Topic: Level Footing

This Dark One

Date: 2013-03-14 06:05 EST
Renna had a great many things weighing down upon her as of late. If you ignore all of the drama she has caused in her drunken self-destructive stupor, there was still a hefty shadow looming over her. Although trying her best as Eternal House leader, she was far from perfect. Her violent inebriated actions against Crowe and Arthour were proof enough of that. But she knew she could never really hurt them " no, she could never hurt her friends. At least, not physically"

Regardless of the horrible things she had said to both men, she found herself once again sat in a position where Arthour had still offered his hand of friendship; despite the anger of her words against him " questioning his leadership of Mage House and his competency. Even through all of the harsh things she had said were venomous and laced spiteful hatred, he still wanted to help. He still wanted to be friends. She only assumed Crowe, felt the same.

All she wanted to do was to push them away, and for them to give up caring about her. That was all she wanted to do. Somehow, she even managed to fail spectacularly on that regard. Still, Arthour trusted her, still he wanted her help with the situation at Old Temple " why, would he not just give up"! It frustrated to her no end that these people just will not leave her alone to wallow in her own self-pity and remorseful self-loathing.

Naturally, she turned down helping Arthour with his little problem almost immediately. Quite angrily at that....For the drink had once again spoken for her in that mesh of slurred uncontrolled and unwarranted anger. She knew no good would come of the situation by releasing yet another dangerous individual to hunt down Demons in Old Temple. She felt she was better off locked up at Bristle Crios where she could hurt no one, playing the role as the quiet, reclusive Leader, School Librarian and Gardener.

But everyone wanted to say their piece. To give her advice on how to deal with her current problems. Everyone and their damn Grandmother wanted to heal a wound that was a deep and as old as she herself.

Renna hated to be alone. And it all boiled down to the snapping point that had ruined her peaceful and controlled life. It all came down to the man that tipped her over the edge by breaking his promises of staying by her side through thick and thin, to hold her when she awoke screaming from the nightmares of her past sins " to be there and to help her repent. To keep a leash on the weapon that was fully primed and ready to explode at the slightest provocation.

Kaius.

"Kaius?" How many times had she cried now" Too many, she thought, as she surveyed her sparse and very bare room within the underbelly of Eternal House, which in her latest fit of drunken rage, she had completely trashed. The only thing not upturned, or not thrown about was the brand new telepathic crystal Arthour and recreated for her that was gripped in her deadly left mechanical claw.

Glaring through the tears, she panted hard, and found herself planting her back squarely against her bedroom door, her other claw reaching up a half drunk bottle of scotch. As the alcohol burned down her throat, her eyes rolled back into her head, and once she had swallowed the liquid peace she now clings to like a lifeline, Renna released a satisfied sigh, and then a lamenting groan.

Why was she doing this to herself" She couldn't work properly like this. And chances are, sooner or later, Miranda will start to notice her sudden change; her drunken arrivals on Bristle Crios grounds late at night, stumbling back into Eternal House from Nemesis knows where....Her sudden bouts of rage at the tiniest of things" Even at the Academy, when working in the Library, she stunk of alcohol " and she knew, that the other Teachers could smell it....They knew she was spiralling out of control.

It was only a matter of time, before they fired her. Or worse" Revoked her membership at Bristle Crios" Or worse still" Banished her from Bristle Crios forever"

She hoped they did. That way then she could go into hiding. Return to homeland" Maybe even end it all by paying a visit to Edward Batten. He after all, could end it for her. He had the tools to do it.

"What am' I thinking?? Renna wept as she threw the bottle of scotch at the wall opposite her, the glass shattering everywhere, the liquid splattering all up the wall as she slid down the door until she sat upon her rump, with her back firmly pressed back against the door.

Breaking down into another fit of tears, she screamed her sorrow as loud as she possibly could, until the strain on her body - both emotional and physical, could bare it no longer. She fell asleep there upon the floor.

This Dark One

Date: 2013-03-14 19:35 EST
The next morning when she awoke, Renna found herself sprawled out upon her bedroom floor, perilously placed amongst the broken glass of the shattered bottle of scotch she had hurled at the wall, and several other empty bottles of varying brands and types of alcohol. Most of which, were mostly vodka.

Her first thought was that the room simply stank, and as she leant up, she realised it was in fact not the room at all.

It was her. She reeked of alcohol, sweat, and tears, and with such a sensitive nose like hers the stench was comparable to that of smelling salts mixed together with a stale bag of rot, which was then punched mercilessly and repeatedly into her face. Attempting to block out the bar-floor aroma she placed the cool surface of her gauntlet's palm firmly against her cheeks and then finally her forehead, just as she groaned in protest at the headache that wrecked her mind.

