Topic: Daddy's Journal

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-06-24 08:06 EST
Dear Sprog,

As a doctor, I often advise my patients to start a journal, writing down thoughts, feelings, milestones. And it's about time I started following my own advice.

Your mother and I just found out that there was to be an addition to our little family. What do I feel" Excitement, fear, happy, utter joy. And let's not leave out pure and unadulterated love.

You'll be here in about nine months or so, if all goes as scheduled. You will be a good little sprog and not give your mother too much trouble" Though if you turn out to be like her and her brother, what a little spit fire we'll have on our hands!

Already your mother is beset with morning sickness. I feel terrible each time she wretches. It's like I did this to her. Not that she wasn't a willing participant in your creation, but still. I hate to see her feeling bad. I bring her water, crackers. Pull her hair back when she's leaning over the toilet.

She says I've been treating her like one of my patients. Even my boss and co-workers have commented on it. I'll try harder not to be so technical about things. I guess it makes me come off as a bit cold and distant.

Anyway, I am eager to meet you, little one. Be good to your mommy!

Love,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-07-03 12:57 EST
Dear Sprog,

Well, your mother and I made it official. We were wed at your grandfather Drake's estate in San Diego, California. There was much drama and tension at first. But, in the end, everything went fine. I can't wait for you to be born and meet all of these people that are so crazy for you, already.

Grandpa Ryan wishes you were a boy, so he can make you into his little soldier. Grandma Ryan wishes you were a girl, so she can have the daughter she never had. If you are a girl, I feel sorry for you! She plans on dresses with pinafores, patent leather shoes, ribbons, bows and petticoats.

Your grandparents on the Drake side of the family only wish for a happy, healthy baby. At least their wishes will be easy.

I still can't believe you're on the way. Every day your mother grows more beautiful as her body arranges itself to accommodate your growing inside of her. She has a cute little bump. I just love to touch it and to talk to you. Sometimes it annoys her that I seemed so preoccupied with her belly. But, I can't help it, little Sprog. I already love you so much. I wonder if you can really hear me talking to you.

Time to be off. We're taking a honey moon to Tahiti. Grandpa and Grandma Ryan insisted. And who am I to tell my parents no' I'll write again, soon.

Love you,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-07-14 14:39 EST
Dear Sprog,

Tahiti was beautiful. Had such a good time there. We swam and lounged about most of the time. Of course, your mother took me shopping and we picked up some nice things. She refuses to wear maternity clothes, just yet.

She said she felt you move while we were in Tahiti. I couldn't feel it, you're still so small. I talked to you for a while, until your mother said that you had calmed down. She was very excited. I can't say that I wasn't. Every little thing you do brings another round of excited laughter. I just can't wait for you to get here.

I've been back to work at the clinic, and your mother has been keeping busy at the studio. She's helped with some murals and I got my boss to agree to allow your mother and her co-workers to do the artwork for the part of the clinic that I'll be running. Can't say that I didn't plan that. Want to be around her as much as possible. Love her so much, Sprog. You and she mean everything to me.

Had another check up. Everything's going smoothly. Your little heart sounds like a little toy drum, beating very quickly. A strong heart, strong rhythm. Yes, I am already a proud da.

Talk to you again, soon,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-08-20 06:10 EST
Dear Sprogs,

Yes, Sprogs. Two of you. A little boy and a little girl. I have settled on the names I prefer, Adam and April. Your mother has come up with some ideas as well, and we'll see what you two end up being named. Don't worry, Sprogs, I won't let her name you something like Hubert and Henrietta. Though, I don't think your mother could ever be that cruel.

Been so busy around here. We have your nursery already set up and ready to go. So do your grandparents on both sides of the family. Grandma and Grandpa Ryan and Mamaw and Papaw Drake are all so very eager to meet you. Almost as eager as your mother and myself.

Everyday is a new adventure. The both of you are so active that your mother tires out so easily. And I can feel your kicks and punches now, too. Always brings a smile to my face when one of you kicks at my hand. Fine, strong babies growing inside your mother. When you two get really going, all I have to do is talk to you and you seem to settle. Your mother has called me at work and put the phone to her belly when you've been at your naughtiest. I know there's not a lot of room in there, but do be good to each other and your mother and night wrestle around so much'

Your grandparents Ryan came to visit. The visit wasn't as pleasant as I'd have liked it to be. A lot of things aren't as I've liked it to be. I've been so busy worried that things be absolutely perfect, that I forgot to treat your mother with the respect she deserves along the way. I was over reacting to everything little thing, making her undergo daily tests to make sure that everything is progressing normally. I became obsessed. Your mother, understandably, finally had enough. And I learned a valuable lesson from my father. Life is never perfect. There are moments that are near perfection, but nothing ever goes exactly to plan.

Anyway, things are back to normal. I love your mother, and I love you two, so much. I can't wait to meet you.

