Topic: A Fresh Start

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:43 EST
((Takes place a few hours after Too Late.))

Feet crunched on the gravel driveway, thumped across stone paving, paused for just a moment as the door to the big house on Maple Grove swung in. Those same feet moved forward into the house, carrying a body that was tense, stiff with the effort of holding itself together just a little bit longer. No words were offered to the Old Man who just happened to be passing through the hallway, his rheumy eyes following the painful progress of a breaking heart up the stairs with open, stern worry. The playful dance of a black and white collie was stilled by the unhappy arrival of the visitor at the door to a suite appropriated more than a year before by a then-newly-wedded couple, a single bark announcing the visitor's arrival as a weak hand knocked on the door, that breaking heart hoping against hope that there would be some kind of welcome inside.

Cosmo's bark announced a visitor's arrival at the door to that suite, though it took a moment for someone to actually answer the door. When it was finally answered, it was Jon who answered, baby Emily cradled in his arms, sucking at her fingers as he tried jiggling her to sleep. He and Vicki had only arrived home from Vancouver a few days earlier, fresh back from filming Swan Song, which was already generating Oscar buzz before it even hit theaters. Two films in one year wasn't too shabby, and he was already busy again memorizing lines and getting ready for Arsenic and Old Lace, which was due to open at the Shanachie in a few days' time.

To say that the last person he expected to find at the door was his little sister was very much an understatement, and it showed from the look of utter astonishment on his face. "Lena?" he asked, stammering a moment as he looked her over. They had become somewhat estranged since....well, he wasn't sure exactly when it had happened. They were slowly working on patching things up, but things still felt awkward between them. It didn't help matters that he couldn't remember most of what they'd been through together. "What are you doing here" What's wrong?"

His little sister looked as though she had been through hell - not in her presentation, but in the deeply haunted pain that dominated her blue eyes, swimming with tears that were only just held in check. She would have wrapped herself around her brother, if only he had not been holding Emily. Just the sight of her niece was a slap Helena did not need right now; she didn't want to be reminded that Jon didn't remember her, that he had a wife and daughter who came first. She needed him to be her big brother. But she didn't think she had any right to ask him to be that, not when he was holding his baby girl. "Oh gods ..." She hesitated, one hand pressing to her mouth as she struggled to hold back the tears that so obviously wanted to fall, failing as her breath hitched uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ....you're busy, you don't need this ..."

From the expression on Jon's face it was obvious that he was struggling to sort out what was going on. He had never seen his sister quite this distraught, at least not in recent memory, and all he really had to go by was recent memory. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, and he had never seen her this way. He had seen her happy and angry and just about everything in between, but never like this. He pushed the door open, inviting her inside without hesitation. "Don't be silly. Come in. I'm just trying to put Emily down for a nap." He had more than enough time for her, and if she had asked him, he would have insisted she was just as important to him as his wife and daughter. She was his sister, after all, and his own flesh and blood, not to mention the fact that he loved her.

It didn't take much to convince her to step inside, needing the familiarity of someone she loved close by, someone she trusted. Things had been strained between them for a long time, but the rift had begun to heal in the last year. He was never going to be the brother she remembered from her childhood, ever again, but he would just have to do. Lena needed her big brother right now. Letting the door close behind her, she shuffled into Jon and Vicki's suite of rooms, not quite knowing where to put herself, her knuckles leaving red marks under her eyes as she rubbed at the tears that hadn't quite fallen yet. "I don't mean to be in the way, I just ....I really needed to see you." For a moment, her expression crumpled, but with a monumental effort, she pulled it together all over again. "Emily comes first. I don't want to disrupt anything."

He could have handed her Emily, but he was intuitive enough to sense that whatever had brought his sister to his door was serious, and once Emily went down for her nap, they should have a few hours to talk in private, without being disturbed. It would take away from his script studying, but he was a quick study when it came to learning his lines, and she seemed to need him. "It's okay. You're not disrupting anything. I just have to put Emily down. It will only take a few minutes. Make yourself at home. There's tea and biscuits in the kitchen, if you like." This is what happens when you marry a woman who hails from England.

"Okay." That one word was shaky and more than a little tremulous, but Lena nodded in answer to Jon's suggestion. She loved her niece, but right now, she didn't want to be Aunt Lena. She wanted to be Jon's midget sister, the way they'd been when they were children, when he'd known how to solve all her problems without even breaking a sweat. "I can make tea."

He offered a smile that was reminiscent of the Jon she had once known and loved and who was buried inside him somewhere, but this new Jon was actually better than the old Jon. This Jon had survived a sort of trial by fire and had learned what was really important in life. "I won't be long. Promise," he told her, leaving her to make herself at home and make tea or whatever she wanted while he tucked Emily in for her afternoon nap.

