Topic: The Aftermath

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-08 06:20 EST

Correy ran through the streets, blinded by tears. Instinctively, he knew where he was going. There was only one place that he found solace, one place where there was peace, one place that he truly called his own. It was a small, abandoned cottage on the Maple Grove estate, nestled in between the craggy rocks of the northern border. Over the years, he'd done repairs and spent several days there at a time when life seemed too hectic. Only one other person knew of Correy's little hide out and deep inside, Correy knew Jon would come for him, eventually.

The pain in his back had dulled from the white hot shards to that of a dull, throbbing ache as he ran. And all the while, he could see Ollie's face just before him. The anger had flushed Ollie's cheeks and made his eyes wild. "Useless leech," screamed into Correy's head until it came mad, maniacal laughter. "Waste of air," mixed in to drive Correy on even when he thought he couldn't run any further.

He burst through the door of the cottage and immediately began to build a fire in the hearth. It was freezing and Correy had left his parka at the Inn. Barely able to lift the wood to the hearth, the fire consisted mostly of kindling that caught the log that Correy and Jon had begun to burn on the last day that they'd been there. And once it caught, Correy was able to sit upon the bed they'd made of pillows, sleeping bags and old quilts. Pulling a notebook from the shelf, he opened it up and stared at the blank pages within.

It was a journal, nothing fancy or exquisite about it. And it had never been used. Bound in a thick, olive green canvas, it had a loop that stored a pen. Correy couldn't remember who had given it to him or how long ago it was. The pages had curled on the edges from being in the elements that the cottage simply couldn't keep out when it's master was not there. Still, crouched before the fire, Correy opened the book and held the pen, ready to write.

I've never struck another person in my life. I don't understand the anger that it must take to make somebody do such a thing. It makes me sick to think about it. There's no doubt about it, Ollie hates me now. I told Lola that he'd end up just like Junior, their dad. And I truly think Ollie will be just like him.

Junior likes to hit people. He hit Lola and bruised her pretty face. And from what I saw tonight, he used to hit Ollie. He hit Ollie, a lot. Why' Why can't they see what hitting and violence does? It terrifies me. It makes me sick to my stomach. I'll never understand inflicting physical pain on another person.

But maybe I'm just as guilty of inflicting pain. I've a big mouth. I know I do. I say things and smart off. Rarely do I mean the things I say. Sometimes I do, but not often. I mean it when I tell Jon I love him. I mean it when I tell Kaylee that I love her. I mean it when I tell Lala and Caro and even Ollie. They are my family and my most important friends. I love them. I love Gigi. I'm so worried about Gigi.

After Ollie slammed me against the bar and hurt my back, Gigi went into a rage. She chased him out of the Inn. They got into a big fight. She was bleeding, Ollie was laughing. I think. It's so confusing. Jon had a gun. I don't understand.

Correy heard the crunch of tires on the gravel outside and closed the book. Perhaps, another time he'd finish. When the engine of the car died, Correy reached up with a groan to put the book back up on the shelf. His entire body ached. Then the sound of the car door opening, footsteps, the door closing. Correy pulled the sleeping bag back around his shoulders. For warmth, yes, to conceal, yes. And when Jon knocked at the door, Correy lifted his head. "Come in."

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-09 06:25 EST

Correy sat before the fire, wrapped in a sleeping bag and staring into the flames. He held a notebook to his knees and a pen was held loosely in his hand. He'd finished writing, at least for now. The evening was being played over in his mind and he shivered despite the combined warmth of the flames and the down and fiber filled sleeping bag.

Jon knew exactly where to look - the cabin in the woods that was Correy's secret place. After a while, the Bentley pulled up outside the cabin, headlights on to light the way. Jon parked a little way from the cabin and shut the engine off, then got out of the car and started toward the cabin; hands thrust in his pockets, breath puffing in the air, one side of his face bruised and swollen....again, snow crunching beneath his feet.

He saw light coming from the windows and knew there was a fire in the hearth, telltale signs that Correy was there. He wasn't sure what he was going to say or do. Everyone was hurting and he knew Correy was no exception. He didn't want to barge in on him and so he rapped quietly on the door and called his name. "Corr?"

Correy closed the book and put the pen inside the binding when he heard the crunch of tires outside. It was then cast onto a shelf with a soft grunt for the excursion. His entire body ached, with the worst of it across his back. The headlights went out and Correy sighed softly. "Come in," he replied, not able to disguise the tremor in his voice.

Jon pushed open the door and stepped inside, taking a quick look around and closing the door behind him. "I thought I might find you here."

Correy simply nodded, hugging his knees to his chest. He continued to stare into the flames, a sad expression on his face. "Are you alright?" He didn't look up and barely blinked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He wasn't but he'd live. Getting beat up twice in one week was getting a little old, but he wasn't going to complain about it. He knew Correy was hurting too and probably more than he was. He went over to Correy and knelt down beside him. "You wanna tell me what happened?" He asked in a gentle voice, non-accusatory, simply wanting Correy's side of things.

Correy sighed and he turned his head to look into Jon's eyes. "Ollie gave Lola these tickets. And she was so happy. She asked if Cally could go with them and Ollie said something that made Cally mad. Then Lola told Ollie he'd hurt Cally's feelings. Ollie got all uppity and told Lola that's why he stays in his loft painting, that he'd rather be there. And "fine, take the tickets and find somebody else to go." And Lola looked so upset. Jon, she really did. So I told Ollie he was being mean to Lola. That he was going to be just like Junior. And that's when he picked me up and slammed me into the bar."

He listened to the story silently until Correy got to the end and then he arched a surprised brow. "He slammed you into the bar?"

"Yeah, and I'm not sure what happened after that. Gigi chased after him, or something." He shrugged then and readjusted the sleeping bag. "When did you get the gun?"

