Topic: Can't

Gabrielle Bradford

Date: 2013-03-15 20:28 EST
Ennis showed up at the door with another box of goodies for Momma and babies. His mother was bound and determined that the twins, and their mother, were going to be clothed in Jamaican attire for the next two years, it seemed. The delivery had come just in time for Ennis' trip to visit with Gabi, and possibly Gordon. At first, he'd felt reservations towards Gabi's father, and he was nearly certain that Gordon had felt the same towards him. But, as the months progressed, they seemed to ease into a distant friendship. Still, Ennis was hoping that Gabi was home alone. Wearing a dark blue snow parka, a pair of jeans, his multicolored raz and a pair of thick soled boots, he was the image of ready for winter as he knocked upon the heavy wooden door.

As luck would have it, she was home alone, Gordon having gone up to the big house to coo over the newest baby in the Granger family and give his daughter some needed headspace. It took a little while for Gabi to respond to the knock on the door, her girth slowing her down somewhat these days, but eventually the familiar sound of her waddling footsteps made itself known. There was a pause as she rose on her toes to look through the peephole before pulling the door open with a wide smile. "Ennis! You didn't say you were coming over today!"

"Gabrielle," he smiled, his accent thick as her name rolled off of his tongue. Once the door was opened, he stepped inside and shifted the box to the side so he could give her a one armed hug and a kiss to her cheek. "How is da mudder o' m'boys t'day?" Somehow he'd managed to maneuver enough around to get the door closed behind himself. "And I t'ought I'd su'prise ya wit all da stuff m'own mudder be sendin'. Dat woman be determined."

She laughed cheerfully at his announcement of yet more bits and pieces from his mother. "Wouldn't it just be easier for her to come here and poke the bump, rather than trying to drown me in baby clothes?" she asked a little impishly. She was in a good mood today; not just because she'd been allowed a little headroom and space to get a good start on the nursery, either. She was, however, spattered in paint, her hair up in a messy ponytail. There was even paint on her bare feet, thankfully dried on before she'd left the room in question. "I'm good. I got a letter from Cian."

Ennis gave her a "you'd think" grin and placed the box out of the way so he could get a better look at her. And though he was ready to scowl at her for working on the nursery without help, the good news about her brother broke the frown that had begun to form on his face. "Didja now" What y'brudder have to be sayin' den" He be all right, by the look upon y'pretty face." As usual, when Ennis was near Gabi and his hands were free, they were placed upon her ever swelling baby boulder. He could feel the flutter of movement and any signs of that frown were now completely gone.

"He's been busy, that's why he hasn't written before," she told her friend, happy to let him fondle the bump as the babies within rolled over and pushed at the invading pressure. At 30 weeks, it really wasn't long now. "He says he'll be home before the boys are born, and he's bringing his girl with him. She's got a beautiful name, I just can't remember it." She shrugged. "It's in the letter, anyway. How're you?"

Ennis was glad to hear that Gabi had finally received a letter from her brother. He knew that she worried over him. Bending at the waist, he pressed two kisses to her belly before standing upright to take a slight step back. "I be all right, worried bout m'girl and boys. I want t'be here, Gabi. Y'don't know when dey be comin'." He still bore that warm, friendly smile, but he wasn't joking about wanting to move in until the birth of their children.

"And I told you, I don't want to have to choose between you and dad and Cian if you're all here when the time comes," she reminded him, showing a rare display of backbone for the shyest of the Grangers. "It'll be stressful enough without knowing two of you are resenting the other one for being in there with me, so none of you will be. If Miranda's here, she'll be my birth partner; if she isn't, Caroline said she would be. I'm not going to leave you out of the loop, Ennis, but I'm not going to be bullied by any of you on this. My decision."

"Bu..." he sighed, shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "I know you won't be leavin' me out. I jus' don't know if yer family will." He honestly didn't know any of them, other than Gabrielle and Gordon, and wasn't likely to trust anybody he didn't know. "I just want t'be here for ya, gurl. I helped t'put ya in dis, I should be here to help ya out o'dis, too."

"They won't leave you out, either," she told him pointedly, poking him in the stomach. "I know I'm a mouse most of the time, but I can lay down the law to my own family, you know." She blinked, realizing they were still standing in the hallway. "Oh! You should come in and get your coat off and stuff. Would you like a drink?"

Putting his hands upon his hips, he shook his head and rolled his eyes again. He considered her for a moment, then shrugged and began to take his coat off. He obviously was wanting much more from her than she was willing to give and the wear of trying to keep that hidden was beginning to grow thin. "Y'got rum' I think I could be usin' a drink, mawn." The days to the birth were becoming shorter and Ennis was getting anxious about Gabi's and the babies' health.

