((Contain reference to adult situations.))
Being a vampire had its ups and downs. Though Nick hated the word, there was no other way to describe what he'd become. The real question now was whether it was a gift or a curse. He supposed it depended on the individual and how you were turned. As far as Nick was concerned, he was turned against his will by a vampire who was seeking revenge, but instead of Nick draining his wife in an uncontrollable frenzy for blood, he'd been locked away until he had fed and was no longer out of control.
One of the first things Nick had learned about being a vampire was that he didn't need to sleep nearly as much as he had when he'd been human. As much as he'd thought it a damned inconvenience when he'd been human, as a vampire, he found himself missing it. In fact, he found himself missing a lot of things - beer, pizza - food and drink, in general. There would be no more getting drunk, that was for sure. Thankfully, certain bodily functions still worked. He could still make love to his wife, for example. But the one thing he missed most of all was daylight.
Daylight was one of those things humans always seemed to take for granted. The sun rose every morning and set every night. Unless the world came to an end, you could count on it. If only they knew how precious it really was. Nick would have given almost anything for just one more sunrise, but he'd been warned. The sun was deadly to those of his kind, those who drank blood to stay alive. Despite the warning, Nick wasn't sure he believed it. He'd only been a vampire a few short days and already he wondered how he'd survive it without going mad. The nights were the worst. They seemed so long and so dark, and though Willow had tried to keep him company, she was human and needed the sleep that he did not. He found himself growing restless as night dragged on with nothing to do but watch her sleep. He wondered how Tobias, who had lived as a vampire for nearly two hundred years, endured it.
It didn't help that Tobias had gone out again tonight, searching for Josef to make sure he didn't pose an immediate threat. Nick had taken to pacing the floor, back and forth, restless and anxious, worried about Willow's safety with Josef still at large. Though he wanted nothing more than to finish the older vampire once and for all, for now, until he knew how to use his new-found abilities, it was better that he stayed behind. Besides, someone had to watch over Willow, and he wasn't trusting anyone with that task but himself.
As daylight grew closer, Nick felt even more restless, even more anxious, not understanding that this was something every vampire suffered and every vampire needed to conquer.
Silent as a vampire was, it was virtually impossible to sleep through someone pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Half an hour before dawn, having spent an hour trying to get back to sleep, Willow gave up, rolling onto her back with a sigh. "Baby, you really don't have to stand guard over me while I'm sleeping," she told her husband - or at least, she assumed it was Nick. Tobias wasn't generally allowed in their bedroom. "You should get out of the house. Go do something while I'm dead to world."
"Dead to the world. That's cute, Will. Very funny," he remarked sarcastically and slightly grumpily, whether the pun had been made on purpose or not. He stopped his pacing and turned to face her, seeing her as clear as day, though to her, he was a dim outline in the darkness. "Where should I go' An all-night diner" I don't eat. A grocery store" Again, no point. Maybe I should go hang out with the rest of the ghouls in the cemetery until daylight."
"Oh, for God's sakes." She let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing a hand over her eyes as she tried to come up with something diplomatic in reply. Unfortunately, at least for her, it was just too damned early in the morning for diplomacy. "Baby, I'm trying really hard to be supportive here, but short of going nocturnal myself and losing our only source of income, this is all I can do. I get it; you're going through something I will never understand, and it's the most difficult thing you've ever had to do, but do you have to be so whiny about it?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being whiny' I didn't realize. Let me just take my whiny self downstairs so you can sleep in peace." He knew he'd regret his words eventually, but at the moment, he didn't really care. Considering the circumstances, he thought he had every right to be whiny. Of course, she'd been through hell, too, and he knew that. He wasn't really angry at her; he was just angry at the whole situation, and there wasn't a goddamned thing he could do about it. He felt helpless and useless and frustrated. He'd lost his job, his home, his humanity. The only thing he hadn't lost was his wife. Yet. He secretly wondered how long it would be before he lost her, too. More angry at himself than her, he turned on a heel and left the room. It was nothing short of a miracle that he didn't slam the door on his way out.
