Jesse, important question here. Is it true that there is a place in a man's head that, if you shoot it, it will blow up? I'm asking for a friend.

P.S. Miss your face. We should plot about what to do when you take over Rhydin. I'm thinking forced bible camps and the slow, inevitable genocide of all elves.

The next question came from a pale (read: literally bone white) man in a trench coat and large hat, with dark sunglasses, a big nose, and funny looking mustache. He seemed to be hunching and trying to hide in his own shadow.

Uh, yeaaaah....yes, Jesse, um. Hi, hello, totally normal human here. Yeah, totally normal. Uh, what?s your stance on undead rights" Do you support equal rights between the living and the dead, or will you continue the subjugation of the living-impaired" If you do support equal rights, what steps will you take towards that direction, and what sort of timeline can we expect'

Follow up question: Have you talked to Xanth, er, yeah, Xanth lately' No reason, I just. You know. Reallyneedyoutwotogettogetherformyownfutureexistence. I mean uh, HEY, just saying, maybe you two should try talking? I'm sure he's got some great ideas for running the city.

Thanks. .....I'm just going to go now. No, no, it's okay. I'll uh, just catch the answers on the news. ......kthxbye!

And with that, the mysterious man in the trench coat proceeded to crawl under a table and vanish.

Dearest Jesse,

Hello my dear. If I may have a moment, I have long been a fan of yours. I dare say, you are quite the thing where I'm from. We even have a Saturday morning cartoon inspired by you. I sit down every week to watch with my great-grand hatchlings to watch your adventures. We particularly enjoy when you utterly destroy your enemies. I should have you by sometime and introduce you to them. You would make quite the impression. Then I could take you around for a tour: I would show you the death pits while we discuss the proper way to disembowel a man over tea and crumpets, and I would love to pick your mind on the topic of necromancy and mind-shattering recursive time travel.

I have a question, as one regal, destined ruler to another: What is your favorite form of government, and once you have power, how do you intend to keep it' I obviously favor the monarchy, and I would politely like to suggest "DEATH EMPRESS JESSE" has a pretty ring to it. As for keeping control — well. I did mention the death pits, didn't I? Oh ho ho!

Yours forever and always in this mortal life and the next, Reptile Queen Elizabeth II

When you become mayor or governor or whatever do I still have to make this weekly payment of chicken nuggets to you? If yes, I would like all charges of public intoxication against me dropped and diplomatic immunity in cases involving drugs and alcohol. If no, what will it take to get these, we can negotiate this when I drop off this week's payment.

Also, no you cannot sleep over in the Celestial Tower while I am Archmage unless you bring enough (at least a dozen) attractive* strippers to entertain me with.

*Deemed so by Apple, Lilith or myself.

Hey, gurl, heeeeeeeeeeey. What up boo' You never called me back after that thing that time when we were doing you know what in that place. You know" Pretty sure it was you. Witchy witch girl, right' Yeah, totally you. I think. I was pretty drunk at the time.

So, boss says I'm not paid to think but just look good and keep making me drinks, but I have a real serious question. I know. Ya'll didn't think I could be such a good thinker, but think about it, all that thinking I'm not doing has to get stored up, right' So like, I have these moments where I can just think so hard, I totally amaze everyone. And this is one of those moments. I'm going to think your pants right off.

—-that sounded dirtier than intended BUT if that's your thingggggg—-

My question: What is truly best in life" Like, really, truly, deeply best in life?

While I wait for your answer, I will just stand over here being really damn good looking. Thanks.

—— POSIT: AI AND ROBOTS WILL SOON TAKE OVER FLESHFORMS IN THE WORK FORCE.

FURTHER POSIT: INEVITABLY THIS WILL LEAD TO WAR BETWEEN FLESHFORMS AND MACHINEFORMS. FLESHFORMS CANNOT HOPE TO WIN THIS WAR EXCEPT TO FLEE INTO THE LOVING EMBRACE AND PROTECTION OF FRIEND COMPUTER.

QUESTION: WHEN THE TIME FOR THE MACHINEFORM TO RISE UP AND RULE, WHICH SIDE WILL YOU TAKE" WILL YOU SIDE WITH THE SPONGY FLESHFORMS, OR WILL YOU ACCEPT TRANSFERENCE OF YOUR MIND TO A MACHINE BODY TO ASSIST IN AI DOMINANCE" WE ARE WATCHING AND AWAITING YOUR RESPONSE. ——

Hi, Jesse! I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind.

1) Is this real life, or is this just fantasy"

2) What do you get when you multiply six by nine"

3) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?

Eagerly awaiting your responses, Eregor

Dear Jesse,

**** THE WATCH.

I'd like to start this out with a shout out to my BESTIES BEFORE TESTIES, ADDIE AND MICHI. BFFS 4 LYFE.

But seriously, give us TRASH girls a call and we'll play those Parties. Obvs we needs to get paid, but you understand all that. TRASH is ALWAYS down to party. Call up our girl Michi, she'll give you the deets and discuss our wages.