Love,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-09-03 14:12 EST
Sproglings,

Still can't decide what to name you two. Your mom doesn't seem to like the suggestions that I've been giving her. But then, I shouldn't tease her with names like L'mongelo or Orangello. I thought about Xavier Sasparilla for a while, until my mom reminded me that name really wouldn't be a good one as it was used in a School House Rock cartoon.

How about something simple? Your mom wants the little guy in there to have my name, somehow. Not sure how I feel about that. I mean, you've got your own identity and you'll be sharing my last name anyway. I'll have to think more about that.

I put up a hot tub in our bedroom. I keep it warm, at best though. It's become your mother's favorite place to be. I worry, still. Bacteria and other things could...well I still worry. I promise to keep a good eye on her and you two, also.

Time to go to work.

Love you,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-09-14 08:18 EST
Dear Sproglings,

We took another scan, just to be sure that you two were happy and healthy in there. I'm very proud to say that all is well. Though you two are beating your mother to a pulp. Do try to be more gentle with her. She is your mother.

I found your mother crying yesterday. She's been working so very hard on the auction that is coming up. Add to that the stress of your grandmothers, as well meaning as they are, trying to tell her what to do and how to do it, and you're mother's been pretty stressed out lately.

I called your grandma Ryan and told her to back off. Your mother is in very capable hands with me and she just needs to be the happy grandmother to be and to spoil you two rotten once your born. Grandma Drake wasn't so easy to convince. She kept going on and on about making amends with your mother since they didn't have the easiest of relationships as your mother was growing up. Her maternal instincts, finally, kicked in and now she's simply wanting the best for your mother. She did agree to not be so pushy. We'll see how far that goes.

Other than that, everything is peaceful. I work, your mother works, but we find time to ourselves every day. We talk to you, about you, about everything. I'm trying so hard to be the best husband and Da that I can be. I love all three of you, very much.

One of you just gave a hard kick to your mother's ribs. Be nice!

Love you,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-09-25 14:29 EST
Dear Sprogs,

I had a brief moment of sheer terror today. I was sitting in the cafeteria, drinking what they try to pass off as coffee and it hit me. I'm going to be a father. I've delivered dozens and dozens of babies, have seen the look of pride, of fear, of utter joy and love on men's faces as I had their squirming, slippery bundles of joy off to them. I hardly give them a second thought as I go about my day, taking care of the mothers.

I'm going to be a dad, and you'll be here before I know it. Will I live up to the expectations my own father has for me" Will I live up to the expectations I have for myself" Will I live up to the expectations your mother has for me?

It's a scary time, right now. As always, the future's uncertain and the past is granite. I just hope that if you ever feel frightened or unsure of yourself, if life ever gets you down; know that you can trust your old man. I'll be there for you. I promise you this now, and always.

Love,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2009-11-24 22:17 EST
Orla and Seamus,

I don't think it's going to be much longer, now. As you two grow and become more active, your mother gets more and more tired. She's as beautiful as ever in my eyes. I've taken a lot of pictures, and stored them in this journal for you to look at when you're older.

It's amazing to me that I'm going to be a dad. I've read dozens of books already on how to make the house safer for you. On how to discipline without breaking your spirits. On how to properly care for your mom's psychological as well as emotional and mental health after you're born.

Yet, I'm still so scared. I don't say a word to your mom. She's got the same fears and I've seen her crying and holding her stomach. It worries me. But, I know she's going to be fine. I see a lot of patients who worry about the same thing. And they all turn out fine.

I sing to you, talk to you, every day. I love to feel you move inside of your mom's belly. It's amazing and something I'll never grow tired of.

However, you're mother is growing very tired of having her kidneys used for footballs and punching bags. Be nice and come out soon.

I can't wait to meet you.

Love,

Da

Stas Ryan

Date: 2010-01-05 15:48 EST
Seamus and Orla,

You're here. Finally. After waiting and wondering, you're finally here. No complications, not too much stress on your mother. Though, I'm sure she'll tell you differently, some day. Seamus was first. Loud and angry at everybody. Orla, you were so quiet that your mother worried that something was wrong. How could the two of you come from the same place and be so utterly different?

I've not had a lot of time to write. After you were born, your grandparents on both sides stayed and tried to help out as best they could. I have to admit, it was a bit overwhelming. Good to have the house to ourselves. Our own little family.

We've taken you out a few times already and your reception has been a resounding success. Your aunts Doc Anya and Aunt Aja take turns holding the two of you. Better watch them. They're going to spoil you both rotten and send you home with noise making toys.

All in all, it feels good to be a dad, so far. It's different, caring for an infant. I used to think of babies as just small adults. But now that you're here, I see how wrong that line of thinking is. While you're both strong, you're both so tiny and I feel the need to protect you against everything.

More on that later. It's diaper changing time.

Love you,

Da