She was still nodding as he left the room, making an effort to slow her breathing, to try and get the pain under control. She hadn't given herself any time to think about what had happened that morning, in 1975, knowing herself well enough to expect either a huge headache from the crying, or something worse. Her paintings - the paintings that Tommy had admired - would have been in danger of destruction under the flare of her temper if she'd gone to WIllow Manor. She was hurting, grief bubbling over, refusing to give her a moment to compose herself, and her first thought was that Jon would make it all better, the way he'd done when they were children. He couldn't bring Tommy back ....but just maybe he could help her start to come to terms with that terrible, unexpected loss.

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:44 EST
As promised, he wasn't gone long. Just a few minutes really. He had a certain touch with Emily, and it didn't take too much coaxing to finally get her to nod off to dreamland for her afternoon nap. He wasn't sure what it was that had brought Helena to his door, but it was obvious that she needed him - someone. Why she'd come to him, he wasn't quite sure, but he wasn't going to turn his back on her in her time of need. He didn't really care if she made tea or not, but thought it might occupy her time and her mind for the short while it took for him to put Emily down for her nap.

There was no tea when he got to the kitchen. The kettle wasn't even on. Just Helena, staring out through the window, looking as though she were a million miles away. Or perhaps as though she wished she were a million miles away. Heartache was etched into her pretty face as she hugged herself, tears dripping unheeded down her cheeks to wet her t-shirt. There was no excess explosion of grief, no loud sobs. Just that slow, inexorable out-pouring of silent pain and loss, steady and impossible to stop. Hearing Jon approach, she turned to him, a quiet sob caught in her throat. "Jonny ..." And a moment later, she was hugging herself close, her face buried in his chest, sobbing out her breaking heart to the brother she loved so dearly.

For the second time in the last ten minutes, Jon was taken aback by his sister's actions, finding her burying her face against his chest, her tears making a soggy mess of his shirt, which thankfully was not an expensive designer label, not that he would have cared. He hesitated a moment, as if confused, and then he wrapped his arms around her to offer as much comfort as he could, wondering what it was that could have her so upset. "Lena," he started, gentling his voice as much as he could. "What's wrong?"

For a long time, she couldn't have spoken even if she'd tried. All the shock and pain, the guilt and self-recrimination, the agonizing throbbing of her raw heart ....it all poured out of her, safe and secure wrapped up in her brother's arms, unafraid of being a little bit weak, unafraid of needing to be looked after just this once. Now they had started, she thought she might never stop crying, aching over the loss of a man she'd fallen in love with, completely at a loss as to how she could possibly explain it all to Jon. Would he even believe her"

For a moment, Jon didn't know what to make of it. He'd never seen his sister this distraught, at least, not that he could recollect. She'd been mad at him plenty and even sad a time or two, but he couldn't remember ever having seen her this upset even once. Not even when Eli went missing. He held her quietly and patiently while she poured out her grief and guilt, having no idea what it was about. He stroked her hair as he held her close and tried to offer whatever small silent comfort he could, his heart bleeding for her. No matter the differences between them, she was his sister, after all, and he loved her. She was just as important to him as Vicki and Emily and Humphrey. She was his own flesh and blood, and the one person who knew him better than anyone, better than he even knew himself.

It felt like a minor ice age, but somehow, eventually, she managed to stem the flow of tears, hiccuping as she drew back to wipe her blotchy face dry. The tears were still there, barely held back, but she felt a little better for having released that first flood. The state of her brother's shirt attested to just how intense her need to express that distress had been. Her hand gently touched the wide, wet mark she'd left behind. "Sorry," she said in a hoarse voice, taking in a trembling, deep breath to try and calm herself down. "It's been a long time since I've done that."

He had never seen her do that, at least, not since he'd woken up with a blank slate where his memory had once been. He frowned down at her, a look of mingled worry and guilt and sympathy on his face. He hardly noticed the wet mark on his shirt, the least of his worries. It was only water, after all. He touched her cheek, gently brushing the tears from her face, forehead crinkling in concern like a proper big brother, ignoring her apology as it was completely unnecessary. "Lena, what?s going on' What's the matter?" She was obviously upset, so there was no denying it, and he was sure she hadn't come there just to cry on his shoulder and leave without telling him why. It had never occurred to him until that very moment how very alone she might feel, how their estrangement might have hurt her, though he'd tried to heal the rift.

