Yas Rants: Search The Sky

It's been about two weeks since I've been staying here at the station. My producers said it was time I put a little more effort into these shows since I'm around more. Didn't I just do some Talk Tuesday segments" Oh. That was two months ago' Well, for crying out loud, I'm not a work horse here. I show up, play music, and go home. Well, I don't really go home anymore. Ok, I guess they have a point.

So, you may be asking, why have I been sleeping on the couch in the lobby' That's because some huge meteor thing crashed through my apartment in the marketplace. Yeah, I know, I know what you're thinking. Don't park your trailer in Kansas unless you want to be swept away to Munchkinland. But, if you think about it, not a lot of bad things have been happening 'downtown" Rhydin in quite awhile. I remember the good ole days when Town Hall was being burned down or the Courthouse was being bombed every other day. Not much like that nowadays. All the villains seemed to have turned a new leaf and its actually sticking. A villain governor might be nice one year just to balance out our quaint little picket fence town.

Anyway, this is the beginning of my new set of segments that I'm supposed to call "Between The Music" but given the content of how this first one is going, I'm more inclined to call them "Yas Rants". And now its song time cuz I'm tired of talking to you. Wait. This segment was all about me. That means I can play us out to whatever I want. This is awesome! I'm playing one of my favs. "Only the Horses" by the Scissor Sisters.

"Only The Horses? by Scissor Sisters begins playing.

Yas Rant: Girl Scout Barbie

I was told that I was not allowed to say anything about the Primary Election that was held over the weekend. I don't know. Something about WHAM! not buying the rights to mention it or something. Either way, this time I was told that I needed to talk about something good and wholesome for this "Yas Behind the Music" segment, or whatever it's supposed to be called. So, I ask you, what is more wholesome than the Girl Scouts"

The Girl Scouts of America have again partnered with Mattel, the Barbie doll company. Last year, the organization's first ever patch with a corporate sponsor gave Scouts the opportunity to earn a Barbie "Be Anything, Do Everything" patch. Of course so many other women got up in arms and I agree! How dare they! We don't want our girls thinking they can "be anything" or 'do everything". Barbie has been a doctor for Pete's sake! No, no that won't do at all. At most, she could be a nurse. Besides, we want our girls to know all they can do is sell cookies on street corners. It gives them practice for their adult years for when they should either be baking in the kitchen where they belong, or out on those same street corners at night selling other goods.

But the "Be Anything, Do Everything" patch was last year. So this year Mattel has the gall to make a Girls Scouts Barbie doll! No, Barbie is a horrific role model. We need to let our girls know at a young age that all body types are wrong. In fact, Barbie's thin and people who are naturally thin need to be body shamed more than all others because it makes the rest of us feel bad. No, Barbie goes against the good core values of the Girls Scouts which is to promote obesity through their cookies. Barbie isn't going to sell cookies. She doesn't even look like she eats cookies. And can I point out that this Girl Scout Barbie is wearing pants" Pants! Where is that miniskirt that goes up all four miles of her legs" No, we need to stand up and boycott this...

Aqua's "Barbie Girl? begins playing.

Yas Rants: Cappuccino Chips

I read this article about the new contest chips in the US. Based on how well they sell to the crazy U-S-ians, Bacon Mac & Cheese, Wavy Mango Salsa, Cappuccino, or Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger could be the big winner. Apparently everyone hates the cappuccino. There is even a theory saying that the cappuccino is just supposed to be there to make the other ones look better. To quell any arguments, I got a bag of them right here and I'm gonna give you my unbiased opinion. In fact, I got the cappuccino and the wasabi ginger, mostly because I don't know who Wa Sabi is.

First, the cappuccino. ::bag crinkling:: So first thing you see is a light sprinkle of brown powder on the chips. Not that bad so far. Now for the smell" Ok, there's a dull cinnamon scent. I want to be all fancy and say an earthy cinnamon scent, but really I'm thinkin" its like a muddy burnt scent. That's what they call "earthy", right"

Now for the flavor. ::crunching:: First thing when you get it on your tongue, you're tasting the sugar on it. As you're chewing, you get that stale coffee taste. At the end, you get hit with an overwhelming cinnamon note. ::crunching:: Ok, let me see if I can really describe this right. ::crunching:: Imagine if you grind a coffee candy into a fine powder, then let the powder sit out for a couple weeks to get stale, and then sprinkle it on a chip with a load of cinnamon. ::crunching:: Yep. That's what this tastes like.