"I got it when Caro went missing. Let me look at your back." Unfortunately, he didn't always think to take it with him, like the night he'd left for his walk and was mugged.

"It's alright," he hugged the sleeping bag around himself more tightly. In his mind, it was just desserts. "I'm sorry, Jon. I shouldn't have said that to Ollie. Lola was right. Family shouldn't hurt family, but we do. We hurt each other, all of the time." He lowered his chin back to his knees and stared into the flames once again. "And it's my fault."

"Stop it, Corr. It's not your fault. Ollie needs to control his temper. You shouldn't have compared him to Junior though. You owe him an apology for that." He sat down beside Correy and wrapped his arms around him, pressing a kiss against his brow. "I talked to Lola. She's going to talk to Ollie. It'll be okay. You'll see."

In all honestly, Jon was more worried about Gigi than the rest of them. Gigi had always been the black sheep and he knew somehow the family would turn it around and make it her fault.

Correy groaned when Jon's arms went around him and he arched his back with a grimace. "Ow," he whimpered and pulled away. "I tried, but I don't think he heard me. I don't think he wants to hear me." He looked at Jon apologetically. "I hope you're right."

"Ollie's a big boy. He'll get over it." He noticed the grimace and the way Correy whimpered and pulled away and he frowned. "Let me see."

Correy sighed and then nodded. He let go of the sleeping bag and it slid down his back. Then he turned, stiffly and painfully so that his back was to Jon. Correy then lifted his shirt to reveal the deep bruise that spread from one side of his back to the other, horizontally about half way between shoulders and hips. "It's not that bad, is it?"

Jon winced; glad Correy couldn't see the concern and sympathy on his face. His initial reaction was anger, mostly at Ollie, but he knew anger would only make matters worse and upset Correy further. The bruises were worse than he expected, but he didn't want to worry Correy by telling him that either. "We should go see the healer."

"Not now," Correy tugged his shirt back down and pulled the sleeping bag back up. He offered one side by holding up with his arm. "I'm sorry, Jon. I made such a mess of things. I shouldn't have said what I was thinking. It wasn't my business."

Jon sighed. "There are some things that are better off not said, Corr, but it's not all your fault." He got up and moved over to add some kindling to the fire, assuming they were going to stay there the night, since Correy seemed in no mood to go home. "Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue, even when you don't want to."

Correy folded the sleeping bag back around him and sighed. He watched Jon's movements with eyes dulled by sadness. "Are you mad at me?" "No, I'm not mad at you." Jon was quick to reassure him. He wasn't angry at Correy. It was a lesson learned and he hoped Correy was learning it. "Ollie has a temper. He shouldn't have touched you. I should..." he trailed off, biting his tongue and taking longer than necessary with the fire.

Correy frowned even more, if that were possible. "No, don't say that. You did the right thing. You didn't hit anybody. You didn't hurt anybody. You tried to help." Correy glanced up at the journal, then back to Jon. "Come hold me," he whispered and hugged his knees.

"You didn't hit anybody either, Corr." He turned on his heels toward Correy, still crouching down, a stick in his hand that he'd been poking at the fire. "You owe Ollie an apology, Corr. He's not like Junior. You shouldn't have said that." It was the only thing he was going to criticize Correy for. And he had no idea what things Ollie had called Correy because no one had told him.

"He beats me up, and I have to do the apologizing?" Correy huddled further into his shell. "He calls me a useless leech. A waste of air. And I'm the one who has to apologize. No, I won't. I should. I opened my mouth and I shouldn't have. But he didn't have to hit me either."

Jon arched a brow, his voice raising an octave. "He called you a useless leech?"

"Yeah," he nodded and closed his eyes. "What does it matter" He's right. I don't do anything for anybody."

"You're not a useless leech. Christ, you're nineteen years old!"

"My head hurts," Correy turned and lay down with his back to Jon, the sleeping bag pulled up to his ears.

The right side of Jon's face was aching, but he was doing his best to ignore it. Correy was hurting far more than he was. He went to him then, his heart going out to him, and curled up beside him, facing him, pulling the sleeping back away from his face so he could see him. "Corr, no matter what you said, Ollie shouldn't have hit you." He tried to shove the anger away that he was feeling toward Ollie and focus on comforting Correy. Correy was the important one right now. "You're not a leech and you're not useless. Not to me."

Correy reached out to touch Jon's swollen cheek. "You wouldn't be hurting right now, if not for me. Why do we treat each other so badly' Why do they fight all of the time" Why' Make me understand."

He pulled Correy's hand from his cheek, repressing the wince, and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I don't know. People get angry and say things they don't mean. Feelings get hurt and it just goes on and on."

"But it doesn't have to. Ollie and Gigi are family. If someone did to Lola what Ollie did to me, they'd join together and stop the person from hurting Lola. Why can't they just always be like that' I just don't understand. We're supposed to love each other. Why do they hate so much?"

Jon frowned. He knew Ollie's father had been cruel to Ollie. He'd seen it happen more than once. It wasn't much different from how his own father had treated him, though Jon's father had never laid a hand on him. "Sometimes when people have experienced a lot of pain, they get bitter, angry. Like my father. Like Junior. Like Ollie. He's full of anger and you....you just were in the wrong place at the wrong time and said something that hurt him and made him lash out." Jon paused for a moment, then continued. "Ollie's had a hard life, Corr. I'm not saying what he did was right. It's not. But I don't know how else to explain it. Gigi..." he shrugged. "Gigi will never get over what happened to Teddy."

Now that Correy could understand. Anger and violence beget anger and violence. "Promise you'll never do that, Jon." Correy looked terrified as he searched Jon's eyes. "Promise you'll never hit me."

Jon wasn't the violent type. He might break a glass now and then, but he'd never raised his hand to another human being in his entire life, except to defend himself. He looked pained that Correy would even think that of him. "I promise." He brushed a kiss against Correy's forehead. "Try to get some sleep, and we'll see the healer in the morning."

