The Acting Authority: Advice From The Acting Coach

DJ Zazzy Yas here, your local Acting Authority. I've been spending some time over at the Shanachie working on my upcoming play, which I'm totally staring in. I can't say what it is or what part I am yet, but all you pretty much need to know is the whole show is about me, which is just the way it should be. I have a lot of these things called "lines" and I'm supposed to "memorize" them. I'm not really used to figuring out what I'm supposed to say as another person, because most of the time I can't really figure out what I'm saying as me. I guess you guys get what I'm saying though.

This one time while I was practicing, I got to work with an acting coach at the theater. I asked around about her cuz I didn't catch her name, but some people thought it was Hortense Docquey.

So what happened was" I was working on some of my lines on stage. I was by myself but it felt like someone was there. I just assumed it was one of my many stalker fans. I was flattered, so I continued, but then I saw this chick up in one of the seats in the back. I went ahead, moving around, trying to hit my marks where they told me I'm supposed to stand or whatever. The chick was gone next time I looked up, but I could have sworn I saw her hiding behind the curtain on stage after a couple minutes. I figured she was just waiting til I was done to ask me for my autograph like my fans do, but she started talking to me from behind the curtain. Turns out, she's like this really cool chick who helps ya on your acting. Now, as humble as I am, I thought I had everything under control, but I have to say, Hildegard gave me some really great tips.

Henrietta said that every actor knows that the secret to survivin" is knowin" what roles to throw away and knowing what to keep. I thought that was pretty good words of advice. She also said if I was gonna play this role, I got to learn to play it right. Hosanna suggested that the best way for me to do that was to know when to walk and when to run, like for curtain call. She also said to never count my money when I'm sitting backstage cuz there'll be time enough for countin" when the show is done. Helga had a lot of other good advice to give me. I just can't remember most of it cuz I was humming a song when she was talking to me. She also may have not actually been talking to me. I think I had the radio on. I didn't have it on WHAM! because I couldn't remember our call numbers, so I'm not going to say what I station I had it on, but anyway, I want to share a song with you that I've had stuck in my head"

"The Gambler? by Kenny Rogers begins playing.

The Acting Authority: "The Philadelphia Story"

DJ Zazzy Yas here for WHAM! 101.1FM, and I'm here to tell you about the newest play out, "The Philadelphia Story". I kinda thought this was going to be about that big bell and how it got that crack in it. That's in Philly, right' But then I saw some of the poster ads and I saw this guy and girl in white long outfits surrounded by tables and chairs and I thought they were wearing chef white outfits with those long white aprons in a little caf". From there I was like "Ok, this is going to be the story of the Philly Cheese Steak sandwich. Cool!" Then I went to see it and doggoneit if I wasn't wrong again.

I really liked this though. It's much better than those stuffy old Shakespeare things. Heck, you know the last one, the one with the 'shrew" chick" Can't remember what it was called" It'll come to me. Anyway, in that one there was a love triangle with her sister and her two boyfriends or something, but in this Philly Story, there's like a love square! There were three guys as potential love interests for the main chick. How awesome! The first is her ex-husband, the second is her current fianc", and the third love interest is the new reporter entering the scene. Of course, all this goes down before her wedding. I think that's what the posters were showing, a guy and girl in bathrobes by the reception area. I don't know. I know I'm not going to give away which of the three she ends up with, though. ::coughs 'ex-husband'::

So after the play, I went out for a Philly cheese steak sandwich and it was a great night. Ladies, if you plan ahead, you can probably smuggle one for you and your date in your purse. What' Just bring a bigger purse.

OH!

"Ten Things I Hate About You"! That was the name of that other play. I knew I would think of it sooner or later. I'm so brilliant' and awesome. I know, I know. You totally wish you were as humble and cool as Yas, The Acting Authority.

"Cool Kids" by Echosmith begins playing.

