Topic: Just When I Needed You Most (AU/Possible Future)

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-07-21 06:44 EST
((Follows on from At The End Of The Day.)) ____________________

June, 2012

"What do you mean, you don't know what they are?"

Nim flashed a glare at Apollo via the rearview mirror, daring only a second or two of taking her eyes off the road ahead. It was a bad decision, as it had been every time she'd done so in the last half hour. Somehow, each time she took her eyes off the road ahead, those things took advantage of her lapse, appearing in front of them, trying to block their escape. They'd already forced her off the approach to the main road with this tactic, and now ....She swerved hard to avoid hitting the three red-eyed humanoids who had spun into being in front of the Impala, cursing loudly as the car's right wheels spun off the road for a moment before finding grip once again.

In the back seat, Apollo was holding on for dear life. It appeared as though he hadn't fully experienced the wildness of a car ride like this one before. "They are not something I have encountered before," he explained, twisting to look behind them, watching as the creatures faded from view well before they were out of sight. "And they were not what I left you to investigate."

"Oh, of course," Nim snorted, scowling into the darkness illuminated only by the Impala's headlights. "You'd better be able to tell me where Dean is, or you're walking."

"The weapon used was a rib of Chronus," the god said, after a long moment of staring at the back of her head in what might have been incredulity. "I was able to determine that Dean Winchester has been sent forward in time, though I have no ability myself to reach ahead and bring him back, nor to send you to him. He is resourceful. He will return."

"And what happens if he returns to that damned motel?" Nim snapped angrily. "You know, the one I just cleared out of weapons and clothes, and left a dead body inside" How the hell am I going to know where he is?"

"I believe he will return to you, Nimue, not merely to this timeline," Apollo said calmly. "If he is brave enough to dare contact with the end of all things, he may even return to you this night."

Nim clenched her teeth, listening to them squeak as she ground them together. "Well, just so long as he's not cut down by Hades' little friends when he does get here, that'll be just dandy, won't it?"

There was a pregnant pause. "What makes you believe it is Hades behind all this?"

She rolled her eyes, offended. "Look, I get that you're a god and all, but I'm not stupid," was her caustic reply as she took the next turning north, still trying to find a way across the river, hoping to reach Blair or even Fremont sometime soon. The red-eyed things were ahead and behind them now, somehow keeping level with the car through these back roads, and she had a nasty suspicion that she was being herded somewhere. "I know my mythology, I know how the power over humanity was split between Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, and combining that with the fact that these things are possessing dead bodies just confirms that the betrayal you've been talking about is all Hades, or Pluto, or whatever he's calling himself."

"I confess, I am impressed," Apollo commented mildly. "I had not expected you to make the connection so soon."

"Oh yeah, because that's not insulting at all, is it?"

A mass of darkness at the furthest reach of her gaze ahead suddenly had her slamming on the brakes. There, blocking the road, were dozens of Hades' minions, walking together with slow, inexorable steps toward the hunter's vehicle. Nim's fingers flexed on the wheel, her gaze flickering around at the evenly planted fields on either side of her. There, off to her far left, she could see a building ....probably long abandoned, but still standing. It would have to do.

Slamming the Impala into drive once again, she heaved on the wheel, turning off the road to plunge headlong through the fields themselves, toward the vague promise of some kind of sanctuary. They wanted a stand up fight' Then she was going to give them one, and hope like hell daylight would send them packing.

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-07-21 06:48 EST
January, 2016

Dean sat at the desk in the study, flipping through pages of his future self's journal, searching the various entries for anything regarding a possible summoning spell while he sipped a hot cup of coffee - his third of the evening. He started at the last entries and worked his way back, scribbling down possible supplies he was going to need to work the spell, some of them a little obscure. This went on for several hours as he compared entries in the journal to notes in Bobby's spellbook and other ancient tomes of lore and legend, leaning his head against a hand and idly tapping a pencil against the desk thoughtfully. "Do we have any fulgurite?" he asked, remembering how he'd needed it for the binding spell, but unsure if they'd need it for a simple summoning.

