Topic: Embrace the Light

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 11:56 EST
Kaylee and Taylor's first day together at his apartment had gone pretty well, all things considered. After their chat in the garden, they'd done some shopping at the market and returned to put a little meal together, followed by a quiet evening spent going through some of Taylor's music collection. It was late by the time they'd decided to turn in, both of them yawning, but fighting sleep, maybe dreading it, even. Sleep was the one time when neither had any control over what thoughts and memories entered their minds to torment their nights. Taylor bid Kaylee good night before turning in himself, insisting on sleeping on the couch, if he slept at all. He no longer needed the lights on while he slept, but kept a single light shining in the kitchen to cast a warm glow over the apartment anyway, more for Kaylee's benefit that his own. He had a feeling it was going to be a restless night for both of them, but when his head finally hit the pillow, he found he could fight the weariness no longer.

Kaylee fought sleep for a long time, lying curled tightly beneath the covers in the brightly lit bedroom. Outside, the night was lit by the moon, but still too dark, too close to the darkness that had haunted her for too long. Even in here, she knew there was darkness beneath the bed on which she lay, a shadow that no one thought to illuminate. Out of sight should have been out of mind, but not for her. She refused to take the sedatives she had been given at the hospital, hating the way they held her down in sleep when she should have been able to wake herself up. But, like Taylor, she couldn't fight the weariness of the busy day for long, and soon drifted off into what should have been peaceful oblivion. But peace wasn't something she could find, even in sleep.

As the hours ticked on into the smallness of the night, the nightmares came. Darkness all around her, the familiar smell of dank and cold, decaying wood all around her, the metallic tang of blood on the air; the scuffle of small feet, coming closer; hissing voices in her ears. Embrace the darkness. Embrace the darkness or die. In a panic, she ran through the halls of her dreams, heedless of her direction, wanting only to get away, and all the while the screams of the dying echoed in her ears. Until finally there were no more screams, only the cadence of her breath and the hissing voices that pursued her. Embrace the darkness. "No!"

With a scream that seemed to bruise her throat, she threw back the covers and leaped from the bed, fully awake and truly terrified once again, scurrying into the brightly lit closet and slamming the door behind her, sinking down into a shaking crouch, her back firmly against the wall. "Go away," she whispered, clutching handfuls of her own hair, pulling to remind herself that she was awake, she was alive. "Leave me alone."

Taylor's dreams weren't much more peaceful than hers, but he'd had seven years to learn to cope with the nightmares and the terror. There was no choice in the matter really. It was either learn to deal with it or be destroyed by it, and he refused to let that happen. He couldn't let that happen because if he did, who would stop this horror from happening to someone else? It was her scream that woke him from his own restless sleep, a scream that brought back memories of other screams seven years before - the screams of the others who'd died, who'd been tortured and murdered while he'd been allowed to live. He jerked awake as her scream startled him out of his sleep, throwing the blanket off, and stumbling to his feet, momentarily confused before remembering he had a house guest.

He glanced around the apartment briefly, seeing no threat of danger. It was only a dream, but it wasn't his dream. He wasted no time in finding her, knocking on the bedroom door and calling her name. When he heard nothing but a muffled reply, he slowly pushed the door open, blinking at the brighter light. "Kaylee?" he called again, eyes scanning the room, heart pounding in near panic when he didn't see her. "Kaylee!" he called again, more urgently this time.

A moment of quiet was all it took to locate her, to hear the panicked in and out of her shaking breath as she sat huddled in the closet. The door was a little way open, evidence of her flight in that direction, the shadow she cast visible through the crack in the door. She had her eyes closed, rocking back and forth, muttering those three hated words over and over again despite every wish to banish them from her mind. "Embrace the darkness ....embrace the darkness ..."

Once he figured out where she was, he crossed the room to the closet and pulled it slowly open to find her huddled in the corner and chanting those hated words to herself - words he knew only too well. He clenched his jaw in anger a moment, not at her but at her captors, before forcing the anger aside and crouching down in front of her to take hold of her shoulders and turn her to face him. "Kaylee!" he called again, hoping his voice would reach her in her terror. "Kaylee, it's me, Taylor. Come out of the darkness."

She snapped out of the darkness in her mind faster than she should have been able to, but without any control. There was a snarl on her face as she raised her hands to push at him, not realizing who it was, or where she was, launching herself from where she was pressed against the wall with a fist raised in preparation to punch as hard as she possibly could.

He flinched, startled by the unexpected violence of her reaction to his intrusion, and mostly out of a sense of self-preservation, he caught her wrists, partly to stop her from hurting him and partly to stop her from hurting herself. "Kaylee!" he called again, sternly this time, more demanding. He didn't want to hurt her, but somehow he needed to get through.

Caught, she could do nothing but lunge at him until her shoulders protested, the pain making her snarl deeper. But she heard his voice, her own name, and that snatched at her consciousness. The nightmares didn't know her name; they didn't call to her out of the light. And it was light here. Her eyes blinked open, the anger and fear receding from her gaze until all that was left was the despair. She shrank back against the wall of the closet, close to tears she refused to let fall. "Taylor ....I'm sorry," she whispered shakily. "I'm so sorry!"

