Blackness, a void that stretched around him like a chaotic beginning in some perpetual myth retold through origin and origin. The chaotic essence of insanity, of everlasting bewilderment surrounded him. If this was death, if this element of chaos was death, he didn't want it. He didn't long for it. Even here in this element he couldn't breathe.

Rapture was nowhere in sight. Not even her face graced him in such a moment.

Hell had come to him at last. Yet there in the void was a light. Hope had come to him after what seemed like eons of waiting. It started off with subtle footsteps echoing in his plight. The echo was almost intoxicating, but even then it was filled with more dread than even death could bring him. He would not die; he would not slip into eternal rest, until he saw her face again.

His voice held no weight in this moment. How could it be? He could not cry out for help if he wanted to. His fate was growing on him. Slowly. If he was to die in the bitter cold of blackness then so be it. He would die happy knowing he had loved so passionately.

" Yer nae dead ye idio"." At least something had a voice. But it was a jolt if there ever was one. Even though it felt common, familiar, it was not winning him over with such treatment. The voice should know better.

"Aye, I know better, bu' I dunnae care." It was reading his mind" " Nae, ye gi?". I be ye' I be in yer mind" n" fer chris" sake stop thinkin" ye be crazy. It nae be makin" this easy." Crazy.

His mind was suddenly racing. This had to mean he wasn't dead! Then again, the voice had said that. Elation over took him, but his mind knocked him down a peg. If he wasn't dead, than surely he had gone insane. Purely insane. It was never a good thing to hear voices.

"Would ye jus" shu" I" n" listen?" Was this voice a god" Was he in purgatory or perhaps limbo' Rabbit would never forgive him. He just as well better be dead, because she would kill him if he wasn't.

Suddenly his mind was not his own. Vivid and true were the pictures, memories that were, oddly enough, his own:

The house. He knew it well. It had been his home for many years before he had asked her to make her home too. The mirror over the fireplace reflected back to him showing him that these were her memories. He could see her as she stood staring at some place the mirror didn't reveal. She looked stricken and sad the usual spark gone. She was wearing one of his shirts and a pair of jogging pants.

Through the reflection he could see the door open, Maria came into the room a look of intense concern on her matronly countenance.

"Aja. Come. Eat something." She moved to touch Aja's arm cause it appeared that Aja didn't hear her. "Please." "No." Aja pulled away. "He wouldn't want this, Aja. He wouldn't want you spending so much time alone." "Then let him come back and yell at me fer that." Her voice hardly raised, it lacked any sort of life. Held none of the fire she usually possessed. "Please. You must eat." "No." "Aja." Maria pleaded. "No." it took her a moment to answer, but she did in the same morose tone. He noticed that she hadn't moved since Maria had entered the room. "I'd like to be alone now." "Aja." "Maria. Go." She finally moved. Only to sit on the couch, curling up in the corner. Maria watched Aja with concern for a long minute before giving up and leaving Aja alone like she told her too. The visual he had was the wall across from the couch, but he felt the weight of despair as if it was his own.

The scenes changed again. Images plucked from time and shown to him.

The door to the floor that held their bedroom being put up and locked. Parker sealing it with a spell of some kind.

Rico and his crew breaking from a meeting, setting about the task of packing up the Breeze under her watchful eyes. He felt the need from her to be away from there. To leave the yards and all they meant to her. To outrun the memory of him and find a moments peace in a place that meant nothing to them.

The sunset on the balcony of an exotic port. The slight flinch of pain when an image of him flashed in her head.

The day she thought of him and didn't want to break. Returning to Arcadia, feeling her resolve to make it everything he ever told her he wanted it to be.

Flashes of days since, of ships built, deals made, enemies conquered and missions accomplished. The rebuilding of the town, the additions to the house and yards. The townspeople relying on her to keep them safe and prosperous. Things she did without him.

Perhaps the most painful of these images of her time without him were the ones that came after years had passed. Another man capturing her attention. Tristan tried shutting his eyes, but the images came anyway. Huma. There was a romance and a wedding. Those hurt, but not all were painful, some made him angry. This man who had been blessed enough to wed her, also tried to control her. There were fights, numerous and he could feel her shutting down after each one. This man would hold no sway over her. Tristan knew that. He was of no consequence after the first few fights.

When he was gone, there were more years of her without a steady man there, but there were children. Two. A boy and girl. Not his, they belonged to a man that was a part of her life on occasion but she could never stand to be with for long. He came and went through the years. Nikki.