Renna had to will her body to sit up, and even forced herself to open her eye bit, by bit.

It was a good thing her room was so dark, for being the creature that she is, she was quite accustomed to dark places, so it took little to no time for her eye to adjust. "....Urgh." She moaned as her other claw sought out to press against the ground; to aid in supporting her lean forward.

Instead, she was met with a soft clink of metal striking glass, and it drew her squinting sight to the bottle of vodka that stood at attention, within arms reach, with just enough liquid left present within it for a good mouthful. Her mouth was dry, and she needed something to drink. She wasn't a fan of water, and she knew fully well that it would only serve to cause more damage than good. However....She needed something to wash away this damned headache, and parched sensation at the back of her throat, and she was willing to lick the moisture from the floor to get it.

Taking the bottle, she departed her room moments later after a change of clothes into her gardening attire of a plain white sun dress, straw-made sun hat and matching leather high heels, which was all accompanied by a quick wash to rid of the dry feeling of long shed tears still clinging to her cheeks and a scented oil which was applied to her skin to mask her uniquely drunken scent.

She put on the usual airs when walking through Eternal House at this time of day. Smiling, trying to look as happy as she could be....Given the circumstance that inside all she wanted to do was scream and lash out at every inanimate object she laid her bloodshot, half lidded eye on. She knew where to go, to be left alone - and besides, she had an idea on how to clear her mind of her troubles. To not think of anything.

Renna planned to plant some of her roses, right outside the Eternal House entrance, flanking the door either side of it in two large clay plant plots she purchased not two days ago. The soil was ready, and perfectly toiled. All she needed, was to plant her roses into them, water them, and then nurture then until they took root.

Stepping outside into the cold, crisp air, Renna sighed. She did love lower temperatures. Always had. Growing up in the Crystal Forest; a place where it never had a single day of Summer, Renna, always did feel quite comfortable during the colder seasons. It was those hot Summer seasons she despised the most. Too bright. Too....Warm.

By the time she had recovered her cuttings from the Secret Garden, which were all safely contained within a large wicker basket and had returned to the plant plots at Eternal House's entrance, Renna swiftly went to work, dropping down onto her knees at the one on the left. She used her claws ? which were fashioned for the darker arts of life, for digging up the soil and to plant her little white coloured darlings snugly into their arranged place.

She spoke to them. She even called to them by name. The names of them, however, were in her native language - a twisted perversion of Infernal, and Elven.

Even as she smiled sweetly during her work, inside, Renna's mind was doing anything but. Inside, she found herself scowling. She second guessed so many things within her life, including her very reason to live, that she still entertained placing a single crystalline blade to her throat, and to slip it from ear, to ear....

She paused, at that, and found herself turning her gaze to the vodka bottle which barely had anything left in it, just next to the plant pot she tended to. From that, she turned her eye to the soil caked blades of her claws, and stared.

Those hands of hers. They always reminded her of her true purpose. She could use them as gardening tools all she wanted, but in the end, they were good for one thing, and one thing only.

Killing.

That thought silenced her mind, and brought her planting to a stop. She just knelt there, staring at her flowers now happily planted within their new home, completely ignoring the fact she had one more pot to go.

Fiona ONeill

Date: 2013-03-15 12:46 EST
Fiona watched as Renna left her room that morning. She watched as she went off to her solace in her Secret Garden. She watched as she returned to the Eternal House entrance to plant her roses. She watched many things and many people on the grounds. From her banshee silvery mists, she could hide away silently, in plain sight, unable to affect the outside world and unable to be affected by it. But she was. She was affected, just as Renna had been. She, too, had lost someone dear to her. She had been through it all before, long long ago.

Fiona grew up in a small island in Ireland where she was engaged. The day of her wedding, she was accused of being a witch and was tied to the tau cross. Her fianc" rushed to her aid, but was killed by the mob. She could only watch as his lifeless body was thrown out to sea. She was then stoned to death. She awoke on mainland Ireland as a banshee and eventually learned to appear in her human state once again.

In Rhydin, she met Kristoph Knightfall, the man she would marry. She noticed him, and he her, but neither one would dare hint at what they felt. Not long after, he died, but she would not give up hope for this man she came to fall in love with. She brought him back from the dead, but through her journey to save him, she changed him and herself. They both emerged with new myriads, small power sources aligned to an individual to boost certain aspects. Fiona's Memoria myriad gave her the gift over memories and the mind. Knightfall, as Fiona called him, disappeared before she could fully understand her gift, or even that she had one. When she saved his life, her myriad allowed her to see all of his lives, and his family, including his brother.

