Avalon was always so quiet after dark. No busy sounds of a modern day city, no steady light from artificial street lamps. Just the quietness of a community settling into a long night before the dawn of the next day. Dinner had been an awkward affair, both Rhys and Nat attempting to be their usual selves for Rachel and Zachariel's sakes, and by all accounts, not failing too badly. But the air needed to be cleared, and as such, Rachel had summarily sent them to their own tower house without their daughter, citing their need to be themselves with each other for one more night. Frost crunched beneath Nat's boots as they walked in silence from the little house under the hill, neither knowing what to say or even where to start.
One of them had to break the silence, and somehow Rhys knew it had to be him, though he wasn't quite sure what to say. Just apologize, Rachel had told him, but that seemed almost too simple, too easy. "They'll have Ana eating porridge and stew before long," he said, in an attempt to break the awkwardness that had grown between them. He couldn't remember when he'd felt so strange with her, not since that day when he'd returned from the dead.
She smiled a little, taking the words for what they were - a peace offering, of sorts. "It seems as though Rachel knows better what to do than all the books we have read together," she commented mildly. It had taken her a long time to return to him after visiting the Treasury - long enough, she hoped, for the signs of her tears to have faded. The Grand Master had been left with a large damp patch on his tunic when the time had come for Natalya to find her husband and daughter once again.
"At least we don't have to worry about her being allergic to peanut butter here," he said, feeling immediately foolish for saying it. They were making small talk, and he knew it. He'd never felt this uncomfortable with her, not even when he'd first met her that fateful day on the flight to Paris. The trouble was he felt ashamed of himself and had no idea how to go about making it up to her short of begging her forgiveness. He didn't want to consider how many people on Avalon must know what had happened. At the very least, she must have told Lionel. As much as she might think she lacked family, he knew Lionel was like a father to her. The last thing Rhys wanted was a lecture from Lionel. He turned silent and somber again, the snow crunching beneath his boots.
As talk turned to silence once again, Natalya sighed. She didn't know how to make this right, taking the blame for the awkwardness between them entirely onto herself. If she hadn't reacted so badly ....if she hadn't walked away ....So many ifs. Unlocking the door to their tower house, she let them both inside, locking the door behind them once again. And all of a sudden, the words were there. "I love you. Even when I am angry, I love you. Nothing will ever change that, Rhys."
He frowned at her sudden admission, the words tumbling out of her. He knew he'd hurt her, though it hadn't been his intent, and he knew she'd likely spent the afternoon crying on the Grand Master's shoulder, just as he had on Rachel's. Alone at last, it seemed it was finally time for his apology, if only she chose to forgive him. "I'm not sure I deserve your love," he admitted sourly, taking the blame on himself. "Rachel says I should just apologize and be done with it. No explanations, no excuses, but a simple I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough."
She sighed, moving further into the main room. "I do not understand why you would make such a joke," she confessed herself. "I am too sensitive, I shouldn't have taken it to heart so deeply. I am the one who should be apologizing. You do not deserve to be holding the burden of my insecurities."
"No," he disagreed, following her inside. "It's my fault. I'm an idiot. A selfish, insensitive idiot. I didn't think. That's the problem. I never think. I just say whatever pops into my head without thinking about anyone else's feelings but my own." It might sound harsh, but he truly believed it. He knew this whole thing was his fault, not hers. She had done nothing wrong, and he wasn't quite sure how to make it right again. "I'm sorry, Nat. I never meant to hurt you. I never want to hurt you. If I could take it back, I would. I swear."
"Do not say such things about yourself." She was frowning at him now, advancing across the room to lay her hands against his chest, looking up into his eyes. "Never say such things. They are not true. You have moments, yes, when perhaps what you say is not right for that moment in time, but that does not make you insensitive, it does not make you an idiot, and I will not allow you to think such things about yourself."
He met her gaze, unable to hide the guilt and the sadness from his eyes, knowing he had caused her pain. It wasn't the first time he'd done something stupid, and it wasn't likely to be his last, but if there was one person in the world he never wanted to hurt, it was her. "I'm so sorry, Nat. I don't know what made me say it. I wasn't thinking." That much was clear enough. "Can you ever forgive me?" He was looking at her with that lost and forlorn look again, like he was begging he with his eyes to forgive him, though he didn't believe himself worthy of redemption. He hadn't teased her to be cruel, only realizing the cruelty of it after the fact and regretting it.
