Topic: In The Still of The Night

AJ Drake

Date: 2009-06-19 08:30 EST
There was something very comforting about listening to Stas' quiet breathing in the dark stillness of their bedroom, AJ decided finally. She'd been lying awake by his side for what felt like hours, unable to drift off to sleep so easily as him, her mind whirling with the implications of what they were going into together. Beneath the covers, her hand snuck down to rest against her belly, stroking thoughtfully over the smooth, flat area.

A baby ....They were going to be parents. There was a tiny life growing inside her right now. It was mind-boggling to think about. After all, they'd only recent become intimate enough to make a baby - surely it wasn't supposed to happen so fast' And come to think of it, wasn't the woman supposed to know first' She just about managed not to groan through her smile as she remembered the first she'd heard about the allusion of being pregnant ...

Oh, this was getting ridiculous, AJ thought to herself as she wiped her face clean after her third spontaneous trip to the bathroom that day. It wasn't just the random vomiting, it was the incredible weariness, too ....was she ill" Had she caught something off Stas without him catching it too' After washing her mouth out and cleaning her teeth, she shuffled back into the living room, swamped in one of Stas' t-shirts and nothing else but her panties, and returned to her study of her own hand, tracing the image in charcoal on the page in front of her.

Stas had taken the day off to be with AJ. While her bouts of nausea weren't really a concern, physically, he knew they could be, emotionally. Carrying a tray out of the kitchen, it contained a pitcher of water, two glasses, a can of ginger pop and two sleeves of crackers. Hanging from it was a towel with some ice in it. The tray was placed on the table in front of the couch. "Hey." he smiled and poured her a glass of water.

She looked up at him with a smile. "Hey ....you know, you really didn't have to take the day off to look after me," she said for what was probably the fiftieth time that day, gratefully accepting the glass and sipping the water with a low sigh of relief. "It's just a bug, I'll get over it."

He settled onto the couch, slinging his arm around her shoulder. "Not for another couple of months, I'm afraid." He gave her a supportive look and kiss to her temple. "Morning sickness isn't anything to be too awfully worried over. Once the first trimester is over, so is waking up to the toilet." He gently moved hair from her face. "Crackers before you get out of bed will help."

It took a moment for that to sink in, and she leaned her head back to stare at him. "Excuse me" Morning sickness?" AJ's eyes were wide and suddenly terrified. "When did my stomach bug become morning sickness?"

"When we made love." he whispered and pulled her even more closely to him. A proud smile upon his face as his hand brushed away her sketchbook so it could rest on her flat stomach.

Shocked hazel eyes looked down at his hand resting over her - currently - flat stomach, and slowly dragged back up to meet his gaze as her own hand laid gently atop his. "I ....I'm pregnant?" she whispered, scarcely able to believe it.

He nodded slowly, with a smile on his face. "I think so. A test should prove it. Urine's good, blood is better." He pressed a kiss to her cheek and then laughed softly. "It's all we've dreamed of, Amelia."

AJ was totally floored by this news, staring into space for a very long time while she tried to process what she'd just been told. It made perfect sense, and well, he was a doctor, he should know about these things, but ....pregnant' So soon' "Oh my god!" she exclaimed suddenly, jumping as another thought occurred to her. "Your mother!"

He watched the wheels spin behind her eyes, he'd seen it dozens of times before and withheld any further reaction until hers registered. "Mother will be fine." He laughed softly and pulled her back down. "No sudden movements, it'll make you rush to the bathroom again. Sip your water."

"But ....but ....pregnant ....not married ....haven't even met her ..." Coherence was apparently not at AJ's beck and call at this precise moment in time. She didn't stop trying to create a full sentence, though, even as she did as she was told and sipped her water.

"Now, now, it's alright, calm down." he squeezed her shoulders tightly. "The marriage is a technicality at this point. We already know we're going to spend happily ever after together. And you'll meet my mom soon enough. It'll be alright. I promise."

"You-you're sure?" She twisted in his grip, grabbing his hands and squeezing them almost painfully tightly.

"Yes, my love." He smiled warmly, reassuringly. "And mother's going to love you. I promise that, too."

"Really?" That, it seemed, was exactly what AJ needed to hear. She relaxed slowly, curling up against his side, still working her way through the technicalities of what he'd told her. "Oh god ....we're having a baby," she whispered softly, rolling up the hem of his t-shirt to look down at her flat, tanned stomach as if she could almost see the embryo growing there.

"Really." When she relaxed against him, his arms curled around her and his hands rested on her stomach. "We are. A perfect little girl with beautiful blond hair and hazel eyes that light up like the sun."