Still shaking in the aftermath of her upset, she slid her hands into her back pockets, her shoulders rising and falling in a shrug that told him absolutely nothing. "I made a mistake," she said unhappily. "I know, big surprise, right' I let someone in and ....he's gone, Jonny. He's dead. And I could have stopped it." Her expression crumpled once again, but she exercised her will not to dissolve into a weepy mess all over again.

His expression changed again as he tried to wrap his head around what she was telling him. Dead" Who' He wasn't even aware she was seeing anyone. She wasn't talking about Eli, was she" She hadn't even mentioned him in months. "I'm not following you, Lena. Who's dead and how is it your fault?" he asked, as he pushed her hair back from her face affectionately.

"You didn't know him, no one did," she tried to explain, closing her eyes as her head tilted into the affectionate gesture she'd denied both of them for years now. "Well, Dru met him, but only because he was at the Manor once or twice." She paused again, opening her eyes as she took yet another deep breath. "It's complicated. But it all comes to ....I screwed up. He blindsided me, I never saw it coming. I'm in love with a guy I'm never gonna see again."

"Okay..." he said, as he tried to wrap his head around what she was telling him, having to connect the dots a little until she told him the whole story. "This happened while I was in Vancouver?" he asked, trying to make sense of it all.

"Uh, yeah." She nodded, finally moving to sit down, figuring that Jon might as well be comfortable while she was giving him a headache with the convoluted ins and outs of her extremely short love affair. "Okay. I kind of got run off the driveway when the Nexus dropped a V-Dub van from the 1970's in my way. On reflection, maybe I should have let him hit me."

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:44 EST
He furrowed his brows, turning to follow her as she moved away from him to take a seat at the table. "1970?" he echoed, slowly absorbing what it was she was telling him. Thankfully, he was a Rhy'Din native and was all too aware of the quirks of the Nexus. Believing wasn't really a problem. People got unexpectedly dropped here all the time. What he needed to know what the whole story. "Maybe you should start at the beginning and tell me the whole thing," he suggested as he went about making them both a cup of tea, a habit he'd picked up from his very English wife.

At the beginning. "I'm gonna be talking a long time, then," she said quietly, watching her hands as she picked at her own cuticles awkwardly. "There's no way I can make you understand everything that happened in the last week, without telling why I've been such a bitch the last couple of years." She sighed softly, knowing there was a lot there that she would have to go over, some of which he already knew.

That got his attention, turning with that puzzled look on his face again, the crease between his nose pinched as he studied her silently a moment. "Don't say that. You haven't been a bitch. I've been an *ss. I know that, and I'm sorry. I-I haven't been a very good brother, I know." His own face mirrored her sadness and guilt, though this was his own burden to bear. He took full responsibility for the rift between them, though it was more than likely both their faults.

"No, Jon, you need to listen to me," she interrupted, refusing to let him take responsibility for what was mostly her own fault. "You have extenuating circumstances, and I ....I haven't been fair to you. It all feels really complicated, but you need to know where I'm coming from. Without Vicki here to get angry on your behalf. Don't get me wrong; I love your wife, but she butts in when she doesn't know what?s going on."

"I haven't always made the best decisions, but that's all over now. I'm trying to start over, make a new life for myself and..." He felt himself getting defensive all over again, like he had so many times before, but this wasn't about him. This was about her. She had come to him because for once in her life she had needed a shoulder to lean on, and of all the people she knew, she had chosen him. He finished with the tea and set both cups on the table, where a plate of biscuits - also known as cookies - waited, along with cream and sugar. But he didn't really care about the tea. He could see that his sister's heart was breaking. He wasn't sure he could help her pick up the pieces, but he could at least listen. He took a seat at the table and reached for her hand. "Just tell me what happened."

She paused, trying to get her thoughts in order, cold hands wrapping about the cup he set before her. "I want to ask you if you remember something from when we were kids, but I know you don't," she said quietly. "That's sort of where everything went wrong. We were so close when we were little. I mean, we grew apart when you left to go pursue your career, and I was proud of you for getting out there, for getting away from Dad. But I resented you for it, too. You got out, you got away, and you left me behind, with him. I got stuck looking after an angry *sshat of a man who didn't know how lucky he was. He pushed and he pushed, and it was all at me because I was the only one he could reach. Even after I got away, when I got to college ....the pressure was too much. That three month holiday everyone thinks I took during my sophomore year" I was in a mental institution, getting treated for bulimia and depression. Dad had me sectioned, and he made up the holiday so no one would suspect anything was wrong with me. He scanned all my mail, screened my calls. I wasn't allowed to tell you anything. That's when everything started going wrong. When I started lying to you to protect Dad."

