Topic: Missives... Early 1995

Panther · Date: 2006-06-26 22:09 EST

1994-DEC-27 by Kitiara Note: This is taken from email I found in my archives, back at a time when Panther and Mika Leigh were parents to the twins Majellan and Myrielle, and before they disappeared from his life. Some of this involves Panth's former relationship with Kitiara. ::taking pen in hand and twirling it under fingers for a few moments as thoughts click in and out of place::

Mika,

Perhaps, if no one else on this godforsaken world would understand, you would.....::pausing once more and then dipping pen and setting it to paper:::

Dying....Aye, inside.....incurable....Aye, in a way. Part of me wishes you all the happiness in the world. Another part would see you squirming beneath my blade. But then.....a touchiness has always been within me over things I cannot control..

Perhaps, I ask too much of those around me and not enough of myself or vice versa....

Perhaps, I have been so cold so long, I am nay sure where the warm can come forth and when it finally does by a warm touch or a loving smile, I begin to believe again, only to have those belief's doused into the coldest part of the land and stomped to be buried.

I am sure this will come to no surprise to you. I still hold a deep feeling for Taz. What we had was like a flash of bright flame and then tossed over. Perhaps, this was more my fault since I cut the ties quickly, a severing I do regret at times. But then...in the end...it was never really resolved. None cared to know why I sat in tears within the Inn, none asked, none ventured forth. So I became the recluse most know me as.

::pausing once more to take a breath and dip the quill within the inkwell.::

It is hard for me to show friendship or love, for when I do, it is sent to the graveyard with the rest of my past. A past that rises to swirl about and haunt my nights and days, making me wonder why I am allowed to walk among the living. A curse, perhaps? A joke of some god or goddess....perhaps that also.

Taz was really never one to show much emotion, as neither was I. I believe I saw a glimpse once or twice and that is what made me love him. To know that somewhere a man did hold great emotion and caring. What he saw in me, I am nay sure. But he did not see this for long, so I hold a guilt of how I maybe could have had what you do. The love, the caring, the support and the family that I will never have. I do hope, someday, I can forgive myself for the way I have treated myself and my friends. But for now...I hold a cold heart and a brazen steel.....

::lowering the pen and adding a dusting of sand to the words before sending it forth with a messenger::

Panther · Date: 2006-06-26 22:13 EST

Missives - Part 2 1994-DEC-28 by Mika Leigh

::taking a sip of her favorite mint tea, before penning a reply, pausing every once in a while, and staring into the dancing firelight before her..::

~'Tis hard, to risk loving and caring for someone, after so many dear to you have been lost....In the past two years, my twin sister disappeared, my older sister died in agony bearing RC's/Falon's child, and countless friends and acquantainces have fallen as well...

Lost, wanting desperately to find a sense of "home" and belonging again, I joined up with MacHeath, learned my trade well...and for several months, learned what it was to have a home to go to, after a long night's work, to have others who cared whether or not you made it home at all...

And then the Thief was taken and murdered....And somehow, I stumbled upon Taziar....I seduced him, after a while...understanding, and being constantly reminded by other women and friends that he'd been with many others, and that he was *not* the marrying type. He told me, himself, that he didn't know whether he was capable of returning any sort of deep feeling for me, and that as for children....the subject made him uncomfortable. I'd loved him as a good friend, for a time, and it developed into more, as time went on...

I was entirely shocked when he proposed, the other night. I knew he loved our twins....they're such sweet babies, I don't know how anyone could help but adore them. But Taziar, marry' I'm still not entirely sure I can see Taz married....to me, nor anyone else.

I'm rambling, and I hope you'll forgive me. What I wanted to say was this....I have always wished, since learning of your relationship with our Cat, that somehow, you two had been able to talk to each other. Clear the air, and reach some sort of understanding, and perhaps....be able to love each other, and care for each other, as friends, once more. You are both in my heart, and I'm torn, knowing that I'm causing *you* pain, and all of us some discomfort when we're together in the same room.

Resent me, perhaps even hate me at times, Kiti....the best and closest of sisters do, at some time or another.

I want things worked out, and I want you to be able to look at me, be with me and Taz, and be comfortable with our love for you, and for each other. Somehow...

...For I wish my twins to be able to grow up, knowing and loving the "wondrous Auntie Kit," from the stories they've been raised on. And I wish for you to know that there's a home open to you, a cabin in the heart of the wooded mountains, that is always there and waiting, with open arms and hearts...

I love you, Kit. Mika~~

Panther · Date: 2006-06-26 22:14 EST

Missives - Part 3 1994-DEC-28 by Mika Leigh

~~No word yet, had come from Kit, in reply to her last missive. Something that might make one squirm, indeed...

Standing over her bed, looking down at her two sweet babies, snuggled close to each other, she sat slowly, on the edge, her eyes going distant.