At last, he caught her in his arms, pinning her arms to her sides, even as she kept trying unsuccessfully to lunge at him, all the while calling her name and trying to pull her back from the dark place where she found herself lost. It wasn't easy holding her there while she fought against him, but she seemed to finally relax against him and remember where she was. It was only then that he let go of her, watching as she shrank back against the wall, close to tears. There was no anger on his face, no pity, only deep concern, compassion, and sympathy. He slowly extended a hand to touch her face, to let her feel his touch and know that she wasn't alone and that she'd only been dreaming. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he told her gently.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 11:57 EST
Shaken that she'd tried to hurt the one person who knew what she was going through, the one person who could help her, the tears fell, hot against her cheeks as she sobbed for the first time in weeks; true, wrenching tears that released just a little of the horror and fear, just a little of the boiling anger that was kept so carefully out of sight. And somehow, she found herself crawling into his arms again, needing to hold onto him, to be comforted by someone who knew.

He opened his arms to her, happy to be able to comfort her, as no one had comforted him, holding her close and stroking her hair, whispering soft soothing words of comfort, though he though it would do little good. He couldn't take away what had happened, but only help her learn to deal with it. "Shhh," he told her quietly as he held her in his arms there on closet floor. "It's all right," he whispered. "No one's ever gonna hurt you again. I promise." He knew he couldn't control everything, but if he had anything to say about it, it was a promise he was going to do everything in his power to keep. It broke his heart to hear her cry, and yet, he thought it might do her some good to let some of it out, to let some of it go.

Some people believed that there was nothing the Grangers could do that could possibly make them ugly, but those people had never seen Kaylee cry. Really cry. There was nothing vapidly attractive about the great heaving sobs, the snotty spluttering and gurning facial expression, the way her eyes grew puffy and her skin blotched red and pink and white. But she didn't care how she looked, considering herself damaged beyond repair anyway. For now, the tears did what she needed them to do ....they let her express her guilt. Survivor's guilt, a feeling that would never go away entirely but expressed finally with heart-wrenching sobs that eventually eased away, leaving her breathless and quiet in his arms, holding on as tightly as she dared.

He understood that feeling of guilt more than anyone might guess. It had nearly destroyed him seven years ago, until he had reached rock bottom and realized there was nowhere to go but up. Yes, he'd survived, but it wasn't his fault, and he had vowed not to let his life to go waste. He had vowed to make a difference, not only with his choice of profession, but by putting an end to the horror once and for all. And now it was his turn to apologize, as he realized, not for the first time, that he'd failed. If it hadn't been for his failure, she would not have had to suffer as he had, and more lives would not have been lost. "I'm sorry, Kaylee," he told her quietly, holding her close while she cried her heart out, wishing there was something he could do to take the pain away. "I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry I couldn't stop it. I tried....I did....I just....failed."

"No." Raising her head, she looked into his eyes, her face puffy and blotched with tear stains, but clear. "You didn't fail anything. Nothing they do is your fault. And if you weren't here, where would I be? In some institute, or at home, scaring my family. I would have hurt someone tonight, if it hadn't been for you. You didn't fail."

"I did fail. It's been seven years. I swore I wouldn't let anyone else go through that again. Seven years I've spent searching, and I still couldn't find them. I can't let it happen again. I won't let it happen again," he told her, her tears mirrored in his own eyes. He didn't notice the puffy eyes or her tear-stained cheeks. All he saw was a girl - a young woman not much older than he'd been seven years ago - who'd suffered more than anyone should ever have to suffer, and it was at least partly his fault. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm so sorry. I want to kill them for what they did to you," he added, clenching his teeth, eyes flashing in anger. For what they did to me. For what they did to all the others.

"So do I." And there was no mistaking the echo of his anger in her eyes, in the fierceness of her conviction. She had never hated anyone in her life before, but now she hated the ones who had done this to them with a fire that would prove impossible to quench without revenge of some kind. Her hands rose, shaking but strong, cupping his face as she forced him to hold her vehement gaze. "We won't let it happen again. Because we won't give up until they embrace their own damned darkness."

Tears spilled over onto his face as he met her gaze, seeing the anger in her eyes, the conviction in her voice. He'd tried so hard to keep his own feelings hidden for so long, it took him unawares. Who was comforting who, he wondered. Maybe they were comforting each other. Suddenly, he felt a strange surge of emotions come bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. Anger, hatred, guilt, fear, but mostly he felt his heart aching with the one thing he had refused to admit these last seven years, and that was loneliness. And in that moment, he dared open his heart to the one person who might understand that guilt and that loneliness. He wasn't sure why, and maybe it was a very bad idea, but he wasn't thinking with his head anymore; he was thinking with his heart. He leaned close and without any warning at all, he pressed a kiss against her lips, salty with their mingled tears.

She froze as his lips touched hers, shocked by the unexpected intimacy of a gesture that seemed more than just affectionate, more than an expression of desire. It was almost as though he was a man dying of thirst who had found a spring in the middle of the driest desert, and she understood that feeling better than she might ever have thought she would. Without thinking, she responded, arms looping about his neck, lips parting to deepen the kiss he offered and return it, seeking more than just the swelling heart. Seeking something else to drown in, something that was not dark or cold or burning with hate. Something that they could share with one another, out of the darkness they had already shared.

