Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Saul Heyman. And I am the one, behind the one, behind None of the Above. I am the Advocate for my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador.

The voting is open. Ladies and gentlemen, I do not have to tell you what this election means to you, the Free people of the Free City of Rhydin. You already know. This election is going to have the result of a person "ruling" over that Free City. I have to ask. Do we really want that?

My client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, has made his point incredibly clear. There will be no ruling over the Free City of Rhydin in his reign, should the election go in his favor. There will not be any special goodies, no helping out orphanages, etc. any more than is already done by the Free People of the Free City of Rhydin.

Curiously, a candidate has recently come out and taken a remarkably similar stance as my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador's, wherein you, the Free People of the Free City of Rhydin, are going to remain free to do whatever you like. Curious because that is the stance my Client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, has been campaigning on this entire electoral process.

Another candidate is running on the chaos and pancake platform. Chaos can be fun, and you don't need a governor for that. But if it is pancakes you are looking for, my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador has authorized me to "one up" that platform, if you will.

You will still have the chaos you have always had, but now, instead of just pancakes, my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador has authorized me to say that you will have Pancakes and Bacon. Really, can you go wrong with bacon' All you have to do is vote for him and make sure to mention you want Bacon with your Pancakes. It's so incredibly simple.

Let's not kid ourselves here, Ladies and Gentlemen. It's widely known that since the beginning of time, or in this case, the position of Governor, it has strictly been a popularity contest. And that's fine. That is why it's called the "popular" vote. But even sometimes the popular vote is wrong for Rhydin. So vote for the Right candidate. The one who has not lied to you, changed his stance, said nice things, dolled things up in pretty pink flowers.

A Vote for my Client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador does not mean that should he lose, he will suddenly not hold special Arena events for the next year, and make all scheduled tournaments single elimination. He will not reduce the Baronies, which hold no political power in Rhydin anyway, in the Arena down to Three total. He will not invade the Red Dragon Inn and try to force his views upon the populace, he will not ever bring back Proposition 37 or whichever number we are up to now.

In his tenure as "Governor," Mages will be free to cast their spells. The Marketplace will be free to be blown up or not blown up depending on the week, Yasou will remain a technology free mountainous area. Seriously, look at the map. There will be no extra considerations given to policing the Free city of Rhydin, the Watch will remain comical or serious depending on the agent, the Avengers will be avenging as per usual, though I would recommend a better name, like "Free City of Rhydin Spirit Squad" or something like that.

These are all the platforms of my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, except the Spirit Squad, which I just came up with. With my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador in office, you will simply be free to do anything you want as you always have. Free. As you should be. Free Citizens of the Free City of Rhydin.

Oh, I have also be instructed to say that, since it was brought up, my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, has absolutely no issue with either of the other candidates, with whom he holds in high regard, even though they are both creepy in their own way. Ebon because of the eyes, and Skid because, well look at him. And despite the beatdown the two took in the steel cage match so eloquently commentated by The Anvil and the Baroness of the Old Temple District, both Ebon and Skid handled themselves respectably, and took the beating with honor. Well done, gentlemen. Well done.

In closing, a Vote for my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador, is a vote to keep the Free City of Rhydin absolutely Free. As it should be.

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Saul Heyman. And I am the one, behind the one, behind None of the Above. I am the Advocate for my client, G'nort Dragoon-Talanador.