"We don't know that," she murmured, a soft smile playing on her lips as her hands joined his to rest protectively over her belly. "Could just as easily be a flawless little boy with tousled brown hair and big blue eyes, just like his daddy." She looked up at him thoughtfully. "Are you sure you're okay with this" I mean, I know it's really soon, and you wanted to be married before we went this far, and ..."

He put his finger to her lips, then replaced them with his own. "We created a miracle, Amelia. Of course I'm ok with it. And when we see those perfect little toes and fingers, those eyes, nothing else will matter."

AJ Drake

Date: 2009-06-19 08:31 EST
Would nothing else matter" She knew the doctor currently snoring gently beside her in the darkness was more than ready to start his family, wanting a bountiful number of children to fill his home with life, but ....was she" Her only experience of so-called 'happy families' had been during her parents' press junkets, where she and Devon were trotted out as children to look cute and be well-behaved so the world could see how perfect the Drakes' lives were. Could she be a better mother than her own had been"

She was fidgeting again, she realised, her whole body suddenly stilling in an attempt not to wake Stas. There was no way she'd be able to stay still, though, not with all this weighing on her mind. Rather than get restless and disturb her fianc"'s sleep, she slid carefully out from beneath the sheets, pulling on his bathrobe over her sleep tank and shorts, and padded on bare feet over to the bathroom.

Closing the door behind her, she flicked the light on, blinking and squinting in the sudden glare, and found herself looking herself in the eye. Or more accurately, her reflection was looking her in the eye. And she could see all those unanswered questions and fears swirling around behind those eyes.

Lillian Drake had not been a wonderful mother. AJ doubted she had even been a good mother. Her idea of a perfect family realised, she had taken little interest in her children, except to insist where they concentrated their studies. AJ couldn't remember a time when it had ever just been them and their mother, doing what normal families seemed to do. It was always Lillian and her PAs, the nanny, the bodyguards, and she and her brother.

She envied Stas his parents. From what he'd told her, it sounded as though his childhood had been filled with love, and he had never been in any doubt of it. Even now, when he spoke about his mother, there was always a fondness in his eyes and voice that she was sure was distinctly lacking in her when she spoke of Lillian. With such an example, how was there any way she could be a good mother herself"

Her gaze dropped to her reflection's flat stomach, and her thoughts took on a different path. She turned to the side, pulling back the robe and lifting her tank to rub one palm over her womb, the place Stas' hand seemed magnetised towards nowadays. How would she look, carrying that rounded curve, she wondered" She couldn't imagine it. Were it not for the constant nausea, the tiredness, the mood swings and the agonising breast pain - the last of which she had yet to confess to her overly educated fianc? - she could almost convince herself that it wasn't happening.

But it was. AJ couldn't back away from this. It wasn't just about her anymore, not even just about her and Stas. Between them, they had created a little life, and she wasn't entirely sure she liked the idea of being a walking, talking incubator for the next nine months. Certainly the way Stas seemed to be fixated on her belly wasn't helping. He touched it whenever he could, he even talked to it when he was supposed to be talking to her. And yes, she knew he was excited, but she wasn't. She was scared, and he wasn't helping. Hopefully, after their very public snit at one another, he'd got that point. Hadn't stopped him making arrangements on her behalf, though ...

"She's giving birth at home."

AJ Drake

Date: 2009-06-19 08:31 EST
"Like hell I am," AJ objected at once. "I'm not having this baby anywhere but a hospital."

"What, don't trust me, Amelia?" He lifted a brow to her.

She gave him a flatly fond look. "You're not going to be my doctor, darlin'," she informed him gently. "You're gonna be a mess when it comes to it ....you'll need a doctor. And much as I love you, I'm going to insist on having a hospital birth."

"I will not need a doctor. And being at home is a perfectly good place to have our child. No, it's been decided and arranged. Marie is an excellent midwide." He nodded, as if to say that's the last of that.

She stared at him. She was just too tired and too stressed out to have him do this to her. "Excuse me" That's it, it's just decided without even talking to the woman who's going to be doing all the work?"

"One less thing for you to worry about." he nodded.

"What, so you've just decided how everything's going to go, just the way you like it?" AJ slid herself off his lap and into the seat beside him, close to furious at the assumptions made. "Do I get any say in this at all"

"You can pick the colors for the nursery."

"Oh, yes, of course, because that's all I'm good for," she snapped icily, scowling in a very hostile manner at her fiance. "Just a walking incubator for your perfect child."

"Now, Amelia..." He gently patted her shoulder.

"Don't you 'now, Amelia' me!" She shrugged his hand away from her angrily. "I am not going to sit back and let you decide how my life's going to be run. Because, you know, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm the one who's actually pregnant here, Stas. I think I have the right to at least have some say in what?s going to happen for my baby."