So, you see" Not that bad at all. Ok" wait". Ok, at some point through that, I starting eating pieces of the bag, so we may have to discredit that whole experiment' Anyway. We'll get back to the wasabi ginger after this song break for my favorite coffee house song.

"Begin Again? by Taylor Swift begins playing. (mun was eating a bag of said cappuccino chips while writing this)

Yas Rants: Platinum

It's been about two months since I've been sleeping on the couch in the lobby here at the WHAM! 101.1FM studio because some stupid rock thing crashed through my apartment. I'm happy to say they have been renovating my apartment and it should be ready for me to start moving in to it in a couple days. Now, considering I don't have anything to move into it, I'm hoping the move will go pretty quickly. Maybe WHAM! will let me keep the couch. I'm sure I've drooled on it enough in my sleep that no one wants it anyways.

I heard the other day that album sales are down. No one really gets Platinum albums anymore, which stand for one million sales. It's actually hard enough to get a Gold album, signifying just half a million sales. Of course, they say it's because everyone is using technology to get their music instead of buying it, and you know what? I feel a tad bit guilty about that because you freeloaders are sitting there listening to the music I play for free on the radio and don't go out and buy the albums. ::pauses:: What do you mean I shouldn't discourage them from listening"

Well, anyway, like I was saying I'm very happy that Wasabi Ginger won the chip contest. Great chips, as long as you like horseradish. I'm sure it only won because of my plug. Speaking of plugs, if you haven't been lucky enough to see me on stage yet, be sure to check me out at The Shanachie Theater. I sometimes grace them with my presence as an Acting Authority. That's just how I roll.

Florida Georgia Line's "This Is How We Roll? begins playing.

Yas Rants: Eye of the Beholder

So some dude won some awards on some music award thing called the Americana Awards, like anyone has ever even heard of that. Apparently he won something cuz he's a singer and a songwriter. Big whoop. It's not like he's on the radio. I should know. Anyway, some talent scouts at "The Voice", you know, the tv contest show that puts no-name singers on the map, asked him to come on an audition. So then he launches into this whole holy-er-than-though thing about how he sold 130,000 albums which is close to what The Voice winners sell. True. That's true, dude, but keep in mind, publicity is worth a fortune. If getting on the show gave these no-names the chance to sell more records than you, who have been working hard to earn it, imagine what the show can do for you!

But no, he said how he'd lose money and creative license if he won. Dude, no one said you had to go on and win. Go, audition, get your name in people's houses, then back out. You get all the fame! Here's my point, dude. I forgot your name before I even started this rant, and no one else is going to remember you either, so enjoy all your creative freedom. The smart ones are the sell outs. They get to retire in peace.

Now let me get to a happier note....my Tiny.

Everyone's gotta love Tiny, all less than five feet of her. For those of you who don't know Tiny, she started out in the group Xscape with Kandi Burruss from Housewives fame. But more may know Tiny since her marriage to rapper T.I. They star in their own reality series "T.I. and Tiny". Now to the news" Tiny got people all in an uproar cuz she had her eye color permanently changed. Cuz people tattooing to get their skin permanently changed is ok. Cuz people tearin" up their eyes just to wear colored contacts to change their eye color is ok.

Here's my thing. She's gotten so much flack. People keep saying she's being a bad role model for women. I'm like, "Oh, I'm sorry, did I miss where she got free double G implants with the procedure?" Since when is changing your eyes bringing downfall to humanity' Needless to say its her money and if she wanted to give herself bionic eyes, she should. She ain't harming noone. But that wasn't all. Someone said to her, "You want to be white so bad it's sad." I wasn't aware white folk had gray eyes, but I'll keep that in mind next time I go white.

Limp Bizkit's "Behind Blue Eyes? begins playing.

Yas Rants: Small Business Boom

So' after my last show, I'm not allowed to talk about religion or children's health conditions for awhile"

Instead, I'm supposed to do some kinda public service announcement or something. I'm not really sure. They told me to tell you about some smaller local businesses around Rhydin. I know some of these. Noah's Wooden Wonders is a little booth in the Marketplace showing off some pretty cool wooden toys and things hand carved by Noah Bird. I love his stuff. I picked up some of his bowls for my new kitchen. And while I was there, I grabbed a cute wooden monkey cuz it reminded me of my seamonkies. They're distant cousins, you know.

Matilda's Bloomers is becoming so successful, the higher-ups here at the station hesitated to include it. If you've been under a rock, be sure to check out Matilda Estwick's beautiful floral arrangements and projects. She's been up to so much this year. She had her 2nd Annual Koi Show in August and had a tent for Beltane in May. Most recently she had her Thanksgiving Specials. Looking forward to seeing what she has up her sleeve for this winter season.