Kaius.

Kaius and Knightfall had no idea the other was even in Rhydin, but once Fiona recognized Kaius in Knightfall's memories, she knew Kaius from the Bristle Crios grounds, where he stayed with Renna. She never told either of the men that his brother was so close. She had seen their rocky relationship in Knightfall's memory and she felt it wasn't her place. Fiona was the only one of them to know that Renna's fianc" was Fiona's husband's brother. In some twisted way, Fiona viewed herself as Renna's sister. After Kaius and Knightfall disappeared, Fiona did little but watch over the grounds, especially Renna.

Now she watched Renna as she returned to the Eternal House entrance to plant her roses. Too much was going on. She could keep silent no longer. A small rift of silvery mist appeared a few feet behind Renna. Fiona stepped out and touched the cold hard ground with her light canvas shoes. She too was wearing white, a simple long white cotton dress that flowed lightly through her mist. The mist cleared as abruptly as it appeared and Fiona shivered slightly, being reminded of the coldness of the world from which she hid.

Never intending to startle her, Fiona said in a soft whisper, "Renna."

This Dark One

Date: 2013-03-17 07:27 EST
These claws of mine are only adept at chaos and destruction yet here I am, planting poor imitation hybrids of the roses that grew around me when I was a child....I never realised until now how f**ked up I really am... Renna thought to herself, a soft, sad chuckle passing her lips just as she heard her name being called by a voice she least expected. But then again, every other House Leader has had something to say about her recent attitude and sudden escape to alcohol.

Her teeth found her lower lip, and nervously, she chewed at it just as her blood red eye slipped away from the beauty she had created to the cause of her recent downwards spiral into self destruction. She eyed that vodka bottle and slowly reached to push it out of sight, just behind the plant pot, hoping she at least had previously blocked sight of it. "Fiona....What an unexpected surprise..." She measured her voice in a calm of complete neutrality, attempting to sound at least a touch professional, as if she were speaking to someone of equal status.

Rising to her feet, she turned, placing upon her face the same fake smile she had given everyone as of late. Being a Mistress of lies, her warm, welcoming expression was to be quite convincing. But her only eye refused to reciprocate the same feeling, and no measure of a perfect fa"ade would hide the bloodshot appearance. Crossing her arms across her chest, she glanced aside then to Eternal House looming behind her, "What brings you to Eternal House??

Oh she had an idea why Fiona was here....The nervous shuffle of her footing was a testament to that.

Fiona ONeill

Date: 2013-03-27 19:22 EST
Renna was right. They were equals. In their heartbreak.

Fiona had chosen to retreat to her invisible mists, while Renna hid inside a bottle.

Neither would deal with the pain, but Fiona was worried that Renna's escape could prove dangerous, if not to herself, then to others. She came to trust and respect Renna despite the rumors and even the proven facts in her past. Fiona was concerned that if this would be allowed to continue, it certainly would, and it would not stop until it was too late and someone was hurt, leading all of them to have to deal with a pain that could not be hidden away as easily.

Like Renna, Fiona put up a front. Behind her calm, composed demeanor, she was terrified. She felt her body tremble slightly but pretended it was just the chilled air to help herself gain enough courage to speak again. She was so worried of saying the wrong thing, anything that would make an already bad situation worse, something that would jeopardize any chance of a future friendship. She knew she did not have a place to step in and have an effect, but she had little other option. Usually silent, Fiona hoped her words might be enough to inspire change.

"Renna," she began again, hoping just speaking again could give her the strength to continue. "Like many of the others who love and care for you, I have been concerned. I do not judge, nor do I begin to assume, but?" She trailed off, losing her nerve. No, it wasn't her nerve, it was the words. She could not form the words when she felt like such a hypocrite. How could she possibly have the nerve to say anything about Renna's avoidance of her pain when she too chose to ignore her similar issue"

It was then when she decided she needed to make her own first steps towards acceptance. If she wanted Renna do to the same, Fiona would have to make the first effort. It was the only thing she could do that the others who came to Renna before could not. She winced slightly, feeling the pain already surfacing. She took a deep breath of the cold air and just began to speak, not caring how she sounded, just trying to break through to herself, in the hopes she could break through to Renna.

"I wont begin to assume," she repeated, "but I know the pain of when someone close to you disappears. Knightfall went missing, too. I was devastated that my whole reason for existing here left me. I still am. My pain has never went away. I kept lying to myself that the pain would slowly disappear as he has, but it hasn't. My love for him is just as strong, as is my pain. I remember the times I was overwhelmed by his love and I remember our stupid arguments, hoping that I can hate him out of my heart. Neither works. He is rooted through my heart?" She took a breath to compose her ramblings.