While the children were his, it was something she kept to herself for a long time. She raised them alone. The boy, who she called Trevor went to live with Huma for periods of time. Her way of making sure there was a male influence in her life that didn't answer directly to her. She wanted him to know of other ways. To grow to be a well rounded man.

The daughter, Mara, did not leave her. She kept the girl with her, took her on trips and showed her the world. All parts of it, the good and the bad. She wanted her daughter to understand it, do what she could to change it when she could.

Aja sailed the world for six years nearly seven. Taking the children everywhere, showing them everything. Going on hunts for treasure and after an enemies of friends she had made along the way. Committing acts of charity and fighting on the side she believed to be right.

When Aja returned to Arcadia, some more time was spent making Arcadia better and the yards profitable once again. She had all she would ever need, but work was too ingrained into who she was.

Aja" His mind was racing. So he had died. This man was not him; he knew that by just looking at him. What a fool he had been. He should have listened. Should have understood what he had done was not what she had wanted. He should burn for not listening to her.

"Aye, I agree."

Shut up you? voice" thing. This voice was getting on his nerves.

"I nae be done ye"."

What more could the voice possibly want to show him' Wasn't this enough' Watching her with another man, able to be happy and content after he had died. Wasn't that what he had told Parker to do' Make sure she lived.

Something was wrong with the images replaying in his head. More and more, it felt like a piece of his heart was breaking, but it wasn't his physical pain. It was something else. Almost as if these memories ripped him at the core, at the very soul of him:



Aja didn't understand his silence, she played with that ring on her hand while she looked at him. Part of her wanted to scream at him, another wanted to hold him and yet another wanted to smack him just a little for last night. That part won the argument. A small sip of beer, then she spoke.

"Well...so...I railed at the Gods for a little while last night.." she started, figuring perhaps letting him know how her night went after he left, would tell him something. "And was pretty much talking to a boat.." she shook her head at that. She had actually been ranting to her dead husbands boat, blaming him for her current mess. She sighed and looked at Padriq then. "How was yer night?"

"Face firs' in a ditch n' found by me crew." He answered in almost monotone, not looking at her. She sighed a little till she noticed his eyes flickered once or twice her way, before staring off at the courtyard wall again. That kicked up the part of her that wanted to yell at him. Instead, the smack him around part kicked it up a notch.

"Oh yeah. I forgot some stuff." She said a little more forcefully, that got him to look at her, his brow raised a little.

"Wut ye ferget?" he asked his voice sounding a little more like his own. Aja got up and stood in front of him then.

"I forgot about my crazy arse boyfriend threatening to.." she paused a little and corrected herself. "More than threatening...actually was getting naked in front of my family last night, after proposing to me by the way." She had a head of steam going now, and decided that one more barrel might actually be needed. "I forgot that I also woke up alone, once I actually found my bed.." then she let him have one more yell, this one, came straight from her heart. "And I forgot to say that if he ever walks out on me like that again and doesn't somehow let me know his silly arse is alive, I'm going to shoot him." Her tone was serious, she looked at him calm, but knew there was no way she could hide her worry about him. That last bit was what had been revisiting her all day long with every moment that passed without seeing him.

He didn't seem to follow her way of speaking then, he looked away again, his lowering a bit. Aye..." then he looked back at her, sighing. "I be sorry luv."

"Don't be sorry, Padriq. Be here." Aja pleaded, setting her beer on the bench, then taking his to set it down. She took his hands in hers, looking at him. "Talk to me...Cause I won't marry someone who can't."

That seemed to snap him into the present moment more, he nodded slowly.

"I be a fool who always be followin' me 'eart. Me brothers say I nae ever listen t' me 'ead. I proposed las' nigh' knowin' ye may reject me again, but damn it I 'ad t'. I 'ad been thinkin' on it all day. Then that cuss of a slaver comes waltzin' in, n' I felt like nae matter when or 'ow I do it. There nae ever will be a moment where it will be perfect enough fer ye. I felt like I cud nae be whut ye needed....Like I wus nae righ' fer ye." He poured it all out for her, the things about last night and his possible taking off making more sense to her now. Aja closed her eyes, feeling the anxiety kick down some, she shook her head once, real slow then opened her eyes to look at him with a smile.