That something wasn't quite love, not yet, though there was definitely the kindling of a spark that neither could deny. It was a bond that was deeper than friendship, but not yet quite love. For now, it was likely best to merely call it hope. Hope for a future where the darkness wouldn't destroy them. Their lips met briefly, kindling the small fire that with care and nurturing and time might grow into a flame.

The kiss only lasted a moment, but it was a moment that was likely to burn in his memory for a long time to come. When their lips finally parted and he drew slowly back, it seemed as though something had changed between them, though he wasn't quite sure what it was. He wondered if he should apologize, but she had reciprocated the kiss, rather than pull away. Instead, he found himself touching cupping her face in his hands and kissing her again, slower this time, softly and tenderly.

It was certainly one hell of a way to distract her from the nightmare that had brought them both to sitting in the closet together. Unexpected but not unwelcome. If she'd been thinking, Kaylee might have drawn away, overcome with uncertainty and wariness, but she wasn't letting herself think. Taylor made her feel, and that was something worth clinging to. As he kissed her again, she answered that tenderness with her own, as gentle as she could be when every nerve wanted more than a simple kiss.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 11:58 EST
He knew it was too soon, and he was moving too quickly, though he wasn't even sure what he was moving toward really or what he wanted. He couldn't deny that he felt a connection to her that he'd never felt before, but whether it was because of their shared past or something else, he wasn't quite sure. Still, he'd enjoyed kissing her, and if nothing else, it seemed to have calmed her down. "I probably shouldn't have done that," he admitted quietly as he touched his forehead to hers, reluctant to break contact just yet, drawing as much comfort from her closeness as he tried to give.

She was still shaking, but the tremors had died down now, eased away by the tender gentleness he'd shown her, the promise that she wasn't as revolting as she had already decided she must be. Her fingers curled into the folds of his shirt as she looked into his eyes, focused entirely on him as much to savor that moment as to escape the darkness that still threatened to suffocate her. "Why not?" she heard herself whisper, wanting to know if he regretted the tender touch of lips already.

Had he met her under any other circumstances, things might have been different, but the fact was that she wasn't just another girl. She mattered, more than anyone else he'd ever met. But that wasn't really an explanation and it wasn't what she wanted to hear. He shrugged his shoulders as if he was unsure of an answer. "I don't want to take advantage of you." Especially not when she was at her most vulnerable, though that had not been his intention. In fact, the kiss had been just the opposite and had taken him by surprise almost as much as it had her.

Despite protestations to the contrary, this was an area where Kaylee did know a little something. While she'd been around, Ollie hadn't set a foot wrong with Piper, because he'd had his cousin to prod him into doing the right thing. It seemed as though the moment she'd gone, everything had fallen apart there, though no one could say it hadn't been for the best. But Kaylee did know this arena, and knew it well. She felt her expression soften at the worry in Taylor's answer, her fingertips creeping up to touch his jaw. "It's only taking advantage if you don't plan on keeping me."

"That kind of implies that I already have you," he replied, eyes meeting her gaze curiously. Was she offering herself to him, and if so, just what did she expect or want from him' Now it was his time to worry what she might think of him. She seemed to have enjoyed the kiss as much as he had. Was she hoping for more" Would she find him desirable or repulsive" One thing was certain - he thought they should probably at least get out of the closet, but first he waited for her answer.

She held his gaze for what seemed a small eternity, wondering some of those things for herself. Was she taking advantage of him' "I'm not going to cut and run," she said finally, "whatever you decide. I'm in for the long run, no matter what."

"It's not just my decision to make, Kaylee," he pointed out, smiling faintly, almost shyly, before adding, "But before we decide, I think maybe we should step out of the closet." Despite the nightmare that had driven her there, he hoped she found a little humor in the situation.

There was humor to be found there, enough to make her barely there smile flicker across her eyes, but the thought of opening that door and stepping out was enough to make her hesitate, remembering her last thought before she had fallen asleep. Her fingers tightened on him. "It's dark under the bed," she whispered uncertainly, realizing belatedly that she sounded about six years old, worrying about monsters under the bed.

To anyone else, the remark might have sounded absurd, but he understood her fear like no one else could and even had a solution or two in mind. "Will a flashlight do?" he asked. It was a simple remedy and about the only one he could provide without moving furniture around in the middle of the night. It was either that or she joined him on the couch.

She shook her head, her expression regretful, knowing she was making a silly fuss. Why would he be living here if the dark under his bed was infested with those things" But she couldn't shake that feeling - it was too soon for logic and reason to calm irrational fear for her. "There'll still be shadows," she admitted reluctantly. "I'm sorry, I know it sounds stupid."

"There will always be shadows, Kaylee," he reminded her, taking her hand. "You can't have light without shadows." He frowned a little, knowing she couldn't very well sleep in the closet and he couldn't sleep without knowing she was safe. "Would it help if I stayed?" He wasn't asking to sleep with her exactly, though in a way, that was exactly what he was asking.

"But the shadows are where the darkness starts," she murmured sadly. Too many weeks of watching the shadows for the first hint that the darkness was returning had left their mark, one that would not fade for a long while yet. Her fingers gripped his as he took her hand. "I feel like a child for asking, but ....I'd like you to stay. Please?"