She frowned a little at the way he looked at her. While the months since they'd ended their romantic involvement had actually enabled her to grow up a lot more, to realize she didn't need to lean on anyone to be capable of living her life, she had a horrible feeling that Ennis was starting to regret that she'd said no when he'd asked her to marry him. If he was in love with her, it couldn't be a bigger disaster in Gabi's mind. She wasn't in love; it wasn't ideal, but she knew they could work something out with each other and the babies. Breaking his heart wasn't part of the bargain. "Um, I can have a look," she offered, gesturing toward the living room. He knew the way by now.

He saw the frown and knew that she knew his little secret. Nodding that he knew the way, he turned from her and headed into the living room. Now things were going to be more tense and less ideal. Still, he couldn't help what his heart and his pride were telling him was the right thing. He'd fathered the children out of love and it pricked at his sensibilities that the children were going to be raised, one parent at a time. He couldn't understand how she could be so hard-headed. Instead of sitting down once he reached the living room, he paced about. There wasn't anything in the room that Ennis hadn't seen a hundred times over, yet he still walked up to knicknacks and held them close for inspection as if it had been the first time ever seeing the object.

Wary of him now she sensed the change in his mood, Gabi was silent as she slipped across the living room to the kitchen, lowering onto her knees to rummage in the very back of the deepest cupboard. If there was any alcohol in the house, it would be there, though she didn't hold out much hope. She didn't drink, and Gordon ....well, a former alcoholic, however sober, didn't like to be near it too much. "I'm sorry, Ennis, we don't have any," she called, drawing herself back up onto her feet. "Is there anything in particular you'd like instead?"

Ennis put down the small statuette he'd been looking at when she called from the kitchen. "I get it, Gabi. Y'should be restin' gurl." He turned on his heel and walked into the kitchen. "Now, what would it be dat you be wantin?" He knew where the glasses were, the lemonade and soft drinks. And if the elephant in the room were to be addressed, it was better to do it before the babies arrived.

"Oh, um, it's fine, I can do it," she offered awkwardly, already pouring water into the kettle to heat. "I'm drinking vast amounts of ginger tea at the moment. Lots of heartburn." She nodded, attempting to smile in the face of the tension bleeding through the room.

Gabrielle Bradford

Date: 2013-03-15 20:30 EST
"All right." He moved to the side and found a chair to sit in. "Gabi, dis be our chilluns. Why don't I get a say in tings" Eberyting be yer decision, but I be dere fadder. Why don't I get no say so?" Now that the masks were off, Ennis was finally speaking his mind. It'd been months in the brewing and if it came out a bit more heated than he intended, it was because the pressure had built up. "Y'don't love ole Ennis, dat be fine. But y'doin' dis ting all alone just ain't right, gurl. Babies need dere daddies, too."

Gabi stared at him, her mouth open in shock. "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right," she heard herself say carefully, setting down the mug she'd been holding. "I call you whenever I have a decision to make. I talk to you about everything. I ....I don't know what to say. I don't know what you're accusing me of; are you saying you want to take them away, is that it?"

Exasperated, Ennis sighed heavily. "No, I don't want to be takin' the chilluns away. I jus' be sayin' dat wit'out me here, I be missin' dere first steps, dere first words, eberyting, Gabrielle. I just don't wanna miss out on dem being babies. I don't want dem to miss out on me bein' dere daddy. I am sure dat your cousins are nice, but I should be da one seeing dem bein' born and to hold dem first. I want to be dere, Gabrielle. Dere for you, dere for dem. Why don't you let me?"

"Because you want something I can't give you!" she burst out, her cheeks flushing as panic rose on her face, her body backing up against the far counter. "You want to make believe we're in a relationship, you want to live with me, you expect things to develop and that you'll get what you want, and you don't understand that's exactly what Frank used to do!" She shuddered to a sudden halt, clamping a hand over her mouth.

Now Ennis didn't know much about Gabi's deceased brother, except that when she spoke of him she seemed very sad and in a dark place. He didn't like it when that happened, and he certainly didn't like being compared to him. He quickly crossed himself to keep the curse of the dead away before he spoke again. "I tink it best dat I be goin'. I am sorry dat I be scarin' you. It not be good for da babies." He rose from his seat, stubborn pride not accepting yet another rejection and sitting down for it. "Y'don't want ole Ennis 'round, I won't be bodderin' y'again." He made quick work of leaving the kitchen in search of his coat before she could see the tears that stung his eyes and he stubbornly refused to allow to fall.

