His fingernail had been absently tapping at the corner of a stack of papers on his desk for about nine minutes now. Insofar as paperwork went, the lieutenant was relatively caught up. He wasn't really sure of why things were so quiet, but he rarely mentioned that they were. He wasn't stupid. He'd grown up in this city and knew all too well about the curse of evoking the word "quiet" around these parts. Still, he wasn't sure whether to blame the winter weather for keeping people honest, and more importantly inside, or whether he should give credit to the ladies with the crimson sashes.
Cullen hadn't seen or heard from Isuelt since the blowup he'd sported on his birthday. He couldn't blame her, he'd acted like a complete asshole. And the fact that months had gone by without him seeing her felt like the most severe punishment he could imagine. He had been singularly cranky this holiday season; he hadn't really blamed it on any one thing (though he was sure the Watchmen in the precinct were taking bets), but it had occurred to him just this week that this was the first Winterfest in recent memory where he hadn't at least touched base with the Scathachian leader. She was almost always at the Governor's Ball or other festivities, helping to keep them orderly and safe. But this year he hadn't seen her, nor had he had any word from her about any criminals she'd brought in. It was like she had disappeared. And while he knew that was an untruth, it still felt as real. He still felt empty. That was the cause of his "Bah-Humbugging" and it was sobering to realize.
In fact he'd been fighting his instinct for quite some time. Perhaps even years. And that was more than grating on him; it just wasn't his personality to ignore his gut, to deny his instincts. But this was more than a passing fancy on his part. He'd been working with Isuelt for close to seven years and Cullen found it harder and harder to pass off his feelings toward the striking Scathachian leader. But he would belittle himself thinking that if he were to voice any feelings, he would fall in line behind a hundred other fellows in this city alone. So, he kept quiet (begrudgingly so) and kept his self-reprimand in order. Besides, she was assertive. It didn't take a genius to see that. If Isuelt wanted more of a relationship with him, she would have made it clear. But he didn't have time for this sort of sophomoric nonsense anymore than she did. The angst of love, especially in this city, in this line of work, was more of a hinderance than anything else. He wasn't a poet, he wasn't a troubadour, he wasn't a romantic by any stretch of the imagination. These sort of teenage fantasies would have to stay just that: fantasies.
In any event, these thoughts were drowning his mind and keeping his focus from where it should be: work. Cullen grumbled under his breath for what possibly was the hundredth time today and ran his hands roughly over his stubble, trying to wake himself from these fruitless reveries. With a resounding exhale, he leaned back in his chair and stared at the paperwork before him. "**** it," he muttered as he pushed back from his desk and stood up. As he grabbed his coat on the way out he nodded his head, figuring that a break from paper-pushing out in the cold air would do him good. After all, he'd already had one cold shower today, maybe this would work better.
Cullen hadn't seen or heard from Isuelt since the blowup he'd sported on his birthday. He couldn't blame her, he'd acted like a complete asshole. And the fact that months had gone by without him seeing her felt like the most severe punishment he could imagine. He had been singularly cranky this holiday season; he hadn't really blamed it on any one thing (though he was sure the Watchmen in the precinct were taking bets), but it had occurred to him just this week that this was the first Winterfest in recent memory where he hadn't at least touched base with the Scathachian leader. She was almost always at the Governor's Ball or other festivities, helping to keep them orderly and safe. But this year he hadn't seen her, nor had he had any word from her about any criminals she'd brought in. It was like she had disappeared. And while he knew that was an untruth, it still felt as real. He still felt empty. That was the cause of his "Bah-Humbugging" and it was sobering to realize.
In fact he'd been fighting his instinct for quite some time. Perhaps even years. And that was more than grating on him; it just wasn't his personality to ignore his gut, to deny his instincts. But this was more than a passing fancy on his part. He'd been working with Isuelt for close to seven years and Cullen found it harder and harder to pass off his feelings toward the striking Scathachian leader. But he would belittle himself thinking that if he were to voice any feelings, he would fall in line behind a hundred other fellows in this city alone. So, he kept quiet (begrudgingly so) and kept his self-reprimand in order. Besides, she was assertive. It didn't take a genius to see that. If Isuelt wanted more of a relationship with him, she would have made it clear. But he didn't have time for this sort of sophomoric nonsense anymore than she did. The angst of love, especially in this city, in this line of work, was more of a hinderance than anything else. He wasn't a poet, he wasn't a troubadour, he wasn't a romantic by any stretch of the imagination. These sort of teenage fantasies would have to stay just that: fantasies.
In any event, these thoughts were drowning his mind and keeping his focus from where it should be: work. Cullen grumbled under his breath for what possibly was the hundredth time today and ran his hands roughly over his stubble, trying to wake himself from these fruitless reveries. With a resounding exhale, he leaned back in his chair and stared at the paperwork before him. "**** it," he muttered as he pushed back from his desk and stood up. As he grabbed his coat on the way out he nodded his head, figuring that a break from paper-pushing out in the cold air would do him good. After all, he'd already had one cold shower today, maybe this would work better.