A Report goes out on Rhy"Din Radio and in an EXTRA Edition of the newspaper.
The band was playing and there were loud cheers in the Rhy"Din marketplace today when Count Talomar walked up to the podium that was on the stage in front of the courthouse. The number of his supporters had obviously grown and become more enthusiastic with their candidate. He held up his hands to quite the crowd and the band that was playing behind him. The Count then began what he had advertised as his "No Holds-Barred Platform Speech".
http://www.geocities.com/rcwolpert/TalGov.jpg Count Talomar in thought before the rally.
"Dear friends and citizens of our fair city of Rhy"Din. Up to this point I have not spoken against my opponent, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, and had no intention to, for I prefer to stand upon my own record and leave the mud-slinging to him and his camp. However, I've heard some very disturbing things that went on in the Red Dragon Inn last night and I just want to address them.
"First of all, G"nort has some damn nerve attacking the integrity of our renowned newspaper, The Oracle; calling the reporters gossip hounds and making disparaging remarks about its quality of reporting. I happen to know how hard Amaltea, Tera, Gav, Wyheree, Jewell and the others work to bring the news to you each month, not to mention the amount of time my own dear wife, Tara, puts into providing you with the best in cartoons. Do you want a governor who would put down your own award winning newspaper just because he got caught saying what he really thinks" At least he could be a man and live up to his words instead of blaming it on the integrity of those who write for the paper. What a wuss! Damn, I would have killed Skyler and drained his blood long ago if it were not for Jewell. We don't need a liar for governor, that's for damn sure. What's he worried about " that he wants to charm Amthy' Hell, ever male in Rhy"Din wants to get into that fairie's pants!
"Then I hear he went around the inn with that shit-eating grin, shaking hands and saying, "I'm G"nort, vote for me. I'm the best candidate." Give me a break! G"nort doesn't know his butt from a privy hole. He had to ask Kitty what he should do regarding every step of his campaign. She was his brains! It's halfway into the election and she still had to introduce him to those in the inn " the very people he should have known before seeking to become governor. The boy has shit for brains! Evidently even Kitty couldn't take him anymore because now she's running for governor. If she had got her pretty little butt out of the litter box sooner and ran for governor at the beginning, I would have kept out of the race.
"Let's face it; if it wasn't for me entering this gubernatorial race, none of you would have even known who G"nort is. That's how much he cares about you. It's about time he got out of those gay bars at the pier and into the RDI. And then he had a question and answer period. From what I hear, people came away not knowing anything more about his plans than they did before he walked in there. If people are so gullible to believe his crap and to thing he actually cares for them behind that fake smile and handshake, I've got some good swamp land to sell them.
"Here's what G"nort didn't tell you. You see, there's very little we can really do in our one-year term as "Governor" of this land. Panther still owns the Inn, and he decides what goes on there. The land has rulers " administrators " who watch over the people, to whom the governor needs to report. G"nort may not realize that since he's not been around long.
"I understand the situation and I've come up with a plan on how to work within the system with what?s already in place to get things done. Here's my platform. I'm laying it out for you straight and clear so that there can be no misunderstandings.
"REGARDING LAW ENFORCEMENT " I say we can the entire lot of our fat, donut-feed police officers and give the authority of law enforcement to Issy and the Scathachian Sisters who reside in the Scathachian Sanctuary. Let me tell you, those broads can kick butt! They've already got the power. All they need is to be given the authority! As your governor I intend to get them the authority to clean up this city! You'll see that the evil doers will soon be in bondage. The loud mouths will be gagged. They'll have to heel and toe the line in a city where the Scathachians will enforce the law with their foot patrols. I'd also like a special Rhy"Din Bureau of Investigation (RBI) with proven enforcers leading it " such as Brian Ravenlock, Alain dMourir, and Myllyanna. They can take on the special cases, being our "Special Forces Operation' (SFO).
"REGARDING THE RDI " I would proclaim Badsider Brew to be THE OFFICIAL BREW of Rhy"Din! Hell, any brew that has PJ Ramirez as a spokesmodel has got to be good! She's hot'damn hot! I wouldn't mind grabbing her backsider"I mean BADsider!
"REGARDING THE DUELING ARENAS " here's my platform. 1. Get rid of Cory as Overlord. What a putz! The sooner he's dismissed the better. We need to get integrity, chivalry and honor back into the sport! 2. Advertise on the outside of the Inn and dueling arenas who the Overlord, Barons, Diamond, Opals, Keepers, Archmage, and other mages are. We should be publicizing those who are at the top of the ranks in each of the dueling sports " swords, fists, and magic. This will create interest and bring the honor to those coveted positions. 3. We need an effective means of putting ideas into action instead of just talking about things until we're blue in the face. I wish to make this a priority if I'm your governor.