"It is my hope that we can bond through our love and our loss and come out stronger, not in spite of it, but because of it. Both men gave us hope and love and even their disappearance is not strong enough to take that away from us. It will be a long road to our recovery, but I hope that you feel like you can take that journey with me until we learn to love ourselves.?

This Dark One

Date: 2013-04-08 09:51 EST
A storm of worry past her features as Fiona spoke her name again. Whatever it was that she wanted to speak about, it seemed to be important. Initially she felt her throat tighten as the sense of fear gripped tightly about her neck and pushed down against her lungs. A shaken breath was expelled, half expecting Fiona to chastise her for the way she had been acting recently, and, well" Just as she was about to retort, her words came tumbling out in a slight gasp, as Fiona spoke her heartfelt measure, and it left Renna truly stunned. The raised brows and slight widening of her single blood red eye was a good indicator of that. The way her mouth just opened and close silently like a fish out of water, it was obvious she wanted to interrupt Fiona several times. But nothing came of it. She just could not rationalize or form what she wanted to desperately say to the woman.

It was true; they were sisters through loss and love and, well" Renna has not had the time to truly speak what was weighing in her heart like lead. In fact, she had been purposefully avoiding the subject, hitting the bottle to numb the idea, to let that be her vent of her tormented emotional state, be it revealed itself in a flash of violence or crumbling self-pity. Although not drunk now, Renna struggled to contain her emotions in front of Fiona, and for a moment, she turned away from her. As if Fiona's words had afflicted a physical blow, she swayed, and reached her claws up to cup her own cheeks as she battled against the rising whimper building in her throat. There goes Renna's peaceful morning alone. Her eye went to the plant pot, and to the bottle she had hidden behind it earlier. Now she longed for its sweet embrace. She even took a step towards it, but halted herself when she realized Fiona was still there, as if waiting for a reaction.

Dread filled her. She knew she was crying. The tears could be felt streaming down her cheeks. How could she face anyone like this" Broken and defeated to the situation before her, she turned back to Fiona, with pain streaked across her features. Her voice cracked with sorrow, as it whispered out back to her. "L-listen, Fiona" I really' Don't want to talk about it' I" I know people love me. I know I have friends I can call upon and" Lean a shoulder to cry on but I?" She clenched her eyelid shut, "There's no hiding, from you? I can't keep up this disguise, pretending" Lying" I haven't really told anyone, how, lonely I am and" And, yes, you know my pain better than anyone, but, recently, all I've done is hurt those I loved when they tried to comfort me about Kaius's disappearance" I" Can't help it' I'm, pretty self-destructive" I suppose you already knew that, though?"

Her claws dropped limply to her sides, falling away from her cheeks. "I've been resolute to being alone in mu suffering with no one to truly understand how I feel....This pain" Fi" I" I'd?" She struggled to smile, "I need someone" I'd like you to be beside me, to drag me out of this pit I've created around me" I?" No longer could she form the words in her mind. "I'd, like your help, yes" Even if I don't deserve it.?

Fiona ONeill

Date: 2013-04-09 19:03 EST
Fiona's heart sank further as she saw the tears running down Renna's face. She quickly began to regret talking to her. She knew she must have caused more harm than good. As soon as Renna said she did not want to talk about it, she knew she should have never brought it up to begin with. "This is why you never speak" she reminded herself. But then Renna continued and began to open up more than Fiona had expected, more than she had hoped.

She mirrored Renna's struggling smile, but her's came more easily. She said softly, hoping to provide some comfort, "Renna, you are the most deserving person here. Even Kaius knew that. That is why he brought you here, here to the place you could get the most support." She paused a moment, trying to think of how she could help her, when Renna had done so much for her. "Even I need support. It was you, Renna, who allowed me to see that our feigned smiles achieved nothing. It was you who made me realize that I needed to move on passed the pain of my loss. It was you who gave me the strength to begin to open up about it."

Fiona paused and then simply said, "You inspire me."

She didn't know Renna's whole story, but she didn't need to. She had heard enough from rumors. She had even witnessed some of it herself. She had seen the transformation of the woman standing before her. Fiona continued, "Look at how far you have come, how much you have overcome. You have the strength to conquer everything before you. I would love to help you see the greatness that Kaius saw in you. But you have to take the first step and admit what is holding you back. Tell me what is ailing your heart."

