He would push through the gates wondering if it were the right thing to do. Kruger looked to the grounds and this place where he had spent so much time. It was true to say that he spent more in his forges than ever here just as it was true to say that once he had called Belglade home. Much had changed recently. It had changed because he couldn't allow them to remain the same. He knew that many would judge him harshly. They would tell him he had abandoned his responsibility, and they would be right. He hadn't disappeared though, hadn't simply slipped away without telling his intent. It would have to be enough. It was the only saving grace he could find in the whole situation.

If anyone were looking there were indications that this was not a normal visit for the smith. Over his shoulder was everything he had left from his life on the cliffs south of the city. There was a strange comfort in knowing that everything would fit over his shoulders and could be moved easily. By far it wasn't all he owned. Even without the lands and the house he was still well enough off to be able to rent space that would be comfortable by anyone's standards. He wouldn't spend money unnecessarily though. As proof he had spent every day at his forge, sleeping and rising to work. It came to him though that he needed to have more than just a room that rarely was well lit enough to even read. He had rejected many options, certain that his friends would at the least give him space for a while.

That was when Kruger considered where he would belong. He wouldn't be an added burden to any of those friends, but still needed a place to lay his head at the least. Warrior House was across the proving grounds. He would not be a burden to that house for which he fought so often. He was already a member of the house in name. Crossing the grounds he looked to the training happening. Instructors scattered across the grounds positioning students as they ran through forms, sparring with more advanced pupils. He ripped his gaze away even as his brows dropped over his eyes in worry. What if they knew and refused to accept him' What if they sent him away"

A pair of familiar figures crossed towards him from Mage House. Mother and daughter making good time as they neared though the smaller of the two had come at a run to pounce on him. The other came slower though Kruger thought he heard Miranda's laugh as Angel hit his legs. He reached a hand down to touch the top of Angel's head before turning that worried look Miranda's way. He took a breath to speak, opening his mouth once only to close it once again just as quickly. He turned his face from her and let his tongue moisten his parched lips. Another deep breath and still he couldn't turn those wheat colored eyes back to Miranda.

"I need a place to stay"if it isn't too much trouble sister. I don't know how long"I don't know if?" He looked back with a mixture of guilt and sorrow etched into a face that showed he had argued with his self the entire way here from the city. "Is there a place for me??

Chuckling at Angel's attempt to have ice cream and chocolate for dinner for the tenth time today, she kept the answer to herself as Angel pulled away from her. Mint green eyes watched the blonde curls of her daughter bounce and tangle all the way to her brother. It had been far to long since they had seen him.

Picking up the front of her dress, Miranda chased after Angel smiling softly. It seemed Samhain had more company in mind. Sure on her feet, she moved easily along the ground staying behind so Angel would win the race to hug first.

"Good evening, dear brother."

Kruger's face was etched in tired, fretful lines. It broke her heart to see him this way and when his eyes couldn't meet hers, that strong heart fell to the pit of her stomach. Keeping composure, hands demurely folded one over the other at her waist, Miranda waited for Kruger to speak.

A place to stay. Her mind traced over all the rooms that could be made for him in an instant, all the arms that would welcome him heart and soul, but her lips parted ever calm. As Angel pleaded to be picked up by Kruger she moved just to his side. The tips of her fingers finding the edge of his grizzled chin, sliding tenderly to cup his strong jaw. She wouldn't force him to look at her, nor coddle him, this man, this smith is and forever will be her brother in arms. Lightly she kissed his cheek gauging how long he had been wandering in the cold and in welcome.

"My dear brother, it seems the spirits of Samhain have brought us all together to celebrate. There is always room for you in my home by my hearth. Let's get out of the cold and fill our bellies, shall we?"

Miranda let her hand fall away, turning to lead the way to Mage house. She was sure dinner would be enough time for Warrior house to prepare a room for him. Right now she intended to show him every kindness and refuse to pull a single punch, the rules they always held between each other.

"Oh and brother. I fully expect trouble. We are speaking of you."

Winking to cue her jest in case the sorrow that was in him twisted her words. Miranda knew that Angel was not about to let go of Kruger for the night or at least not until she fell asleep.