The Acting Authority: Baby Sofia Marya

Hello, WHAM 101.1FM listeners! I, the cutest, adorable DJ Zazzy Yas, am no longer the star of the Shanachie Theater. Anya De Luca just had to go and get knocked up. Last week, she gave birth to the sweetest little baby girl, supposedly by her air quotes "husband", Anthony De Luca. Now I kinda work with both of them at the theater since I'm the star of the" Am I in the Repertory Company' I don't remember, but the point is, they are both in the Ballet Company. He is too! Get what I'm saying here, people"

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a guy being in the ballet. I support everyone's rights to do whoever, I mean whatever, they are orientated to do. I'm just saying, the dude doesn't have to put up a front by marrying a chick and knocking her up to prove a point. Heck, I love him anyway. He's awesome. It's no wonder why Anya wanted to marry him, right' All I got to say is - Thank goodness they had a girl. I'm sure he'll love dressing her up in the latest fashions.

But let's get back to the baby. Her name is Sofia Marya, according to the birth announcement. I've been asking some people here at the station and they got all different kinds of ways to say Marya. Some say it like Mar"E"a, like Maria in West Side Story. Others say the "y' makes it sound like Mar"EYE"a, like Mariah Carey. I think they're all wrong. Come on, people. Isn't it obvious" They named her after me! The "y' wasn't some cool way to spell a normal name more special, like how people spell Kristen wrong and act like Kirsten is much prettier. No, no.

Stop lookin" at the "y' and look at the big picture here, the y-a. And what?s that short for" That's right, Yas. Now, now, for all you skeptics out there, I will give you my final proof. When people talk about something little Sofia Marya is in possession of, what are they going to say' "Oh, that's Sofia Marya's coat". Did you hear it' Sofia Mar coat. I'm just saying. But hey, can you really blame them for wanting to name her after me" I'm awesome; I'm the Acting Authority; I'm pretty...

"I Feel Pretty" by Natalie Wood begins playing.

The Acting Authority: "Secret Garden"

I'm DJ Zazzy Yas and in this episode of The Acting Authority, I'm going to tell you about "The Secret Garden" featured at the Shanachie Theater. This is a on-the-edge-of-your-seat horror thriller that includes death and disease and murder and torture and everything. It's completely awesome!

It starts out with this girl named Mary. She was living with her wealthy parents, but it wasn't all sunshine and roses. No, it was already a dark and depressing childhood because her parents didn't even want her or want anything to do with her. She acted out, acting spoiled and just terrible. Demon child" I think so. She was found living alone in her parent's big house. Everyone died! You tell me what you think. Of course it was convenient that the plague or something was going through the area.

So, like all good child possessed horror stories, she goes to foster care for awhile before ending up going to live with a mysterious cruel distant family member, in this case, an uncle. There is a nice maid and gardener there though. The maid tells her that her uncle's wife, her aunt, had died, and I'm starting to wonder if there is a murderous heritage in this family line. I think they want us to think the uncle didn't kill his wife since he left in mourning. I think he may have left in guilt. Just sayin". But anyway, the maid claims that the aunt had a branch from her secret rose garden fall on her and kill her. You know what would look like that too' Getting beat with a branch by your husband and him leaving you out in the garden to rot. But I guess that's not enough to keep the girl out, cuz she finds the garden and goes right on in to explore. In the meantime, the maid's little brother starts hanging out with the girl and they start crushing on each other and its cute. Granted, I gotta deduct points for this cuz I don't need romance in my horror stories. It just gets in the way, but it does get him in the garden too.

The girl keeps hearing crying in the house and no one acknowledges it. Perfect element, cuz when I'm watching a horror flick, I want some terrible mysterious thing going on that no one will talk about. Its awesome! The girl hears it some more and starts to try to find out where it's coming from. I liked to believe it was the poor murdered aunt, whose body was buried in the secret garden. But Mary ends up finding the source of the crying. It's a boy living inside some secret room, like some hidden torture chamber. Completely awesome! The boy is her cousin, her uncle's son. So the uncle kills his wife and locks their son away in a room. This is some crazy stuff. They say its cuz the boy is sick. What's that thing called when parents make their kids sick" I think it's a case of that. Mary and her boyfriend bring the cousin out into the garden to get some fresh air. The source-of-all-evil garden starts to have some type of mystical healing powers on the sick cousin. Did the kids make a deal with the devil" I think so.