"You crazy arse fool." She started softly. "I don't need perfect. I don't need a thousand roses and candle light. I don't need grand gestures." She squeezed his hand. "I need you. Don't you get that?" He looked at her eyes, and sighed a little. Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead, then hugged her tight to him, his fingers trailing through her hair, whispering to her.

"Aye luv. I get tha' now." His voice still sounded so dejected, she couldn't stand it. She pulled back and looked at him.

"I need to know that you and me can survives those snowfalls.." Aja decided that all cards needed to be set out here, and nothing else would come close. "That there's more to us than big romantic moments. I need to be yer equal here. I know you got my back, but you have to let me have yours too." He nodded once more, whispering to her.

"I understand, luv. I understand." He kissed her forehead then, making her feel like she just kicked a puppy. "I nae be goin' anywhere. Nae ever again." She gave him a soft smile and touched his cheek. There was more to their little discussion, things that needed to be said.

"Not that I wanna be tripping around in the big headachey drama..." she trailed off and sighed at how typical she sounded right at that moment. "Lord, ya've turned me inta such a girl." She made a face at that, then looked at him more seriously. "My heart dropped for you when Bridget told me about Jamie." She shook her head slow then. "I shouldn't have heard it from her, luv. It should've been you."

"I wus gonna tell ye the nigh' I saw ye, but Bridget 'ad t' go n' run 'er mouth." He sighed then, seeming to think that what he said sounded like a lame excuse. He shook his head and lowered his head. "Aye luv. Aye." She put her right hand with the ring on it in his sight line then.

"This is where it's staying for now. Until I feel like we're partners, Kidd. Right now...I'm not.." she paused a moment cause that thought stung a bit. "I know you love me. That's not in question. Not even a shadow of a doubt there." Aja had make sure he understood that this wasn't goodbye, just a hold on a minute sort of thing. "But until I'm also yer confidant, this ring stays on the right hand. Got it?" that got him to look up and lock his eyes with hers. He gave a nod, his voice still quiet.

"Aye luv....Aye...Ye do nae 'ave t' tell me more." For a moment, she got worried that she had hurt him. Then he continued on. "I shall whisper all me thought's t' ye in bed, at breakfast, while makin' luv, n' even while ye be tryin' t' work." Each thing cause an ever widening grin.

"Yer such a drama queen." She teased and was rewarded by the twinkle starting to return to his eyes, his hands reaching up and pinching her cheeks.

"N' ye be me crazed 'igh school girl wit 'er 'eart all a flutter." That made her chuckle.

"You take that back, Kidd." She nudged him playfully, happy to see the grin coming back to his face.

"Ye act like a 'igh school girl, who be a freshmen wit a senior boy friend takin' 'er t' prom."

"You are so full of it, Queeny." The playfulness wasn't back yet, but it was getting there.

"Ye be as flustered as ever luv. It be written all over yer face."

"That's it...I'm letting Sivanna have Fredzilla eat you." She grinned and hip nudged him.

That got him to grab her by the hips, pulling her to him and kissing her passionately. One she returned happily.

"I missed ye luv. Too much." His eyes locked on hers then and she pulled him close, hugging him tightly.

"I missed you. Let's not do that again...it's not any fun." He nodded then kissed her head.

"Iffin ye see that Egyptian withou' me around ye do nae stick aroun' luv. Nae ever." She heard the concern, and nodded.

"I swear to you I won't." she grinned then. "Bob sent me a plasma cannon. I can shoot him from a distance."

"I do nae like 'im, luv." Padriq it seemed was now the one that wanted to get something across to her. "I want ye t' come n' be wit me iffin 'e shows his ugly face again."

"I am not running. I haven't before. I won't start. Don't ask me to, Padriq." She stared straight at him, seriously. "Last night, I stayed back...as you asked..While my family took him on."

"I do nae want 'im t' take ye n' do t' ye wut 'e did t' 'er alrigh'?" Padriq's view on Duci settled it to Aja that he honestly thought she was in danger of some sort. "'e 'as already made threats against me family. I do nae need t' loose ye. I wud die fer ye." He looked her in the eyes, his voice holding no lie.

Aja rubbed at her head, considering railing at the Gods again. Damn it. How could he ask her to run and hide like some coward" She ain't never run from a fight in her life, and she didn't want to start now. That damn Egyptian could ruin a good time faster than Gilly scarfed burgers and he didn't have to be present to do it. She closed her eyes and leaned against his chest.