Correy shuddered back, terrified as Jon kissed his forehead and cried out in fear. When he realized what he'd done, the floodgates opened and he sobbed openly.

Dismayed by Correy's reaction to a mere kiss, Jon pulled away a moment and then wrapped his arms around Correy, pulling him close and holding him like one might a child, realizing how damaged they both were, how similar, how connected, how much they truly needed each other. He smoothed the hair back from Correy's face and whispered quietly. "Shhh, it's all right. I'm here. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you."

At first Correy resisted being held. His body stiffened and he screamed. But exhaustion and Jon's gentle soothing soon had him calmed down to shivering and shoulder shaking sobs. He cried until Jon's shirt was soaked with his tears. He mourned for his family, for his own innocence that was lost in a single moment of pure and adulterated hatred and terror.

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-09 06:31 EST

Jon held him close, whispering softly, trying to soothe and reassure him as best he could, wondering a little if there was more to this than Correy was telling him, but now was not the time to ask. Everything would come out eventually, one way or another. As for himself, Jon felt drained, the events of the last week culminating in this one final incident. He knew it was time for them to go away for a while, get away from the family, forget everyone and everything and just focus on each other. Just for a little while.

Correy groaned as exhaustion began to set in. His back hurt something terrible. So he scoots out of Jon's arms and simply lay beside him, on his stomach. "I love you," he croaked out in a soft voice, turning his head towards Jon.

He smiled weakly and reached over to brush his fingers against Correy's cheek, Correy's tears, and the look on his face, the sound of his voice nearly breaking Jon's heart. His eyes filled with tears in the firelight, but he blinked them back, willing them away. He had to be strong for Correy now, like Correy had been for him. "I love you more." And, after a short pause, "Do you still want to go to New York?"

"Yeah," he closed his eyes to Jon's touch, forcing himself not to flinch. It was all still too fresh and new. "I want to go away and never come back. I don't want to come back. He's going to do it again. I know he will."

Jon furrowed his brows, looking more than worried now. "No, he's not, Corr. I won't let him. If he tries anything again, he'll have to answer to me."

"No, he'll just hurt you. It's better if we just run away. Just go away and don't come back." Correy clung to Jon at this point and stared into his face. "Please, say you'll take me away from here and we won't come back."

Jon sighed, frowning sadly. He'd run away once; he didn't want to run away again. Running away didn't solve anything, but instead of telling Correy that, he thought it might be better to let him figure it out for himself. "What do you want to tell Kaylee" Caro' Gigi?"

"I don't know," he took in a deep, shuddering breath that caught in his throat. "Ow..." His eyes closed again and his brow furrowed. "I don't know. I'm scared, Jon. Ok. I'm scared."

Jon sighed again. He couldn't let Correy live in fear for the rest of his life. "I'll talk to him."

"Please, no." Correy shook violently. "He'll hurt you. He'll hurt you!"

"No, he won't. He won't hurt me, Corr." Jon adjusted the sleeping bag over Correy's back. He hoped he knew Ollie well enough to know he wouldn't hurt him.

Correy sniffled and laid his head upon Jon's shoulder. "My head hurts," he whispered and brought his hand up to gently lay upon Jon's arm. "Please never, ever. Ever." He was slowly losing consciousness.

"Corr?" Jon laid a hand against Correy's forehead, seeing as he was starting to fade, a sense of panic taking hold. He shook him very lightly. "Correy?"

"Hmm?" His eyelids fluttered, and then settled once more. "My head hurts, and I'm tired. Can we go to sleep now" Please?"

He shook him lightly again. "Correy' I think we should go see the healer now." Fear was starting to take hold.

"Jon, I'm ok. I'm just so tired. I ran all the way here and I've been crying all night." He lifted his head and offered Jon a soft kiss. "I'm just really tired, that's all."

Jon relented, relaxing but only a little, looking horribly worried, more worried than he'd ever been before about anyone. He settled back down beside Correy and pushed his hair back. "All right. Just....get some rest, okay' I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you, Jonny," Correy whispered and scoot closer. Jon was warm and the only person he trusted right at that moment.

"I'm never gonna leave you, okay' I love you." He wrapped Correy in a loving, protective embrace, holding back the tears.

"Ok," he sighed, his body relaxing against Jon's warmth. "I'm sorry." Another tear trekked down his cheek and pooled onto Jon's shoulder. "I'm sorry I caused so much trouble."

"You didn't. It's not your fault. It's just everything."

"Tell me the story," he didn't want to think about or talk about what?d happened that night, any longer. "Tell me about how you got the name Possum."

Jon wasn't beneath the sleeping bag; he was lying atop it, his coat still on. He looked over at Correy's face in the flickering firelight. "You've heard that story a million times."

"Please, I don't want to think about tonight anymore. It's making my head and my heart hurt. Please tell me." Correy's eyes opened up, shining and round in the firelight. "Please?"

He sighed a little, relenting. "All right..."

Correy's eyes closed and he sighed softly. He concentrated on Jon's voice and he was taken back to a much younger and innocent way of life. They were children again, laughing and being boys. It didn't take much longer than that for Correy's breathing to become soft and regular, deep and utterly relaxed.

Jon repeated the story to Correy for what seemed like the millionth time, of how he'd played dead so many times as a boy while at play that they'd started to call him Possum.

Correy had drifted off to sleep somewhere in the middle of Jon's story. It was true; he'd heard the story once if he'd heard it a hundred times. But it soothed and calmed him, and eased him into a somewhat peaceful sleep. For now.

Jon lay beside Correy for a long time, unable to sleep, troubled by what had happened. He got up now and then to tend the fire or to check on Correy. When he did sleep, his sleep was troubled and restless.