Fiona ONeill

Date: 2013-05-28 16:50 EST
"I-It was....Me" That....Did that?" She breathed, shocked. Completely stunned into what could only be expressed as....Sheer disbelief. It was so hard to believe that Fiona " this strong woman, in her eyes, could confess something so....Fragile to her!

Renna took a step forward, her mouth working to formulate the honor she felt in someone else, using her, as some kind of anchor to overcome their pain. To inspire them to crawl out of that pit she herself was now trapped in. If life was ever cruel and ironic, it certainly was never best described in reality as this situation right here in front of Eternal House. Her tears fell faster. This woman was giving her too much credit. This, was simply too much for Renna to cope with. Deep inside, she wanted to dismiss the idea as flattery and ignore it. But she couldn't. Fiona's words had torn off what little resistance she had left in her, to....Release, the truth. The honest truth and feelings she had buried deep down inside of her.

Weak at he knees, Renna dropped down onto them, and settled back onto her folded legs, gazing up at Fiona with a look of absolute defeat."....I have the strength, to conquer everything before me, but I can't conquer the loneliness I feel without him near....My heart is, gone. I feel nothing there any more. Just despair. Anguish..." She gritted her teeth, and seethed, "The hatred of being left alone " but, but now..."

"N-now....The only thing, that comforts me....I-is the silence....The loneliness..." She smiled sadly, "I'm so used to it, I'm t-ter-terrified, that I no longer....Fear it....I, just, accept it....what, ails my heart....Is that, I had to let go, of the fact that I am, a monster....A-a murderer..." She wept, "F-forced to repair m-my mistake, when I almost killed May....I....I dug up her body....After, A-Arthour s-saved me from her....I don't....I don't hate her for, t-trying to attack me....I deserve, all her hatred because I used her....Like an....Experiment....Not a daughter....I'm trying, to f-fix her....But....What's, the point' I'm just....How can....How can someone as disgusting as me, inspire you?" She looked up at Fiona in further disbelief, "How can this dirty....Existence, inspire....Someone so great, like you....This....Impure....Filth..."

Fiona looked down at the woman. As Renna spoke, she knelt down in front of her. She had no right to look down to anyone. "Even I am not without fault," she said softly, looking her in the eyes.

She remembered a time that seemed so long ago, when she had come back from the dead and was cursed to walk the earth once more as a ghost, living but not being able to be a part of the world. She grew to learn her abilities and incorporate herself into reality, but she rejected the world and how she had lost the perfect life she had. She was in a very dark place then, too, and did very dark things. She would not compare her darkness to Renna's. She knew that Renna's existence as filled with much more pain than her own.

Fiona knew so many were offering their help, she felt as though her words would also fall flat. Instead, she would offer her support with a few kind words. She stood up and extended a hand to Renna as she continued, "But I've come to learn that no matter how many times we fall, there is always hope to rise again.? She prayed that Renna would always remember that.

This Dark One

Date: 2013-06-17 17:53 EST
Renna stared dumbfounded at the offered hand, "I..." She was at a loss for words. Fiona's actions had left a confused taste upon her lips. She had no clue on how to respond to the sheer kindness and concern she was showing her. It almost confused her.

In a way, Fiona was right. She fell often. But she always returned again, and again....And that, was exactly what scared her the most. Taking the offered hand, still sniffing through the tears, Renna slowly got up off of the floor. "I-I....I-I'm sorry....I....Don't know what came over me..." She glanced aside, shame present upon her features. "Thank....Thank you. I....I understand, why it is....I....I don't understand....I th-thought you would come and, scold me for my behavior....This past week or so...?"

"Not at all," Fiona interrupted her. She smiled, trying to show that she had no feelings against her. "I will leave you to your plants. You always breathe such life into them. You bring out their inner beauty and let the world see them for all of their splendor. I wish I could do the same." She spoke about the plants, but continued to look at Renna, hoping she made a small point. "If you ever need a hand again, I will always be there.?"

Lifting her arm up to wipe away the tears, Renna turned to regard the plant she had been tending to prior to their touching moment. It needed to come out. In some small way, Fiona had released a pressure valve in her mind that had been building up for weeks. She felt....Euphoric, all of a sudden. Content with life. As she gazed back at the flowers, she returned her gaze to Fiona, smiling brightly. "Thank you, Fiona....I-I'd...I'd like that, thank you.?"

Fiona didn't speak another word. She didn't need to. She smiled brightly, then turned towards Demon House. She walked back gracefully, not stopping to turn around to check on Renna. She didn't need to. She knew in her heart that Renna would become all that she was meant to be.