Padriq held her close, leaning his head on hers. He hated that Egyptian with a fiery passion. Aja wanted his honesty and he gave it. He feared her loss. It wasn't something he wanted to consider, and a loss to that slaver would be worse.

"Padriq..." she started, her voice sounding whiney to her ears. "Yer asking me to do something I've never done before. Hide."

"I jus' want ye t' be safe luv." His quiet voice preceded a kiss to her head. Aja stomped her foot on the pavement in frustration.

"I know but, damn it." She sighed, then looked at him. "What about you? Yer like yer fool brothers. Ya wouldn't think twice about going after him..." she pulled away to pace then. "I wanted to smack both Donal and Stephen...yeah it was funny seeing Donal head but the bastard...but the reason was stupid." Aja stopped then, turning to look at him. "So...I will make you a deal. I will stay away from Anubis if you swear to me that you will not try to kill him for the inane things he says. I don't care if he calls me a two copper whore, you do not engage him for that crap. Deal?" this seemed to agree with him. He held her eyes and said seriously.

"Aye luv....Aye. Ye 'ave me word."

"Likewise." She ran a hand through her hair and then looked at him. "Is there anything else on the deck we haven't cleared?"

"Tha' I feel like a git fer makin' ye sleep alone las' nigh'." He sighed heavily at that, Aja found the look on his face to be adorable and gave a small puff of laughter.

"I think being face down in the gutter was punishment enough, don't you?" she watched him nod to that question.

"Wut ye say ye let me sleep in yer bed tonigh' lass?" he asked and she smiled, the drama seemed to be done, now they could get back to their usual style of dealing with other.

"I don't know.." she grinned then. "Are ya sure yer done kickin yerself" Cause ...I don't wanna get caught in the crossfire." That made his usual grin return.

"Tha' so..?" he asked, Aja saw the sparkle back in his eyes and nodded with a smile of her own.

"I'm apparently delicate." A little razzing there, she wasn't totally ok with what he had asked of her yet. That made him kick her in the butt gently with his foot and made her laugh. "Owie...now...I make you kiss it." She gave him a wink, and he promptly grabbed her, leaning down to kiss the spot his foot had nudged making her laugh.

"Come on, luv.." she smiled. "Let's go on home. Hot bath, little snugglin...some decent sleep" Sound like a plan?" she held out her hand, he smiled and took it in his own.

"Lead the way luv." Aja loved the smile he had now. She slipped her arm through his and leaned on his shoulder, grinning.

"Queeny."

"Prom Teeny." He teased right back making her grin like mad.

"I hear Fredzilla likes pirates." She quipped. "Doggie treats."

"Oh yeah?" he retorted, keeping step with her as they made their way down the street towards home. "Well, I like yer rump."

Later that night, Aja would lay in bed and look at him sleeping next to her. That ring still on her right hand, and her mind a little more settled. She wondered for a moment if they would be alright in the coming months. Or would his impatience be their undoing" Aja wasn't sure, but for now, things were once again back on a normal track. There were other things in her head, but at the moment..she pushed it aside and went to sleep.

No' He couldn't take more. But as Hell requires, it didn't wait for his comfort to resume. There wasn't much time:



"Only you have pain and doubt, Aja. And I don't know why you carry it with you like some badge of honor."

"Cause sometimes, end of the day, Tru...It's all I got left that's mine." She said with a small scoff, realizing how that probably sounded to him. She wasn't sure anyone would get that. "And I know that doesn't make any sense to you."

"With the way you talk about Tristan. I can't believe he'd want you to live like this...alone and scared and all of this. I think he sees exactly what I see in you. Exactly what you want someone special to see."

"Tristan was a good man." the memory of him made her give a soft smile. "Yer a little like him. Kind hearted and brave."

"Padriq can't even see your basic needs. Not even the basics. You can't talk to him, you keep endless secrets from him still. I know you don't even glimpse a forever with him." Tru reminded of her of what wasn't there with Padriq and she closed her eyes to that, he nailed her with it and she knew it. "I know this in my heart. But you'll let your pain of losing Tristan again keep you from one thing you seem to be forgetting about." She looked at him then.

"And what?s that?" He stood up, looking at her incredulously.

"You always talk about how he left you when he died...how much it hurt...for gods' sake, Aja...put that aside for now and think about what it was like when he was with you." She looked at Tru, a slight start to her and she closed her eyes.