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-09 06:44 EST

Jon's asleep. We're at the cottage. It feels good to have him here. He helped me to fall asleep, then he fell asleep. I woke up, having a nightmare. A nightmare about Ollie. It didn't last long, he was laughing at me and calling me names, then hitting me. I hate being hit. I hate it!

Sometimes I think Jon and the rest of the family think I'm just this dumb, happy go lucky kid that can't do anything but smile and joke around. I'm not some good time Charlie. I do think. I have feelings. When the "I love you's" are being passed around, they listen and smile. When the jokes and the little cracks at each other are said, they listen and smile. But there's more to me than that.

Why not compare Ollie to Junior" It was there, for all to see. Why can't anybody else see it' I know what I saw, and I know I'm right in that. Sure, I shouldn't have said it. I knew it would upset Ollie and maybe even Lola. But, damnit, somebody needs to tell Ollie when he's being mean. If nobody ever stands up to him, he's definitely going to end up like Junior.

I don't want him to be like Junior. I don't want Ollie to be lonely and miserable. I'd love to see him smile more. I'd love to see him happy and in love. I wish I knew what I could do to help him. All I do is run my mouth and express what I'm thinking. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Maybe if he sees what I see....who am I kidding" Ollie hates Junior so much that the mention of his dad's name throws him into either a rage or a deep depression.

I wish somebody had stood up to Junior. I wish somebody would have stopped him from hitting Ollie when he was younger. Poor Ollie. I wish I could hug him right now and tell him that I love him. I wish I could tell him how much I hate Junior for what he did to Ollie. I wish that he could see the parallels between his own behavior and his father's. Most of all, I wish I could give him peace of mind.

Jon's waking up...

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-12 12:38 EST

Another fight, another scar on my wrist. I'm so stupid. Kaylee finally told me how she felt, how she really felt about what happened between me and Jon. I had no idea the sacrifices she made for me as I was growing up to make sure that I was happy and well cared for. I never realized, I just took it all for granted that Kay would always be there for me and with me. How stupid and selfish I am.

She says she loves me, but hates what I did. She said she hates me for what I've done. That the only time she came to me for help, when it was my time to step up to bat and do the right thing for her, I failed her miserably. I took from her the only guy that had ever really meant anything to her. So, she's doing what Kaylee always does. What she's always done. Sacrificing her livelihood, her friends, her attachments to the rest of the family. Kaylee left. I don't know where she went or how long she was gone. The note she left was purely selfless. She left so Jon and I could be happy.

How can I be happy without her around"

So I told Jon that he should go find her. He should go be with her. That she deserves to be happy. And he told me to shut up. He told me that he's gay, and only now realizing it. That he'd only make Kaylee even more miserable.

It's all such a mess. I miss her so much. But I can't say that when I'm being held by Jon, when I'm in his arms and he's singing softly or just rubbing my back that it doesn't feel right. It feels so right, like we were made to be doing these things for each other. Like our bodies fit together like two pieces of a puzzle of a two piece puzzle. He's been so amazing and the only level headed person involved in this mess.

I miss my Kaylee. I hope she's alright. I'm worried about her. What's she doing" Is she warm, safe" Cold, scared" I wish I could hear from her. Texts and calls have gone unanswered. Maybe somebody's seen her. When I do see her again, I'm going to hug her and never let her go. I love my Kaylee. I wish she'd come home.

One good thing seems to have happened. Ollie and I have patched things up and I think we're marginally closer. He asked me if I meant what I had said about him being like Junior. I told him we all are.

Car's packed and it's time to go.

Correy Oswald Granger

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-19 10:09 EST

Good news! Kaylee's not missing anymore. We went to visit Helena and she called Kaylee. They talked for a little while while Jon and I were quiet as little mice. Kaylee's staying with Ollie and she's ok. It was such a relief to hear that bit of the conversation. I'm not sure what all they talked about, Helena went into another room while Jon and I waited for her to get off of the phone. I'm so glad she's not in some box car or living on the streets. I'm so glad she's safe and warm and has food to eat. I'm so glad she's ok.

So, after our visit with Helena, we went to the Inn. It was Valentine's Day and time for Jon and I to go on our trip. We were going to just say goodbye and be on our way, but when one Granger gets to talking to another, it could be hours before they part company. And that's what happened. Jon and I toasted our love and Ollie rolled his eyes. He didn't want to talk to me about Kaylee and I think that made Cally upset. I don't think Ollie means to upset her like he does. He's crazy about Cally! Anyway, there were a lot of Grangers in the Inn that night and it took us a while (and a kiss to Ollie's cheek!) but then we were gone.

So, here we are in New York City! The hotel Jon put us up in is right on the edge of a huge park with all kinds of trees. There are so many people here! And the buildings are one on top of the other! It's been snowing and so beautiful. I can see why Jonny loves this place so much. After a good night's sleep, he took me out to explore the city. But, we mostly stayed in the Park. We went to the zoo, a place called The Reservoir where we watched hundreds of people jogging about. Then Strawberry Fields and the word "Imagine" on the archway. After visiting Belvedere Castle, we decided to get something to eat. I was starving! So Jon buys hotdogs from this guy that has a cart. I wasn't sure about it. I mean, it was a cart! But, I trusted Jon and I took a bite. I couldn't believe how good it tasted! I don't think it was just me being hungry, either.

We walked a little more, holding hands as the snow was falling. The hotel is just outside of the park and that's where we were going. Jon pulled me close and he kissed me, right there in the middle of the park. He'd been so openly affectionate and sweet the entire day. I was beginning to think that he was over that fear of people seeing us together. But then a reporter came out of nowhere and started asking Jon questions about me! Jon got that worried expression that he always gets and he put his arm around me to protect me. But I would have none of that.