"REGARDING THE NEEDS OF WOMEN " I like women. I happen to be married to one. Tara is the sweetest, sexiest thing this side of anywhere. But I've notice that the current situation in the RDI does not really address the needs and desires of women. I've heard over and over again that it's hard being a girl. I propose that we have a room dedicated for women, and also women's council who would gather ideas and present them to our officials. Women like Sid, Alma, Magenta, Sakura and Lerida could really pick up the ball and run with this one, and I'd be honored to nominate them for the position. In fact, they'd be damn good in ANY position.
"REGARDING RECREATION " we need more parties, and who's better to bring parties to Rhy"Din than the lovely ladies of the Forsaken Blades Clubhouse, and people like Jen, Erin, Lydia, and Mack. And we have plenty of Frat boys around who know how to party! We need to give these people some leadership in our city so that we get more good parties! And speaking of parties, we need more private areas in the RDI! You all know how sexy my wife is when she comes to the RDI in her lime green tutu, or those baby dolls of hers, and how just the sight of her turns me on; and you've heard that we often go at it for 10 hours at a time. Well, my honey likes privacy. I don't care so much one way or the other, but I honor her feelings. If I were your governor, I'd petition for more private areas where you can meet that certain someone who makes your heart go pitter patter. And for G, maybe we can get a Gay room.
"Finally, REGARDING "DEAR GAV" - If I'm elected I promise to eliminate that tripe from The Oracle even if I have to pull Gavilean's arms off. This fine city will never again be assaulted with his pansy ansy "advice". Tell it like it is, man. . .if your partner leaves you, screw 'em! There's plenty of other fish in the sea, as they say. People need to quit their whining.
"So, that's my platform. It's all spelled out for you nice and clear so that even G can understand it. I don't know what he's going to do now that he doesn't have Kitty calling the shots. He'll probably copy me just like he always does. Who wants a governor who's always playing catch-up" No one! I hear the only idea that actually came out of that pinhead was to pass out buttons. How "last century' is that! That's all we need to pollute our streets " "Vote for Gnort' buttons with his stupid, fairy face looking at us. Makes me want to spew my guts thinking of it.
"So, if you like some or all those idea, vote for me! If you don't, then vote for G or Kitty, for even the Easter Bunny. G is such a wuss you'd wouldn't know the difference anyway.?
- - -
After ending his speech the Count stepped down off the platform and began to shake the hands of the cheering crowd. This went on for quite some time until the Talomar entered his coach and made his way back to Longden Castle.
The band was playing and there were loud cheers in the Rhy"Din marketplace today when Count Talomar walked up to the podium that was on the stage in front of the courthouse. The number of his supporters had obviously grown and become more enthusiastic with their candidate. He held up his hands to quite the crowd and the band that was playing behind him. The Count then began what he had advertised as his "No Holds-Barred Platform Speech".
http://www.geocities.com/rcwolpert/TalGov.jpg Count Talomar in thought before the rally.
"Dear friends and citizens of our fair city of Rhy"Din. Up to this point I have not spoken against my opponent, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, and had no intention to, for I prefer to stand upon my own record and leave the mud-slinging to him and his camp. However, I've heard some very disturbing things that went on in the Red Dragon Inn last night and I just want to address them.
"First of all, G"nort has some damn nerve attacking the integrity of our renowned newspaper, The Oracle; calling the reporters gossip hounds and making disparaging remarks about its quality of reporting. I happen to know how hard Amaltea, Tera, Gav, Wyheree, Jewell and the others work to bring the news to you each month, not to mention the amount of time my own dear wife, Tara, puts into providing you with the best in cartoons. Do you want a governor who would put down your own award winning newspaper just because he got caught saying what he really thinks" At least he could be a man and live up to his words instead of blaming it on the integrity of those who write for the paper. What a wuss! Damn, I would have killed Skyler and drained his blood long ago if it were not for Jewell. We don't need a liar for governor, that's for damn sure. What's he worried about " that he wants to charm Amthy' Hell, ever male in Rhy"Din wants to get into that fairie's pants!
"Then I hear he went around the inn with that shit-eating grin, shaking hands and saying, "I'm G"nort, vote for me. I'm the best candidate." Give me a break! G"nort doesn't know his butt from a privy hole. He had to ask Kitty what he should do regarding every step of his campaign. She was his brains! It's halfway into the election and she still had to introduce him to those in the inn " the very people he should have known before seeking to become governor. The boy has shit for brains! Evidently even Kitty couldn't take him anymore because now she's running for governor. If she had got her pretty little butt out of the litter box sooner and ran for governor at the beginning, I would have kept out of the race.
"Let's face it; if it wasn't for me entering this gubernatorial race, none of you would have even known who G"nort is. That's how much he cares about you. It's about time he got out of those gay bars at the pier and into the RDI. And then he had a question and answer period. From what I hear, people came away not knowing anything more about his plans than they did before he walked in there. If people are so gullible to believe his crap and to thing he actually cares for them behind that fake smile and handshake, I've got some good swamp land to sell them.
