The gnomish pirates are a great gag sometime, but Ayreg agreeing to accompany them more than once just felt too out of character for the death knight. Ergo, the post has been killed.

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Day 1

Ritap, Rendap, and Tsiolos the Swabby were staring upward, to the large sail -- sheet -- that was resting impotently against the pole -- mast. Large to them, in any case. For someone of Jodiah's size, it was little more than what it truly was: a cotton bedsheet. A rather large bed, mind you, one fit for a king or well-to-do Lord. Still, it was a sheet that was lashed to the crossbar at the top.

"Riggin' secured?" one gnome asked. Jodiah couldn't tell which.

"Aye."

"Well. Why ain't we goin' anywhere, mate?"

"Don't reason I can say why not."

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) appeared then, popping Rendap on the back of the head with a thrown plum. "Stand to, dog, an' get us movin'. The cap'n be wantin' to make way!"

Jodiah Ayreg groaned, rubbing his forehead and wondering why he kept agreeing to accompany these silly gnomes on their silly little adventures.

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) turned to Ayreg. "An' as fer ye, matey, this be a ship! An' ships 'ave no room for to be carryin' around freeloaders, ye' understand? Ye'll help wit' yer duties, or ye'll be cast overboard!"

Oh, they only wished they were pirates. Their "ship" was actually a stolen longboat that they engineered a mast to, and a square-rigged "sail." Ayreg was convinced that the ship could not have been but ten paces long, or perhaps twelve. He hasn't moved since he got on for fear of capsizing the little vessel.

Joshel the Large (the Gnome), whom they elected to be their captain, looked up. There were no decks, and there was certainly no captain's quarters on this little cruiser. When he pretended to "go below decks" or wwhatever to let his crew speak more openly, he just pulled his hat down over his eyes and didn't say anything. "Arrr! What be the hold up here, ye' scabberous sack of ungrateful piles of mutton?"

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) turned to Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain), and shook his head with the kind of grim determination that a salty old sea dog might have. "It be no use, cap'n, we can't get tha' sheets t' carry the lightest of breezes."

Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) stroked his chin for a moment, and nodded. "Then I guess we be having no choice." Turning about to face the rest of the crew piled onto the tiny skiff's passenger area, Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) cleared his throat. "Abandon ship, lads! Get up fast and make fer land!"

With that, the gnomes all turned and jumped into the water. Some dived, while some simply balled themselves up and made a big splash. The gnomes popped up over the surface of the water, and their tiny legs and arms started to churn to make it toward the land they could see `in the distance.`

Sighing to himself, Jodiah Ayreg took the line that would be used to secure the boat to the dock... and secured the boat to the dock. Last thing he wanted to hear about was the gnomes complaining that their precious new little rowboat was stolen by a wind they couldn't seem to summon up on their own.

Rising to his feet, Ayreg tossed out the plank from the lip of the rowboat to the edge of the pier and walked off. Wooden boards creaked beneath booted feet as he strolled back toward the rest of the docks, keeping an eye on the silly gnomes paddling their way toward where he was himself going.

Day 2

Ritap, Rendap, and Tsiolos the Swabby were staring upward. Again. Jodiah Ayreg was, once again, seated with his arms crossed over his chest on the back of the back of the little boat.

"Riggin' secured?" one gnome asked. Jodiah still couldn't tell which.

"Aye."

"Are ye' sure, mate? I don't be wantin' to get me hopes up this time, if ye be teasin'."

"I know. The riggin' be tied like it should. I think."

"Ye' think? Are ye' daft, man?"

"I don't think so. I've never sailed before."

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) appeared then, popping Rendap on the back of the head again with a thrown plum. It was slightly more withered than the one the previous day; obviously they were bought at the same time. It made a little squish, this time, and oozed some fluids down onto Rendap's neck. "On hand, ye' fickle batch o' ingrates! Why do we still no be moving?"

Rendap wiped the back of his neck, looking downright sulky. "I don't know, Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis! Everythin' should be workin' like it 'sposed to!"

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) turned to stare at Jodiah. He waved his arm about, his hand gripping the fake hook he pretended to have to use. "Ye' sabotaged th' ship, didn't ye, scurvy?"

Ayreg cleared his throat, lifting his hand off the till he'd eventually use to steer the little pathetic thing they tried to pretend was a pirate ship. They nominated him to be the official navigator the day before, seeing as how he was the tallest, and so could see farther away.