I put on my manager's cap and began to negotiate with the guy for the film in his camera and the right to exclusive photos of myself and Jon. When all was said and done, I'd talked the guy out of sixty five percent of the take on the photos we're going to allow him to shoot and we get the negatives. He also is sworn to secrecy that we're here. Jon wants his privacy and so do I. When we got back to the hotel, I contacted a lawyer to get the contract drawn up. The best part of all of this is the guy asked Jon a question and Jon said, "ask my manager." He was talking about me!

After that we played in the snow a bit. We had a bit of a snowball fight and we both squished snow down into each other's jackets. We were both shivering by that time so we nearly ran to the hotel. We ordered room service and got into the jacuzzi. It was so neat to cuddle with Jon in the jacuzzi and sip champagne and watch the snow fall outside on the Park. Not that we did too much watching or sipping. Something about being next to a naked Jon quickly turns my attention away from anything else and onto him.

We had such a good time today. I can't wait for tomorrow to come. I've been thinking about our wedding and I hope that Kaylee is going to be ok with me asking her to stand up with me. Best man, maid of honor, call it what you want but shes' my best friend and my sister and she's the only one I want standing on my left as Jon and I exchange vows.

Correy Oswald Granger New York City Trump Tower

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-02-25 06:52 EST

Still in New York. We've done so much shopping that I think the numbers are getting worn off of Jon's credit card! Lola asked for a post card. Well, everywhere we go there are post cards! So instead of one, she's getting a bunch of them! Central Park, Statue of Liberty, a few of the hotel and lots of different places around the city. I hope she'll be pleased. When we went to the Met, they wouldn't sell us an actual Renoir, so we bought a copy and had it framed. I hope Ollie likes it. We got Cally a set of earrings that I think will look really cute on her. They're not the dangly type, just a pair of diamond studs. For Kaylee, we got this book where she can write her music and it has a special place for lyrics in it! Gramps was harder to buy for. We picked up a molehair scarf for him. Let's see, there's another set of earrings for Rhae and for Gigi, we picked up this really neat knife. You flick it open, twist your hand about and it makes this whirring noise and then there's the blade! The guy called it a butterfly knife. For Caroline we got a matching pearl necklace and earrings. We bought so much stuff fo so many people! We went to one place where you can build your own teddy bears! So I made an Ollie bear, a Kaylee bear, a Lola bear, Rhae bear, Jonny bear....I think you get the point.

We're going to be leaving soon. Jon's got a play coming up and he's been studying his lines from a book he picked up at one of the stores we went to. The book store was huge! Anyway, he's made time for me, of course. But I try to be quiet as he's studying. So, I called Kaylee the other day. I was scared she wasn't going to answer, but she did! And she was so excited and sounded more than just a little drunk. Anyway, she got a song published, a band is covering it. She's so excited and I am, too. I'm so happy that her dreams are finally coming true. I can't wait to get home so I can hug her to pieces!

We went out last night, Jon said he had this huge surprise for me. Got to tihs lobster place and it was nice. He met up with an old friend there and she seemed ok. Everytime I said anything, she turned it into a question for Jon. Made me wonder if I should just hold up cue cards next time. Ha! But she seemed nice enough. I tried to stay quiet while they were getting caught up. Nothing really for me to say there. I did find out that Jon did some nude theater sometime while he was gone. I don't think I could handle him doing that now. I'd have to hurt somebody for looking at him for too long!

But, all in all, it was a nice day. Still, I'm starting to miss everybody at home. Jon says we'll be taking his friend, Lelah, back to Rhydin with us. She has no place to stay there, so I'm sure she's going to be staying in the apartment with us, too. Not sure how I feel about that. It's a tiny apartment, and I like my Jonny time to myself. We'll have to see.

Correy Oswald Granger New York City Trump Tower

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-03-04 13:24 EST

So we've been home a few days, week maybe. Jon's not wanting to go out, except for rehearsals. He's afraid of running into Kaylee. I just wish this whole mess would clear out so we can all be friends again. I love them both and I hate that they can't even look at each other without getting all weird and icky. They don't know what to say, how to act. Hello' Just be yourselves. Life does go on!

I hung out with Kaylee a bit while Jon was at rehearsals the day we got back. Seems that Jason treated her like crap. I feel bad now, for suggesting that she hook up with him. He seemed like a nice guy. Just goes to show that you never really know anybody. I'll have to talk to him and straighten him out. Kaylee doesn't need any more bullshit in her life.

On to good news! Caro's got a boyfriend! Or, we think she does. The Gossip guy wrote about them a couple of times. Going to have to find out more about it. She always looked out for me, time to return the favor. I'm not going to be cranky about it or anything. I'd love to see Caro happy. She deserves it, especially after all she's gone through.

I miss going to the Inn and seeing everybody. Maybe I can talk Jon into going tonight. All work and no play makes Correy a very dull and bored boy.

Correy Oswald Granger Zen Gardens Apt Rhydin

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-03-16 22:38 EST

I don't even know where to begin. Kaylee brought my book and some clean clothes. She made me go to the canteen and eat. We had a cigarette in the doctor's lounge. It's too crazy out front to go out and have a walk. Not that I'd want to have a walk.

Well, maybe I do. I'm going crazy, sitting in this room. Jon's still not moving, not responding. He's breathing. His heart is beating. But nothing to show that the lights are on. I'm so scared. It happened so fast. One minute we're laughing and kissing. The next minute, Jon's laying on the ground and somebody with a gun was running away. Why did they do that to him' Were they going after me" Did they hate the thought of Jon with anybody but them'

I don't know. I want my Jonny to wake up. He's so still. I move him, roll him from one side to the other. I bathe him, and they taught me how to change his catheter bag. I help the nurse who comes to change his bed. I don't know what else to do. I can't leave him. I couldn't forgive myself if something should...