"I started to remember," he replied, as she started to tell her story. It was one of the reasons he'd been drawn to the vampires. They had promised to give him his memories back. No one ever seemed to understand how important that was. It was something most people took for granted. How could they know what it felt like to wake up and not even remember your own name" He hadn't thought about that in ages, not until she mentioned it again, her words - her explanation - like a dagger in his heart, but all that was over now. There was nothing he could do about a past he couldn't even remember. He reached for her hand, offering what little comfort her could as she continued, his heart aching for her as she told him things he had never known, could have never known. "Christ, Lena, why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared." It was such a simple answer, but one that cut too deep to leave anything but a raw wound. Her fingers curled into Jon's, holding on tightly. "I was a good girl. I always did what Dad told me to do, because if I didn't, he'd go into one of his rages, and ....well, I know you've read your journals. You can imagine the rest. Thing is, I went back to college, and then Dad died, and I was still scared. I graduated and I went straight into the family business, because that's what he wanted, and I was still scared of him. And I'd look at you, doing what you wanted to do, and I don't know. A little part of me hated you for being so free, for getting away when you could. I got myself stuck, and it was easier to resent you than to dig myself out. But there was always that connection, you know" You'd come home, and you'd be my Jonny, my big brother, and everything would be all right. But then you'd go again, and I would be left behind. And then you got shot, and the connection was gone. I didn't have my big brother anymore. You were a stranger, and I didn't know how to get it back. It was easy, being all alone, when I knew that I still had my big brother and he would always come back for me. But last time ....you couldn't come back, because you didn't know what you were coming back to. And instead of facing up to it, instead of doing what I should have done and getting to know you again, I got hurt, and angry, and scared again. And I kinda went off the rails."

"Lena, I..." he sighed, a weary sound full of sadness and regret, but maybe this was a good thing - that they were finally having this conversation, that she was finally opening up to him a little, and he could try to understand at last. Yes, he'd read his own journals and gleaned a little of what his life must have been like before he'd lost his memories, and while he wasn't really that person anymore, he believed he was better for it and a better person now than he'd been before. "I was selfish, Lena. I should have taken you with me, but..." He shrugged. How could he explain something he didn't understand or remember" "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you then, but I'm here now," he added hopefully, giving her hand a squeeze. How many times did he have to apologize before she finally forgave him, or maybe before he forgave himself? "I love you, Lena. I want to be here for you. I want us to be close again."

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:45 EST
"So do I. I miss you, Jon. And all of this mess between us, it's my fault. I should have spoken to you before, instead of trying to replace you with Eli." There, she'd said it. She'd never admitted it, even to herself, before now, but she knew that was what she had been doing. "I wanted the connection again, with anyone. And Eli remembered me from when we were kids, and he was there to try and help when you got in that mess with those vampires, and ....I was kidding myself. Because you never dropped me like a stone, you never just upped and disappeared." She bit her lip hard, wrapping his hand in both her own as she went on. "And I don't know why I blamed you for that. Maybe because you had Vicki, and things were going so well for you, and all of a sudden, I was all alone. Again. So yes, I blamed you, and I was a bitch about it, and I ran away. I stopped caring about being a good girl, about doing what everyone expected me to do. I didn't know who I was - I still don't, not really. I love you so much, Jonny, and I didn't wanna screw up your life the way I screwed my own up. You were happy, and I figured if I stuck around, I'd only make you sad again. So I ran."

"Gods, Lena..." Jon whispered, once she was finished, with that part of the story anyway. It was more of a confession than anything else, and he seemed to be playing the part of her confessor, or at the very least, her confidante. He'd always been that before, hadn't he" Before everything went sour between them. There'd been a time when they'd told each other everything, though he didn't remember it. "I'm sorry you felt alone, Lena. I just..." he sighed again, frowning sadly, tears prickling at the backs of his eyes. "I didn't know. I was so wrapped up in my own problems, it never occurred to me that you were hurting. I-I always thought you were so much smarter than me, so much stronger. You didn't seem to need anybody. I thought you hated me, blamed me for what happened." He wiped an errant tear from his own eyes and drew a slow breath. "I know I let you down. I'm sorry."