Speaking of weddings, if I ever need to get married, I'm going to Weddings By Miranda. Miranda Granger-Bennett's Bridal Boutique shows off some insanely gorgeous wedding attire for men and women. She even has formal wear, jewelry, shoes, and accessories, so no engagements needed to enjoy her cool stuff. So next time I need to attend a WHAM sponsored event, I'm picking up my dress there. I hope I can get something in a cross tie-die plaid pattern.

Last up on my feature list is Custom Kings, which is this totally awesome shop that makes custom surf boards by Tommy King and hand-painted by Helena King. Custom Kings is so much more than just a surf board shop. It has got suits and accessories and anything else you need to get your surf's up. If Tommy makes a board as awesome as Helena decorates them, this dude and dudette are going to be in business a long time. Ok, well, I think that counts as my quota for the day. Talkin" "bout surfin" has got me hooked on the Beach Boys"

"Kokomo? by The Beach Boys begins playing.

Yas Rants: Grammys

I'm DJ Zazzy Yas and I love music. In fact, this segment is supposed to be called, DJ Zazzy Yas: Behind the Music. I don't like that title, but I do love music. Honoring music each year is the Grammys. Now if you're like me, you may assume this is done through some magical mystical thing where they look at album sales and radio requests and music downloads and other things to judge a popularity of a song. Ok, I hope they put a little bit into quality too, not just popularity cuz not all awesome songs are on the radio. But I'm just saying, don't do some stupid thing like with the Oscars and pick something no one has heard of and say it was a better movie. If it was a better movie, I would have heard of it for crying out loud.

But anyway, I was very glad to see my favorite up-and-coming artist right now, Sam Smith, got away with the most Grammys this year - four. He won the awards for best new artist, song of the year for "Stay with Me", and best pop vocal album for "In the Lonely Hour". Then he also won Record of the Year. I'm thinking this was the big grand prize of the night, Record of the Year, like winning Best Picture or Best Leading Actor. But oh no.

The grand prize is apparently called Album of the Year, not Record of the Year. It's the same doggone thing! Record. Album. Everything is all digital now anyway so why are we fighting over terms. It's a stupid semantics thing. It might as well say 8 track of the year. So, I look this up to see what the difference is and I see that the difference is that Record of the Year is awarded for a single or for one track from an album, while Album of the Year is awarded for an entire album. So, ok. I was wrong. Album is album. But then Record of the Year is the same thing as the doggone Song of the Year. Its two awards for the same thing, people. "this whole thing is getting me aggravated and confused.

So then I had to look up the difference for Song versus Record of the Year. Apparently, Record of the Year is awarded to the entire team involved in producing the song, while Song of the Year is for an individual contributor, which is the songwriter. So like, both sound odd cuz like, what if the singer just sung it' So they don't get any of the credit on either of those two things" That's a messed up deal. So after this whole time of doing way more research than I needed to ever do, I finally get to see the category for the grand prize, Album of the Year.

Sam Smith was of course up for Album of the Year and you know I love him. Ed Sheeran was nominated and I love him too and since Sam Smith already won four, I think he has enough to make his parents proud, so let's give that one to Ed Sheeran. I mean, Ellie Goulding did kinda cheat on him with a dude from One Direction, so he needs a pick me up this year. Beyonc" was up for the award too, but you know she doesn't even care at this point. Why would she when her and husband Jay Z could own all of the Americas if they wanted to' Oh, yeah, and Pharrell was nominated too. I don't know why when his only claim to fame is wearing a Smoky the Bear hat. Did any of these people win" Nope.

Doggone Beck won for best Album of the Year! Beck" Who only had one song on the radio' "Loser" " which was released in 1993" Over ten years ago! You've got to be kidding me. Who the heck even knew he was still doing music" And he wins the ultimate grand prize of the night' Best Album of the Year! The whole album! Shouldn't at least one of the songs off the best album of the year at least make an appearance on the radio once" For crying out loud. ....Forget it. I'm keepin" to my own stuff. If you haven't yet, be sure to check out when I play my own Top 40 for last year. My personal favorite song last year"

"Not A Bad Thing" by Justin Timberlake begins playing.

Yas Rants: Battle of the Bands

DJ Zazzy Yas here and last week was Fashion Week. I was hell bent on making it in. I tried in several attempts to sneak in backstage with the other models and try fitting into stuff so no one would notice and I could just file in on stage. Time and time again, that proved unsuccessful. In retrospect, I probably should have not showed up in my signature blue skin and white hair. I may have been singling myself out a bit. Lesson learned. It's a good thing I worked something out with Mai Silverblood of Silverblood Designs beforehand. I got to model a cute little number for her line. So there's at least one modelling job down.

