A couple of days into the current run ...
To say Arandir was confused by his role as Neville Craven was a bit of an understatement. He'd read the novel in preparation for the musical, and he remembered seeing the previous year's performance of the stage drama. He'd even discussed the story ad nauseam with anyone who'd lend an ear, and still he couldn't quite grasp his character's motivations.
Once again, he'd found himself cast as a character who went against everything the young elf believed in. He understood he was playing the part of a man whose broken heart had led him down a dark path, and yet, he could not understand Neville's motivations, especially where Colin was concerned.
It had been fellow actor and friend, Josh Stuart, who he'd finally gone to for advice, when all else had failed.
"You can't think like yourself," Josh had explained, as the two actors discussed the role over lunch in the theater cafe. "Neville Craven is not you. He's let his jealousy blacken his heart until all he can see is his own misery. He doesn't care about anything, but stealing what little happiness he can from his brother."
"But why?" Aran asked further, clearly confused. "I don't understand the theater, Josh. Mataya only hired me because I can sing. Maybe I should resign and do something else," he added, frowning with worry.
"What would you do?" his friend asked, curiously.
"I don't know. I could work in Carina's parents' shop. I know a little about herbs and healing," Aran admitted with an uncertain shrug.
"I thought you loved the theater," Josh pointed out.
"I do! I just ..." Aran trailed off with a sigh, unsure how to explain. Back home in Ilyethlin, there was no such thing as theater, and it was a confusing concept for him still, even after a few years. "Why do I keep getting cast as the ....what do you call it again?"
"The antagonist?" Josh asked with a smile. "You were a fantastic Hook! Everyone could see what fun you were having up there. What's different about this?"
"It just doesn't feel right to me," Aran replied, worriedly. "Maybe you should take my place."
Josh's expression turned serious, as he glanced at his friend. "Aran, it's not real," he pointed out. "It's just a character in a story. Don't take it so seriously. If it's bothering you that much, I'll ask if I can take over, but I really think you should finish. Have you talked to Carina about this?"
"No, I don't want her to worry," the half-elf replied, frowning further.
"Maybe you should. I think maybe you're overthinking this. You're not Neville Craven. You're Arandir pretending to be Neville Craven. That's all."
"I know. I understand that. It's just ..." Aran said, trailing off, at a loss for words again. There were times he wished he could explain himself better, but some things just couldn't be explained in words.
"It's a challenge," Josh said, filling in the blank, and smiling in understanding before he explained further. "The best roles - the ones that make us grow the most as artists - are the ones that are the most challenging. Your job is to make the audience not only despise Neville, but sympathize with him, too. He's as much a victim of fate as everyone else in the play. The only difference is that he lets his jealousy and his grief corrupt him to a point where he's no longer redeemable. Think of it as a lesson to others of how not to live their lives. The way I see it the whole play is a lesson. It's a difficult part to play, I admit. The audience is going to cheer for the good guys, but the more you make them believe you are Neville, the more they are going to appreciate your performance. In the end, it's not about who's playing who. It's about the play as a whole. The more convincing you play your part, the easier it is for those around you to accept you in that role and play theirs. Do you understand?"
After a long moment, Aran nodded. "I think so." He still wasn't sure he fit the part of Neville Craven, but if he understood Josh correctly, it wasn't about whether he fit the part or not - it was about creating an illusion and making the audience believe he was Neville Craven, and that was something he understood very well.
"To be honest, playing the villain is a lot more fun than playing the hero, once you wrap your head around it," Josh added with a grin.
"Why?" Aran asked, curiously.
"Because you can do things on stage you'd never dare do in the real world. It's liberating, in a way."
"Well, I would never treat anyone the way Neville does. I would try to help my brother, and welcome Mary, and cure Colin," Aran pointed out.
Josh laughed. "Of course, you would, but that's why they call it acting. If it gets to be too much, I'll talk to Ludo. Promise! But I really think you should finish."
"I'll try," Aran replied. "Thank you for talking with me, Josh. I think I understand now. It's about creating an illusion and teaching a lesson, right?"
Josh chuckled at his friend's innocent misunderstanding. "Partly, but mostly, it's just about having fun and entertaining people. Try not to take it too seriously and just have fun with it, Aran. Trust the director and your fellow actors. You're not alone. You're all in this together. You can do it! I believe in you," he added, giving his friend's shoulder a squeeze.
Aran nodded again, absorbing everything Josh was telling him, and trusting his friend implicitly. It was a lot to ask, but he hoped he could manage it. Everyone else seemed to believe in him; somehow, he just had to figure out how to believe in himself.