"Jonny, you never let me down," Lena murmured, tears pricking at her eyes once again as she finally took in the weight of guilt her brother had been carrying around with him, without even knowing how she had been feeling. "I can't hate you. You're my brother." Her chair scraped against tile as she pulled it closer to his, leaning into his side. "Anyway, when I got back from Earth, and Humphrey told me that you'd gotten married ....I told myself that I hadn't been invited because you didn't need or want me there, and that you didn't tell me yourself because you thought I wouldn't care. And then, when you and Vicki came over, and Vicki was pregnant, and you were so happy together, I just lashed out. She didn't say anything that day that was out of line, Jon. I was trying to hurt you; I wanted you to hurt because I was, and I behaved like a child. She's so good for you; I couldn't be happier for you that you've found someone who loves you so much. But I'm jealous. You have a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter, a job you love, a home that isn't full of bad memories. You've got everything, Jon. You don't need me anymore, maybe you never really did. But I need you. The first thing I wanted when I knew that Tommy was dead ....was you. I wanted my big brother, and I came right here. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come home."

The weight of that guilt wasn't going to be lifted overnight, but it was a start. Healing was never an easy process. But it was a start, the rift between them starting to heal, as they opened their hearts to each other and shared their deepest secrets. "We didn't invite anyone, Lena. We eloped to Cornwall. Her father is there, and....it was....complicated." Not only because of her. In fact, mostly not because of her, but because of other family members and cousins who did or didn't get along. Jon and Vicki wanted their wedding to be a happy occasion, not one full of family drama and that was the primary reason they'd eloped. That and they just couldn't wait any longer. "I'm here, Midget," he reassured her, wrapping an arm around her to pull her into a warm, brotherly hug, using the nickname he'd once pegged her with when they were little, but that he'd forgotten. "I'm not going anywhere. Promise." He leaned over to kiss her forehead, knowing it wasn't hardly enough, but it was a start, before pulling away again and turning to give her his full attention. "Now tell me about this Tommy, and maybe I can help."

Midget. For a moment, she wavered on the edge of tears once again, the childhood nickname no longer as innocent as it had been just a week ago. Not since Tommy had blasted in and out of her life. But it was a start, and a better start than she had made with Jon for years. Now he knew the reasons behind her behavior; he knew how lonely she was. He could understand now just why she was so broken-hearted. Forcing herself to stay calm, she began to speak again, telling him everything. About a psychedelic van bursting from the Nexus and running her off the road; about two nights spent on a beach with the driver of that van; about the way Tommy had made her look at herself and her life, the way he had gently pried open the locks she'd been holding around her heart. She told Jon how she'd fallen for a stranger; how, for the first time in a long time, she'd let someone touch her deeply enough to elicit a real emotional response from her. And she told him what she had discovered that morning; that this one special man who had touched her so deeply, whom she had fallen in love with so easily, had died barely minutes after driving back through the Nexus to his home planet and time. By the time she was done, she was crying once again, her throat raw with sobbing explanations as she curled into her brother's arms once again, feeling broken beyond repair.

He didn't want to laugh at her given the serious circumstances of the situation, knowing how lost and heartbroken she felt, and yet, after listening to her explanation, he already knew the solution to her problem. It was so simple really, he wasn't sure why she hadn't thought of it herself. Of course, there were still things she didn't know about him, things he hadn't told her, things he hadn't felt it was necessary for her to know. One of those things was his own trip to Vicki's past to witness - and as a result, influence - key moments in her life, one of those being the time of her mother's death. It had been a defining moment in his wife's life, and he had been struggling with it ever since, with the guilt in knowing that he'd been there and had been unable to save her. Maybe it was too late for Emily Marshall, but it might not be too late to save Tommy King.

"You went back to 1975?" he asked as he held his sister close, needing to get the details straight in his head before he made any suggestions.

She nodded, sniffling as once again she struggled to pull herself together once again. Her nose felt raw from the number of times she'd blown it, dreading to think how horrific her face must look. She hadn't cried so much in more than a decade. "Yeah, today in 1975," she confirmed for her big brother, wiping at her sore eyes once more. "I found the obit, too. Jon, he must have gone off the road seconds after going back through the portal. I-I sent him to his death."

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:46 EST
Jon frowned, feeling the weight of her grief and guilt, reminding him of Emily Marshall's death. He had tried so hard to save her. He wasn't going to let his sister live with those same feelings, if he could help it. "No, you didn't, Lena." No more than I caused Emily's death. It would have been such a relief to get that off his chest, but somehow he sensed now was not the time. She needed her big brother, and she needed him to be strong. "When did he die" I mean....You said he died after he went back through the portal and you were supposed to meet him there a week later?"

She nodded again, a faint frown on her face as she thought over those details. "I mean, I sent him back two days, because otherwise he was going to be late delivering his board, so it was a week for him. It was only five days for me. I nearly didn't go today. Dru yelled at me a lot last night when I said I was thinking about just leaving it." Her laugh was weak, but it was there, remembering being shouted down by their sixteen year old half-sister. "She's bossy for a kid."