I did see there was a DJ there, DJ Shifter. Come on! I'm the original shapeshifting DJ for crying out loud! It's ok. It's ok. I still got to make my music mark on the show in Battle of the Bands! I now have my own band, Boy Band 101. Yes, there are some people in it with me, but they're mostly there for backup. Katan Merridew is the Shirtless Guy. Canaan is the Quiet Brooding Guy. Aurast Dagger Sasc is That Guy. Grace Frigg is the Bad Boy. I have to give it to Grace; she is rockin" those false goatees! Now, I know everyone thinks I'm perfect all of the time, and for the most part, I am. But even I was a little nervous about remembering the words and the dance steps at the same time. Of course I did perfect, so that's a moot point.

I saw a lot of cool peeps in the crowd during the Battle of the Bands, including Jay Capistrano and Addie Alcar, who made a name for herself as a model with Thorn during Mai Silverblood's pop up shop. I did see someone else pretty awesome during Battle of the Bands. The band Trash had this cool chick with blue hair. Of course she immediately scores points in my book for good style.

But anyway, BB101 did pretty awesome. I have been working on some material and I wanted to share it with you guys before pitching it to the band's agent. Don't be surprised if this could be our break out hit. I think it's perfect for a boy band.

Yas begins performing "Back Door Lover?.

Yas Rants: Murder and Mayhem in the News

DJ Zazzy Yas here and this is "Yas Behind the Music". "Between the Music?" I don't remember. I pretty much just make things up anyway, so it's not important. Today I sat down to read the newspaper. As you know, in order to get to the comics, you have to skim passed the actual news. I want to point out some headlines that I came across. First up. A teenager who said that a heart transplant two years ago gave him a second chance at life died this week when he lost control of the car he was driving while fleeing police. That just speaks for itself, doesn't it' The police should have really took into consideration that he had a second chance heart and let him have a free pass. Just saying.

Next point. Measles outbreaks continue to have parents concerned. It's too bad we don't have a cure for that, or better yet a vaccine to prevent that in the first place. If you want to start a charity, I say donate to that cause. Kids are dying for crying out loud. Why is no one taking this seriously' This next one was equally terrible. A school had to enact a dress code that would require their teachers to wear underwear. Yes, every single day. I think this is outrageous. Female teachers would have to wear bras, too! That kinda stuff would never fly here in Rhydin. We like our inn girls without bras, thank you very much.

Then you have all the murder and mayhem stuff. A city banned drinking on the beach after a spring break shooting, which sounds like a mild Beltane night in Rhydin to me. A man used a chain saw to kill his wife, then himself. That last part sounds impressive to me. Then a woman killed a four-year-old boy with garden shears before laying in wait for his grandmother and stabbing her to death. Then on top of all of the madness, a comedian is hit in the leg on stage with a banana peel. Just horrific, terrible things going on. I'm not reading the news anymore.

Well, that's all from me for tonight. Just remember, even in that crazy world out there, you're not alone.

"Crash and Burn? by Savage Garden begins playing.

For those of you who may not know, there's a special Feast of RhyDin going on. The Matadero Meat Company is hosting a Pig Roast featuring suckling pig, gilt, and boar" Wait. What's a gilt' Isn't that a British insult' Doesn't matter. Be sure to check out their upcoming grand opening at the Matadero Carnicer"a. I say, eat until you have a meat heart attack.

"Heart Attack" by Sam Tsui & Chrissy Costanza plays.

The Feast of RhyDin is also featuring Top Shelf Lounge, on the 2nd story of Club And. And what? " What are you saying" Anderson' Ampersand" No, it clearly has an "and" symbol right here in my script. Ok, fine. Apparently it's Club Ampersand. Fudge Rum Brownies, Red Carpet Whoopie Pies, and Cloud 9 Cheesecake. I'm grabbing some sugar there.

"Sugar" by Nicole Cross plays.

During the feast festival thing, be sure to check out Nicole's Bistro and Pizzeria, located in Old Temple. Baked Prosciutto and Brie with Apple Butter, Eggplant Ricotta Bites, Veal Parmigiana, and other Italian words I can't say. They sure have some fancy things to sample. Stop by and eat in style.

"Style" by Max & Nick Dungo plays.