How could he tell her no' In a way, he almost envied her. He'd had no one to hold his hand and help him through his own turmoil - no one but an uncle, who taught him how to deal with the darkness, but wasn't very good at comforting. If there anything he could do to make it easier for her, he was more than willing to do it. "I'll stay," he told her, leaning close to press a kiss against her forehead, feeling compelled to comfort her somehow.

"Thank you." She curled her arms about his waist, holding him tight for a long moment as she sighed softly. "I guess that means I have to let go and get up, doesn't it?" she asked quietly. To face that thin sliver of darkness under the bed, if only for a few moments.

"Only for as long as it takes to get from here to the bed," he told her, lifting a hand to sweep a strand of hair back from her face. "There's nothing to be afraid of, Kaylee. It's safe here." And I won't let anyone hurt you again. Ever.

She nodded, visibly steeling herself to endure that short trip from closet to bed as she drew back from him, tugging at the sleeves of her top to cover the peeking marks on her wrists with black material. "Don't let me run," she asked him quietly, brown eyes wide with remembered fear. "They always find me when I run."

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 11:59 EST
"You don't have to run anymore. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere," he told her gently, his fingers in a soft caress against her cheek. He didn't notice the marks on her wrists and even if he did, it wouldn't have mattered, except for making him wish he could have stopped them before they'd hurt her.

He must have felt the barely concealed tremor in her frame as she tilted her cheek into his hand, each one of his unexpected caresses reassuring her that she wasn't as broken as she should be. She wasn't disgusting, at least not in his eyes, and he should know. Taking in a deep breath, she bit her lip hard, inching back to rise up onto her bare feet, hands clenched tightly at her sides. "We-we should do this before my nerve breaks."

He thought she was being brave, all things considered. She'd been through something more horrific than most people could even imagine, and she was still sane. "All right," he agreed, moving slowly to his feet and reaching for her hand again. "We'll do this together."

Her palm pressed to his as he took her hand, interlocking their fingers with one of those painfully tight clasps that cut off blood and temporarily suspended a sense of touch in that hand, but she didn't change her mind. Sticking close to his shoulder, she nodded once more. "Okay."

He led the way, as though they were going on a hunting trip, not just to bed. He was confident there were no monsters under the bed or anywhere else in his apartment. He should know - he'd obsessively checked it a dozen times a night when he'd first moved in and sometimes even now, when things got bad. He stepped purposefully and quickly from the closet to the bed, tugging her along behind him and almost standing guard at the bed as he waited for her to climb in.

Of course, with him in the lead, checking every inch for her benefit, he had no idea that the girl clinging tightly to his hand and shuffling along with him had her eyes closed as tightly as she possibly could, working hard on the theory that if she couldn't see it, it couldn't hurt her. And, naturally, the reason her feet were shuffling was because she was pretty sure if she lifted them up, she'd start running, whether Taylor was holding onto her or not. Which is how they ended up with him waiting for her to get into the bed, and her standing still as a statue, blind to everything and obsessively humming the most innocent tune she could think of.

He turned to see what was keeping her, thinking she might have frozen up with fear only to find her squeezing her eyes shut so that she couldn't see where he was leading her, despite the fact that the lights were on, dispelling most of the shadows in the room. "Kay," he called her gently. "We're here. Climb into bed."

One eye opened very briefly, just long enough to make sure he was really there and really telling the truth, before slamming closed once again. She stood for a moment longer, prizing her fingers out from between his, letting the blood circulate once again, and abruptly scrambled onto the bed, her feet never coming more than a foot away from the shadows underneath. Only then, when she was sat hunched in the middle of the bed itself did she open her eyes properly, looking very much like a frightened child who needed to be reassured before there was any hope of returning to sleep.

He didn't dare turn the lights off, but instead climbed onto the bed beside her, pausing a moment to pull the blankets down so that they could both climb beneath them, but first, it seemed, he had to convince her. He offered a reassuring smile and reached out to touch her cheek again, like he was comforting a small child or a wounded animal. "You're doing great. Nothing to be scared of," he told as he lifted the blankets. There were shadows even there, but he'd always felt more secure beneath the blankets than on top of them. "On or off?" he asked, unsure which she preferred.

In a lot of ways, she was like the bird he had shown her that afternoon - wild and skittish, but trusting when it came to the palm of his hand. And, unfortunately, a proven flight risk if she wasn't handled right. Luckily for Taylor, he seemed to know what she needed almost before she did. Her lips twitched into something close to a smile for a split second as he debated the blankets. "On," she managed. "I-I get cold easy. Cold feet." For some reason, she felt the need to demonstrate this, wriggling her bare toes as she touched them against his leg.

His smile widened when he felt her cold toes against his bare leg to prove her point. "I can see that. Climb in and warm up," he instructed as he kept hold of the blankets and waited for her to do as he said. He might have gone so far as to tease her, if he wasn't so concerned about her being frightened.

It took a bit of wriggling to get her under the blankets without going near the sides of the bed, but once she was under, Kaylee surprised even herself with what she did next. She curled up against him, setting her back toward the wide bay window in favor of lying close into Taylor's side, her head on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat.

He climbed in after her and settled the blankets over them both, a little surprised to find her curling up against him with her head against his chest. He drew an arm around her shoulders to gather her against him, feeling an odd tightening in his stomach again as he held her close. He turned his head to breathe her in, almost by accident, afraid to admit how nice it felt to hold her in his arms, almost like she belonged there. "Better?" he asked, his voice muffled by her hair.

