Rufus couldn't quite put his finger on where everything had gone wrong. It would have been so easy to point to the day Lei's parents had died and say that was the day he'd started to go wrong with her, but the truth was that he had been going wrong since day one. It had taken him years to see the girl as what she was - a teenager caught up in a destiny she had never asked for, and by the time he had seen that, it had been too late to undo the damage he had done during those formative years. He loved Lei like a daughter, yet he had never treated her like one, always pushing her to be better, stronger, faster. He'd thought he was keeping her alive; in reality, he'd been shaping her into something she didn't want to be.

With these thoughts in his mind, he stood at the kitchen window, his eyes on the guesthouse at the bottom of the garden, watching the silhouette of said Slayer as she settled herself into her new abode for the night. Guilt scratched at him. "What have I done to her, Miri" She couldn't tell me when she found out. I'm supposed to be her support and her guide. I've failed her. Again."

Miranda set the last clean dish in the cupboard, folded the towel neatly, and set it on the counter, sighing a little as she turned to face her husband. "Don't be ridiculous, Rufus," she scolded gently. "That girl wouldn't have survived a day without you." She knew him well enough to sense his guilt, but the one thing that hadn't occurred to him yet was the fact that without him, without his help and his training, she likely wouldn't have survived as long as she had. It was nothing short of a miracle she'd survived this long.

"Survival doesn't mean anything if you don't have someone to turn to when you need them most," Rufus said quietly, turning away from the window to look down at his wife. "I'm sorry I brought this onto your shoulders, angel. If I'd done my job properly ....if I'd been her friend more than her Watcher ....I don't know, perhaps she wouldn't have found herself trying to hide a pregnancy from me."

She clucked her tongue at him, even as she closed the distance between them and smoothed a hand up his chest. "This is not your fault, Rufus, and I will not let you take the blame for it. You take far more than your fair share of guilt upon your shoulders, far more than you're responsible for. Why do you think she tried to hide it from you?"

He had that answer there, one hand wrapping about Miranda's where it rested against his chest. "Because she didn't want to let me down," he said guiltily. "I have her so wound up, so well trained, that she would rather put herself and her unborn child at risk than tell me about something so profound. I intimidate her."

"Do you remember when I got pregnant with Bethany' Do you remember how terrified I was to tell my father" How I was convinced he'd disown me?" Miranda said, stroking his cheek lovingly. "Of course she didn't want to let you down, but not because you intimidate her. Because she loves you like a father. Because you're the only family she's had since her parents died. Don't you see that, darling" You haven't failed her at all. Quite the opposite, in fact."

Rufus sighed, sliding his arms about her waist as he leaned close, his forehead on hers. "What am I supposed to do, love?" he asked, desperately in need of advice himself. He needed her guidance here; he was lost when it came to being a father, especially to a young woman who had been the closest thing to family for a long time. "I can't even talk to Bethany for long without annoying her. Lei ....I made her the way she is. I never allowed her to develop the way a teenager should. I'm the reason she's alone."

"Stop it, Rufus. Just....stop," she scolded a little more harshly than she meant to. "You are not to blame for any of this, and I refuse to listen to you take on the guilt of the world. It's not your fault Lei is what she is, is it' You have dedicated most of your life to teaching that girl how to stay alive. You think all this is about vampires" It's not. It's about you and Lei, that's what it's about," she said, poking a finger at his chest. "Have you heard a word I said" She loves you like a father, Rufus, and don't tell me you don't love her, too. And please, don't drag Bethany into this. That is a different story all together."

He flinched as she scolded him, backing up as his jaw clenched. "I apologise if my sense of responsibility is somehow offensive to you, Miranda," he snapped back at her, hurt that she had chosen to be harsh with him when he felt so keenly his failure not just with Lei, but with her and with Bethany, too. "I won't mention it again, though I was under the impression that I was permitted to confide insecurities to my wife without being made to feel like an untutored child. Forgive me for sullying your sensibilities with a moment of weakness."

Miranda tensed and blinked, a little hurt by his rebuttal, when all she'd been trying to tell him was that he'd done the best job he could with a hopeless situation. It wasn't very often that they argued, and it was even less often that he snapped at her. She hadn't meant to scold him; it had just come out that way. "No, I'm sorry," she said, unable to hide the hurt from her own eyes. "Maybe I'm not as good at this helping thing as people give me credit for." She turned away from him, brushing her hair behind an ear, a sign of nervous tension. "I'm going to bed."

