Opening Night
The audience began to settle as the house lights dimmed. A single spotlight illuminated, sending focus off to the side of the stage in front of the closed curtain. A scholarly dressed man walked out and proceeded to set the scene.
"England, 932 A.D. A kingdom divided. To the West, the Anglo-Saxons. To the East, the French. Above, nothing but Celts and some people from Scotland." There was a pause while the audience laughed. The "historian' continued, "In Guinard, Palace, and Difford, plague. In the kingdoms of Wessex, Sussex, Essex and Kent, plague. In Mercia, and the two Anglias, plague, with a 50% chance of pestilence and famine coming out of the Northeast at twelve miles per hour." The audience laughed again.
Behind the curtain, Yasmin was obviously not as amused. If any of her fellow performers were looking her way, they would have seen the cream skinned, blonde woman with bright blue eyes trying to adjust her colorful costume dress and long braided pigtails under a white cap.
"Legend tells us of an extraordinary leader who arose from the chaos to unite a troubled kingdom. A man with a vision, who gathered knights together in a Holy Quest. This man was Arthur, King of the Britains, for this was England!"
As the "historian' concluded, the curtain went up to reveal a tree filled and Finland flag waving background with the men and women dressed in over-the-top Finnish cultural costumes. The Finnish characters proceeded to dance and sing, "Finland, Finland, Finland, that's the country for me!"
The "Mayor" chimed in on cue, "Finland is the country where we dance. Finland is the country where we play. Here in Finland boy and girl can find a true romance, in traditional Scandinavian vay!"
Everyone hit their marks. "Schlip! Schlap! Schlip-a-schlap-a vay. Schlip! Schlap! Schlap away all day. Schlip! Schlap! You simply can't go wrong vith traditional fish-schlapping song?"
It was then when the men of the dancing couples proceeded to pull out two small fish. According to the musical cues, the men then feigned slapping the women in the face while the women turned their heads to one side, pretending to be hit. With the next appropriate note, the men did the same in unison with the other fish and the women turned their heads to the other side. While everyone else was wearing silly grins, fully aware of the ridiculousness of the skit, it was clear from Yas's stoic expression that she did not share the same regard for the scene.
The music continued and they all danced to their choreographed positions. It was then the women's turn to pull out a fish, one much bigger than the men's. On the beat, they proceeded to slap the men with one big hit, causing most of the men to either stumble backwards or fall over, much to the audience's laughter and delight.
The song continued, "Finland, Finland, Finland, the country where I quite want to be. Pony trekking, or camping, or just watching TV" Finland, Finland, Finland, that's the country for me!"
The "historian' cut in. "I said, England."
The Finnish characters all stopped and looked disappointed, beginning to apologize or hang their heads. The audience erupted with laughter once more, so much that most wouldn't even be able to hear Yasmin's initial complaint as she threw up her hands and said loudly, "I can't. This is so unprofessional?"
Some of the performers within earshot of her paused for a moment, looking to her. Seeing more was going on, the audience hushed their laughter to hear.
Yas continued, boldly walking up to the end of the center of the stage, "Look, I have done a lot of stuff in my career that I am not proud of, but this is just pathetic. I'm up here dressed like a Dutch milk maid slapping a guy with a fish." She was looking out a few feet from her, most likely at the director as she ranted. Her cream skin was quickly fading to a vibrant sky blue and her blonde braids turned to platinum white as she spoke harshly, "Look, that history dude obviously said "England ". I just heard him! I don't know why we wasted time on some Holland song thing when he clearly is talking about England ." Some audience members laughed lightly at her Holland reference, thinking this must be an addition to the quirky play.
"Hey! I don't need this, ok?" Yasmin's attention turned towards the audience, "I'm a professional actor. I just came off the leading role in "The Sound of Music" for crying out loud. The biggest joke here is slapping people with fish. You can see that in a Scooby-Doo cartoon!" A few people laughed awkwardly, only now beginning to assume this wasn't a part of the play.
"I don't need this!" She repeated as she began to slip out of the costume dress. As she did, she wore her own white T shirt and jean "clothes" underneath. The shapeshifter peeled off her little white hair cap, letting her long pigtails return to her normal short hair cut. She threw both costume pieces down onto the stage and walked off down the side stairs, up the side aisle, and out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Most people looked around uncomfortably while the scene was changed. Yasmin's understudy was quickly sent out to perform until Yas came back. Unlike the Spanish Inquisition, everyone expected Yas to return.
The understudy finished out the play that night.