The story ends when the uncle seems to be haunted by his dead wife and decides to come home. The kids are so excited to show him his son, who is now all better and can magically walk and everything. Duh duh dun" Maybe the kids, being inhabited by the demons of the garden will exact revenge and kill the uncle since the ghost of his wife called him home. I'm looking forward to the part two. Horror stories always have like a million sequels. So yeah, awesome story over all. Highly recommend it. Now for my favorite creepy song" Sound of Silence.

"Sound of Silence? by Simon & Garfunkel begins playing.

The Acting Authority: Children's Day and People Magazine

On Friday, I went down to the Children's Day thing. You know, the Kids" Castle Theater part. I only went cuz it was a part of the Shanachie stuff. Basically I knew Mataya was going and I figure I should go to score some bonus points with her. People had been saying I was saying bad stuff about the theater in some of these Acting Authority segments. So I go and I play the villain in a little skit. I achieved such high claims for my performance; critics called me 'deliciously villainous." Then we broke up into groups for the kids to do their own skits. My group won, of course. I'm not sure if there was even a contest, but mine won anyway.

So then the Shanachie Theater goes and does a press thing to get into People magazine, and I was not featured on the cover. Yes, even after my charitable work with those slimy, I mean, cute kids. I'm holding it up here to the mic so the listeners at home can see. Of course there is the full shot of Jonathan and Victoria Granger. Now, Jonathan earned that spot by slutting himself out for Shades of Grey, so that's fine. Then off to the side, you got a shot of Mataya, who owns the whole theater. Maybe she doesn't own it; I'm not sure. Maybe she's the CEO. Either way, she's got the biggest stake in it, so she deserves a cover spot. But then you got Eregor and Anthony De Luca. Who the heck are they' Their biggest claim to fame is that they recently had kids. Not together, though I question De Luca's preferences since he's in the ballet. Eregor and his wife, Rhiannon Brock, had boy and girl twins. De Luca and his quotation marks "wife", Anastasia, had a little girl. But, here's my point. I should have at least been able to take a cover shot and I should have got a full article interview spread, pages of pictures of me, and everything. So since I didn't get my muchly deserved interview, I'm going to give you a sample of what my interview should have went like:

So, Yasmin"

I prefer Yas.

Sure, Yas, so tell us some of the things you got going on right now.

Well, like always, I do my evening radio show for WHAM! 101.1FM. Right now, I'm still doing my little "Acting Authority' and "Between The Music" segments, the last of which has turned into simply "Yas Rants". I always love my time in The Shanachie Theater's Theater Company. They did "Fiddler on the Roof? as an homage to my Jewishness, so that was sweet. I'm also in RhyDin Rewind's Boy Band 101, but don't let WHAM know cuz that may be a conflict of interest, working with the competitors and all. But most recently, I started up a podcast with Aurast Dagger Sasc. I'm the star, though. That's why it was named Yastcast, after me.

That sounds interesting, Yas. Fans must love being able to get so much of you.

They do. I have to beat them off with a stick.

So, Yas, as much as you are into music, what?s your favorite song"

Oh, I have too many to count. My favorite right now?"

"I Want You To Know? by Selena Gomez begins playing.

The Acting Authority: "The Sound of Music"

Good evening, Rhy'din! DJ Zazzy Yas here for my Acting Authority segment. The latest theatrical masterpiece at the Shanachie is The Sound of Music.

I went into this segment planning to say some things about the show. I was going to joke about how lucky I was that the Do Re Mi song explained how to say each the words cuz otherwise I wouldn't have known and definitely wouldn't have been able to teach the kids. I was going to make a wise crack about how Mataya keeps putting me, as one of her widely renowned Jewish actors, in all of these Jewish and Nazi based musicals, and I'm even playing the role of a nun! I was also gonna go out of my way to make an overly dramatic complaint about all the kids in this thing, cuz I act like don't like working with kids or animals since they steal the show and I have gotten used to being the star that I am' But this musical was just way too amazing. The story has it all. Love. War " kinda. And I know I normally do a synopsis about the story, but really, what I want to talk about this time" is the kids. See if you can keep up.

