A uniformed man was attempting to write up a report for his superior on the "incident' that just occurred in the streets of the West End. In hand he held a small tape recorder that was in process of rewinding. He was shaking his head, he had to listen to the story given by the only known surviving eye witness again because the first time he hadn't transcribed much. His stare was bewildered as he pressed play.
It began with the usual " date, time, names " they had already been scribbled down. The tape was set down upon the desk and the man put pen to paper to transcribe the tale. His brows raising as he did his best to notes of the relevant information.
Harold: Man - really " you should have seen it!
Interviewer: Just start at the beginning"
Harold: Well, I don't really know how it began' I was on my way home from work, detouring from the bank. It's two blocks up from where it all happened.
I looked over my shoulder for a minute and down the street coming right out of the sunset was this shadow. You know - you couldn't really see anything with the sun behind her. But you could see she was walking down in the middle of the street carrying a couple of large objects. I couldn't tell what they were - they could have been brief cases or baseball bats - but she had one in each hand.
Whoever they were, they was walking real steady. Determined. Almost like they were marching" She just kept on coming.
(In an agitated outburst) You should have seen it! People flying out the windows! Or at least parts of people" Or people in parts" I don't know man.
Interviewer: Please stay on track" She was walking down the street"
Harold: She just kept marching down the road. The things in her hands" The way she was carrying them' it was sort of like she was carrying swords. That's when I first started worrying. And she just kept coming and coming" As she got a block away I could start to make her out. I could tell she was a female " you should have seen those legs man' Never seen legs like that before" But I'm telling you " you don't want no piece of that! You should have heard the screams! Breaking glass " there's blood everywhere! It was"
Interviewer: Can you describe the female better"
Harold: Yeah I got a good look at her. She kept coming closer and closer" At this point I could see the outline " they weren't swords at all. They were chainsaws! But it was her eyes" She was still all black "cause the sun was behind her, you know uh' a silhouette. But I could see her eyes" They were green. They were glowing. As she got closer they looked almost as bright as the sun. I noticed everything was getting quiet at that time. At first I thought I was just lost in her crazy glowing eyes.
But when I looked around everyone else was gone. The birds were gone. I didn't even see any rats in the alley' It was real quiet' And then I looked up, and she's walking right past me. I could see her real good" That's when she started the chainsaws up!
Interviewer: Wait just one moment " you said you could see her really good" Tell me more about what she looked like" What was she wearing"
Harold: She was wearing this all black outfit " that outfit she was wearing was so tight " it looked like she painted it right on. I told you about those crazy green eyes" But that outfit' You should have seen those legs. The body on this girl " she was perfect. Except for the chainsaws " girls with chainsaws are scary! I won't even date a girl who owns a gun. Girls are too crazy for that stuff. And her hair" She had blood red hair. It was " it was the color of blood. There was so much blood man. All over the place. It was just pouring out of the building.
Interviewer: Try to tell the story in order" She was walking past you? Harold: Yeah. She started up those chainsaws, and then she started swinging them around like ginsu knives. You know, like you see in those fancy Japanese restaurants with the grills in the table" (pause) You know, all kung fu swords and stuff. (pause) No man, I'm serious. Quit looking at me like that!
Interviewer: Alright, alright' Go on with your story.
Harold: She was walking straight towards this building at the end of the block. It's like a t-intersection. The buildings kinda blocking the road you know" These two big guys standing outside the door of the building whipped out a couple pieces of heavy iron. I don't know what kind of guns they were " I was too far away. But I swear, a couple of the bullets were too close. I saw this girl get hit " she didn't hardly flinch! And I saw the blood spatter out, but she just kept on walking like nothing was wrong. Like she had some place to be and she was gonna get there.
She walked right between the two guys while they were trying to reload their guns. And she moved her arms like she was just shooing away a fly " sliced em both in half without even looking at them! Craziest sh*t I ever seen! Then she kicked in the door without even missing a beat. I could hear the chainsaws going the whole time. But she wasn't in the door a second when I started hearing the screams" Horrible, horrible screams " like some guys balls caught in a meat grinder.
I could hear her working her way through the building. Constantly the windows were breaking and people " or at least parts of people " were flying out! I mean I think they were people" But they were missing a lot of parts. It wasn't long before it seemed like the building was bleeding, so much blood was splashing out the windows. The screams man' You should have heard the screams" This went on for like twenty minutes. Bodies just kept coming out the windows " they never stopped " they just kept piling out onto the ground.