Hold on. I got another Feast thing to talk about here. Be sure to get some samples from Katt Batten and Rene Gautreaux of the Gator's Tail Bar & Grille. They have some specialties called Boudin Links and Boudin Balls. I don't know what a Boudin is, but I certainly wouldn't want to eat its ba-

Yas is cut off by her intern, then continues:

Well, anyway, Katt and Rene also got all the southern Cajun goodies like Gumbo, Crawfish Bisque, and Jambalaya, as well as a whole bunch of other things. But I have to say, as much as I love my Cajun cuisine, that hot and spicy always hits me like a wreaking ball.

"Wrecking Ball" by Eli Lieb plays.

Oh, check this out. The Hatter's Beer Garden is open. The Late-Late Show studio band will be performing. Oh heck, if I was ya'll, I'd tune me out and head over to check them out. I'd ditch you guys in a sec if they weren't payin" me to be here. Stupid contract conditions"

"Unconditionally" by AHMIR plays.

If you haven't already, be sure to stop by the dunk booth, kissing booth, Portal Tag booth, and the WHAM! 101.1FM booth to pick up a Trash CD. Oh, and don't forget to go to that dueling event thing next week. I was supposed to do a write up for it but I forgot. Um. I remember you can win a dragon egg"

Well, that's all for me, peeps. Mostly cuz WHAM only paid me for two hours. This has been DJ Zazzy Yas. Check me out on my evening radio shows on WHAM! 101.1FM, on stage at the Shanachie Theater, and probably a whole bunch of other things since I'm so high in demand. Here's one more song until I see you again.

"See You Again" by Curly Fryz plays.

Yas Rants: Reuben and Gyro Chips

Last year I did a review for two of Lay's four special feature flavors, Cappuccino and Wasabi Ginger. My fav, Wasabi Ginger won the contest. I use the term "won' very loosely, as I never saw the flavor again. Well, anyway, this year Lays has four more flavors for us to try; Southern Biscuits and Gravy, West Coast Truffle Fries, New York Reuben, and Greektown Gyro. Now, I want to say upfront that I don't like the names cuz you're always gonna have that idiot in the back shouting "West Coast rocks!" and votes for that flavor even if it was crunchy toad and blue cheese.

This year, WHAM let me pick out which two flavors I wanted to try, so I picked the Reuben and the Gyro mostly cuz I wasn't impressed by the other two. Truffle Fries" Fries" Which are made from potatoes" Like chips" Wow....Potato will be a hard flavor to duplicate in a chip. Yawn. Plus truffles" The gross expensive mushroom' No thanks. And then there was Biscuits and Gravy. All I kept thinking about was how whenever I try biscuits and gravy in real life, a.k.a. not on a chip, all I taste is pepper. Again, yawn. So I was left with the Reuben and Gyro.

Let's start with the Reuben. ::bag crinkling:: Ok, smell test. First impressions....I smell warm. I'm also picking up a rye smell. Smells ok, kinda light over all. ::crunching:: Yeah, light flavor too. What am I tasting" Cheese" Oh, huh. They got some kinda cheese sauce on this from the picture on the front. I didn't know Reubens had a cheese sauce. Oh well, its still pretty good. The picture of the cheese is like one of those red and green pepper cheese, you know, the one with a bit of a kick. So yeah, this tastes like that. Pimento cheese, I think. Ok, what else? ::crunching:: According to this picture, they also got a side pickle with your Reuben sandwich, and yeah, I think I taste that in here. Oh, after the first couple of chips, I'm definitely tasting the rye now. I'm ok with rye, so I think it's pretty good. It's not that harsh rye seed bread flavor, just the nice rich rye flavor, so its ok. So....my thoughts overall" ::crunching:: Good chip. Light flavors of pimento cheese and rye, with a hint of pickle.

Next up is the Gyro. ::bag crinkling:: Smell test reveals....I guess pepper" Let's see what it tastes like though. ::crunching:: Oh holy....oh my gosh, I don't know what this tastes like, but it's good! ::crunching:: Oh, I can't leave it in my mouth long enough to pick out the flavors, I keep just inhaling them. ::crunching:: Ok, ok. Let me try. ::crunching:: I think I'm getting sour cream and some kind of herb I can't identify. It's probably this dill that's pictured on the bag. Oh yeah, maybe there's some pepper, too. ::crunching:: Honestly that's all I can really taste, but wow, does it taste good! I think this may be what a sour cream and onion plus a cool ranch chip must taste like. Overall thoughts" Not a gyro, but man, its good.

So, my winner of the two is Greektown Gyro. Greektown, meet O Town...

"All or Nothing? by O Town begins. (mun was eating a bag of said Reuben and Gyro chips while writing this)