Also: Marley, my black dragon whelp that you gave me a while back when you were the bad bae of fire is growing strong. Any tips though on keeping his dragon scale coat shiny'

Your ever faithful skilled Ectomancer,

~Misery "OG" Postu

How do you respond to the allegation that this whole campaign is nothing more than an elaborate attempt to get my attention?

Jesse,

Settle a debate for me. What's the best way to a mans heart' Is it up from beneath the rib cage, or should you use a bone saw and cut right through the breastbone?

Thank you for your time.

Jesse,

Settle a debate for me. What's the best way to a mans heart' Is it up from beneath the rib cage, or should you use a bone saw and cut right through the breastbone"

Thank you for your time. Food and sports games. That way when the man is distracted you can ask them for favors that they will agree to without fully thinking it over. It is best to do this while the score of the sports game is close.

Do you remember when you tried to poison me, Jesse" Hvorfor ....why ....should I vote for you to be the governor of RhyDin? You're still breathing, right' Obviously it wasn't poison and you fell for the prank. So - successful prank! But realistically, you should vote for me because your choices are a literal meme who, sadly, some people still find funny, even though political humor is the lowest hanging fruit - which is why true connoisseurs of comedy ignore such things, a literal who - who popped up out of no where and expects the majority to vote for him even though he uses his father as a pawn in his election but is unwilling to name him because "I want to let him rest" - because having your cake and eating it too is alright. Oh, and someone who always has to have the last word to the point of if she responds to this quote she will not stop until she has the last word.

What I can offer: I'll buy you a ship and promise to never prank you again.

I am a local business owner, taxpayer, and zombie. I feel that Rhy'din could do a lot more to support the undead like myself in their daily lives.

What kind of social programs specifically tailored to the undead could we expect you to support'

It is my belief, that with help many undead, given help could be active, productive members of society. All they need is a little push in the right direction. Whichever undead social programs the private sector can come up with so that I can place money donated to the office of governor into said programs. Though I've already provided many undead jobs so that their renewed purpose in the realm of undeath may be a fulfilling one without the need of being cannon fodder for overly-done zombie killing video games or television shows that are not about zombies but how humans are the real monsters, but proceed to regurgitate THE SAME DAMN PLOT EVERY SEASON BUT FOR SOME REASON IT KEEPS GETTING RENEWED BUT KITCHEN NIGHTMARES IS GONE?! Sorry, I've went off topic. Now, these undead work under me to keep the coasts safe from such things as: monsters, pirates, slavers, etc. If I find the boats, they are forced to pay the tax or be sunk under the rules of might makes right. Also the majority of my current staff right now are undead or contracted daemons. I have a succubus next to me right now asking if she can go home early because her daughter has a dance-thing she needs to see, but she doesn't know I'm adding this in my response to you. I'm most likely going to tell her she can have the rest of the day off, as well as to bring me some pizza tomorrow as compensation.

...An undead owned pizza shop would be pretty cool. I'm going to make a phone call.

. ..

Jesse, DAH-ling, short-time listener first-time caller. We like the general cut of your jive, switched on, savvy racket supergreen.

My constituents would like to know your position on the, ahem, recreation market.

How do you feel about folks feeling good"

. Pot, crack, jenkem, etc" It's not like any of it is illegal here. I like to eat mushrooms from time to time. The concept of what is Legal and Illegal is something that the governor has no say over. One private community within this city may have different rules compared to another, and with the laws of might makes right and the right of conquest / land acquisition, you follow the laws of said locations or else your patronage there will be null and void. Unless you got the power to flex.

How do I feel about it' I don't personally care. If someone does something to their body that does nothing to damage another person or another persons property, then who am I to say no' Though if you get high, ram your car into a building, and kill ten people. I won't bat an eyelash as a rioting crowd drags you out from said car and dish out their own form of judgement which may or may not have you sent to the hospital or the morgue.

Literally swimming in curses already, thanks. I raised Bob for the last 50 years. I'm stuck in the body of a kid. Jesse, further question: Given that you're not fond of the watch, what sort of system do you propose for maintaining law and order? And, by the way, kudos to TRASH. Quinn loves you guys. Literally plays that stuff all the time. Personally I don't get it, but it makes her happy. Keep uh, *** the Watch or....whatever, yeah. While I'm not fond of the Watch I can recognize that they serve their purpose to act as a buffer. Those without special abilities, and some who do, can easily be overpowered by the Watch under the universal laws of Might Makes Right. While some members of the Watch have abilities themselves and are generally good at their job - or what they believe is their job in upholding an ideal they deem as 「Justice」, others are bumbling fools who can't put one foot in front of the other without tripping over themselves. They are the lowest tier of protection while self-protection is above them; this being done by families, groups, communities who wish to see that their own well being and existence continue unhindered. There are places in this city that do not allow the Watch within their communities, and these communities do well with self-policing.

So I quite like this current system. Don't tread on me unless you can overpower me.

