((Leads on from A Not Necessarily Unpleasant Adventure))

It had been a long couple of days. AJ honestly didn't think she'd ever felt so beaten up and drained as she did right now, but she knew she wouldn't change any of it for the world. She'd finally convinced Stas, with the help of their mothers and fathers, to leave her side for longer than a few minutes, sending him home to shower and change, and relax a little. He was going to need his strength just as much as she needed hers.

Lying here now, she still couldn't quite believe she'd managed it. The little cot had been brought up right against the side of her bed, and she lay on her side, watching her newborn children sleep. It was all very well everyone telling her to sleep when they did, but she just couldn't take her eyes off them. Her son and daughter, wrapped up warm laying side by side, wuffling and smacking their lips in their sleep. It was just ....wonderful.

Everything about them seemed perfect ....well, almost everything, AJ conceded with a faintly amused grimace. No one had told her how truly disgusting it was to change your baby's diaper and have to work around what was left of the umbilical cord. And the pictures she'd been shown of what was going to happen to those straggling reminders of just over eight months in the womb had almost had her revisiting her lunch. But, you know, when they were dressed and you forgot about the icky stuff ....they were perfect.

So tiny, but already different enough when they were awake to tell the difference. Mind you, the bright green nail polish on Orla's left hand was a huge help there, even if the tiny girl did look ridiculous. They looked like angry little red potatoes still, all squashed in the face from the birth, but she knew that would settle in the next couple of weeks. And she'd also been told - extensively - that they probably wouldn't stay dark-haired and blue-eyed, although she hoped they did. She wanted her children to look like their father, just as much as he wanted them to look like her.

But she wanted out of the Clinic. It wasn't that she was badly treated, nothing at all like that. But she didn't like being fussed over, being told how she should do this, that, and the other with her own children. Likewise, as much as they were trying to help, the nurses were making her feel redundant. They'd had her express milk as often as possible, so Stas could feed the twins, but she'd woken up more than once to find the nurses already holding her children, ready to feed them. She wasn't being allowed to bathe her son and daughter, or dress them, or change their diapers, and it was coming to the point where AJ Ryan was either going to explode or fold in on herself.

She wanted to be home, with her husband, and Seamus and Orla. She needed the familiar setting, even if both sets of in-laws seemed determined to hover over her every move. At least she knew her own parents didn't know the first thing about basic care for a baby, and Stas' parents wouldn't force her out of caring for her own children out of some wish to make it easier on her.

She also wanted the ache between her legs to go away, although she had a feeling just going home wouldn't do that. Seamus wasn't that big, she didn't understand how birthing him could have stretched her so wide, let alone required her to be cut. But there were compensations, however bizarre, to still having to wear the humungus pads. One of which had come about after her first attempt to bathe Orla - she'd lifted the little girl out of the water, only to find the towel slipping off the edge of the bed and out of reach. The only thing in reach had been her packet of pads, and a little creativeness had found Orla lying comfortably on the padded cotton, hemmed in on all sides by more of them, while mommy scrambled around the bed to retrieve the towel. The nurses had given her a half-hour lecture for that one.

She was tired of being told how to do things and what she was doing wrong; surely the point of this was to find the way that worked for the twins and for her and Stas" There couldn't be a right or wrong way of doing it, so long as the babies were well-looked after. And it wasn't that the nurses were unkind - they were all so wonderful, doing everything they could to help her, but it was almost suffocating, being surrounded by all this perfect parenting. She just wanted to go home and make her own mistakes for a while without anyone leaning over her shoulder with suggestions on how she could do things better or more efficiently.

The two babies in the cot sighed in unison, smacking their lips as they wriggled. AJ felt herself smile softly, reaching down to run the pad of her finger down first Seamus', then Orla's cheek. No matter how claustrophobic, how cloying, everyone else got, no one could take away the fact that these were her children. And she couldn't wait to get them home, and start watching them grow up.

"Oh, the weather outside is frightful ..."

AJ danced around the living room, a string of lights in her hands as she contemplated just how to go about decorating the tree the guys at the studio had bought for them. Knowing that the new parents had very little time to themselves, Gregory had paid for them to have a Christmas tree and decorations, with only one proviso - that they let Cody take pictures of it to develop and hang in the RTAS windows once it was done.

"....but the fire is so delightful ..."

The young mom herself was very touched by this gesture. As much as she enjoyed the challenge of having two little lives to care for, just over two weeks of minimal sleep and a lot of stress had done nothing for her Christmas spirit, and it had always been the one time of year she truly enjoyed back home. Even with her parents presenting the 'perfect family' image to the rest of the world, Christmas had always meant decorations, presents, and lots of visitors who knew how to make the season fun for the children who gathered at the Drake home.

" ....since we've no place to go ..."

Now she had a home of her own, and although she had anticipated being heavily pregnant at her first Christmas with Stas, the early arrival of Seamus and Orla had put paid to a few of her plans. Namely the tree and the decorations, and even the hope of putting on a Christmas dinner for the staff of Riverview and RTAS. Still, there would be other Christmasses, other times when she could throw her hoped-for dinner. This year was all about family, her family, and making it a Christmas to remember.

"....let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ..."

On the coffe table, the twins were peacefully sleeping side by side in their Moses basket. AJ had deliberately fed and changed both of them before even attempting to start decorating, hoping to get it done before Stas came back from wherever it was he had gone. Bless him, he must be going stir-crazy, shut up in the house with the three of them. AJ knew she was, but had been trying to keep her temper tantrums to a minimum, for his sake.

"....it doesn't show signs of stopping ..."