Yet another nod was his answer, quick and spasmodic, as much an expression of the tension that poured through her body as her agreement that things were better. It felt strange, to be holding onto someone who wasn't a dead body or a family member, to have them holding her in return and not judging her for the fear that had sent her into the closet in the first place. "But I don't think I'm going back to sleep," she confessed quietly. "I'm sorry. You've got work, you have to sleep. I'll be really still and really quiet, I promise."

"I can take a day off, if you want. I have a few coming," he told her, in no real hurry to go to work, and thinking she might need him here more than he was needed at work, at least for a day or two, until she got adjusted. Maybe if they laid there quietly long enough, one or both of them would drift off, but for now, he felt wide awake. "Have you tried sleeping during the day?" he asked curiously, his fingers absently rubbing her shoulder.

She chuffed softly, her grip relaxing just a little bit. "How did you know I was thinking about that?" she asked, quietly amused that he seemed to have a direct line into her brain, trying to keep her mind off how good it felt just to lie with him, to hear a heartbeat that didn't falter and stop, and feel warm fingers rubbing her shoulder. "They wouldn't let me try it in the hospital. They said I should take sedatives and sleep through the darkest part of the night."

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 12:00 EST
"Sedatives are a crutch," he said, not bothering to explain the obvious - that he knew what she was thinking because he'd experienced it himself. "I sleep better in the daytime, but I-I have trouble working at night." It wasn't so much that he couldn't work at night, but that he preferred not to. He knew it was silly, but it felt safer to be home at night, even if, like her, he did have to deal with a few shadows here and there. "I tried sedatives in the beginning, but they just knocked me out. I didn't really feel rest, and I was afraid the longer I was on them, the more I needed. I don't need hardly any lights on anymore, but I still have nightmares sometimes," he added.

"I tried them," she assured him, wanting him to know that she hadn't just dismissed the suggestion out of hand. "But they just, they kept me in the nightmares when I would have woken up. I died in my dreams a couple of times before I stopped taking the sleeping pills. I'd rather be awake and scared than experience that again." Her fingers twitched, gently stroking against his ribs as they talked. "Can't you ask to be put only on day shifts?"

"Yeah, I could ask, but sometimes I have to fill for someone. Not very often. I hate those shifts." He frowned a little, though she couldn't see it at the thought of it. Had she been anyone else, he might have worried what she thought of him, but of everyone he knew, he thought she'd be the most likely to understand. "It takes time, but the nightmares get better after a while. It helps to talk about them, to tell someone you trust." He didn't bother to mention that he could be that someone for her, but left it up to her to decide.

She was silent for a long time, then, considering what he had told her, judging her own nerves and whether or not she could share what haunted her when she slept. If anyone was going to understand, it would be him. "I can't see anything," she said finally, very soft, holding on as though to remind herself that she was awake. "Just darkness all around me. And I can hear them coming closer. I hear the others screaming, and I run away, and those things just keep chasing me, getting closer all the time, telling me ....well, you know what they tell me. And then I wake up, and I have to find somewhere to hide."

He remained quiet and still while she shared what haunted her nights, trusting him enough not only to listen, but not to run away screaming in the night. He held her close, no sound but the steady beating of his heart, until she was finished, realizing one thing that may not have occurred to her yet. Despite having his eyes wide open, he could see the same scene playing out in his head, and he had to stifle a shudder at the shared memory of his own torment. "Those aren't nightmares, Kaylee. Those are memories," he told her quietly.

For some reason, that made her laugh, a quiet bitter sound that escaped to warm his chest through his shirt as she tucked herself closer, trying to ignore the fact that she had her back to the room, unprotected. "Is that supposed to be better than nightmares?"

"No, not better, just....different," he replied hesitantly. Knowing they were memories that haunted her more than nightmares was little comfort to either of them, but though the memories would never really go away, they would fade a little with time. The mind was a strange place; it knew how to protect itself, and he found himself, even now, waking with nightmares that he knew were memories of things his mind had repressed somewhere deep inside to protect him. "It'll get better, but it takes time," he told her for what seemed like the umpteenth time, though it felt like an empty promise.

The only thing that had gotten him through it was the desire for revenge. He remembered someone else he'd met once - someone who hadn't been as lucky as them, someone who had lost themselves to the darkness. He untangled himself from her and turned to face her, lifting her chin so that she met his gaze. "You can't give up hope, Kaylee. You can't give in to the darkness. Ever. If you do, then all those people died for nothing. We're going to end this once and for all. We're the only ones who can."

She held his gaze, understanding herself better in the middle of the night than she had in the light of day. She knew her weaknesses, what made her fragile and worse than useless. "But what can I really do, Taylor?" she asked him softly. "I want to end this, I want to see them burn for what they've done. But I'm broken. I can't even sleep through the night, even when the whole place is lit up like daylight. The way I am, I'll get you killed, and that is the last thing I want. I don't ever want anyone else to die for me."

"You'll learn how to cope, like I did. I'll teach you....or I'll take you to see Rufus, and he can teach you. But first you have to trust me and then you have to heal. You do trust me, don't you, Kaylee?" he asked, searching her gaze. If she didn't trust him, if she couldn't trust him, then there wasn't much point in him trying to help her. If they were going to do this together, then they needed to trust each other. Trust was the most important thing; more important than even love.