"I can't Tru....I miss him too much when I do."

"Why is that' Because it was meaningful beyond his death. So are showing that right now. He never left you, but you keep him prisoner and keep him hurting you every day." Tears fell down her cheeks and she turned her head to try to block him out.

"Tru....please.." She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and her hands clenched.

"Gods...when you are given the choice to remember the bad or the good with him...you choose the bad. I'm not Tristan, Aja...but damn, woman...I love you at least as much and you damn well know it!"

Tru flung the remaining boot, it went through the bay window and out into the yard as he turned and just yelled in frustration. Aja slid down the wall she had been near and curled her knees to her chest, burying her head against them.

"Aja...for the love of everything you have...live your life instead of constantly reliving his death. You're stronger than this and I know it." Aja wouldn't look up at him while she cried, she just kept rocking back and forth slowly. "You'll stare down five hundred men and not blink an eye...you'll take pot shots at dragons in defense for perfect strangers...you'll shield a child you just met and give your life for him...this is you, Aja...the strongest, smartest, best person I know. That I've ever known!" He threw his hands up. "You have no idea how much I admire you as a person, do you?" Tru asked her, watching as Aja slowly got up, leaning against the wall for support as she gains back the strength to walk, her voice is hoarse from crying she answers quietly.

"No...I don't."

"Then think about what you love about me. And think what kind of person someone would have to be for me to admire them." Tru's question throws her for a loop as it changes course then loops back around to hit her as hard as the rest of it had. He certainly never gave her time to think about much, did he" "How often do you talk to Padriq about Tristan' From what you told me before, practically never. You talk to me all the time about him...about how special he was." Tru walked over and knelt down in front of her, cause of her lean, they were pretty much eye to eye. "And I am flattered, and honored, every single time you do...and even more so when I hear you say how much I remind you of him...it gives me hope that you will see something equally as special between us." Aja looked at him silently thinking about what he said.

"I've only mentioned him to Padriq twice....both times....as my reason for not wanting to get married."

"You've only mentioned him once to me as your reason for not being afraid of forever with me...I take that as a sign of hope." Aja slowly nodded, Tru could hear about Tristan. He was her best friend. Most only heard his name in passing. Otherwise he wasn't talked about. Her saving him in her head, her personal memory not to be shared with just anyone. Being honest, it just hurt too much to remember him. The smile, his laugh, the way they were with each other. She looked up at Tru, blinking the tears away.

"No one else but you is special enough to know him. Anya doesn't even know a lot about him."

"Then I am doubly honored, Aja. Lots of times...since meeting you...I've wished I could have met him. Since hearing from you, about him...I think he must have been the most lucky, amazing, greatest guy in the world." Aja closed her eyes again, the tears starting all over again as she thought of her long dead husband, she always tripped over calling him her ex...because he was taken away. Hearing Tru she looked at him, letting the tears fall then.

"He was all I ever really knew of love between people, he taught me. The lesson ended too soon." Aja was quiet for a moment then, thinking back to those days with Tristan she sighed. "I tried to run from him."

"I wish I could be like him for you, Aja...but I can't...and I know I can never be someone you care about as much as him...or love me the same way you did him...but I can hope, maybe, you can find it in me to love them the same, but in our own way." Tru said, and Aja's eyes moved from Tru to the window, staring past the glass to a memory that was far away.

"I never wanted to be married. Even when I met him...we clicked...like we do, Tru. He knew me...instinctually. He knew me." Aja stopped talking again, as she relived that time in her head. Tru took the pause as an opportunity to say something to her.

"If you want me to stop trying to win your heart...please stop complimenting me all the time." He gave her a smile.

"He would prod and tease, and fight with me. All in fun.." She had a soft smile. "Used to call me his rabbit....said I was cute and skittish like a bunny." That soft smile never faded, but then she closed her eyes as she tried to fight back the wave of sadness that always followed the good memories of Tristan.

"He asked me to marry him and I laughed at him. Thought it was one of his funny jokes. But he wasn't kidding, Tru." Aja fidgeted more remembering that day Tristan proposed. "I packed up everything I owned and was fully intent on leaving it all behind." Aja looked up at Tru. "I was ready to throw it away for fear. Seems I haven't given that habit up." She sighed then.

"At least you are remembering the good now instead of dwelling on the bad...what came of that marriage?" Aja looked at him taking a moment to gather her thoughts.