No, not going to allow myself to think that. I've cried and worried about that for days. Not going to let it take over anymore. He's going to get better! I know he will. His body is healing and he needs his rest. And I don't care what the doctors and nurses say. Jonny is going to be fine. He's going to remember everything. He's going to be able to get up and walk out of here. I don't care if the doctors and nurses don't know for sure. I do. Jonny's a fighter and I'm going to be here to help him fight, every step of the way.

I just don't know why somebody has that much hate in them to hurt somebody like that. Why did they do this to my Jonny"

Correy Oswald Granger Rhydin Memorial Hospital

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-03-26 08:23 EST

Jon woke up! I woke up and there he was, looking at me. It's not like I expected though. He's still weak as a kitten and he can't say a whole lot. I can see how frustrated he gets because he wants to say things and ask things and he can't. Not yet anyway.

He doesn't remember me. This is hard. I mean that since we've been together we've exchanged kisses hello, goodbye and for every reason in between. So when I did kiss him, it was like kissing a board. He didn't respond, at all. Since then he's responded a bit but it's just not the same. It's getting there, and I hope that I'm not seeming like I'm pushing.

I don't know what to do. If I put on the brakes to let him catch up, will he pass me by'

Correy Oswald Granger

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-03-30 18:01 EST

"I need time." I can still hear him saying that. We talked about us and he wants to remember how things were and how things happened. I answer his questions as best I can, but I'm not sure that I'm doing it right. I mean if I make it sound too lovey dovey, will he believe me? If I play it down, will he think it was just a fling and decide that I'm too clingy' I just don't know what to say or how to say it.

I saw Gigi about a week ago. I think she caught the chick that shot Jon. I can't say that I'm sorry to hear that. I know that Gigi wouldn't be very nice to her at all. But after what she did to Jon, I have no compassion for the girl at all. I don't care if she had mental problems or not. She hurt Jon. She deserves everything Gigi can give to her and then some. I've never hated a person before and it's an odd feeling for me.

I went away for a few days. Stayed in the cottage near the spring so I could think. I thought a lot, but didn't come up with any solutions nor did I put my mind at ease any. I feel like I'm losing Jon and I can't tell him that. I can't beg him to feel something he doesn't. Maybe I'll go see him today. I want to see him. I want things to be the way they were. But what I want and what I get are two different things entirely. That's just the way life goes, I guess.

Trying to find something to do with my time. Before Jon got shot he said that I should do something instead of hanging around all of the time. So I've enrolled in nursing school. While Jon was unconscious, and even after he woke up, I helped the nurses to take care of him. They said I have "it." Whatever "it" is.

My head hurts.

Correy Oswald Granger

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-04-19 18:16 EST

School's a pain in the ass. I learned reading, writing and arithmetic from kindergarten all the way up until I graduated from high school. So why are they making me take these courses instead of teaching me how to draw blood or wrap a broken ankle? I guess I'm just bored and impatient.

Jon's doing so much better. He's walking without his cane now. He still stutters a little, but that's only when he gets upset or excited. He tries to talk faster than his brain relays to his tongue. He still gets frustrated with it, so I hug him and rub his back to let him know that it's okay.

I talked with Mataya about his return to the theater. I'm worried that he's going to get flustered on stage and start stuttering. If he does that, I don't think he'll go back to acting. He loves Shakespeare, so he and I read out loud to each other every night. I don't know what Shakespeare does to him, but he seems different when he reads it. He sits or stands taller, he talks with more power to his voice and he gets this look on his face like he's lost in the words. Shakespeare just confuses me. It's all jumbled up and just doesn't make much sense. But Jon seems to love it.

Spent some time with Kaylee. We had a bit of an argument. She's seeing some bloodsucking leech. I hope that her track record remains constant and she's over him in a week or two. I hate to see her marked up. And I hate the fact that she's allowing this freak to feed from her. She says he's so nice and he's so in control. I say it's a bunch of crap and that the creep's biding his time until he's invited to a family dinner. Lots of Grangers around during those dinners. That means he can feast at the buffet while we just lay around dying. Ugh. I told her that I love her, but I hate her being with him. What more can I do'

Going to make some popcorn and watch Saturday Night Fever.

Correy Oswald Granger Zen Apartments

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-05-06 18:55 EST

Not sure where to start, really. School's been keeping me so busy that I barely have time to write in here. With Jon's rehearsals and the shows, keeping up with Kaylee and Ollie's boneheaded idea of announcing his engagement in front of Cally....really how much time in a day does a guy have"

So yeah, nothing really new at school. The math classes were a total bore until the professor began to explain how we will be using it with what we all want to end up doing. Why a certain percentage of a drug combined with another can be lethal, yet the same combination in a slightly different percentage is perfectly safe. It makes it much more interesting.

School's boring now but Jon's definitely not. I was so proud of him when he took the stage on opening night. He was tall and confident and not a single stutter. He strode around the stage as if he owned it, as if he were the star of the show. In my eyes, he was. I have to admit I did cry a little bit. He's come so far so fast. I'm really proud of him.

I've not told him that Ollie's engaged yet. It just hasn't come up. I'm usually studying text books and Jon's studying scripts. Or we're at a club having drinks or we're doing something naughty. Ollie just doesn't come up. Anyway, I think I'll make a point to remember to tell him. I'm sure Jon'll want to know. Maybe we can start planning a bachelor party for Ollie. That should be fun.

Kaylee was the one that tipped me off to something going on with Ollie. Some girl came to the loft and left him this fancy letter. Kaylee came over the day of the Beltane bonfires and told me about it. She put me on a mission to find out what was going on. So, I did.

Poor Cally. she's so hurt by all of this. Right in front of her, he introduced Piper as his fiancee. Cally didn't take it very well. Cally called me the next day and said that Lala was on vacation and not going to be available to speak to for a few days. I don't know what?s going on with Cally and Lola, but I don't have a warm fuzzy feeling. I told Cally I was going to come over to help keep an eye on Buster and she made every excuse and reason to keep me away.