Jon pulled away from her, a small smile on his face, mostly because of the mention of Dru, whom he was only just getting acquainted with himself. "Yeah, I guess every cloud has a silver lining, huh' If Dad had kept it in his pants, we wouldn't have ever known Des or Dru." Or however many other half-siblings might be floating around the multiverses somewhere, but Jon didn't want to think about that. "She reminds me of you a little."

Disengaged from their hug, Lena wrapped her hands around her teacup once again, ignoring the fact that the contents had long since gone cold while she'd been sobbing all over her brother. "Oh please," she snorted, rolling her eyes as she smirked a little. "I was never that spoiled."

"No, just your cats," he replied with a teasing grin. It was good to be able to tease her a little, to have that easy-going feeling between them back. It was hard to miss something you didn't remember, but even if his head had forgotten, his heart had remembered and miss this. "So, I've got a question for you, Miss Smarty Pants," he said, reaching over to tweak her button nose. "Why don't you just go back to a point before he got pulled through the portal and bring him back here with you?" Said like that, it sounded almost too simple, though he knew the trick would be convincing someone who knew nothing of Rhy'Din to take it on faith from a total stranger. It was partly what had prevented him from saving Emily, though it was a lot more complicated than that.

"Dork." She stuck her tongue out at him as he tweaked her nose, but the teasing did what a world of tissues and comforting arms couldn't - she was smiling again, relaxing out of the tension that had gripped her since Jack had told her his terrible news three hours and thirty-eight years ago. "Well, I've thought about it, of course I have. But we're not supposed to play around with time, are we" We're just supposed to sit and take it."

He shrugged. "It seems to me that Nexus already broke that rule, so who could blame you for fixing things" We don't work for Starfleet, Lena. We don't have to worry about following the Prime Directive. Besides, all you'd be doing is plucking him from a world he's not going to be a part of anymore anyway, so what?s the difference" So he disappears instead of getting killed. Who's to say it wasn't supposed to happen that way?" He reached over to brush a thumb against her cheek. "What's it going to hurt if he leaves his time and comes here?"

"What if he doesn't want to come?" she asked softly, her smile fading at the thought that even if she did do as her brother seemed to be suggesting, there was no guarantee that Tommy would trust her enough to make that leap of faith. No guarantee that he would even look twice at her. "It hurts so much, Jonny. I'm scared again."

Jon sighed, frowning again, wondering if he should tell her about Vicki's mother, but what good would it do' She'd only tell him he should go back and change things, like he was telling her to do, but his situation was completely different. Going back and saving Emily would change Vicki's whole life; the same didn't seem true for Tommy. It was like comparing apples to oranges, it seemed. "Lena, if you don't try, you're not going to be able to live with yourself. Trust me on this one."

She held his gaze for a long moment, her lips quirking into a faintly incredulous smile. "That sounded like the voice of experience," she said, her tone curious. "What did you do, Jonny?"

How many times had he heard that before, and from his own sister's lips" He frowned again, those brows furrowing again, so often that if he wasn't careful, he was going to wear a crease in his forehead before long. "Doesn't matter. I can't change it, but you can. You can save him, Lena. All you have to do is convince him. That's all. If you really care about him, you know what you have to do."

Lena ignored his advice for the moment, one brow rising in an echo of his famous eyebrow from the silver screen. "Really' I just flopped my heart out on the table in front of you, showed you all the ugly bits, and what?s bothering you doesn't matter" Maybe you should take another swing at that one. You're not a priest. You're my brother. This whole confidences thing goes both ways."

There was that frown again and it was his turn to look away, fingers curling around his own cup of tea, untouched as it was. There was only one person who really knew what had happened, and even so, she had only been a baby at the time. Vicki didn't remember her own mother's death, but Jon did, in detail. "It was Dom's idea. He sent me back to critical points in Vicki's life." He shrugged his shoulders, knowing the idea sounded crazy, even to him, but it was true. He had proof and that proof was Vicki. "I guess he thought it would help me understand her better. I thought I'd only be observing, but..." He looked to her, the conflict he was feeling and had been feeling from time to time ever since apparent on his face. "I wasn't just an observer. I was an active participant."

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:46 EST
His little sister frowned as she tried to make sense of what he was telling her. "Dom sent you back in time to participate in Vicki's life?" she asked, just to be clear. "What do you mean, critical points" Her graduation, that sort of thing?"

"Um, no, not exactly. I mean....I didn't have any control over it. I just got whisked from one point to another without any warning." He paused a moment, his mouth twitching nervously at the knowledge of the burden he'd been carrying around with him ever since. Vicki hadn't held him responsible for his mother's death, but that hadn't really helped Jon feel any less guilty about it. "I was there when her mom died. I tried to save her, but..." Jon shrugged again, the outcome obvious.