"And running away is not going to help," Rufus pointed out with a sigh. He leaned against the kitchen counter, hanging his head regretfully. "Miri, this isn't about Lei. It's about me, purely me, and my mistakes. I spent thirteen years without you, without Beth, and suddenly I was responsible for a young girl who could have died at any moment. I threw everything I had into being the best Watcher I could be, and I never gave her any time to be anything but a Slayer. I saw Bethany in her, and I saw you, but I never saw her. Not until it was too late to teach her how to make a lasting friendship, how to trust someone with everything she has. All her foibles, all her aggressive tendencies, every social defect ....they are all a reflection of the man I was without my family. And now I am looking at a future where a little girl will never know her mother, because no matter what I do, her mother will die sooner or later. I haven't just failed Lei, I've failed her daughter, too. And I don't know how to make it right." He turned anguished eyes to his wife. "I need your help, Miri. Not your condemnation."

Miranda paused, knowing as hurt as she was, she couldn't turn her back on him now. She loved him too much for that. He was reaching out to her, and he trusted her to help him, but she couldn't change what had already happened. What was done was done. "You don't have my condemnation, Rufus," she said as she turned back around, only to see his back turned to her, looking lost and forlorn. She moved back toward him again, smoothing a hand against his back and gentling her voice. "You never have. No one blames you for anything. You only blame yourself. You made the best of a bad situation. Lei doesn't blame you, Bethany doesn't blame you, and I don't blame you. We all love you, don't you see? You did what you needed to do to keep her alive. None of this was her choice or yours. I don't know who's to blame, but it is not you."

"I'm sorry to lay this on you, angel," he confessed quietly, turning to gather her into his arms, his cheek resting against her hair as he held tightly to her. "I didn't know what else to do, who else I could turn to. I love you. I love you all. I'm supposed to be able to protect you, look after you, keep the world from hurting you. I haven't. And I know, I'm wallowing. But Lei won't live to see her daughter become a woman. And I cannot help but feel the responsibility for that."

She surrendered herself to his arms, needing to feel those strong arms keep her safe in his embrace, despite the ache in her heart for both him and Lei. She wanted to dissolve into tears and cry her heart out for them both, but she couldn't - not yet, maybe not ever. He needed her to be strong, but it was all so damned sad, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. "I fail to see how you are responsible," she told him, her voice muffled against his chest. "You didn't choose this life for her. That much I know."

Holding her warmly against him, Rufus kissed her hair, his hand stroking up and down her back, trying to comfort her as best he could. He knew his being so lost, even if it only lasted a single night, could not be helping her to cope with the shock that had been poured onto them in the space of a single day. "I don't?" he asked her quietly, wondering what she had in mind.

"No, I..." She bit her lip a moment before continuing, almost afraid to tell him what she'd done. She'd been so confident earlier, so sure he would understand and agree to with the promises she'd made Lei, but now she wasn't so sure. Should she have asked him first' Would he get angry with her again? "I sort of promised her that we'd make sure the baby wouldn't be raised by strangers." That was all she said for now, giving him a moment to let that sink in, too.

Rufus' arms tightened about her once again, touched that his wife knew him so well as to make a promise like that without needing to ask him first. "Of course we won't allow her daughter to be raised by strangers," he said fervently. For all his reluctance to share Miranda with anyone, even a child, there was no question of allowing Lei's daughter to live with anyone else. "She's family."

"Yes, exactly," she said, looking up at him from where her head rested against his chest. "Your family. She's like a daughter to you. That makes her child your grand-daughter. I know it won't be easy, and I wish there was another way, but I can't imagine anyone else raising her but you."

"Us, Miri," he corrected her. "She opened up to you more today than she ever has with me. You touched something in her she hasn't felt in a very long time. If she is like a daughter to me, then she is like a daughter to you, too." He lowered his eyes to hers. "We won't have her for long, and one of us should talk to Bethany and Taylor about it ..." He trailed off, horror touching his expression. "How far along is she?" he asked warily.