She stared at him, shocked that he needed to ask that of her. "I'm here with you in the middle of the night," she pointed out. "If I didn't trust you, I would have run screaming by now. Don't you believe me" Or is it my own mind you don't think I can trust' I need to trust someone, and I chose you. You have to stop asking me if I'm sure, because one time soon you'll ask, and I won't know anymore."

"It's not me who needs to know that you trust me. It's you who needs to know," he explained, unsure how to make her understand. "There are going to be days - and nights - where you question your own sanity, and you're going to have to trust someone to help you figure out what?s real and what?s not. Someone you trust. Someone who will understand and who won't run screaming into the night. I can be that someone, if you trust me."

"Didn't I already do that?" she asked him worriedly, concerned now that perhaps she was dreaming all of this, and that she was still stuck in the hospital, held down by sedatives, kept from waking up and understanding that not only was she broken, but alone, too. "You're here, and I'm holding onto you because I know you're real and not part of the dreams. But the more you ask me, the more I'm scared that you're not real, that I'm still dreaming. I want to be sure of you. But you have to stop asking me if I know my own mind."

"I'm not asking you if you know your own mind. I'm trying to tell you that it's not going to be easy. I won't lie to you, Kaylee. It's gonna be hard, but not as hard as what you've already been through." He sighed, frowning a little, unsure how to make himself clearer and finally decided to just tell her. "We're not the only survivors."

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 12:01 EST
"I'm not expecting it to be easy," she tried to convince him. "Easy's way, way off in a whole 'nother library to the book I'm on right now." She frowned, wishing there was some way to convince him she knew what she was saying, when he blindsided her with something she hadn't even considered. "What?" Shifting, Kaylee sat up, staring down at him with quiet dismay. "They've done this more than just twice, more than just with us?"

He shifted so that he could follow her movement, eyes tracking her, knowing this was going to come as something of a shock, but he had seven years' head-start on her. He seemed to consider something a moment as he watched her, seeing the shock and dismay in her eyes, and he sat up in bed with her, tossing the covers off and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "I want to show you something," he told her, hoping she'd be able to brave the shadows one more time.

She squeaked as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, reflexively grabbing onto his arm as though expecting him to be dragged out of sight at any moment. "Show me what?" she asked, not letting go. "I mean ....can't you show me here" Away from the, the shadows and the dark and the things that go hiss in the night?"

"There's nothing in the dark that isn't there in the daylight, Kaylee," he reminded her, knowing that would give her little comfort. "I'll turn the lights on." Yes, what he wanted to show her could probably wait until daylight, but he felt he could answer her questions better by showing her rather than telling her. Besides, he'd already decided to take a day off work, and they'd both sleep better during the day. "I'll be right there," he reassured her, reaching for her hand and linking his fingers with hers. He had a feeling sleep was going to be a long way off for both of them, no matter what he did.

Chewing hard on her lower lip, it took a moment for Kaylee to decide that being brave was the lesser of two evils for the time being. With an incredibly strong urge to dive under the covers and never come out screaming in her head, she took his hand and quite literally leaped out of the bed, scurrying away from the sliver of shadowy dark underneath as quickly as she dared. Her other hand crept up to hold onto his arm. "You know, I could just take off my panties and invite you in for the night," she heard herself suggest in a babble of nerves, not knowing what he wanted to show her and not particularly wanting to go anywhere there were shadows in the apartment. "It'd be a more funner way to spend the night."

He arched a brow, wondering if she really meant what she said or if she was just stalling. It was true that what he was about to show her wasn't going to be pleasant - certainly not even close to as pleasant as a roll in the hay - but it was something she needed to know sooner or later. His thoughts turned to the kisses they'd shared and the feelings that had been stirred by those kisses, both physical and emotional. Was she teasing him or was she serious" He wasn't really sure. Was there something wrong with him for not jumping at the chance" But no, he didn't want to take advantage of her. If they were going to sleep together someday, it was going to be for the right reasons. "Tempting, but there's something you need to see."

"Drop your pants and I'll get a really good look, I promise." All right, so there was a certain amount of good humored desperation in her voice and expression as she said this, and yes, she was stalling, but there was also an element of earnest interest. She liked him - liked him - and she had never been one to worry about going too fast. But perhaps he was right in keeping a lid on her libido. He'd never get any sleep if he gave in now.

"This is serious, Kaylee," he reminded her, wondering why the sudden interest in his pants. Like any man, he was tempted, and he felt his body betraying him at the thought, but the part of him that wanted to do the right thing was trying hard to resist. She might be able to stall for a while, but not forever. Then again, maybe she wasn't ready yet for what he wanted to show her. Confused, he slumped back down on the bed, frowning. "You confuse me."

"I know it's serious - wait, what are you doing?" Her eyes turned wild as he sat down on the bed, leaving her standing alone. Whether he was confused or not, that was not the best thing to do to her in that moment. Her gaze focused on the sliver of darkness behind his feet, beneath the bed, and abruptly, she began to hyperventilate, backing away on stumbling feet, her arms wrapping tightly around herself. She hit the wall with a thump, her breath coming in fast, staccato gasps as the panic started to set in once again.