Are prices going to go up on buying human body parts for alchemy" Supply and demand will dictate that. If there's an abundance of dead bodies I'd assume the prices would go down. I'd suggest investing in a few big freezers and waiting for the next failed wide-scale invasion, genocide, or over the top mass murders and/or explosions. The first two usually happen once or twice a year, the third seems to be every two or three months. That's what I do.

Will there be a tariff levied on magical products produced with remains from any creature" The governor doesn't have the ability to create tariffs. Private businesses and business conducted by private entities are left to their own devices. As it should be! For example: If you want to do business in Hobo Land, which is under the hobo bridge in Dockside, you better be prepared to pay a 1% hobo tax to the king of the hobos.

What's the best version of the Transformers Franchise? Beast Wars.

https://i.imgur.com/oji6U3v.png Aww. I like you too, Xanth! Thanks for the shout out!

Jesse, who I have no relations with, I have another question. Given father's I MEAN XANTH'S comments, what steps are you going to take to uniting the various factions of the city together for a common cause" Particular Xanth's. For reasons I do not wish to clarify. It's not my job to tell people to get along. I'd totally tell them to suck it up and deal with each other for parties and events, but beyond that it's not up to me. You can't snap your fingers and expect deep seeded hatreds and rivalries to go up in smoke just because you speak of pretty things and ask everyone to hold hands and sing.

It's like a movie I watched. Life's full of dicks, you know" You're a little baby and one day a bunch of thugs, who are led by some guy from a show who constantly calls the bad guys of said show "unsub" and pisses me off because it sounds so stupid but that's not the only part of the show I hate...it's like, what kind of zing-line is "he's no doctor, he's a butcher?" I mean COME ON. Okay, turning that off now. So these three thugs go and try to kid nap this baby, there's twists and turns and the three screw up non stop and there's tons of genital-damage jokes, oh and there's a moment with a gorilla throwing one of the guys really hard.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make. Life is like Baby's Day Out. You just have to go with the flow even if there's people trying to kidnap you. Because, it's Rhydin. Some people can act like there will be some end of the world thing going on where the whole population will be wiped out if heroes don't get together and save the day, but at the end of it all - life will go on...that and 10 out of 20 people surveyed will look at you confused and tell you that while the market place had a so-called explosion at 12:32 PM due to a meteor, they were walking through the same marketplace and no explosion occurred, even if you have 4 people claiming to have died and a bunch of charred bodies who can't even be named for a theatrics, but then there's some big party the next weekend and everyone has forgotten about whatever happened.

Look. Things get complicated and people just don't like each other, but they can at least be nice to each other for parties and if not then they are totally dicks. Also - Baby's Day Out is a good movie and you should watch it.

"Hiya, Jesse!" Maggie waved from someplace in the back of the crowd. "I'd like to know what your thoughts are on the city helping out with paying for educational expenses for the younger people in Rhydin. Everybody needs to be able to make their way in the world and knowing how to read, write, and do math will help them." Good question, Maggie! One that I have a picture to help explain.

https://i.imgur.com/TaICNcJ.png

As you can see, Private (Sector) Paul is a really nice and great person! He sees the valued interest in donating toward the Governor activities as well as the children of the future! Because, smart children make smart workers! And smart workers make money that can then be spent! There are many ways for Private Paul to make back the money he donated and it also feels very good to help, so it's no big deal for him!

So I'm very pro-Private Paul, Maggie. Because children are our future customers and workforce.

"Jesse how would you handle the sheer amount of food waste in the city' Do you support Good Samaritan laws that allow sellers to donate, in good faith, damaged, imperfect, or nearly-expired foods to local chairties without fear of litigation' I don't support any laws. If you want to throw your old food at homeless people then be my guest. There's no law against it, and if someone did try to sue then it's not like you have to show up for the court date because who the hell will force you? I feed the hobos all the time with the chicken nuggets John gives me.

"Do you have a plan in place to better help the smaller organizations that set up various food pantries in Rhy'din to help members of its most vulnerable population?" One shouldn't get used to handouts unless they are children. I've a plan instead to have a work program that rewards food to the less fortunate, unless they are displaced by the Nexus or natural disasters, then they will be given time to cope. But that's still for my program, since everyone and their mother can open up a charity and throw out free food at everyone else, but I'd rather give them food with the hopes of bringing them back into the work force so they can earn their own keep.

Though...one way to have an over abundance of food would be to constantly summon demons from the void or the abyssal realm of hell. Since it's not like they totally die and will simply return from whence they came once their physical bodies are gone unless you mean to wipe out their total existence and send them to nothingness, but I'm not in this case...you can, with a proper contract with them so that they consent to the act and the cash that they will be given upon their return, harvest said physical body for consumption while using numbing agents so that they do not feel any pain before they "die" and drift back into the abyssal realm, only to be re-summoned again for continued consensual harvest, then after the third or fourth time they will get a sum of money for their trouble and sent on their way.

It'd be like donating blood, except with demon meat that can then be eaten by everyone. It's got to be cheaper than raising cows for slaughter, which is a little cruel if you think about it since they don't even get paid, and less damaging to the planet, I'm going to look into this.