"Oh, I see." Lena fell quiet for a long moment, considering what he had just told her. It explained a lot of the newer nuances in his character that she hadn't quite understood until now, but she knew the question that welled up in her throat wasn't one he was going to like her for asking. "Why did you try and save her, Jonny?" she asked him as gently as she could. "What good would it have done?"

"You don't understand, Lena....I was there. She fell into the water and....I jumped in after her. What else was I supposed to do' Just stand there and watch her drown" I was there. I was part of it. I..." He trailed off, his voice breaking. He thought he'd come to grips with it by now, but the memory of Emily's death haunted him still, waking him sometimes in the middle of the night. He'd struggled with the decision of whether or not to go back and try to change things, deciding finally that changing things might do more harm than good, but Emily's death was very different from Tommy's. Emily had left behind a husband and daughter; Tommy had left behind no one, but a broken-hearted girl three decades in the future.

"Jonny." She reached out, wrapping her hands around his with as supportive a grasp as she could manage. It might have been a little inappropriate, but she was glad he was talking to her. Maybe she could help a little, and begin making up for the months she had spent running away. "Tell me what happened. All of it - who was there, how she fell, all of it."

Jon shrugged as if it wasn't important, but it was. It was keenly important, at least to him. He knew he wasn't to blame for Emily's death, not really, but he had failed to save her despite his best efforts, and he had been too afraid to go back and try to change things, afraid it might make things worse, knowing by doing so, he would not only have changed her future, but everyone's future whose life touched hers, including his own and Vicki's and her father's. It took a bit of doing to pry a story that was painful in the telling out of him, but there were at long last no secrets between them. He found himself fighting back tears in the telling of it, aching with grief and guilt and sadness for the death of a woman he had met only briefly, but who had obviously made a significant impression. He'd seen how much she'd loved her daughter, and at least, he was able to pass small bit of information along to Vicki.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Lena found herself comforting her big brother again, hugging him gently as he tore the memory out to show to her. And as an outsider, she could take what he told her and turn it around a little. "Jonny, you couldn't have done anything differently," she told him softly, stroking her fingers through his curls. "If you hadn't been there, there would only have been that guy, on his own. He wouldn't have been able to stop Vicki from jumping in after her mom - the only reason he could was because you were there, doing everything you could. Even if it doesn't seem like enough, you saved a life that day. And even better, it was a life that grew up and gave you a beautiful little girl. It's sad, yes. It's a tragedy. But if it hadn't happened that way, there wouldn't be a Vicki, or if there was, she wouldn't have someone who loves her who can tell her how much her mother loved her. I know it's hard, Jonny, but more good came out of it than bad."

He nodded his head, swiping at the wetness that had gathered on his lashes and face. He'd had enough time to think about it from all angles and knew she was right, but there was still a feeling of regret that lingered, of helplessness, of futility, and he didn't want his little sister to have to feel the same way, not if she could do something about it. "But it's different for you, Lena. You can go back, you can save Tommy. You can bring him back here. You can give him the life he couldn't have there, and maybe, just maybe, it's supposed to happen that way."

Biting her lip, she sat back, feeling a headache beginning to form as the conversation turned back toward her heartache and how Jon thought she could fix it. "You really think it's possible?" she asked uncertainly. "There's no guarantee that he felt anything for me in the first place." And that, right there, was her problem. That was their father talking, years after his death, still on a loop in the back of Helena's mind, curbing her impulses and keeping her down.

"Did he ask you to come back for him?" Jon turned it back around on her, pointing something out she may not have considered, lost in her own grief as she was. "Isn't that what you'd be doing?" If he couldn't save Emily, maybe she could at least save Tommy. "Do you love him, Lena?" he asked her at last, pointedly, setting his own grief aside once again. If he had learned anything from his own experience, maybe he could use it to help her. He had been an integral part of Vicki's past, and if he hadn't gone back - if Dom hadn't sent him back - who was to say if they'd have ever ended up finding each other at all" "You deserve to be happy, Lena. That's all I've ever wanted for you." He took her hand in his own once again and gave it a gentle and reassuring squeeze, smiling encouragement through his own tears and heartache.

Weepy and uncertain, she clung to her brother's hand as he talked her through three points she hadn't even considered. "He did ask me to go and get him," she nodded slowly, squeezing her own fingers around Jon's hand as they talked. "And I guess going on the wrong day would sort of be doing just that." The third question brought tears to her eyes again as she nodded in answer, unable to say it aloud. Yes, I love him. "So how do I do it without screwing everything up?"