Head and shoulders in the prickly green branches, AJ wound the lights in and out of the greenery, dropping to her knees to scrabble under the tree for the electric socket. With them plugged in, she could stand up and dust herself down, checking the hang of the twinkling lights before turning to the boxes of baubles and decorations Gregory had had sent with the tree.

"....and I've brought some corn for popping ..."

With Dean Martin crooning away at her from the CD player, she set about sorting the baubles, one hand gently rocking the Moses basket to keep the twins settled as they stirred a little. The only thing missing from this - aside from Stas, obviously, but this was supposed to be a surprise for him - was her brother. She hoped Devon was doing okay; she hadn't seen or talked to him in a few months now. More than a few months ....he didn't even know he was an uncle.

"....the lights are turned way down low ..."

Step-ladder in hand, the young mommy went to work, hanging baubles and decorations from the branches each place her artistic eye suggested, stepping back every so often to make sure she wasn't being overzealous on one side and neglecting the other. A soft smile lit up her face as she worked, humming along with Dean only a little off key.

"....let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ..."

A soft fussing sound came from behind her, and AJ laid down her handful of baubles, turning to lean over the basket with a gentle smile for the stirring Orla. Seamus slept on, evidently ultimately satisfied by his meal and the music. "Hey, little girl," she murmured fondly, stroking her finger down Orla's cheek. "You wanna come up and help mommy?" With the ease of practise - which had come about far quicker than she had expected - AJ lifted Orla carefully from the basket, cradling the tiny baby girl against her shoulder as she swayed back over to the tree.

" ....when we finally kiss goodnight, how I'll hate going out in the storm ..."

With her two-week old daughter in one arm, AJ went back to her decorating, murmuring to the fussy baby everything she was doing. Little fingers clutched at her shirt and hair, holding on as mother and daughter danced slowly across the living room. But the tree was done, finally, sparkling by the window to welcome Stas home with the promise of Christmas come to the Ryan house.

" ....but if you'll really hold me tight, all the way home I'll be warm ..."

There were only a few more things to be done, most of which unfortunately required both hands to do safely. But they could be put off, AJ mused, kissing Orla's downy head lovingly. Of the twins, Seamus was the louder, but Orla seemed to want more contact with her parents. While her brother could quite easily sleep for a few hours without being held, the younger Ryan couldn't get through more than a couple of hours without a cuddle or three from either one of her parents. They knew they shouldn't indulge her, but it was hard to walk by and not pick her up when Orla began to fuss. "....the fire is slowly dying ..."

A movement in the window made AJ turn, and she gasped delightedly, moving over to pull the curtain aside completely and look out at the street. On her shoulder, Orla smacked her lips and wuffled, sighing as she settled back to sleep, totally unaware of what had made her mother so excited all of a sudden. Outside, silent and beautiful, were falling big flakes of snow, whirling across the cobbles in an intricate dance of the seasons. As they landed, they kept their shape for only a moment, before melting away. "....and, my dear, we're still goodbye-ing ..."

Grinning to herself as she turned away from the window, AJ's eyes fell on the personal touch, something she had made specifically for Christmas, for her family. In secret, while she was pregnant and when Stas was at work, she'd drawn, then begun to make her first present to her new family. Only this morning, under the pretence of sterilising the bottles, had she completed them ....four named stockings to hang on the mantel in preparation for Christmas. Her own, she had decorated with collaged felt pictures of art supplies; Stas's, with applique scrubs, forceps, ultrasound gel, and a new mom and baby ....Orla and Seamus' stockings were plain as yet, but she had a feeling this time next year, there would be plenty to cover the thick material with from the twins.

" ....but as long as you love me so ..."

A glance down at Orla told her the baby girl was fast asleep once again, and she sashayed across the room to lay her daughter down next to Seamus, tucking them both in warmly with the light blankets. And for once, she didn't stop to watch them sleep, instead returning to the window with a smile. With the twinkling tree beside her, the fire burning merrily, and snow falling outside ....yes, it really was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

"....let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"

AJ slipped from the Clinic, her mind in a whirl. Thankfully, the children were with their daddy, letting mommy go to her check-up on her own for once. And she had a feeling it might have had something to do with the all-clear she'd just been given.

No more bleeding or soreness, and her body was recovering nicely from the ordeal of birthing two babes. Apparently she was now allowed to resume full relations with her husband. But the problem was ....did she want to"

Walking home, the question burned in her mind. She loved Stas, of course she did, and she wanted to be with him again, but ....was she ready? They'd not made love in almost three months, and for much of that time, their care and attention had been for the twins rather than one another much of the time. There had been the occasional kiss, the occasional cuddle, but generally the only time they came anywhere near their former intimacy was when they lay, exhausted, in bed together at the end of a long day.

She didn't know if she was ready. She would dearly have loved to be in the state of mind that allowed her to go home, put the twins down to nap, and jump him, but that didn't seem likely. Nor could she keep the news from him; he was very likely to ask her the moment they had a little peace and quiet.

Her hand strayed uncomfortably to her abdomen. Gone was the sleek, svelte stomach she'd spent a lifetime maintaining. The pregnant bump had finally gone down, but she was left with loose skin that wobbled when she moved and was doing nothing for her self-confidence. Would he even want to see her, let alone touch her, like this"

And moving on from there, what if it hurt' What if the act that had brought her so much pleasure in the past now hurt her" How could she tell him that, if it did" He'd never so much as touch her again.

AJ sighed, stumping up the steps to cross the porch, fumbling in her pocket for her keys. From inside, she could hear the by now familiar chorus of voices that suggested both twins were awake and demanding attention from their overwhelmed daddy.

Oh, well. Work to be done. She could worry later.