Taz had left earlier that morning, to pick up a few things for the twins, and some supplies from one of the shops in the closest town, and the cabin was silent, save the occasional popping and snapping sound coming from the fireplace, and the soft snoring sounds coming from one, or both, of the twins.

Since writing the words to Kit, they'd come back to haunt her at odd moments, taunting and teasing her. Forced Taziar into proposing to her" She couldn't see *anyone* forcing him into it....not even her lovely "sisters", Dansr, nor Kira, nor could she see Glory trying to push him into it, either. She knew that many had simply assumed they'd been married, especially after the twins had been born, but it had never bothered her. And she'd *never* thought Taz would marry. Not her, not *anyone*.

He loved Ella and Jelan....of that there was no doubt. And that he loved her, too, she felt. But had she forced him into the position where he'd feel obligated to ask her" They'd never even talked about marriage. She knew he was not the marrying type, and was quite content to continue their relationship as things stood. Life was good, and she wasn't going to do anything to jeapordize that. Nor was she going to let anyone else mess with it.

But had she forced him into this?...Her belly roiled, and she felt nauseous at the thought. She hated this feeling. She'd struggled with this very doubt after she'd found out she was pregnant with the twins. And she thought it had been dealt with then, and buried. Turning to Myrielle and Majelan, she stretched out on the bed beside them, and rested her arm over them, closing her eyes, and trying to squeeze the doubt from her mind.~~

Panther · Date: 2006-06-26 22:15 EST

Missives - Part 4 1994-DEC-28 by Kitiara

She sat in deep thought studying the fire, a fire she did not need on her tropical Island, but one she had lit all the same. The room was dark, except for the glow and the return missive a bit crumpled in her hand. She took deep breaths trying to hold in what struggled to get out. The anger and hurt she had carried for a long time. Yesterday she had met a man, an Immortal that had taken her to a special place and listened to her pain as she had listened to his. His offer to "anchor" her so she could cry and not worry of losing herself had come as a surprise, but she accepted. And now she held the missive from him also, something had come up. He would meet with her soon. But as she thought over the words within Mika's letter, she knew that soon was not *soon* enough.

Mika said she had seduced Taz, that much she had been sure of. Not that she had not done so herself in the past. But to allow yourself to become pregnant with children to a man who was extremely uncomfortable about it, was not right in her eyes. She could not fault Mika for wanting him, but had she trapped him in any way.....slowly she leaned forth and took deep breaths. Her eyes closed tightly and her hands clenched, nails biting through the parchment and into her palms. Something rolled through her, a moan of despair, and the angry frustrated sound issued forth until the cup rattled on her desk and in some distance around the castle the echoing sound of a dragon answered with a loud deafening roar. Great wings rose from the castle to circle it as the woman inside tore her world apart.

Panther · Date: 2006-06-26 22:16 EST

Missives - Part 5 1994-DEC-29 by Mika Leigh

~~Two days, and still no word. Nor had Kit been seen around the Inn. No one had heard from her, which wasn't too unusual in itself, but....Mika had worried, after she had sent her last note, and received no reply. Kit had never been one to leave loose ends.

Two days had passed, and now, Mika found herself physically, mentally, and emotionally preparing to shadow-walk, and find Kit. She had never intruded upon Kit's self=imposed isolation, and though Kit had promised to send word and invitation to her, she'd never followed through, and Mika had never intruded upon her privacy.

Her plan now, was simple. Drop in on Kit, at her palacial home on the Island, and see for herself that she was merely blowing things out of proportion in her mind, that Kit was truly okay, if not upset, or even feeling rather hurt.

She'd just assure herself that all was really well, hopefully without being noticed by Kit, nor anyone/thing else that might be there, and return home, and wait for Kit to make contact once more. She didn't want to push too much upon Kit.

Taziar was 'sitting the twins, and before she'd left, she'd made sure there were dinner things set aside, and all was well. She knew the twins were delighted, as always, to spend time with Daddy, doing all sorts of silly and wonderful things together.

Now, sitting at a quiet table at the Inn, half-hidden in the shadows, her hands tightened about the mug, remembering the last time she'd shadow-walked. She'd been trying to bring Naton through the Void, and back to Misty Brew. She'd been unable to bring him through with her, and had almost lost herself, and her twins, in the effort. It had been foolish, perhaps, but they had been desperate.

Now, she had only to concentrate on Kit,and had no one but herself to 'walk through the Void. She'd done this several times, successfully. And she was determined it would be successful, now.

Pushing the mug aside, she uncrossed her legs, and took deep, controlled breaths, her eyes resting closed. Searching the deepest shadows in the corners ofer mind, she toed at the egde of the Void within, and pictured Kit....called softly to her, searching, searching...

Within the Inn, Mika's body began to fade and meld into the shadows, as she stepped into the Void, concentrating upon Kit~~