Harold: Then after twenty minutes" Another guy came flying out of the top story of the building. I remember him because he was the only one who seemed to have all his parts.
Interviewer: Are you sure it was twenty minutes" Time can get...funny...when things like that are happening"
Harold: I knew it was twenty minutes because then the sun was down and all the street lamps were on. Like I was saying" He landed on the pavement with a mighty thud - I swear the ground shook. Right after that the screams started dying down in the building. It seemed like forever, but it was probably only a minute or two' That lady with the chainsaws came strolling out of the building like nothing was wrong and she didn't even need a cigarette.
One of the chainsaws started sputtering and she tossed it to the side. She started walking up the middle of the road again, back where she came from. When she passed the guy with all his parts she just stooped down " didn't even look " grabbed him by the hair of his head and started dragging him behind her. Walking along as cool as anything" With those scary eyes" That's when I noticed the glow was starting to fade.
Then suddenly, the guy with his parts, he woke up! Somehow he had twisted out of her grip! She turned around and he was already on his feet. She swung the chainsaw right at his head - but he caught it with his hand! That's when I noticed this crazy glove he was wearing, it was real shiny almost like it was made out of silver. I only saw it for a second but I swear it had jewels on it or something.
They were struggling over the chainsaw for a minute, then it went flying way up in the air" Then this girl had claws come right of her hands " like a cat! She started swinging on him. These two erupted into one helluva a fight, I couldn't hardly see what they were doing. I've never seen anyone move that fast. People aren't supposed to move like that. Then I heard the chainsaw again? I looked up". (long pause) That's when it came down out of the sky and took my arm. It hurt so much I couldn't hardly see anything after that' But'
Interviewer: But.."
Harold: I looked up at one point' And my vision was pretty blurry' But I saw him grab her face with that glove. This guy said, "Happy birthday Sandrine. Here's your gift - the"....and he said something I couldn't make out. Then it looked like she just went limp" But I guess I must've passed out...
Interviewer: Damn, he's out again? Probably all that morphine they're giving him.
Unidentified voice: Don't worry about it, that guy is crazy as a loon.
Interviewer: Yeah' Let's go.
It began with the usual " date, time, names " they had already been scribbled down. The tape was set down upon the desk and the man put pen to paper to transcribe the tale. His brows raising as he did his best to notes of the relevant information.
Harold: Man - really " you should have seen it!
Interviewer: Just start at the beginning"
Harold: Well, I don't really know how it began' I was on my way home from work, detouring from the bank. It's two blocks up from where it all happened.
I looked over my shoulder for a minute and down the street coming right out of the sunset was this shadow. You know - you couldn't really see anything with the sun behind her. But you could see she was walking down in the middle of the street carrying a couple of large objects. I couldn't tell what they were - they could have been brief cases or baseball bats - but she had one in each hand.
Whoever they were, they was walking real steady. Determined. Almost like they were marching" She just kept on coming.
(In an agitated outburst) You should have seen it! People flying out the windows! Or at least parts of people" Or people in parts" I don't know man.
Interviewer: Please stay on track" She was walking down the street"
Harold: She just kept marching down the road. The things in her hands" The way she was carrying them' it was sort of like she was carrying swords. That's when I first started worrying. And she just kept coming and coming" As she got a block away I could start to make her out. I could tell she was a female " you should have seen those legs man' Never seen legs like that before" But I'm telling you " you don't want no piece of that! You should have heard the screams! Breaking glass " there's blood everywhere! It was"
Interviewer: Can you describe the female better"
Harold: Yeah I got a good look at her. She kept coming closer and closer" At this point I could see the outline " they weren't swords at all. They were chainsaws! But it was her eyes" She was still all black "cause the sun was behind her, you know uh' a silhouette. But I could see her eyes" They were green. They were glowing. As she got closer they looked almost as bright as the sun. I noticed everything was getting quiet at that time. At first I thought I was just lost in her crazy glowing eyes.
But when I looked around everyone else was gone. The birds were gone. I didn't even see any rats in the alley' It was real quiet' And then I looked up, and she's walking right past me. I could see her real good" That's when she started the chainsaws up!