"I don't know what to do. You..." For a moment, he let her see a little of his own weakness, his own vulnerability, but only for a moment as he quickly realized his mistake, completely forgetting her fear and her panic. This wasn't going to work. He thought he'd been doing her a favor offering her the bedroom, but every room had shadows of one kind of another at night and sometimes even during the day. There simply was no escaping it. He looked over at her and his heart twisted in his chest, feeling suddenly helpless to do anything to help her. Wordlessly, he got to his feet and went to her, wrapping his arms around her again to do his best to console her. "I'm sorry," he told her quietly. "I want to help. I just don't know how."

She didn't resist as he drew his arms about her, pressing her face into this chest to hide from the room and the fears that turned her into a child with night terrors. Very slowly, her arms unwound from about herself to wrap about his waist, hugging into the comfort he offered, no matter how confused he was. "You do help," she whispered, unsure if he could even hear her, muffled as she was against his shirt. "It's only been one day. I'll get better. I promise I will."

"I just don't know what to do," he repeated, burying his face in her hair as he held he close, his own voice muffled and unsteady. "I want to help you, but I don't know what to do." He found himself close to tears, though he wasn't sure why. It was like being back there in the dark, unable to help anyone, helplessly listening while they were tortured and killed. "Just tell me what to do," he repeated again, needing to help her somehow, as if his own sanity depended on it as much as hers.

"You're doing everything right," she promised him, holding on tightly as he held her close. This was all she really needed right now, to be held and to know that she was out and safe. He was warm in her arms, she could feel his heartbeat, he was alive, and so was she. "I'm sorry I'm making it so hard. But you are helping me, I swear you are."

"Maybe," he started, pulling away just far enough that he could look into her eyes and at her pretty face. "Maybe we should just go slow. Just try to live. Just enjoy being alive for a while." He'd spent the last seven years working toward the goal of exacting revenge. It had become such a part of him, he'd almost forgotten how to live, just going through the motions of everyday life, afraid to let the world see the tormented soul he'd become. "I want to live," he repeated, his voice breaking. "I want to be with you."

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 12:02 EST
She had no answer, no words to trade with him for that broken confession as it fell from his lips. They'd known one another just one week, yet she'd made commitments in the past based on just a few hours. But this wasn't the past, this was here and now, and somehow, this was more important than anything that had gone before. More than anything, she didn't want to hurt him or lose him. Without letting herself think about it, she rose up onto her toes, brushing a kiss to his lips as her palm curled to his cheek, drawing him down into a second kiss that was deeper, gentler, saying all those things she couldn't find the words for in that moment. The darkness was forgotten when he was close; it had no hold over her. But more than that, she could feel something more than fear or guilt or pain in his arms. That frozen organ deep in her chest began to beat again, flooding her body with warmth, because of him.

Maybe - of all the men she'd known before - he was not only the one who might understand her the most but the one who seemed to need her the most. Maybe they needed each other. Maybe he'd been trying too hard, wanting so hard to take away her pain, to show her he could be strong for her, for both of them, but maybe the truth was that he was stronger with her than without her. For the first time in a long time, she had given him the will and a reason to live again. He returned her kiss with an open heart, daring to hope for something more than mere survival, daring to hope that this was real and not a dream; that she was real. All the loneliness melted away as her lips met his, once, twice and without another thought, he drew her back toward the bed, careful to keep his body between herself and the shadows that lurked beneath it, distracting her with kisses that were slowly growing deeper, more needy, more demanding.

She barely seemed to notice that they were moving, focused wholly upon him, on reassuring him that he was what she needed, in whatever form he chose to give himself. Perhaps she was the one taking advantage here, though they both knew she wasn't going to cut and run. And maybe all she was capable of were kisses right now, but perhaps kisses would be enough. Her fingers clutched at him through his shirt as lips traded those kisses back and forth, each leading the other as instinct called for something deeper, something more physical, to sate the need that rose. Not just a need to be satisfied, but a need to understand, in a way no one else could give them, that neither he nor she was as broken beyond repair as they both seemed to believe.

He had not touched or been touched in such a way as this in over seven years. Not one kiss, not one caress until he'd met her. He had not realized until that very moment how much he had missed or how lonely he'd been. Not until his lips had met hers for the very first time, and now that they had lit the flame, it seemed impossible to ignore. He pulled her against him, tumbling with her to the bed, the shadows forgotten in the wake of this new discovery. They were better together - stronger, safer - seeking refuge in the arms of the only other person who could possibly understand them.

For her, the sensation they shared in these moments was more intense than any she had felt in several years, perhaps purely because she had been without touch or affection, starved of the basic right to tactile expression for seven months in the deepest darkness. Whatever the reason, he touched her more deeply than he might imagine, each press of his hands or lips marking her indelibly where no one could see. Their tumble to the bed didn't seem to make any difference to her affections yet, despite the change in their location, she made no move to do more than kiss him, to be kissed. Going slow wasn't exactly a part of Kaylee Granger's nature, but she didn't seem in any hurry tonight.

Despite his promise to himself and to her to take his time and not to take advantage of her, the more kisses they shared, the more he wanted, his body betraying the best of intentions, though he made no move to force her to go any farther than she wished, letting her lead the way. Whatever happened between them tonight or in the nights to come, something had changed, some boundary had been crossed, and there was no turning back.