"Here's what G"nort didn't tell you. You see, there's very little we can really do in our one-year term as "Governor" of this land. Panther still owns the Inn, and he decides what goes on there. The land has rulers " administrators " who watch over the people, to whom the governor needs to report. G"nort may not realize that since he's not been around long.
"I understand the situation and I've come up with a plan on how to work within the system with what?s already in place to get things done. Here's my platform. I'm laying it out for you straight and clear so that there can be no misunderstandings.
"REGARDING LAW ENFORCEMENT " I say we can the entire lot of our fat, donut-feed police officers and give the authority of law enforcement to Issy and the Scathachian Sisters who reside in the Scathachian Sanctuary. Let me tell you, those broads can kick butt! They've already got the power. All they need is to be given the authority! As your governor I intend to get them the authority to clean up this city! You'll see that the evil doers will soon be in bondage. The loud mouths will be gagged. They'll have to heel and toe the line in a city where the Scathachians will enforce the law with their foot patrols. I'd also like a special Rhy"Din Bureau of Investigation (RBI) with proven enforcers leading it " such as Brian Ravenlock, Alain dMourir, and Myllyanna. They can take on the special cases, being our "Special Forces Operation' (SFO).
"REGARDING THE RDI " I would proclaim Badsider Brew to be THE OFFICIAL BREW of Rhy"Din! Hell, any brew that has PJ Ramirez as a spokesmodel has got to be good! She's hot'damn hot! I wouldn't mind grabbing her backsider"I mean BADsider!
"REGARDING THE DUELING ARENAS " here's my platform. 1. Get rid of Cory as Overlord. What a putz! The sooner he's dismissed the better. We need to get integrity, chivalry and honor back into the sport! 2. Advertise on the outside of the Inn and dueling arenas who the Overlord, Barons, Diamond, Opals, Keepers, Archmage, and other mages are. We should be publicizing those who are at the top of the ranks in each of the dueling sports " swords, fists, and magic. This will create interest and bring the honor to those coveted positions. 3. We need an effective means of putting ideas into action instead of just talking about things until we're blue in the face. I wish to make this a priority if I'm your governor.
"REGARDING THE NEEDS OF WOMEN " I like women. I happen to be married to one. Tara is the sweetest, sexiest thing this side of anywhere. But I've notice that the current situation in the RDI does not really address the needs and desires of women. I've heard over and over again that it's hard being a girl. I propose that we have a room dedicated for women, and also women's council who would gather ideas and present them to our officials. Women like Sid, Alma, Magenta, Sakura and Lerida could really pick up the ball and run with this one, and I'd be honored to nominate them for the position. In fact, they'd be damn good in ANY position.
"REGARDING RECREATION " we need more parties, and who's better to bring parties to Rhy"Din than the lovely ladies of the Forsaken Blades Clubhouse, and people like Jen, Erin, Lydia, and Mack. And we have plenty of Frat boys around who know how to party! We need to give these people some leadership in our city so that we get more good parties! And speaking of parties, we need more private areas in the RDI! You all know how sexy my wife is when she comes to the RDI in her lime green tutu, or those baby dolls of hers, and how just the sight of her turns me on; and you've heard that we often go at it for 10 hours at a time. Well, my honey likes privacy. I don't care so much one way or the other, but I honor her feelings. If I were your governor, I'd petition for more private areas where you can meet that certain someone who makes your heart go pitter patter. And for G, maybe we can get a Gay room.
"Finally, REGARDING "DEAR GAV" - If I'm elected I promise to eliminate that tripe from The Oracle even if I have to pull Gavilean's arms off. This fine city will never again be assaulted with his pansy ansy "advice". Tell it like it is, man. . .if your partner leaves you, screw 'em! There's plenty of other fish in the sea, as they say. People need to quit their whining.
"So, that's my platform. It's all spelled out for you nice and clear so that even G can understand it. I don't know what he's going to do now that he doesn't have Kitty calling the shots. He'll probably copy me just like he always does. Who wants a governor who's always playing catch-up" No one! I hear the only idea that actually came out of that pinhead was to pass out buttons. How "last century' is that! That's all we need to pollute our streets " "Vote for Gnort' buttons with his stupid, fairy face looking at us. Makes me want to spew my guts thinking of it.
"So, if you like some or all those idea, vote for me! If you don't, then vote for G or Kitty, for even the Easter Bunny. G is such a wuss you'd wouldn't know the difference anyway.?
- - -
After ending his speech the Count stepped down off the platform and began to shake the hands of the cheering crowd. This went on for quite some time until the Talomar entered his coach and made his way back to Longden Castle.