"Rhys ..." Her hand curled gently to his cheek, drawing him down until his forehead touched hers. "I know you did not mean to cause harm. How can I not forgive you, when I love you so much' You are everything to me, all that I have. At another time, I would not have been so angry, so hurt. But today we faced a great power, we ran for our lives, all I wanted in that moment was to know that you were safe and well, and that I had done you no harm with the Rod. To be teased like that, even without intention ....it reminded me of what I did to my father. It pushed me away from you, when I needed to be with you. I do not know how to explain it."
His arms went around her, like they always did when they were so close, relieved that she'd forgiven him, but puzzled by her explanation. "I don't understand," he told her quietly, foreheads touching, intimately close. It was only the two of them, without even Ana or overhear or interrupt. He felt as though they were on the brink of something, of some deeper understanding of each other, if only they could make each other understand. "Please tell me, Nat. I need to understand," he implored her as gently as he could.
She sighed once again, the breath shaking as it left her lips, leaning into him. This was not something they had ever truly discussed. "I told you what happened when I used the Cintamani Stone," she said quietly, her voice thick with the effort of holding back tears. "I wished for freedom, but it granted my desire of that moment. My father was torn to pieces, because I did not heed what I had learned of what I held. With that action, I destroyed my father's living form, and I secured forever the hatred of my sister. Today, I used the Rod of Asclepius on you, to wipe away the memory of the test that was hurting you so much, and ....when you asked me who I was, I thought I had done to you what I did to my father. Rhys, I have no one but you, and for many years, I was content with that. But now ....if I lose you now, I will not survive. I need you to love me, because without you, no one will."
He searched her eyes, sensing this deeper pain that had come to the surface all because of a thoughtless and childish prank. Who was he anyway, a man or a boy that he could say something so stupid to the one person he loved more than live itself" It wasn't only guilt he felt but shame that he had needlessly caused her such heartache. "That's not true, Nat," he told her, pulling her close to wrap her in a warm embrace. He understood what it felt like to be alone, but so long as they were together, neither of them would ever be alone again. "You're not alone. You have Ana and all of our family and friends. Everyone here in Avalon and everyone back home in New York. They all love you, Nat. You never have to be alone again."
One of them had to break the silence, and somehow Rhys knew it had to be him, though he wasn't quite sure what to say. Just apologize, Rachel had told him, but that seemed almost too simple, too easy. "They'll have Ana eating porridge and stew before long," he said, in an attempt to break the awkwardness that had grown between them. He couldn't remember when he'd felt so strange with her, not since that day when he'd returned from the dead.
She smiled a little, taking the words for what they were - a peace offering, of sorts. "It seems as though Rachel knows better what to do than all the books we have read together," she commented mildly. It had taken her a long time to return to him after visiting the Treasury - long enough, she hoped, for the signs of her tears to have faded. The Grand Master had been left with a large damp patch on his tunic when the time had come for Natalya to find her husband and daughter once again.
"At least we don't have to worry about her being allergic to peanut butter here," he said, feeling immediately foolish for saying it. They were making small talk, and he knew it. He'd never felt this uncomfortable with her, not even when he'd first met her that fateful day on the flight to Paris. The trouble was he felt ashamed of himself and had no idea how to go about making it up to her short of begging her forgiveness. He didn't want to consider how many people on Avalon must know what had happened. At the very least, she must have told Lionel. As much as she might think she lacked family, he knew Lionel was like a father to her. The last thing Rhys wanted was a lecture from Lionel. He turned silent and somber again, the snow crunching beneath his boots.
As talk turned to silence once again, Natalya sighed. She didn't know how to make this right, taking the blame for the awkwardness between them entirely onto herself. If she hadn't reacted so badly ....if she hadn't walked away ....So many ifs. Unlocking the door to their tower house, she let them both inside, locking the door behind them once again. And all of a sudden, the words were there. "I love you. Even when I am angry, I love you. Nothing will ever change that, Rhys."