She felt relieved at his words, relieved that she hadn't been wrong, she hadn't misjudged him. He had frightened her a little, but she'd been right about him, after all. He was the same old Rufus she knew and loved. She arched a brow, lifting her head from his chest to look down at him, concern touching her face. "She's about five months, why' What is it' What's wrong?" Other than the obvious.

There was a pause as he frowned, working something out in his head, Months, weeks ...."Bloody hell," he breathed, disgusted with himself for not realising it sooner. "The hunt we went on, the house where we ended that demon's parasitic feeding on Taylor and Kaylee ....Miri, she was at least a month into this pregnancy when we did that. She never even offered a hint; if anything, she was more ferocious than usual."

Miranda didn't even flinch an eye at this, coming to the most logical explanation. "Rufus, she probably didn't know yet," she said. "I didn't know until I was almost two months along. Remember" Do you really think she'd have put the baby at risk if she'd known?" Miranda asked, not knowing Lei well enough to make that judgment for herself. The girl had agreed to stay at Maple Grove, at least until the baby was born, and Miranda trusted she'd keep her word.

He sighed quietly, not wanting to think the worst. "I would like to think she wouldn't have," he admitted ruefully. "But she has been hunting, right up until last night. Even if she had known, I think she still would have done it." He pressed his lips to Miranda's forehead tenderly. "Am I really so intimidating, angel?"

Miranda fell silent, a worried frown upon her face as she settled down beside him, once he'd kissed her. "Not to me, but I'm not a twenty-five year old girl who loves you like a father and is terrified of disappointing you," she pointed out, wondering if Bethany was intimidated by him at all. If she was, she'd never said so, but one didn't make up for nearly twenty-five years overnight.

Rufus frowned with her, but it wasn't the frown of a man berating himself. It was the frown of a man deep in thought, trying to work out how to be what the people he loved needed him to be. His hand stroked through her hair as he considered all things pertinent. "You were wonderful today," he murmured. "Thank you."

"If I was so wonderful, you wouldn't have gotten angry at me," she contradicted, curling herself against him, her head against his shoulder, one arm draped possessively across his chest. "Slayer or not, right now, she's just a confused young woman who has no idea where to go from here. You should talk to her, Rufus. Tell her how you feel."

"I never meant to snap at you, love," he promised her, tilting his head to look into her eyes, needing her to believe him. "I lashed out, and I am sorry for it. I never wanted to you see my temper." His fingers stroked tenderly against her cheek, deeply concerned that he had done some deepset damage with his unthinking reaction in the kitchen.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have scolded you," she apologized, but they'd been over this already, and she didn't want to dwell on it any longer. "Just tell me you love me," she said, shifting beneath the sheets until she was lying on top of him, fitting her curves to his angles.

Rolling onto his back, he drew her over him, reaching up to brush her hair back from her beautiful face. There was a particular quality to this smile; something infinitely soft, dramatically tender, and it was something only she ever got to see. This smile was how she knew her Rufus was still in there, even when she was unsure. "Of course I love you, angel," he promised her. "I miss you every moment we are not together, even if you are only in another room. You are everything to me."

There was one thing about arguments that even Miranda couldn't deny she enjoyed and that was making up. The arguments between the two of them were rare, but when on that rare occasion they did happen, it was nearly always followed by one or the other of them needing to be close, to be intimate, to make sure there was no rift growing between them. Life was just too short to spend it being angry all the time. "Make love to me, Rufio," she told him, sliding her hands beneath his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin, the ripple of muscles that he hid from the rest of the world. Her lips touched his before wandering to pepper his neck and throat with soft, suckling kisses.

He groaned softly as her lips trailed from his, smoothing his hands down her back to squeeze the pert derriere that he was immensely proud of. Those hand rose once again, drawing her lips back to his in a kiss that poured his apology, his love, into her with all the tender affection he could muster. "As you wish," he whispered against her lips, gathering her into his arms to bear her over onto her back, at the mercy of his love as lips and hands came together to worship the woman who held him in her palm.

She smiled into his kiss as he rolled her onto her back, knowing she had succeeded in at least making him forget his guilt and worries over Lei for a little while. Lei would still be there in the morning - tonight Rufus belonged to his wife.

((Fade to black! These two are just too cute and too much fun. Muchas gracias to Rufio's player for being awesome! *smooch*))