"Oh, for ..." She thumped her head back against the pillow hard, huffing her hair out of her face as she glared into the darkness. Their arguing felt like it was getting out of hand. It didn't help that she was still reeling from what happened herself, less than sympathetic to his feeling restless and unhappy. Yes, he'd lost a lot, but why did he have to dwell on it' Why couldn't he focus on what he had" He wasn't the only one feeling helpless, but in his case, he actually wasn't helpless. He wasn't the one who was, essentially, a walking larder for any vampire out there who got a little peckish, nor was he completely unable to defend himself against the things that go bump in the night. But on the other hand ....Willow sighed. She was being unfair to him, she knew. Throwing the covers back, she slid from the bed, moving to follow him out of the room. They needed each other, now more than ever. Arguing was not helping.
Nick thumped down the stairs, but his feet hardly made a sound, which, in itself, was frustrating for some reason. He'd found that even without trying, he could move nearly silently, like a thief in the night. Or a ghost. Though he knew what he was and knew there was no cure, he had not yet quite accepted it, deeming it more curse than gift. Why couldn't she understand" He was a vampire now. A vampire. A blood-sucking monster. He didn't trust himself, not when it came to her, and he sometimes thought it might have been better if he'd died rather than live like this. Hadn't she realized yet that he was going to live forever" That he was cursed to have to watch her - and everyone else he cared for - eventually grow old and sick and die? While he stayed young, like Tobias. Two hundred years. It might as well be forever.
The more he thought about it, the angrier it made him. He knew he could turn her, make her like him, but it was unthinkable. He saw what had happened to Lorelei. He knew turning Willow might drive her to madness. Hell, he wasn't sure if he was already going mad himself. No, he didn't want that for her. He wanted her to have a normal life, but he didn't want to lose her either. Was he being selfish' He wasn't sure. He wanted to do what was right for her; he just wasn't sure what that was.
Being a vampire had its ups and downs. Though Nick hated the word, there was no other way to describe what he'd become. The real question now was whether it was a gift or a curse. He supposed it depended on the individual and how you were turned. As far as Nick was concerned, he was turned against his will by a vampire who was seeking revenge, but instead of Nick draining his wife in an uncontrollable frenzy for blood, he'd been locked away until he had fed and was no longer out of control.
One of the first things Nick had learned about being a vampire was that he didn't need to sleep nearly as much as he had when he'd been human. As much as he'd thought it a damned inconvenience when he'd been human, as a vampire, he found himself missing it. In fact, he found himself missing a lot of things - beer, pizza - food and drink, in general. There would be no more getting drunk, that was for sure. Thankfully, certain bodily functions still worked. He could still make love to his wife, for example. But the one thing he missed most of all was daylight.
Daylight was one of those things humans always seemed to take for granted. The sun rose every morning and set every night. Unless the world came to an end, you could count on it. If only they knew how precious it really was. Nick would have given almost anything for just one more sunrise, but he'd been warned. The sun was deadly to those of his kind, those who drank blood to stay alive. Despite the warning, Nick wasn't sure he believed it. He'd only been a vampire a few short days and already he wondered how he'd survive it without going mad. The nights were the worst. They seemed so long and so dark, and though Willow had tried to keep him company, she was human and needed the sleep that he did not. He found himself growing restless as night dragged on with nothing to do but watch her sleep. He wondered how Tobias, who had lived as a vampire for nearly two hundred years, endured it.
It didn't help that Tobias had gone out again tonight, searching for Josef to make sure he didn't pose an immediate threat. Nick had taken to pacing the floor, back and forth, restless and anxious, worried about Willow's safety with Josef still at large. Though he wanted nothing more than to finish the older vampire once and for all, for now, until he knew how to use his new-found abilities, it was better that he stayed behind. Besides, someone had to watch over Willow, and he wasn't trusting anyone with that task but himself.