"I thought everything would change....I saw other people...who were married...they never looked happy. But that's not what was there for me and Tris." She didn't look away from Tru. "It was nothing like what I'd seen." Tru nodded, staying quiet, smiling thinking that she was on the right path now.

"When he left on that trip...I never imagined he'd never come home again." Aja closed her eyes. "I couldn't imagine my future without him, Tru. The same way I see you. I can't see my future where you aren't there. When they." She swallowed hard. "When they brought him back....the world dropped out from under me. Everyone I loved was gone. Everyone who ever tried to teach me what love was, was gone."

"Don't go there, Aja...please, stop there." Aja looked at Tru and then closed her mouth. Tru continued to talk to her. "Tristan's life isn't defined by his death, Aja...you just told me of his life. Remember that part."

"I do remember." She said quietly.

"Was it worth it to marry him' The happiness you found, even though you didn't expect to really find it?" He asked and Aja looked at him thinking about the question.

"Some days, yes." Her voice was quiet.

"Over all?" His question threw her a little.

"I don't know, Tru. The world opened and then was slammed shut on me. I've never figured out how to open that door again."

"Slammed shut' Really' Seems you are here and people love you and you love..someone." Aja chose to ignore what he said there, cause that wasn't what she meant. She spoke in a quiet whisper then.

"I remember every word of my vows to Tristan...every word." She look at Tru. "And I wish I could forget sometimes."

"I don't believe you." Tru said, she looked up at him, then away. "You want to remember every detail of every moment with him, that is really, blindingly clear, Aja. But you are not looking past the death...which is a shame because his life was so much more. At least as I understand your description of him." Aja looked back at Tru then, motioning out the window to the yards.

"Those yards out there...this building that we are standing in, the house I live in...are his, Tru. His memory is kept alive every single day I walk through the door."

"No, they're yours, as are the memories. Wait."

She closed her eyes for a moment then looked back at him.

"You know the door that leads to the third floor?" Aja was talking about her house then. Tru nodded.

"Never used to be a door there. I had it put on." She went silent again for a moment. "It goes to our bedroom. Tristan's and mine. I haven't gone up there since he died. I can't.?

"Ye will nae ever understan' jus" "ow much I screwed up wit' "er ma"e" Aja wus amazin" n" cause of me tie to ye' I failed."

Ten years of listening to that, trying to understand what the half witted Irish Pirate meant took its toll on Tristan Larson. How many years longer would he have to listen to Padriq Kidd apologize" Too many. And too many years had already gone by.

First it was the simple things. The minor understandings of his new life that he hadn't expected to ever experience. Chaos, too much of it. It was a miracle he hadn't been in a comatose state for ten years. Padriq telling him all the memories of a life for Aja yet to happen. The more he learned, the less willing he had become to cooperate.

"Ye "ave t' stay "ere where she cunnae see ye Tristan."

In the darkness his figure grunted, feet bound and legs unwilling to move. Damn the Irish man for holding onto such simple abilities," I need to see her!" It was the same, every night. The desire to curl up in their bed, to hold her, to tell her that everything was alright. It was agony knowing the hell his death was doing to her," I swear, sooner or later you will let your guard slip." But he never did. TWENTY YEARS. And he never did.

It was another night' Another fist full of memories he wished he'd never have to deal with. Another night without Aja sleeping safe and sound besides him, in their bed. His self hatred was at a new high with each passing day. The more he saw, the more he learned. It had to be over soon, it just had to be. He didn't know how much more he could take.

Hell, he had been alone in the mind of the Irish man for twenty years. Even when he had finally gotten Padriq to do something as simple as walk through Arcadia on the way to the private estate on the eastern side of town, he couldn't get him to tell her that he was there in Padriq's head.

Parker knew. After enough goading the Irish man had gone to see Parker for Tristan. It took some doing to convince the old mage that the story of Tristan being in Padriq's head was true, but once he knew, he accepted it fully. Parker insisted that if Padriq was to tell Aja the same story that he'd only do more damage to her. Tristan hated to hear it, but knew it was the truth. He could see pieces of Aja's memories in Padriq's convoluted head. How long it took her to do anything as simple as eat without being coerced. Stirring all that up again for her was not in the best interest of Arcadia.

