Topic: En Medias Res

Lirssa Sarengrave

Date: 2010-01-16 16:43 EST
Lirssa sat on her bed, back against the wall. Her sock feet wiggled over the edge. It was dark outside. It was mostly dark inside on that midweek night. One lamp was all that glowed in her closed door room. It set the blown glass acrobat she had named Bettina on her dresser to shimmering. She had no idea if there was anyone else in the house. Everyone there walked so softly most of the time. Besides that, Lirssa wasn't really paying attention to who might be walking past her door.

The blank first page in the leather bound book in front of her consumed her attention. It had been a Yule gift from Miss Fio and Mister Ali. The pen had accompanied the gift, and she turned it around and around in her fingers. The book was the promise of opportunity, possibility " that's what Mr. George the book binder said. Lirssa had intended to write starting forward.

That had changed from the lessons that day".

The Teas "n" Tomes smelled snug with spices, papers, and fire burning blending together into a haven from the cold outside. Professor and student sat in their chairs opposite a small round table between them. The table valiantly held beneath the pile of books, strewn papers and tray of half full teacups and nibbled on cinnamon scones.

Science and the brutal subject of math had passed, and now it was literature. Only, Mister Jolly's transition into the subject was not the customary one. "How has the name change gone?" He picked up his notebook and pen and set those eyes on him.

Lirssa sat back and crossed her arms. She had promised to help Mister Jolly with his research, and that deal included him asking her questions. The new deal saved her money, but it also meant she had to spill her thoughts out. Right now, those thoughts were as flighty as birds startled from their nests. "Well," she tried to catch one of those thoughts and form words out of it. "Well, I'm thinkin" you were sorta right. I mean, at first it was weird, just a line. Just me pretendin". It didn't mean anything, but like you said, it meant somethin" to them. And it was easier, too. I mean, callin someone Maman is killer " er- much easier than havin to figure out ?" she stopped, then went on. She could trust Mister Jolly, "..figure out who was awake and adding the Miss, though she's really Mrs even if she doesn't take Mister Ali's name."

There was more to say. It was all there flying around her heart and head, but she stopped the fluttering and just pouted at him. It was impossible to get rid of the feeling when she was forced to talk about it. She was surrounded by Mister Ali and Miss Fio. They were in the clothes they provided, the breakfast in the morning, and the dinner in the evening. They buzzed in her head with soft French sounds and deep warmth.

Mister Jolly's watch on her was patient while he scratched some notes. Not many, not anything as much as what she had said. It was a snip, snip of pencil tip against paper and that was it. After a moment of door jingling open and closed in the silence, he prompted, "But something happened."

Something had happened. Something great and horrible. Lirssa pulled her knees up to her chest, fingers playing with the buttons on her boots.

Lirssa Sarengrave

Date: 2010-01-16 21:10 EST
"What is it, Lirssa?" Jolyon asked. His voice the same staid patience as when he was directing her to think out an answer. She watched his pencil scratch a few more notes on the paper.

Taking a deep breath, then another, she confessed, "It started to feel right ever so quick. I didn't have to play at it, or really even think about it. Papa." The word now felt awkward. "Maman." Words mealy in her mouth. "It came like I belonged."

"Isn't that what you wanted?" He didn't hide his confusion from her. She saw it on his face as clear as the print of the tabled book. "Is that not what they want?"

Lirssa nodded. Her gaze drifted down from her tutor's to the table. The table was not her focus, nor the tea or myriad other things on top of it. What she saw was a big blank darkness with unclear whispers. Voices behind a curtain she could not pull away.

"What happened then that changed that?"

"He died." Lirssa blinked up Mister Jolly and saw his confusion deepen and add a patina of shock. "He's alive again, but right there, in front of me he died. It wasn't like Bubber. It wasn't like all the other deaths where I could see it comin, knew it sorta inside. He stood, he stumbled, and I couldn't stop him from fallin. Magicks. Somethin bad happened last night, too, only I thought it was him dyin again so I hit his chest, but he wasn't dying. I hit him!"

"Lirssa, I think that can be forgiven considering what you had experienced. Action is better than non action I would think."

The interjection was just ignored. "I never know what?s gonna happen. Alive, dead, who's awake, who's asleep. What friend is gonna put "em danger again." Avalanche of worries crushed the barriers meant to keep it all inside. The shush of confession became a dull roar in her ears. "What if they don't really want me, just the idea of me. What if what they want and what I want really aren't the same thing. What if they die tomorrow" What if?" Her hands curled into fists at her ankles.

"You know better, Lirssa." The scolding was tempered by his soft voice and sympathetic smile. "Aren't you always boasting how you know the ways of Rhydin" Talking about not wasting time to others?"

She soured. Her mouth scrunched up as Mister Jolly used her words against her. "Yes," she had to admit.

"Then," he flipped through notes of his book. It was the one he started when they made the deal of helping him with his research in exchange for her lessons. No more coins, just honesty and opening doors of her thoughts she kept so carefully closed. The notes were many. "Lirssa, I am not doubting your feelings - indeed I am not. But we have spoken a great deal on your ability to adapt to change."