"I won't be bullied, Ennis. Not anymore." She didn't move, but raised her voice so he could hear her. "You will be your sons' father. But I'm not going to be backed into a corner and guilted into marrying you just because you can't see how to make it work. I am trying, but nothing I do is good enough for you. I thought we were friends. Am I really that wrong?"

"How do I be bullyin' you, Gabrielle?" It had dissolved into a shouting match as he was in the living room gathering his coat and she in the ktichen. "You be da bully, Gabi. Eberyting yer way. I try t'do right b'ya and y'accuse me of bein' a bully. Y'say that I t'ink y'don't do nuffin' right, yet y'always be tellin' me dat y'don't want me 'round. Why would I want somebody who don't do nuffin' right' Seems t'me dat I be da one dat be wrong." By this time his voice had lowered as he entered the kitchen, coat on his arm. "Y'don't love me, dat be fine. Y'don't want me 'round, dat be fine, too. I'm sure dat whoeber you choose will be a great fadder to d'babies."

Tears had sprung into her eyes as he yelled, her arms curled protectively around herself as she trembled. She had never told him she didn't want him around. He'd agreed with her that them getting married would be a bad idea, months ago. And now he was shouting at her, in her own home, where she was supposed to be safe. She fingered the bloodstone ring on her finger, the Granger ring that was there in case of emergencies. "Then go," she heard herself say, as the tears started to drip down her face. "Get out. Go and tell anyone who'll listen what a bitch I am."

His expression and tone softened when the first tears trickled down her lovely face. "Gabrielle, don't cry." He reached for her then, wanting to comfort her. "Y'not a bitch, Gabrielle. Y'da fardest t'ing from dat. Y'be sweet and kind. Dat's why I be wantin' ya, gurl. Not just coz yer havin' da boys." He sighed, feeling like a heel for pressing his wants over her needs. "I am sorry." Not knowing what else to stay, he stood there. He truly didn't want to leave her, nor the babies, in the lurch.

She resisted just a little, a little of the old fear back in her stance as he reached for her, before letting him wrap his arms around her as she sniffled. "Please don't make me choose," she whispered unhappily. "I can't do that."

He rested his chin atop of her head and sighed wearily. "Y'don't have t'choose. Y'don't have t'be alone. We agreed dat marryin' would be bad, but dat was b'fore I knew you, Gabrielle. Dis be right, can't y'feel it, too?" He closed his eyes then, wanting more than anything to be by Gabrielle's side for everything. Not as a crutch, or a leaning post, but as a partner in life.

But that was the whole problem. It didn't feel right, not to Gabi. She was happy as they were, and yet each time he showed her or hinted that he wanted more, she felt the old pressure sneaking back in. The pressure to please everyone else and ignore her own wishes, only this time the stakes were much higher. She didn't love Ennis, not in the way he wanted, and to give in would be to trap herself in an unhappy marriage, too afraid to speak up in case she hurt everyone but herself once again. She pulled away gently, wiping her eyes hard to dry them. "I can't," she shook her head, deeply regretful but determined for once not to bend under someone else's wishes. "It wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be fair to you if I said it did. I'm sorry, Ennis. I love you dearly as a friend, but ....I can't make myself love you the way you want me to."

When she pulled away, Ennis let his hands fall to his sides. He ached to feel her stomach, to be reminded of the love that they had once shared and that he now carried alone. "I can't do dis, Gabrielle." He hung his head and spoke quietly. There was nothing more that could be done. "I'm sorry, but I can't just be yer friend. I love you." He put his coat on and slowly backpeddled towards the door that led to the living room and front door. "And if m'love be hurtin' you or scarin' you, den it's best for eberyone dat I not be here." It was killing him to say these things, but he was doing what he thought was right. "Y'take care of yerself, gurl." The attempted smile was ruined by quivering lips. He didn't speak another word, and when he got to the living room doorway, he took another long look at her, as if preserving her to his memory. And then, he turned and quickly fled.

"Ennis ..." But it was too late to call him back, the sound of the door closing behind him harsh and loud in her ears. Gabi stood for a long time alone in the kitchen, as the kettle boiled dry and guilt bled into every pore of her being until finally, weighed down with upset for the pain she'd caused and the shocking consequence, she collapsed down onto her knees, onto her rear, dissolving into tears as she hugged her gravid belly and sobbed. "What about the babies?"

((Didn't see that one coming! Awesomungus fabulocious thankidoodle wotsits to Ennis' player!))