According to them. Ahem.

"No, Bob, I did not sabotage your little boat."

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) stamped his foot, looking irate and waving his arms in the air. His actions caused the boat to rock a bit, and so Ayreg steadied himself by holding the till handle again.

"Ship!"

"Right. Ship. My apologies, Bob. Ah, if I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion, oh crusty and dangerous pirate?"

Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) raised his head at that point, as if he had just come from `below deck` or whatever silly thing the gnomes were playing at by this point. "Hold yer tongue, ye' land blubber! Ye' know as much about sailin' tha' seas as I do about me own mudder's current whereabouts, bless 'er 'eart. Ye' be having no sayings in the sailing o' this ship, by the powers!"

Ayreg sighed, and leaned against the till.

Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) stamped his foot again, rocking the boat once more. "Cap'n on deck, ye' scaberous dogs! Form up, and look 'dis way so he can be inspectin' ye' seaworthiness."

Then, as if in afterthought, Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob) continued. "Arrr!"

The gnomes -- Ayreg wasn't sure exactly how they all managed to squeeze into the tiny hull of this longboat with the preposterous mast engineered to it -- cried out in unison and ran over to stand in front of Zorbenastrocalipermeneotullis (otherwise known as Bob).

In the same instant they all gathered in the left -- port -- side of the little boat, it capsized over to dump all of its occupants into the water. And still by the dock.

"Gnome overboard! Come about! Send out hooks and nets!"

"We all be overboard, ye' daft son of a baboon-faced clown!"

"Swim lads, make fer th' coast! Throw ye'selves at the mercy of the locals, and pray they be no cannibals!"

"Arrr!"

"Last one ta' shore be an obsolete clockwork!"

"And buys the rum!"

"Arrr, ye' mudder be a clockwork!"

Sighing, Ayreg rubbed his eyes and put his feet down. Now standing in the water up to his shoulders, he turned and walked over toward the pier that extended out. Oh, it got deeper further out, but this particular landing was for one-and-two man rowbots, of course, and for the casual fisherman that wanted to spend a day out on the lake. Climbing up the ladder, Ayreg wonders why he keeps agreeing to come on these silly adventures.

Wooden boards creaked beneath sopping wet, sloshing booted feet as he stalked back toward the rest of the docks, keeping an eye on the silly gnomes paddling their way toward where he was himself going.

Day 3

The large sheet had been done away with. Ayreg noticed with some sense of amusement that the gnomes had just finished putting the final touches on a fore-and-aft rigged sail, engineering a long pole to the mast to support it. It almost had the feel of a particularly small and ugly yacht now.

"Arrr, mates! She be a fine looking girl now, to be sure. What say we stretch 'er legs out on th' floor?" Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) said, looking proud as Lucifer up on the bow of the longboat with its hideously oversized mast and sail.

Maybe this time it'll actually leave the dock, though.

Lashing down the last rope to secure the rigging of the fore-and-aft sail, the gnomes gave out a cheer in unison as the sail fluttered and spread out, bulging from the wind. The boat lurched forward a few feet, then stopped dead in the water. The sail itself continued to billow outward, but they didn't move. Ayreg spied a rope tied to a hook inside the boat near the front -- bow -- of the right side -- sorry, the starboard. The rope itself disappeared into the water, and was taut with tension.

"What in the name of Davey Jones' is going on!?" Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) said as he spun about, the parrot tied to his shoulder squaking in protest at the sudden movement.

"If I may be so bold.." Ayreg started, raising his finger.

Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) shook his head, rising up on his toes. "Ye' know not a t'ing about the waves, ye' dog! Hold y'er tongue or I'll have ye' lashed, see?"

Ayreg smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Anchor."

"Wha'?"

"You anchor is still in the water. I'm no expert, but I think it's designed to keep the boat from rolling away without you, yes?"

"Ship!" he said, furiously, but Joshel the Large (the Gnome, the Captain) nodded. "Thistle! Get to the starboard and raise anchor. Hoist sails and tie down, you ninnies!"

"Aye, cap'n, aye!"

As Thistle the Gnome hauled the rope attached to the anchor aboard, the little boat began to rise forward again. The gnomes started singing, bouncing around inside the hull as much as they could to pretend they were scaling ropes or whatever it was that they did.

His arm draped lazily over the till, Ayreg relaxed with a deep sigh. Nothing but smooth sailing in the late afternoon dusk.