After twenty years, he had become nothing but a ghost, a memory to the people who once looked to him for help. Day after day it was his duty to care for the people of Arcadia and now there were few who could remember what he looked like. As old friends passed on, the memories continued, grew more in depth, and the day that Padriq Kidd's ship landed in port of Rhy"Din, he had to watch, bitterly, as his lips and hands caressed at his wife. The sole companion in his thoughts had become the man, the man that violated his wife in his absence like so many others before him.

Still the memories came" Time was coming close to an end?

Finally....

The time was right.

Aja walked into the apartment, intent on writing a letter to herself without a clue how to do that. So she scribbled a semi hastily written letter is scrawled out on paper she kept in the apartment and she folded it up tucking it into an envelope staring at it for a long moment. Her past self was going to have to believe this, not that it was possible given how mistrusting she was and had been back then. She wasn't sure how her past self would take it, but it would be interesting. She took the letter, tucking it into her pocket intent on heading back to the ship just as a steady knock, rapped upon the apartment door. Out in the hall, was a figure, both arms folded around a single bag. One way and then the other, the person's figure swayed, whistling softly to themselves as they knocked on the door and awaited her.

Aja perked a brow at the noise, she knew Padriq was impatient, but this was silly.

"Padriq...I told you I'd meet you at the..." she was saying as she opened the door talking to who she thought was Padriq, her voice faltering when she realized it wasn't him standing there. "Ship. Uh...hi. Can I help ya?"

She was looking at the man curiously now. The young man bowed his head. He was a lanky figure, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. The package was thrusted into her arms.

"Fer ye ma'm....'ave a goo'in!" And just as directed, the young man bowed his head after she took the package from him and ran off. Around the corner he pretty much vanished. Aja looked after him for a moment before stepping back inside with it, musing to herself.

"Late fer a messenger service ta be working." The package was a simple brown one, not one that would be carried by any mail carrier. A tag uppon it read in simple, plain scrawl, 'Rabbit.' Aja stared at the package and the familiar scrawl across the front, for a long moment at the front in shock. The nickname very familiar to her and very ancient. "What the hell is this now?" Aja slowly made her way to the table and sits down.

Inside the bag were simple objects of endearment. A scrolled parchment, and perhaps the last shirt she had ever seen Tristan wear before he ventured from her forever. The scroll was tied by a rabbit's foot attached to a red ribbon. Aja slowly set the shirt aside, then tugged at the ribbon with a shaky hand, her eyes glancing to the shirt once or twice as if it was going to disappear. 'Rabbit,

Forgive this foolish man for sneaking out to protect you. I love you. It may seem hard to believe, I know, I've wrote this letter several times trying to think of how to say it. What you're about to do tonight, it's something I never thought I'd see you do, but I am forever grateful to you for doing. If it is, at all hard to believe or understand, than I am sorry. But what I'm about to tell you is 100% true. I'm alive. Thanks to you and Padriq....well....Thanks to you and I. I am Padriq. I know the appearances suggest otherwise, but a blind man can have just as much faith in the color of a rainbow as you can in this. When you sent me back in time, you saved me. I'm alive. And I've been watching. And waiting. I have to believe that you needed my death, because look at who you've become. I cannot picture a more perfect Aja than the woman I see in you. You are more beautiful now, than I ever thought possible. Like then, now, more than ever, you take my breath away. I am sorry for the deception, and I'm sure with time you will kill me. - Have faith, sweet Rabbit, for what I say is true. Padriq is me....And has always been me. I owe you so much and hurt you so deeply. I am sorry for all the pain I have given you. All the grief and doubt. I am giving you the choice now, on perhaps not a different past for you, but a new future....The choice is yours. Stop him....Or let him go. But please understand, the Padriq you love, will never be again.

Be Safe Rabbit, Tristan

Aja stared at the letter for the longest moment in disbelief before letting it fall from her fingers, dropping to the desk soundlessly. The silence of the apartment broken only by the occasional noise from outside, a car or horse going by, the fridge kicking on or some noise from the pipes in the walls. All the while she stared at that letter. Aja closed her eyes tight then opened them again, her brain whirling the information around. She thought back, to a couple months ago when Tru had mentioned bringing Tristan back. Claiming she needed him. Aja had resisted, figuring that since Tristan had been gone for twenty years had a way of lessening the need for someone. But it wasn't true of Tristan. She knew it, but would never admit to that. If only to keep her world hassle free.

