I'm going to preface this by saying my tone should be taken as sadness, not anger. I've also been crying so...::nod:: Right, here goes.
I read the Faerie Glamour thread, and perhaps my comments now are too little too late but I'm going to say what I have to say anyway and you deal with it however which way you choose. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it on my end and this is the best I can come up with right now.
Amthy dying is the darkest day in Rhy'Din's history as far as I'm concerned and I'm going to withdraw some of the experience I've acquired along the way to say that knowing there are a lot of people who have my back on this one. I've been sitting here thinking of certain events that have happened that have upset me but not as bad as this. Never as bad as this.
I am crushed and I know once Tara learns of this it's just going to destroy her, six ways to Sunday.
Someone once made a comment to me about Tara paying too much attention to Amthy (and me playing favorites with Amthy's player) and I was asked why that was when in this person's opinion I only ever cared about myself. Knowing me as some do, you might think that I would have blasted this person to kingdom come but I didn't. I agreed with him. When you're right, you're right and I respect people for being real and telling it like it is because Lord knows that's all I ever tried to do.
You know you do this for a long time and you meet a lot of people, and I mean *a lot*. Even playing one year on a service like AOL or EQ, you'll probably run into a good hundred players easy and you never stop to think about them, or at least I don't. Playing ten years, there are thousands of people you meet and you forget about them just as quickly as you learned their name. They are, afterall, just roleplayers like you are.
And if you get to play in a group, like I did, that was well known, "popular", whatever, you tend to fall into the same routine, playing with the same individuals night after night and outsiders are not only unimportant but insignificant. They don't mean anything to you unless they can do something for your SL or further whatever end you're trying to achieve.
So yeah, in a way, I did care about myself. That's what I was doing this for, right? When I was younger it was fame, glory, all that jazz. Nowadays it's symbolism, cryptic messages and getting it all off my chest.
Then one day, I met Amthy. I knew OF her, like most people know who Hornfel was because he made probably every major weapon the first batch of AOL characters had (he was a blacksmith for those that don't know), or who Ranger Blue is because he formed the Wardens of Loreil or Lord Grimm was because he made FOES, and was considered the "Father of All Guilds", or who TalithaLee (The Watcher) was because she observed in only ways Kate could put into words (God bless her....I love ya Kate :*) or even Sir Robert Grail, everyone's favorite RDI Host/Flirt who just so happened to dream up the "King of Stews, Stew of Kings" one night and it's become one of the most hackneyed phrases us RDIers know about like Zonk's LCI crowd said of the RhyDin water and how it was responsible for 90% of the pregnancies in the land (Yeah, love you too Z - had to get that in there ;)
They are notable because while you're playing your character he/she gets wind of them through other characters or these characters did something in Rhy'Din's history that makes them worth remembering and passing on.
It's players like those mentioned and many more that keep you coming back, night after night, because they have this uncanny way about them, this magic, and they make the illusion so real you can almost taste it.
Amthy was a part of this magic, no, I daresay, she was the magic. Never have I seen so many individuals take to one single character in my time here. It was mindboggling really. Never in my time here have I taken to one individual as I have her. She's just got a knack for what we do, a brilliant gift and she's so damn cute you can't help but fall in love with her.
After I met her, I was gushing about her, to everyone I could that would listen (and it's hard to listen to me sometimes cuz I'm rather verbose) and I found out that others felt the same way.
So. Many. Others.
If I didn't love her so much I would have been jealous that's how overwhelming the responses were about her to my many IMs.
There were many nights I couldn't wait to sign on to see what the little darling would do next. She always kept me in suspense and as I said on the WoP board last year in my tribute post to her player, it takes a lot to make me speechless but she's done it to me a few times where I actually took my hands OFF the keyboard because I couldn't think of a thing to type.
There were also many nights I couldn't be around but was told what happened in my absence, such as the famous mirror incident where Amthy first saw her reflection in the mirror. I was shown that log and it warmed my heart. It's one of those moments like when a mother sees her child take his first steps...and I'm saying this never having had any children.
She became my fix. And for awhile there she was my salvation through a very dark period of my time here. I could never properly thank her for all the little things she said and did to get me through it even without her knowing she was. I'd sign on and there would be a link to some page she made for our group or a graphic she made for us and I'd choke up because it's just not something people do on a regular basis. I could tell she cared and still did when she made the Plushie Graphics of us girls for our profiles here at DM.
I formed the Blades as a way for us girls to play together when we weren't busy with other committments and I must say I was not only flattered but honored to have her player be a part of it. I could not brag about it enough, I should say. With Amthy's penchant for being curious, her sweet innocent way, and all of her adorable toys, she made the clubhouse into exactly what I wanted it to be without having to utter a single syllable. I was able to relive my childhood with her and Jewel, every night, without pause, and I gotta say it was probably one of the most enjoyable times I've ever had RPing.
Without her, I honestly don't think it will ever be the same.
For the longest time I had issues with befriending female players on AOL because I was always afraid that they would turn out to be another stalker or some psychopath that would cause me more embarrassment than good. I can say that with Amthy and Jewel I never had these feelings or anxiety. It just all came naturally.
I know that this is absolutely none of my business, that this was her player's decision to make and I can cry and moan about it until the twelve of never and it's not going to change a damn thing but I want everyone reading this to know, and especially Amthy's player to know, that this has broken my heart on so many levels.
Tara is probably one of the most conceited, self-absorbed bitches to ever come out of the woodwork, thanks, in part, to my own very intimate input, however, her love for Amthy was one of the very few things she could say with a straight face and without crossing her fingers behind her back.
The story was beautiful, it touched me, but it sucks. It really really does and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over it, but I can promise you Amthy's memory will never be forgotten.
Not as long as I have words left in me to weave and there's still a bit more I've yet to unleash.
