Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall fade
- All Shall Fade (Pippin's Song)
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There were things in this city almost too easy to accomplish. Moving out of your family home was definitely one of them. Gabi sat in the middle of her new apartment's floor, hugging the bag that contained everything she owned in the world, and looked around with dead eyes.
There was no furniture to muffle the sound of her breathing, no soft furnishings to dampen the chill of a studio that had not been lived in for months. Until Monday, there would be no heating, no gas, no electricity - the realtor had wanted her to hold off on moving in until the amenities had been reconnected, but she had been too hasty, too caught up in the grip of her voided numbness to step back and think. She knew if she had done so, she would never have left.
Idly, she wondered how Cian was. How her father and aunt had reacted when she had not come home. How Tera had been integrated more closley into their family unit now that she, Gabi, wasn't there to take the attention from the people who most needed it. And she suppressed a pang of pure jealousy.
Self-sacrifice was hard, harder than she had thought it would be. She wanted to be at home, with her family; to be allowed to sit next to Cian's bedside and hold his hand, to see his eyes open and hear his voice again. But she had made a bargain, and she wasn't going to let her unknown, unnamed, nebulous deity down. Even if I can't see him, speak to him, know anything but that he's okay, I'll be good; I'll get married, I'll have babies, I'll do anything you want. Just bring my brother back. Well, her brother was back, and now Gabi had to make a start on her promise.
Perhaps, if she had been thinking straight, if she had not still been tossed about by the pain of losing Frank, the shock of almost losing Cian, the resentment that Cian had woken up for someone else, she would not be clinging so resolutely to what was, in effect, the most ridiculous idea she had ever had. But then again, perhaps this was the best thing for her. For almost 28 years, Gabi's whole life had been about her brothers. Perhaps it was time she started to think about herself.
She hadn't cut all ties to home. She still maintained her job at the Granger Fabric Library; if they wanted her, there she would be, at easily attained hours. Her sense of responsibility refused to allow her to just walk away completely, knowing how Caroline felt about Sterling's disappearance, how Lola's lack of presence tortured Ollie. Gabi wouldn't do that to her family. They knew where they could find her, if they wanted to.
For now, though .....her arms slowly uncoiled from about the bag she hugged tightly. The first task was to get married. Her mind had instantly jumped to Edward, the only real friend she had outside the family, but her pride wouldn't let her go to him and ask. He had his own life to lead, and as much as she enjoyed his company, she didn't love him. To get married, she had to fall in love with someone who loved her in return. To fall in love, she had to know someone. And to get to know someone, she would have to venture into the outside world and make at least one new friend.
A flutter of paper on the wall opposite her window outside caught her attention. A poster, flapping in the breeze. Valentines Day Disco Ball 2012. That sounded about right. Loud, alcohol-fuelled, and crowded ....maybe she could manage to begin her troubling first task there.
Maybe.
===============================================
There were things in this city almost too easy to accomplish. Moving out of your family home was definitely one of them. Gabi sat in the middle of her new apartment's floor, hugging the bag that contained everything she owned in the world, and looked around with dead eyes.
There was no furniture to muffle the sound of her breathing, no soft furnishings to dampen the chill of a studio that had not been lived in for months. Until Monday, there would be no heating, no gas, no electricity - the realtor had wanted her to hold off on moving in until the amenities had been reconnected, but she had been too hasty, too caught up in the grip of her voided numbness to step back and think. She knew if she had done so, she would never have left.
Idly, she wondered how Cian was. How her father and aunt had reacted when she had not come home. How Tera had been integrated more closley into their family unit now that she, Gabi, wasn't there to take the attention from the people who most needed it. And she suppressed a pang of pure jealousy.
Self-sacrifice was hard, harder than she had thought it would be. She wanted to be at home, with her family; to be allowed to sit next to Cian's bedside and hold his hand, to see his eyes open and hear his voice again. But she had made a bargain, and she wasn't going to let her unknown, unnamed, nebulous deity down. Even if I can't see him, speak to him, know anything but that he's okay, I'll be good; I'll get married, I'll have babies, I'll do anything you want. Just bring my brother back. Well, her brother was back, and now Gabi had to make a start on her promise.
Perhaps, if she had been thinking straight, if she had not still been tossed about by the pain of losing Frank, the shock of almost losing Cian, the resentment that Cian had woken up for someone else, she would not be clinging so resolutely to what was, in effect, the most ridiculous idea she had ever had. But then again, perhaps this was the best thing for her. For almost 28 years, Gabi's whole life had been about her brothers. Perhaps it was time she started to think about herself.
She hadn't cut all ties to home. She still maintained her job at the Granger Fabric Library; if they wanted her, there she would be, at easily attained hours. Her sense of responsibility refused to allow her to just walk away completely, knowing how Caroline felt about Sterling's disappearance, how Lola's lack of presence tortured Ollie. Gabi wouldn't do that to her family. They knew where they could find her, if they wanted to.
For now, though .....her arms slowly uncoiled from about the bag she hugged tightly. The first task was to get married. Her mind had instantly jumped to Edward, the only real friend she had outside the family, but her pride wouldn't let her go to him and ask. He had his own life to lead, and as much as she enjoyed his company, she didn't love him. To get married, she had to fall in love with someone who loved her in return. To fall in love, she had to know someone. And to get to know someone, she would have to venture into the outside world and make at least one new friend.
A flutter of paper on the wall opposite her window outside caught her attention. A poster, flapping in the breeze. Valentines Day Disco Ball 2012. That sounded about right. Loud, alcohol-fuelled, and crowded ....maybe she could manage to begin her troubling first task there.
Maybe.