Anyway, that's our crazy family for you. I've not seen Gigi or Caro since Jon got shot. I hope they're doing alright. I should call. It's weird, I've not seen anybody since Jon got out of the hospital. Am I becoming a recluse"

Correy Oswald Granger RTU - Cafeteria

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-06-12 15:52 EST

The Zen Gardens is a peaceful place, quiet and serene. First semester is over and there's about a week's break until the next one starts. I had plans for this week. Was going to surprise Jon with a trip on Richmond's boat, a cruise for just the two of us to spend time.

That's not going to happen, though. I've got the apartment to myself now. I'm not sure where Jon's gone. I came home from school and he said he'd ran into the Ice Bitch, Nikki. He said he had things to think about and then he moved out.

Yes, it hurts. I can't believe he'd even consider going back to somebody so cold when I did nothing but show him love, admiration....where was she when he got shot' Where was she when he was learning to walk again? To talk again? When he took the stage again?

I don't know what I'm going to do if he decides to stay with her. I guess be happy for him. I'll always love him.

Correy Granger Zen Gardens, roof

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-06-26 17:16 EST

School's started back up and keeping me pretty busy. We're learning about the cardio-vascular system and phlebotomy. They've not allowed me to tap any veins, but a couple of the other students practiced on me. It hurt like hell and my arms are all bruised up. One of the others wanted to stick me between my knuckles! No way! Anyway, the bruises are worn with pride by people in my class. It's like a fashion statement or something. We're not green anymore!

I've not heard from Jon, so I guess it's officially over. Not sure what to do with the ring that he bought for me. It's a neat ring and I'm not sad when I look at it. Maybe I'll just wear it on another finger. We'll see. I hear that the movie shoot's going well and that he seems to be happy. I'm truly glad for him. If I can't make him happy, I'm glad somebody can. Maybe Nikki isn't as bad as I thought.

Been hanging out with Rori a bit, met a new friend, Liam and his girl Mack. Well, not sure if Mack's his girl, but they're friends at least. It's been kind of fun. Didn't hang out too much and party because I didn't have much time off between semesters.

I miss Jon. I can't help it. But I'm sure if I tried to see him it'd be awkward and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Even at Gwen's funeral, I kept to the back and left as soon as it was over. I don't think anybody noticed me there and that's what I wanted. I don't want to make a scene anymore. It's just not who I am and I definitely don't need the drama.

No, no more loud, obnoxious and stupid Correy. It's time to retire that costume and let people see the person I really am.

Correy Granger Forensics Lab

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-08-15 12:18 EST

So I stuck this book up on a shelf and pretty much forgot it was there. Really, not much to talk about. My life has little to no drama, nothing interesting going on. Still in school, still look awesome in my purple scrubs and my hair is still shaved on the sides and kind of long on the top. Though, now, I have to wear it in a pony tail when I'm doing rounds with the RN's. Somebody complained about hair in thier soup or something.

Had a strange dream a few weeks ago. Ollie was painting us all, we were at Maple Grove. I took a peek at the painting and it was kind of dark. I mean, we were all smiling in it, but it looked so sinister. Well, except Gigi. Gigi had a halo around her head, like those Lady Madonna paintings holding a baby.

Gigi, a mom' I'll never tell her about this dream. She just may slit my throat!

Correy Granger RSFN Dorms

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-10-19 00:14 EST

I didn't cry when Jon said that he'd needed time. I didn't cry when he said that he needed space to think and move out. I don't know why this is suddenly coming back to me, I suppose it's the dreams that I've been having lately. I guess I sound sarcastic, but all I ever write about anymore are dreams. Anyway, as I sit here and think about it, I never cried when it was over between Jon and I. It's not that I didn't want to, or didn't feel like it....God knows I felt like it. I guess I just didn't want anybody to really know how much it hurt.

Wait, that's not right. Kaylee. I cried to Kaylee about it. How stupid, mean and cruel can I be? I mean really. I'm lucky that she's a good girl, a better sister to me than I've been a brother to her. She could have been full of I told you so's and such. But she wasn't. She just let me cry.

Ok, so I didn't cry in front of Jon. Maybe I should have. I'm not sure it would have made a difference. More than likely, it would have cemented the idea in his head that I was too immature. Or maybe he would have seen the tears as a tool of manipulation. Who knows"

Anyway, the dreams. They started the night of Ollie's wedding. I had a great time there. It was a tiny bit awkward at first, but things went really well, I think. Jon got sick, I mean really sick. I was going to help him out, but I think that other people saw it as a ploy on my part to try to get him back. I don't know. I just know that I was given some pretty strong signals that I wasn't wanted and my help wasn't needed. I can't say that Jon sent those signals, he was too sick and didn't fight me off when I put his arm around my shoulders so I could support him as we went towards the house.

So that's when the dreams started. There was nothing concrete about them. Mostly lucid, sometimes like a slide show. I could hear our voices when we were throwing snowballs and I could see pictures of us in the Inn. The dreams have never been explicit; never about sex. Just....us being goofy or friendly or whatever.

But to wake up from those dreams....the dorm room I'm in is pretty empty. Just a bed, a dresser, a desk and a closet. Nothing on the walls, nothing really personal about it. But the worst part is that when I wake up from these dreams I feel terrible. The dreams are great; about good times and lots of laughing. So why do I feel like crying when I wake up?

I've got to get out of this slump. Finals are coming up before too long and I really need to keep my grades up. I think I'll stop by the Inn again sometime. I saw Gigi the last time (first time I've seen her in months!) and I didn't dream that night.

Got to find a way to let him go.