That was something. He wasn't saying she was being stupid or mean, even if she felt she was inside. But he was right. She knew this place was never certain. She knew it like she knew how to twist and turn just the right way to land on her feet. It was just the way her world was " always changing. "I just don't know, Mister Jolly. I keep?" she sighed.

"Keep..?"

Her head thumped back again and again against the chair back. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Very well." Jolyon did not move, but watched her.

She watched him back. Mister Ali did that. Miss Fio did that. Mister Lucky did that. So many people did that. That patient thing. When did she ever have patience" Why did she deserve it' She didn't. She cracked under such patience and the knowing there was that deal there that he wasn't pressing, just like the others. "I don't belong."

"Lirssa, I want you to try something. I want you to remove emotion from it and let us look at it scientifically. I want you to list, not to tell me, but just in your mind, because I am sure your papa and maman have secrets I am not to know, but list in your mind just what makes you feel like you don't belong with them."

Uncertainty. Trouble. Danger. Death. Hurt. Pain. Loss. Abandonment.

Lirssa frowned at Mister Jolly, whispered. "Okay."

"Now, in another mental column list what it is you know from living since you can ever remember," he used her words, "in Rhydin and how you cope with it." This was something they had talked about before. What she had faced, what she did when faced with it.

UncertaintyTroubleDangerDeathHurtPainLoss"..

Abandonment.

Hope. Loyalty. Stubbornness. Joy. Life. Caring.

Lirssa closed her eyes and put her forehead on her knees, she curled up tight against herself. She barely heard Jolyon's words. "Just think about that."

Lirssa Sarengrave

Date: 2010-01-18 13:19 EST
The door bells jangled several times with other customers coming and going before Mister Jolly asked, "Would you like to continue the lessons?"

Easier to go away at that moment, sure, but the deal was made and there would be other lessons she would likely miss. Time was not something to be wasted. She could hear it tick away in her heart. A hear that had stopped maybe? Stopped like Mister Ali's had stopped" Lirssa still was not certain what happened that early dawn when they had brought her to Miss Kyrie's abbey. When they had brought her back from being lost within.

Brought her back.

Lirssa nodded and unfolded her legs, leaning forward. Mister Jolly turned the text towards her. "You have studied the history of the Greeks and Romans and we're going to add the literature. Greek plays. Their influence is still felt in many cultures literature through the ages..."

The study went on about the myths and legends, the meanings they conveyed, why they appealed and then the importance of their structure when Mister Jolly stopped and sat back with that dark brooding look. "What is it?" It surely could not have been her. She was paying attention. "You were just talking about the starting in the middle of things."

"Yes, yes...en medias res. Yes, well, it is all well and good for a story but even the characters knew their beginning. I do wonder.....Apologies, Lirssa would you be so kind as to study on that text a moment while I think through something" I have an idea for you, but I want to take a look through some text."

"Oh." And idea for her was curious enough that Lirssa nodded and picked up the book. Her eyes went over the words, and it was not that she did not understand them, it was simply her brain was not taking them in. An idea for her was mysterious and vague, and she kept checking on Mister Jolly like he was a water kettle and she waiting for it to boil.

She turned the page, realized she had no idea what was going on, and turned back. "Mister Jolly' Is this a poem or a story?"

"Hmm?" He stirred and leaned forward with a smile. "Epic poetry, Lirssa. We will be reading many types of poetic stories as we go along. Your Shakespeare knowledge, at least the hearing of it, I think will help you in this. I will admit this is very different, but I think you can handle it."

A sunshower smile hid down into the text again, but Mister Jolly was not done. "I think you can handle another request. Lirssa, people don't begin en medias res. They have a story, and you my dear, don't know what yours is. Have you ever thought of maybe writing your own story' The beginning of it?"

Lirssa shrunk back, chin tucked to her chest. A painful frown ached her head as she shook it. "Some street kids do. I make up their beginnings for them sometimes when I'm friending them."

"But you've never made up your own?"

Lirssa shrugged and shook her head. When she told her story it always started with Bubber, but she knew there had to be a before that. There was somehow or someway she came to be, and in this world it could have been anyway at all. "Why?"

"I am not sure why, Lirssa, but if you are willing, I'd like you to write your story. Perhaps also have your Maman and Papa-"

"Why?" Her stomach twisted in knots. "Why do you they have to help?"

"Well," Mister Joly sat back and smiled at her, "I did not say they had to. I said perhaps. I do think, though, just as you helped others with their stories because you knew where you were taking them, to a foster home to be prepared for a family, that your family might like to help you."

"I don't know, Mister Jolly. It seems like baby stuff." She shouldn't need stories except the ones in books.

"Oblige me, Lirssa. I want you to write your beginning, please."

And so there Lirssa was, sitting on the top bunk of her bed, journal open to write — instead of her present or her hopes for the future — to write her past. She looked to the line of light beneath her door, and she stayed right where she was. Pen to paper she started.

I was born...