He didn't mind the looks he got, perhaps he even craved those looks a little. He had always been so though, this body and soul that had decided that he would be allowed to push beyond what limitations others might allow him. Strange, he didn't want their approval, just their wonder. Wonder seemed to come in many forms, more often than not it was I wonder what is bothering him so badly.

That was his though, a deep mystery that he refused to answer and turn into a dirty secret. Mysteries were so much better than secrets. Secrets were dirty things to be hidden in shame. He didn't feel that though, all he felt was cold, empty, unless he felt the opposite.

Like now the point at which his anger was a flame that burned within him and made him push himself harder to finish whatever he was doing. It didn't matter what that was, it could be the most mundane idea of sweeping up around the forge, or running in the dark of night daring his body to give out on him.

It could be something more terrible though. What wouldn't he do to protect those he cared most about' He had told Brian rightly those months ago. I am no hero, I am a man who will give up the city to save one friend. The city stood, his friends lived. Was that his doing? Others might say yes, he simply said he did what needed doing. That thought had him increasing his pace even more. The thudding in his chest was what he craved now. The pound of blood was in ears used to hearing it on the outside.

The sensation was similar, it eased his mind some with the same effect that working the metal would. The treeline was thick, anything could be in the woods...anything was, though it wasn't near him. He could see lights of buildings from a city where at no time did everybody sleep. Distance though was difficult to judge. That was fine with him, the point wasn't knowing where you were but in getting lost. That was the way to run, lost from start to finish. Lost so that distance wasn't so daunting.

Nearing the gates was an exercise in details. The details grew crisper every few steps, eventually making the mortar in the walls visible and the great stones that made up the barrier. The gate stood open though he figured he would be the first to pass back into Rhydin. Dirt roads gave way to the paved paths of city roads. The forge wasn't far, not now, not by comparison to how far he had come. A right hand turn onto Market street would take him in the correct direction. Three blocks...maybe four.

He refused to count, or know them even until he found the driveway to the forge. He stopped his run but continued to walk, letting the lightness of foot and weakness of limb wash through him. That would bring the smile, the grin of finishing as well as he could. It was true he would break no records with these runs, All he would do is get where he was going.

Kruger could find no solace in understanding, losses and gains were the same empty feeling that had taken him. "Where do I go to forget you? How do I make it not hurt anymore" I came here seeking shelter, to know the embrace of those who love me. Their touch just brings me pain because I cannot give them what they want. I can't be the man they know, this is who I am"alone, lost and forever seeking. I know they all mean well, wish they could bear a part of this burden, but it is all I have left and I will keep it jealously." The skin on his calloused palms was wrinkled from his time in the rain. He sat up straighter feeling the vertebrae crack and pop with the movement. Time was sliding away from him like the water that dripped from his nose and cascaded down his cheeks.

"I am just a man and mortal as any of them, my time here is short by the standards of so many that dwell within this place. I fight, but what do I prove with it' I work and that brings me nothing but monetary gain. You have been the best of me, taken me into places where I should never belong. Who am I to gainsay what you want"what you need" I thought perhaps, for a fleeting moment that I had found something special for me. Too late do I understand that it was temporary and should have been grasped with both hands and taken to whatever heights we could have achieved." He swallowed and shook his head as though deciding all at once to do nothing rather than something foolish.

"I am still alive, and I will live on to defy you, to tempt you with my song and my work. I will live on because I want this hurt to last forever, and the emptiness to last far beyond me. Take care of my flesh, and bone, and know that from me you will never be denied. Perhaps it is true that you have stolen my soul. That is fine, at least one piece of me still lives happy." Kruger's shoulders slumped forward once more, head dipping low to hide away his face from the world. He would let no one see him this way again. He would paint his smile and live his lie for those who needed him to be so.

His lips moved though, the words coming so softly that only the wind could hear him. "Never doubt that I want you back"never believe that it is too late'duo mo chroi chun tu." Finally he rose from his place, his breath forming clouds in the cold. He pulled free his drenched shirt exposing the abuses of the past across the wide expanse of his back. The dark hair of his head rose and with it the shoulders straightened in defiance of his pain. As promised he painted on his grin, and would learn again how to make it seem real to those who knew him best. Kruger turned his back on the street and walked towards Warrior House like a man who knew only joy. In his mind came the final spell.

Let the lies begin?now.

(end)