The role of Gretl, the youngest Von Trapp daughter, was shared by little ones, Olivia Gates and Lyneth Granger. Olivia" I have a seamonkey named Olivia" Olivia is the real life daughter to Ben and Dove Gates. Now for those of you who are up on your Shanachie culture, Ben Gates is in the Repertory Company. I'm in the Theater Company. I don't know what Repertory means, but I know what Theater means and since we're talking about the Shanachie Theater, I think that means I'm in the more important one. Luckily for Ben, and Dove, adorable Olivia was outstanding, and dare I say better than dear ol" dad. I think she'll have a nice career in the Theater Company with me one day.

Little Lyneth Granger, who also played Gretl, is the daughter of Desmond and Piper Granger. Now I'm not really sure about the whole Granger clan, but somehow one of them is related to Jonathan Granger, who is in the Repertory Company with Ben Gates. So, yes, that means I'm better than Jon and his half dozen movies too. But I think I have some competition, especially in the blue department, because aside from her talent, lovely Lyneth has the most beautiful shade of bright blue eyes.

Cate Harker played the second youngest daughter, Marta. If you recognize Cate's Harker name, yes, she is the real life sister to Mairead Harker, who played the next daughter in line, Brigitta. Little Maggie is quite the thespian herself. Keep in mind, just this season, she has done The Secret Garden, Miracle on 34th Street, The Philadelphia Story, and Mamma Mia! There may even be more. I think Maggie must have helped her little sis out, because both siblings were excellent. I think performing is in this whole family's genes. I say we give full credit to their mother, Rhiannon Harker, famous for Harker's Dueling and Defense Academy in the Old Temple District.

Ok, quick commercial break, then I'll get back to the rest of my Von Trapp family.

The Acting Authority: "The Odd Couple"

This is DJ Zazzy Yas for WHAM! 101.1FM and I am your local Acting Authority. The latest show at The Shanachie Theater is "The Odd Couple". I imagine by now, between the TV show and the movie" There was a movie, right' "that everyone knows the story of the slob and the clean freak trying to live together in not-so-perfect harmony, but still remain friends even though they just about drive each other nuts, so I won't bore you with the plot summary. This time, I want to share with you who I think would make fun odd couples. Tell me if you can see how funny these pairings would be if they had to share an apartment like Felix and Oscar.

Master of the written word for the RhyDin Post, Darien Fenner, with master of the spoken word and one of my fellow radio personalities on a station I'm not allowed to say the name of since WHAM is picky about those things, Seirichi. Would she get used to having every scandalous moment in her life documented for the front page of the RhyDin Post' Would he be able to print half of the words that come out of her mouth"

Rhiannon D Harker, the representative for the Rhydin Observatory Complex and Botanical Garden, with Noah Bird, the artist and owner behind Noah's Wooden Wonders. Sure, they both love nature but for vastly different reasons. Would he cut down all of her garden's trees to make his woodworking wares" I'd love to find out if she'd bury him among the daisies if he tried.

Race, the owner of the Wonderplex theme park, with Mary Read, the owner of Club Bablyon which features women's bodies as a theme park. Actually, that is something they have in common, so that may not work as an odd couple. Well, maybe they don't have too many things in common....After all, she's probably seen more naked women than he has.

Last but not least, Claire Farron, and Zofie Kaminsky, not because I think they are crazy opposites, but only cuz I want to see how much chaos two pink haired chicks can make.

Now, I know I should probably do a fade out song like Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold", for the whole Odd Couple contrasting stuff, but eh, I'm not feeling it. I'm going back to my feel-good eighties. Cuz at the end of the day, even if you're in an Odd Couple, if you're friends like Oscar and Felix, you can make it through, cuz that's what friends are for.

"That's What Friends Are For" begins playing.

((OOC Note: This is just the IC ramblings of a crazy disc jockey, so in other words, these are just her totally off-the-wall opinions. If I have offended anyone I included in this post or any of my posts, or blurred any IC and OOC lines, just PM me and I will be happy to take your character's mention out.))