He frowned at her sudden admission, the words tumbling out of her. He knew he'd hurt her, though it hadn't been his intent, and he knew she'd likely spent the afternoon crying on the Grand Master's shoulder, just as he had on Rachel's. Alone at last, it seemed it was finally time for his apology, if only she chose to forgive him. "I'm not sure I deserve your love," he admitted sourly, taking the blame on himself. "Rachel says I should just apologize and be done with it. No explanations, no excuses, but a simple I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough."
She sighed, moving further into the main room. "I do not understand why you would make such a joke," she confessed herself. "I am too sensitive, I shouldn't have taken it to heart so deeply. I am the one who should be apologizing. You do not deserve to be holding the burden of my insecurities."
"No," he disagreed, following her inside. "It's my fault. I'm an idiot. A selfish, insensitive idiot. I didn't think. That's the problem. I never think. I just say whatever pops into my head without thinking about anyone else's feelings but my own." It might sound harsh, but he truly believed it. He knew this whole thing was his fault, not hers. She had done nothing wrong, and he wasn't quite sure how to make it right again. "I'm sorry, Nat. I never meant to hurt you. I never want to hurt you. If I could take it back, I would. I swear."
"Do not say such things about yourself." She was frowning at him now, advancing across the room to lay her hands against his chest, looking up into his eyes. "Never say such things. They are not true. You have moments, yes, when perhaps what you say is not right for that moment in time, but that does not make you insensitive, it does not make you an idiot, and I will not allow you to think such things about yourself."
He met her gaze, unable to hide the guilt and the sadness from his eyes, knowing he had caused her pain. It wasn't the first time he'd done something stupid, and it wasn't likely to be his last, but if there was one person in the world he never wanted to hurt, it was her. "I'm so sorry, Nat. I don't know what made me say it. I wasn't thinking." That much was clear enough. "Can you ever forgive me?" He was looking at her with that lost and forlorn look again, like he was begging he with his eyes to forgive him, though he didn't believe himself worthy of redemption. He hadn't teased her to be cruel, only realizing the cruelty of it after the fact and regretting it.
"Rhys ..." Her hand curled gently to his cheek, drawing him down until his forehead touched hers. "I know you did not mean to cause harm. How can I not forgive you, when I love you so much' You are everything to me, all that I have. At another time, I would not have been so angry, so hurt. But today we faced a great power, we ran for our lives, all I wanted in that moment was to know that you were safe and well, and that I had done you no harm with the Rod. To be teased like that, even without intention ....it reminded me of what I did to my father. It pushed me away from you, when I needed to be with you. I do not know how to explain it."
His arms went around her, like they always did when they were so close, relieved that she'd forgiven him, but puzzled by her explanation. "I don't understand," he told her quietly, foreheads touching, intimately close. It was only the two of them, without even Ana or overhear or interrupt. He felt as though they were on the brink of something, of some deeper understanding of each other, if only they could make each other understand. "Please tell me, Nat. I need to understand," he implored her as gently as he could.
She sighed once again, the breath shaking as it left her lips, leaning into him. This was not something they had ever truly discussed. "I told you what happened when I used the Cintamani Stone," she said quietly, her voice thick with the effort of holding back tears. "I wished for freedom, but it granted my desire of that moment. My father was torn to pieces, because I did not heed what I had learned of what I held. With that action, I destroyed my father's living form, and I secured forever the hatred of my sister. Today, I used the Rod of Asclepius on you, to wipe away the memory of the test that was hurting you so much, and ....when you asked me who I was, I thought I had done to you what I did to my father. Rhys, I have no one but you, and for many years, I was content with that. But now ....if I lose you now, I will not survive. I need you to love me, because without you, no one will."
He searched her eyes, sensing this deeper pain that had come to the surface all because of a thoughtless and childish prank. Who was he anyway, a man or a boy that he could say something so stupid to the one person he loved more than live itself" It wasn't only guilt he felt but shame that he had needlessly caused her such heartache. "That's not true, Nat," he told her, pulling her close to wrap her in a warm embrace. He understood what it felt like to be alone, but so long as they were together, neither of them would ever be alone again. "You're not alone. You have Ana and all of our family and friends. Everyone here in Avalon and everyone back home in New York. They all love you, Nat. You never have to be alone again."