Helena King

Date: 2013-09-22 10:49 EST
Jon smiled fondly and brushed a tender caress against his sister's cheek. Whatever she believed about herself or had done didn't matter - he believed in her, and he was determined to see her happy. "Tell him you love him, and bring along undeniable proof that what you're telling him is the truth." Jon paused a moment to touch the leather band that loosely hung from her wrist. He had never see it before and from the way it fit - or rather, didn't fit - he assumed it had belonged to Tommy. "Did he give you that?"

Her smile as Jon kissed her cheek was warm, the little sister smile that had been lacking for such a long time. She glanced down at the wristlet Tommy had given her. "Yeah, he gave this to me," she nodded. "And his friend, he let me take a couple of things from his apartment this morning." It was an effort, but rather than let her mind wander back to the painful shock of sitting with Jack that morning, she focused on the here and now. "You really think I could convince him?"

"You convinced him once before, didn't you? What makes you think you can't again? I know I don't know him, but it sounds to me like he hasn't got anything to lose and everything to gain. He's probably going to think you're crazy at first, so you might have to hit him with some hard evidence right off the bat, but I think it's worth a shot. I mean, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?" Tommy's exact words said only once. "You're not going to be able to live with yourself if you don't try, Lena. You'll live the rest of your life regretting it."

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He was right. Lena's smile gentled as she realized she'd come to exactly the right person to calm her upset and talk her through what happened next. Caroline wouldn't object to her getting a little more magic out of the R&D mages. And Dru would probably be over the moons as soon as she realized there would be no more moping from her older sister. Helena twisted, wrapping her arms around her big brother to hug him tightly, brushing a kiss of her own against his cheek. "Thank you, Jonny."

"You already knew the answer, Lena. You just needed a little push," he hugged her back, giving her a big-brotherly squeeze, his embrace warm and strong and confident. He drew back to tweak her nose fondly, his smile warm with affection. "I love you, Helena," he told her, feeling comfortable and confident enough to express his affection for her at long last.

"I love you, too, Possum," she smiled in answer, reviving his childhood nickname just for the hell of it even as a certain amount of expectant mewling declared that a certain little person was waking up. Chuckling, she leaned back, glancing toward the living room. "You want me to go' I figure you've got work and stuff, and, you know, your beautiful little girl to keep you busy."

He shrugged, happy to have company, whether Emily was waking or not. "Up to you. I don't mind a little company, and I'm sure Emily wouldn't mind a visit from her favorite aunt. Why don't you stay for dinner" I'm sure Vicki would love that. You can tell her all about Tommy before she meets him in person." Despite the grief that had brought his sister to his door, he was happy he'd been able to help and even happier that they seemed to have taken the first step to reconciling their relationship. He had his little sister back, it seemed, and he was determined not to lose her trust and her love ever again.

"I'd like that," she nodded, years of edging around her brother easing away. She felt so much better for having gotten so much off her chest, and though it might have hurt him to hear it all, he understood her better now. She hadn't forgiven him for anything, because there was nothing to forgive. "Part of me says we should invite Dru over after college, but, um ....I think I'm gonna be selfish. I want you and your family to myself for a little bit."

Jon laughed. "Fair enough. Maybe when Tommy gets here, we'll all have dinner together - Des and Piper and Lyneth, too. 'Course, we'll have to invite Humphrey." Jon had been told about Sunday dinners at the Grove, all of them gathered together under one roof. He laughed as a thought came to mind, "God, I'm becoming Humphrey in my old age!" In a way, it was true. Like Humphrey, Jon loved living at Maple Grove, surrounded by family and friends. He loved being at the center of a family and sharing all the laughter and tears that came and went through the doors of the main house. He loved it so much he couldn't ever imagine leaving, and he wondered how he had lived without it for so long. "But tonight, I want you all to myself," he admitted. "Besides, it's about time you learn how to change diapers. It's a skill you might find useful someday." He teased, with a waggle of brows and a dimpled grin.

"Excuse me, dork, I know how to change a diaper!" she protested laughingly, reaching out to poke at his shoulder. "You know what? Just for that, I'm going to go and get her up. Get her walking by dinner time." Vainglorious as that threat might be, it brought a grin to her face as she rose to her feet, reaching out to tweak Jon's hair affectionately. It had been a long time since she'd felt comfortable with her brother, and though the circumstances might have been tragic, it felt good to be at a place where she could tease and be teased again. And if he was right, then in just a few days, she wouldn't be alone any more. Now that was a dream worth fighting for.

((And there it is. Jon gave her a solution! What else are big brothers for, right' Huge thanks to Jon's player!))