As daylight grew closer, Nick felt even more restless, even more anxious, not understanding that this was something every vampire suffered and every vampire needed to conquer.
Silent as a vampire was, it was virtually impossible to sleep through someone pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Half an hour before dawn, having spent an hour trying to get back to sleep, Willow gave up, rolling onto her back with a sigh. "Baby, you really don't have to stand guard over me while I'm sleeping," she told her husband - or at least, she assumed it was Nick. Tobias wasn't generally allowed in their bedroom. "You should get out of the house. Go do something while I'm dead to world."
"Dead to the world. That's cute, Will. Very funny," he remarked sarcastically and slightly grumpily, whether the pun had been made on purpose or not. He stopped his pacing and turned to face her, seeing her as clear as day, though to her, he was a dim outline in the darkness. "Where should I go' An all-night diner" I don't eat. A grocery store" Again, no point. Maybe I should go hang out with the rest of the ghouls in the cemetery until daylight."
"Oh, for God's sakes." She let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing a hand over her eyes as she tried to come up with something diplomatic in reply. Unfortunately, at least for her, it was just too damned early in the morning for diplomacy. "Baby, I'm trying really hard to be supportive here, but short of going nocturnal myself and losing our only source of income, this is all I can do. I get it; you're going through something I will never understand, and it's the most difficult thing you've ever had to do, but do you have to be so whiny about it?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being whiny' I didn't realize. Let me just take my whiny self downstairs so you can sleep in peace." He knew he'd regret his words eventually, but at the moment, he didn't really care. Considering the circumstances, he thought he had every right to be whiny. Of course, she'd been through hell, too, and he knew that. He wasn't really angry at her; he was just angry at the whole situation, and there wasn't a goddamned thing he could do about it. He felt helpless and useless and frustrated. He'd lost his job, his home, his humanity. The only thing he hadn't lost was his wife. Yet. He secretly wondered how long it would be before he lost her, too. More angry at himself than her, he turned on a heel and left the room. It was nothing short of a miracle that he didn't slam the door on his way out.
"Oh, for ..." She thumped her head back against the pillow hard, huffing her hair out of her face as she glared into the darkness. Their arguing felt like it was getting out of hand. It didn't help that she was still reeling from what happened herself, less than sympathetic to his feeling restless and unhappy. Yes, he'd lost a lot, but why did he have to dwell on it' Why couldn't he focus on what he had" He wasn't the only one feeling helpless, but in his case, he actually wasn't helpless. He wasn't the one who was, essentially, a walking larder for any vampire out there who got a little peckish, nor was he completely unable to defend himself against the things that go bump in the night. But on the other hand ....Willow sighed. She was being unfair to him, she knew. Throwing the covers back, she slid from the bed, moving to follow him out of the room. They needed each other, now more than ever. Arguing was not helping.
Nick thumped down the stairs, but his feet hardly made a sound, which, in itself, was frustrating for some reason. He'd found that even without trying, he could move nearly silently, like a thief in the night. Or a ghost. Though he knew what he was and knew there was no cure, he had not yet quite accepted it, deeming it more curse than gift. Why couldn't she understand" He was a vampire now. A vampire. A blood-sucking monster. He didn't trust himself, not when it came to her, and he sometimes thought it might have been better if he'd died rather than live like this. Hadn't she realized yet that he was going to live forever" That he was cursed to have to watch her - and everyone else he cared for - eventually grow old and sick and die? While he stayed young, like Tobias. Two hundred years. It might as well be forever.
The more he thought about it, the angrier it made him. He knew he could turn her, make her like him, but it was unthinkable. He saw what had happened to Lorelei. He knew turning Willow might drive her to madness. Hell, he wasn't sure if he was already going mad himself. No, he didn't want that for her. He wanted her to have a normal life, but he didn't want to lose her either. Was he being selfish' He wasn't sure. He wanted to do what was right for her; he just wasn't sure what that was.