate her 21st birthday with her family. From there she'd gone to surprise Correy with her unexpected return. Then less than four hours later, she'd come back, thrown herself onto her bed, and she hadn't stopped crying since.

"Was it worth it?"

"I'm sorry, Kay."

"Kay, we never meant it to happen. I"m so sorry. Kay ....Please, I'm sorry. Don't ....I love you, Kay."

"Don't. You. Dare."

There was total chaos in her mind. Heartbreak and pain and anger and fury at her own stupidity for ever thinking that anyone could love her the way she wanted to be loved, least of all someone as wonderful as Jon. And deep betrayal at the hypocrisy of her own brother - he who had insisted that her being with Jon was wrong, and yet had wasted no time in having his own way. Never mind the harm it caused.

"Kaylee....We didn't plan for it to happen. It just did. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to ....It's not his fault. It's mine."

"I do love you, Kay. I just told Jon that I'd accept the one being hurt. I don't and didn't want to hurt you."

"You really think sorry is going to cut it' Or that I'm going to stand here and be second-best in a competition with my own brother?"

"You said you wanted me to be happy, Kay. You remember that' I can't be happy. I can never be happy. Not when you hate me and when....I love you both more than anyone in the whole world....I love you, Kaylee. I always have, but I can't be what you want me to be. I'm sorry. I tried. I did. I hope someday you can forgive me."

"You can't have everything. But don't you worry about me. I've been kicked before and I got up again. So be happy. Just don't expect me to be happy with you."

She meant it, too. Never mind that her heart had been ripped out by the two people she loved most, the two people she had always known would never hurt her or betray her trust. She still loved them, no matter how much it hurt, and she wanted them to be happy. But their happiness meant the end of all her own.

"Kay, wait! Please, stop. Kay, I know I'm an *ss. But please tell me that I've not just lost my best friend."

"I mean it, Cog. Go back to him. Be happy. But I swear to God, if you don't tell Rori, I will. No one deserves to be used and thrown away."

"I will. You're my best friend, Kay. I don't want you to go away."

"I can't look at you right now. Just ....give me a little time, okay' And if either of you do to each other what you've done to me, or Nikki, or Rori, I will make sure that Geeg gets the full details, and I'll hold her coat while she beats sense into both of you."

"I'll call you, and we can talk later, ok" A long talk. I'm sorry, Kay. We really never meant to hurt anybody. It just happened."

"Just don't get drunk and tell anyone else. Anyone asks me" It's how life goes, isn't it' And I don't have a great track record, so no one's gonna think anything of it. No one'll ever know, unless you two hurt each other. I promise."

Oh, yes, she'd fight to the death to keep them from getting hurt. But no one ever fought to keep her from being torn apart. She pressed her face into her pillow, screaming and sobbing out her hurt and anger and shuddering anguish. If it was better to have loved and lost, then she wished like hell she was a man. They never seemed to have any trouble being utter, utter bastards.

"I love you, so much."

"Go on, go back to him. You know how he gets, he'll be brooding now. Tell him it's all okay."

"You're my sister, Kaylee. Don't let this or anything else come between us. If you ever need me, I'm a phone call away. Ok?"

It would mean something, that goodbye, in the weeks to come. But right now it was a slap in the face, a reminder that he had something that she had wanted for so long and now would never, ever have. The two weeks she'd thought she had it would remain forever the single most painful memories she had ever accumulated.

The Kaylee who came out in the evening was different. Her face was dry, her smile was back, but her eyes were older. She'd lived a lifetime of pain and regret in the space of a single afternoon. Twenty-one was supposed to be the traditional coming of age. She had definitely done that on this birthday. She'd never be the same again.

((All lines in italics taken from Live Play with Jonathan Granger and Correy Granger.))