What to do' Padriq was fully intent on going back. She knew little would change his mind. That was part of the Kidd make up. An inherent stubbornness that couldn't be dulled. She got up and paced the apartment, prowling almost. Letting him go, would erase his presence from this world and this time. She was quite sure it would take Stephen months to even notice the absence of his younger brother and if he did, how the hell would she even explain it to him' That is if he connected her somehow to the disappearance.

But would he truly be gone" A soul like that surely would find a way to be, wouldn't it"

The choice was hers, she knew and it was hers alone to make. There were few hints here and there of the fact that Tristan lingered in what had become Padriq. Tiny things that she had passed off at the time Padriq had said or did them, but now wondered what she had missed.

Tristan knew it was only a matter of time before things were made clear, coherent, but how long would she wait to find out or to even discover what Tristan had failed to miss about her life in Arcadia let alone the entire world she had lived in for the last 20 years. In the moments he could take over the Irish man's body, he had planned for this day. To let her know that he had been here. That he hadn't been far from her.

Aja paced around the apartment. If it had truly had a piece of Tristan all along, it would go a long way to explaining Padriq's seemingly overwhelming desire to marry her. Not that Tristan had taken such an aggressive path, but that had been what he wanted for weeks before finding a way to ask her.

Frustrated she leaned against the wall and started speaking to the darkness. "I swear to the gods I should kick yer arse from here to next week...Damn it, Tristan." She had a feeling that if she stopped Padriq, Tristan wouldn't be here. She'd lose what could be her only chance to see him again. If she didn't stop Padriq, he would be gone, but there was the chance Tristan wouldn't be. Such choices. How in the hell did he think this was fair to put on her shoulders"

Aja started pacing again. Padriq was waiting for her, she knew he wouldn't leave without seeing her one last time.

Oh, if only she knew how Padriq was getting antsy and nervous. He began to worry if something had happened to Aja. He could get even more reckless when he worried so.

She picked up the letter again and re read the part that Tristan was Padriq...or at least a part of him. How did that work" It wasn't that she was stupid, she just didn't always understand the mechanics of physics or time travel.

"What the hell does that mean' Damn it."

She grabbed her coat and the letters, she stalked out of the apartment and her breath was stolen by the cold air once she hit the street. At some point, she really had to try to remember that RhyDin City was nothing like Arcadia. She put her coat on and hurried for the docks.



It was time to watch from a distance and wait. Each moment was with baited breath. This could be the beginning....or it could be the end.

"Ye "ave to be wonderin" wha' sor" of rubbish I "ave fer ye to gander a" mate." The voice was distorted, breaking with the fine line of memories he held," All I cun tell ye' is this mate."

Finally the pirate and the Arcadian were face to face. Brilliant blue eyes countered deep jaded hues. Together the men were a pair, a pair that was sure to turn heads if they stood side by side on a street. He, even then, held himself with a carefree air. The men were like night and day with their appearances, Padriq was dark, broad shouldered, and mocha colored, where as Tristan was pale skinned, blonde haired, and built like a foot ball player. Either way, they were both men that equally loved Aja Da"Maris Bird, and that was the one piece that brought them together and held them together.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Tristan was broken by what he had seen. It was not every day that you'd see the life of your wife after your death flash before your eyes. He had always heard that, "it was your life that flashed before your eyes", not this. Aja didn't deserve this heartache, he wanted her to be happy, always wanted her to be happy. Why wasn't she happy in those images"

"Ye will nae ever understan' jus" "ow much I screwed up wit' "er ma"e" Aja wus amazin" n" cause of me tie to ye' I failed. I went too far back. I wus nae supposed t' come this far."

"What are you talking about?" None of this made sense to him. None of it.

To reassure him, there were flashes of bright, smiling people around Aja who was smiling all the same. These were her friends. A woman named Anya, a man named Neo, and even Tru was there, all of them with happiness in their eyes. Laughter sounded from her lips before a pixie stick was tipped back. They were all happy, even her.

"She wus "appy the nigh' we met. Very "appy."

Tristan could see that. He could see that quite well.

"Ye know as well as I do' Tha' smile be irresistible."

"What's your point' What are you getting at"!"!"

"She found "er birth family "cause ye died. "cause ye were gone, she "ad spread "er wings n" soared. But she will nae do "t iffin ye go back t' "er righ' away. Ye "ave t' le" "er grow n" go fer now. Ye'll know when the time be righ".?

———————- 20 Years of Waiting——————————-