"Our baby." he corrected. "and a home birth is perfectly safe. We'll have everything that both of you need, there. So stop fussing."

She stared at him incredulously, and her voice lowered to a dangerously quiet tone. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said that it'd be perfectly safe. Everything you need. Maybe even a nice, soothing birthing tub." He smiled warmly towards her belly. "It'll be alright, Amelia. Our child will have every advantage. And so will you."

Oooh, storm clouds were brewing in AJ's eyes. "Number one ....you told me to stop fussing," she pointed out deathly quietly. "Might surprise you, Stas, but I've never done this before. I think I am entitled to fuss if I want to! And second ....you really need to stop talking to my stomach when you talk about our child."

"And you seem to forget that I've delivered a lot of babies. Trust me, Amelia. There's no need for all the fuss. And it's beneficial for the father to talk to the mother's belly. Lets the little guy know his father's voice."

"And what happened to talking to the mommy?"

"What have I been doing for the past hour or so?" He blinked, confused.

Tears were beginning to form in AJ's eyes, but she made a valiant effort not to cry, biting into her lip and looking away.

He saw the tears and his arm snaked around her shoulders. He sighed heavily, knowing that the tears were just a hormonal thing. "Amelia, it'll pass and everything will be right again."

"I hate it when you justify my feelings like that," she sniffed, still hanging onto being angry if she could. "I am not just some walking incubator, I need to have some input here. I'm scared, Stas, and I haven't seen my brother in weeks, and you keep talking to my tummy instead of to my face, and ....and ....my hormones are so out of wack I don't know if I'm overreacting anymore!"

"You are, but it's to be expected." He pat her shoulder, reassuringly.

Her finger shot up to waggle in front of his nose. "That's not helping," she sniffled.

"What's not helping?" He frowned and canted his head. "It's normal for pregnant women to be highly emotional." Nodding

"I am not just any pregnant woman to you, Stas, I am not one of your patients," she ground out in a wobbly voice. "I am your fiance, this is your child, and you damn well better start behaving like a person, instead of a doctor before I get really mad!"

"Now Amelia, sweetheart." he rubbed her back gently. "Don't get upset. It's not good for either of you. Calm down, ok?"

"Stop it!" She flinched away, rising to her feet with her fists clenched by her sides. "Stop being 'Doctor Ryan'! And I'll get upset if I bloody well want to! I have a reason to be!"

Oh boy. "Amelia.." his voice trailed off. "please. You're making a scene."

"God forbid I should make you look bad in public!" Okay, she probably didn't mean what she was about to say, but AJ was hormonal and upset; in Stas' own words, it was to be expected. "Wouldn't it just be awful if people actually found out that we're normal people, with normal problems?"

He gave her a stern look. "I'll remind you that you are engaged to a doctor. You are having a doctor's child. Don't keep throwing my profession in my face. Doctors are people too. We're just more educated." His eyes went wide, and his hand went over his mouth.

Her hand lashed out and caught him a tidy thump around the cheek. "Uneducated, am I?" was delivered in utterly calm tones - not a good sign in an irate AJ. Then she turned on her heel and marched towards the door. Unfortunately she didn't make it there; her face turned pake once again, she was forced to take a high-speed detour to the Ladies' Restroom for the second time that night.

AJ Drake

Date: 2009-06-19 08:32 EST
It had come alright, somehow. He'd come in to see her while she was hanging onto the toilet, and had said all the right things, and yes, they had worked for a little while. She'd calmed down and seen things from his point of view. But little by little the doubts were creeping back in, and she was getting more and more scared by the day. She just didn't know how to tell him.

Unconsciously her hand stroked over her stomach once more, and she smiled at her reflection, seeing the protective way her hand splayed against the area. Maybe there was something maternal in her after all, she wondered, if she could feel a need to protect a child she couldn't even intellectually accept right now. And she knew she wanted to see Stas with a son or daughter of their own, to see the way he would love them and cherish them the way she never was. It was a comforting thought.

Her gaze lifted to meet that of her reflection, and she knew if she stayed, she would just continue to go around in circles with herself. She'd found a happy thought to hang onto as she tried again to sleep, nodding to herself as she flicked off the light and slipped back into the dark stillness of the bedroom.

Stas hadn't moved, still snoring gently in that adorable way he had, making her smile affectionately as she felt her way back over to the bed, dropping his robe and sliding back beneath the sheets. He rolled towards her, arms reaching out to gather her into a sleepy embrace, and one of those hands went straight to her belly, stroking protectively over her womb exactly as she had done only moments before.

And she smiled to herself, curling tight against him. With a father like Stas, it wouldn't matter if she was a good or bad mother. The baby growing within her, no matter its sex or abilities, would be loved from the moment it opened its eyes. And she would make sure her child knew it.