Interviewer: Wait just one moment " you said you could see her really good" Tell me more about what she looked like" What was she wearing"
Harold: She was wearing this all black outfit " that outfit she was wearing was so tight " it looked like she painted it right on. I told you about those crazy green eyes" But that outfit' You should have seen those legs. The body on this girl " she was perfect. Except for the chainsaws " girls with chainsaws are scary! I won't even date a girl who owns a gun. Girls are too crazy for that stuff. And her hair" She had blood red hair. It was " it was the color of blood. There was so much blood man. All over the place. It was just pouring out of the building.
Interviewer: Try to tell the story in order" She was walking past you? Harold: Yeah. She started up those chainsaws, and then she started swinging them around like ginsu knives. You know, like you see in those fancy Japanese restaurants with the grills in the table" (pause) You know, all kung fu swords and stuff. (pause) No man, I'm serious. Quit looking at me like that!
Interviewer: Alright, alright' Go on with your story.
Harold: She was walking straight towards this building at the end of the block. It's like a t-intersection. The buildings kinda blocking the road you know" These two big guys standing outside the door of the building whipped out a couple pieces of heavy iron. I don't know what kind of guns they were " I was too far away. But I swear, a couple of the bullets were too close. I saw this girl get hit " she didn't hardly flinch! And I saw the blood spatter out, but she just kept on walking like nothing was wrong. Like she had some place to be and she was gonna get there.
She walked right between the two guys while they were trying to reload their guns. And she moved her arms like she was just shooing away a fly " sliced em both in half without even looking at them! Craziest sh*t I ever seen! Then she kicked in the door without even missing a beat. I could hear the chainsaws going the whole time. But she wasn't in the door a second when I started hearing the screams" Horrible, horrible screams " like some guys balls caught in a meat grinder.
I could hear her working her way through the building. Constantly the windows were breaking and people " or at least parts of people " were flying out! I mean I think they were people" But they were missing a lot of parts. It wasn't long before it seemed like the building was bleeding, so much blood was splashing out the windows. The screams man' You should have heard the screams" This went on for like twenty minutes. Bodies just kept coming out the windows " they never stopped " they just kept piling out onto the ground.
Harold: Then after twenty minutes" Another guy came flying out of the top story of the building. I remember him because he was the only one who seemed to have all his parts.
Interviewer: Are you sure it was twenty minutes" Time can get...funny...when things like that are happening"
Harold: I knew it was twenty minutes because then the sun was down and all the street lamps were on. Like I was saying" He landed on the pavement with a mighty thud - I swear the ground shook. Right after that the screams started dying down in the building. It seemed like forever, but it was probably only a minute or two' That lady with the chainsaws came strolling out of the building like nothing was wrong and she didn't even need a cigarette.
One of the chainsaws started sputtering and she tossed it to the side. She started walking up the middle of the road again, back where she came from. When she passed the guy with all his parts she just stooped down " didn't even look " grabbed him by the hair of his head and started dragging him behind her. Walking along as cool as anything" With those scary eyes" That's when I noticed the glow was starting to fade.
Then suddenly, the guy with his parts, he woke up! Somehow he had twisted out of her grip! She turned around and he was already on his feet. She swung the chainsaw right at his head - but he caught it with his hand! That's when I noticed this crazy glove he was wearing, it was real shiny almost like it was made out of silver. I only saw it for a second but I swear it had jewels on it or something.
They were struggling over the chainsaw for a minute, then it went flying way up in the air" Then this girl had claws come right of her hands " like a cat! She started swinging on him. These two erupted into one helluva a fight, I couldn't hardly see what they were doing. I've never seen anyone move that fast. People aren't supposed to move like that. Then I heard the chainsaw again? I looked up". (long pause) That's when it came down out of the sky and took my arm. It hurt so much I couldn't hardly see anything after that' But'
Interviewer: But.."
Harold: I looked up at one point' And my vision was pretty blurry' But I saw him grab her face with that glove. This guy said, "Happy birthday Sandrine. Here's your gift - the"....and he said something I couldn't make out. Then it looked like she just went limp" But I guess I must've passed out...
Interviewer: Damn, he's out again? Probably all that morphine they're giving him.
Unidentified voice: Don't worry about it, that guy is crazy as a loon.
Interviewer: Yeah' Let's go.