Somehow, she ended up lying half-atop him, gently drawing her lips from his with a breathless need to slow down before anything else had a chance to happen. If it was going to happen, it wouldn't be in the middle of the night, the one time when she felt most exposed, most vulnerable. Her breath warmed his lips as she looked down at him, her hand smoothing over his beating heart. "I completely derailed us," she heard herself say, surprised by the soft laugh in her voice. "What were we gonna do?"

He nearly groaned when her lips left his, gasping to catch his breath, heart beating hard beneath her hand. One arm circled her waist as if to keep her close, while his free hand lay against her hip, fingers clutching the fabric of her pajamas. "Doesn't matter," he replied, a little out of breath. "It can wait." He kissed her again, wondering a little at the change in her. Was she drawing strength and courage from him or was he simply distracting her"

His kiss made her smile, wondering if he knew just how close she felt to normal with his help. With her forehead resting against his, she nuzzled to him, blocking out the room, the shadows under the bed, the fears that had brought her into his arms in the first place. "Are you still confused?" she asked him softly, successfully forcing herself to relax as tension rippled through her once more.

"A little," he replied honestly, though he was starting to realize that she was as attracted to him as he was to her. His arms went around her waist as she nuzzled herself against him, and he thought she had to know what he was feeling. "Do you think you'd sleep better with me here?" he asked, though he'd asked her that once before already. It was how they'd ended up in bed in the first place. The real question was whether she wanted to sleep now or not.

She didn't need to think about that one, offering a tiny smile as she breathed him in. "I feel safe with you," she told him, not quite answering his question, fairly certain that sleep wasn't coming again tonight, for her at least. But she'd lie still and quiet for him to sleep, so long as he didn't let go of her.

"Kaylee, I..." he trailed off a moment, chewing worriedly at his lower lip. He'd gone so long without a good night's sleep, it seemed more like a luxury than a necessity at this point, but that wasn't what he wanted to tell her. "I, uh....I haven't been with anyone since..." He trailed off again, hoping he really didn't need to finish that statement.

Luckily for him, he really didn't need to finish it. Even if they hadn't shared the darkest of experiences seven years apart, that sentence made perfect sense to her, and to her surprise, her first thought was for his comfort, rather than any consideration that there could be other consequences from that period of abstinence. "Do you ....would you like me to take the edge off for you?" she asked. "So you can relax?"

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2014-04-12 12:04 EST
His eyes widened at her question, that thought never having crossed his mind - or at least, never having considered it possible. He wasn't particularly shy and wasn't given to blushing, but that question caused some color to rise to his cheeks and flush his skin. How should he answer such a question. Like any man, he wouldn't deny that the thought was a pleasant one, but he wasn't quite sure he was ready for that yet. "Would you mind very much if we just laid here together a while?" he asked, uncertainly.

"No, I ..." Her smile, her true smile, finally showed itself, soft and pretty despite the dark bruises under her eyes, her too thin face. Her fingers gently touched his jaw. "I'd like that," she told him quietly, nodding. "I'd like that a lot."

"You wouldn't be disappointed?" he asked further, still looking worried. He felt like an idiot for not taking her up on the offer, like he figured most men would do, but that's not what he wanted for their first time together, and he wanted to make sure that when it did happen, they were both ready for it. He touched his fingers to her cheek, still finding her pretty despite the gaunt appearance and the circles beneath her eyes. "Until the sun comes up," he promised.

She let her arms slide against the bed, lowering herself down until she lay half-atop him once again, warm and comfortable, the fingers of one hand in his hair, the other stroking through his t-shirt against his side. "I don't think it's possible for you to disappoint me, Tay," she murmured to him. "Try and get some sleep." I'll watch over you until dawn.

He frowned up at her, feeling as though somehow the tables had gotten turned, but he couldn't deny the fact that he was tired, world-weary. It had been seven years, and still he had trouble sleeping through the night. Would he sleep better with her beside him' There was only one way to find out. "I thought I was supposed to be watching over you."

Her fingertips moved over his face, gently smoothing the lines of his frown until his expression relaxed. "Maybe we should watch over each other," she suggested softly, carefully not telling him that she wouldn't be sleeping again tonight. They didn't know each other well, but she thought she knew him well enough to know that if he knew she wasn't going to sleep, he would try to stay awake with her, to the detriment of his own health. She leaned down, pressing her lips to his forehead in gentle benediction. "Sleep, Taylor."

She was right - had he known she wasn't going to sleep, he would have tried to stay awake with her, and that wouldn't have solved anything. Whether he stayed home from work the following day or not, he couldn't go without sleep forever. "I'm still making you breakfast in the morning," he reminded her as his eyes drifted closed, giving in without much of a fight, lulled to sleep by her voice and her touch.

"It's a date," she promised him, watching as he drifted off, wishing him nothing but peace in his own dreamland. Fearful of the darkness, she didn't find peace of her own that night, but found a way to piggy-back off his, curled close to his side through the long hours until dawn. Nothing went bump in the night, nothing reached out to claim her. Because Taylor had his arms around her, protecting her even in repose. She was safe. And she had already decided ....she was never going to leave.

((I'm liking Kaylee's chosen therapy - curl up with a cute guy and snuggle until the bad goes away. ~sigh~ If only therapists offered that option in real life. :grin: Many humungus thanks to Taylor's player!))