Correy Granger Rhydin Public Library Mood: reflective

Correy Granger · Date: 2011-11-20 11:52 EST

Oh. My. God. My head hurts so bad! I've not had a hang over in I don't know how long but Good God! Not sure Irish whiskey and a pint of ale are a good combination for me. Jeez!

First time I've been drunk in a year and now I know why I don't do it. Had to get out of the nurse's home this morning. Not sure how I got there. Don't remember too much after the second round. Had a good time, I'm sure.

School's going fantastic, and if I keep my mind focused on that, I'll be alright. Met the new guy; he's a transfer from some school on Earth. Really smart, funny, cute as hell and has such an awesome accent. The professor assigned us as lab partners. So it's been pretty cool. Kenny's a second year student, so he's been helping me a lot with rounds and stuff at the nursing home.

The saying is that God closes one door, he opens another. And maybe, just maybe, Kenny's the open door. I don't think I should think like that. I always put the cart before the horse and end up either getting hurt or hurting somebody else. No, going to take it easy, not act like a jerk and just chill. If things happen, then great. If not, well I've got a friend without the awkwardness. Either way, it's all good.

He's a charmer. I thought the bartender was going to give us free drinks after he winked at her and tossed some silver into her cleavage. That was pretty funny.

He told me that he's gay. He knows that I am...

Friends, Correy, friends first. Stop putting that damn horse in front of the cart!

Correy Granger Sunnyside Nursing Home Break Room

Correy Granger · Date: 2012-01-29 10:25 EST

I had a long talk with Jon. Kenny and I were getting closer every day, and I still didn't know if it were truly over between Jon and I. I had to know. I had to hear him say the words. I couldn't give myself to Kenny if I was still with Jon. I know it sounds silly, Jon and I had only talked once, briefly, at Ollie's wedding, since we seperated. But I had to hear him say it was over.

And, he did. I went to see him at the theater. We sat there, looking at the stage and talking. It felt good to talk and hear what he had to say. We didn't work after his shooting for a number of reasons. I think I said it before in here, but Jon wasn't the same person after the shooting. I couldn't force him to love me the way he used to when he didn't remember how.

Anyway, I told him that I understand and am happy for him. He's dating somebody; a girl. It's what feels right to him and she seems good for him. I've not met her, not sure I'm ready for that quite yet.

Turned over the apartment back to the manager at Zen. Couldn't hold onto that place when nobody was living there. I'll miss the mornings with Mataya over a cup of coffee, giggling about Jon and Max. But life moves on and if we're lucky enough and smart enough, we move on with it.

Kenny's been fantastic. He gave me a promise ring for Christmas. The heart is pointing at my knuckle. He asked me to wear it that way. But even if he hadn't, I would have anyway. After telling me about the Irish ring and what it means when you wear it in specific ways, the heart will be pointing at my knuckle for a long time.

I told him that I love him. He has a hard time saying the words. I'm not sure why or what damaged him in the past, but it doesn't matter. I know when he looks at me and the way he makes sure to let people know that I belong to him; he loves me.

And! He met Kaylee! Kaylee thinks he's adorable and I can't help but agree. I just wish I could find it in me to be happy for her. I mean, I am happy about her singing and the record contract. I just wish she'd dump the leech of a boyfriend. How much blood does she have left in her body, anyway?

COG

Correy Granger · Date: 2012-06-21 06:44 EST

Finally found my journal. I left it at the cottage during the winter break. If Kenny and I hadn't come back here for a little r&r it'd still be sitting on the shelf, collecting dust.

So much has happened since I last wrote. Frank died, Gabby cut her hair, Caroline's preggos. Ollie disappeared, wonder if he came back or not. Should go say hi to Piper and get the scoop. Jon's with Vicki, got to meet her finally. She's something else. Went to a masquerade ball with Kenny, got into a tiff with Kenny at the ball and didn't see him for nearly a week after! Was horrible. We're good now, though. Let's see, what else?

School's out for a couple of weeks. We came to the cabin to detox. Just get away from the nursing home, the school, the smell of unwashed and dying....blech! Anyway, so far having a really good time. Had an interesting game of Yahtzee last night. Never played strip Yahtzee before.

I'm pretty happy right about now. One more year left of school and I should have my R.N. Don't plan on working in the nursing home for much longer. It's going to be rotating shifts in different departments in the hospital. Can't wait to get away from old people. Had enough of that for a while.

Kenny's about to wake up. Love the little sounds he makes when he sleeps. Better go, pancakes might start to burn.

COG

Correy Granger · Date: 2012-09-09 12:10 EST

Kenny and I have been together for nearly a year now. So much has changed in that time. I'm not sure who I am anymore, who we are anymore. I love him, I do. I just don't think he understands me. I've been patient with him, trying to be understanding about his reluctance to open completely up.

We tried a threesome, with Rori of all people. He keeps insisting that I want and need to be with girls. I want, nor need, to be with girls. I was never the poster child for monogamy, but that was when I was much younger. I thought I found the one person that I wouldn't want anybody else over. And I still feel that way about Kenny, no matter how much he protests. Sleeping with Rori, while it felt great, left me feeling awkward and, to be blunt, wrong. I did it for Kenny.

And, come to find out, Kenny's into it. He's into girls, too. It's not that big of a deal to me, except does he want to practice what he preaches" He kept telling me that it's ok for me to sleep with women, as long as I come home to him. Will I feel the same way' If he comes home smelling like he'd had sex with a girl that meant nothing more to him than a booty call, will I be alright with that' Deep down, I honestly don't think....No, I know I won't be alright with that.

I'm so confused right now. It's hard to concentrate on work, with all of this jumbling around in my head. I want to talk to Kenny about it, I tried to talk to him. But he keeps insisting that it's wrong to deny my urges and fantasies. Doesn't he realize that he is the one I get urges for and fantasize about"

Not sure how much longer I can do this. So frustrated.

COG