Nimue frowned thoughtfully from where she had ensconced herself on the other side of the desk, flicking through a couple of other journals that had been written by herself and her Dean over the years, detailing spells and components they had gathered together into their store. "I think so," she mused thoughtfully, catching her pen between her teeth as she flicked the pages in search of the right entry. "Yeah, here it is ....Fulgurites, seven. We used two a while back - there should be five down there. How many do you need?"

"Just one," he replied, wondering how the hell they'd managed to acquire seven of the things, which were pretty rare. But then, a lot had changed in four years, most of which came as a surprise and even a shock. "I was thinking..." he started as he lifted his head from the tome he was most recently looking over. "Assuming I went to hell, I've died three times in this world. Who knows how many more" I've cheated Death more times than I can count. That's got to gall him, don't you think?"

Very slowly, her dark eyes rose to meet his, startlingly stern. "You'd better not be going in the direction I think you're going with this," she warned him quietly. "I told you ....you're not paying for anything with any part of yourself." Her expression suggested that she was not above extending this conversation into a full-blown fight if he didn't reassure her pretty damn quick.

"That's not what I mean," he said, meeting her gaze, however stern. He leaned back in the chair, fiddling with the pencil in his hand while he tried to explain. "What I mean is, if we make the spell personal, if he knows it's me who's summoning him, he might be more likely to answer the call."

The sternness smoothed away at this, Nimue's determination to get him back to his own time in one piece assuaged by this response. She nodded slowly, her thoughts turning to follow the same track as his. "You mean blood," she said quietly. "And if you add your blood to the ritual, it won't declare itself as coming from this house. Just from you."

"Yeah, something like that." He leaned forward again, tapping his pencil thoughtfully against the desk a moment, looking over what he'd scribbled down. "What do you think of that?" he asked, as he turned the journal toward her and slid it across the desk to show her what he'd come up with. In the end, it was a fairly simple spell, with a few specific ingredients, including the blood of the summoner.

The thoughtful frown that touched her face as she looked down at the journal, taking it up in one hand, betrayed that this Nimue knew a lot more about spells and components than her younger self could possibly boast at this point in Dean's life. Tapping the pen against her cheek, she scanned the list of ingredients with a shrewd eye. "Well ....I'd switch out the belladonna for monkshood, and add primrose or marigold, but ..." Her eyes rose to meet his as she nodded, impressed. "That should work."

"Monkshood, right. That should work." He reached for the journal to make the suggested corrections, erasing part of what he'd written and pencilling in the changes. "You realize this doesn't guarantee he'll stay long enough to listen to what we have to say. It just gets him here. That's all. I'm not sure we want to bind him or trap him. It would just piss him off. Maybe if we invite him here as a guest, offer him a nice meal, he'll stick around long enough for us to state our case."

"You're right," she agreed, letting out a reluctant sigh. "As much as I don't want Death in the same house as our son, you are right about him. He'll only take us if it's our time, or if we piss him off. You're sure about the meal idea" The Grim Reaper likes pizza?"

Dean smiled a little as he recalled his first meeting with Death in Chicago that same year Jo had died, just before Sam had said yes to Lucifer. It had been Death who'd given them the key to trapping Lucifer, along with the plan. As that thought came to mind, Dean realized something else. He'd never met Death in this world; if he had, he and Sam might not have ending up killing each other. The smile faded as he considered this a moment, before returning to her question. "Yeah, Chicago style. The first time I met him was in a pizzeria."

"Chicago style, huh?" Nimue's face softened in that way that heralded a smile that wasn't showing itself openly. "At least we know I can make that. And it gives me something to do with Sam in the morning while you're setting up downstairs. I don't want him too involved, but I'm not letting him out of my sight while we're doing this."

Dean's expression turned serious, not really liking the thought of their son witnessing a summoning, especially if blood was involved. "I don't want him to see me do this, Nim. It's not gonna be pretty."

"He won't see it," she told him firmly, shaking her head. "He's a good kid, he knows what to do. And he trusts us. I spent three months teaching him to keep his head under the covers no matter what he hears. If I tell him not to look, he won't look. Trust me."

He still didn't like it, but he didn't like the idea of his son being left alone while his parents had a chat with Death either. He'd thought about suggesting that she and Sammy lock themselves in the panic room while he performed the spell and had his little talk with Death, but he had a feeling she'd balk at that. "Just make sure to keep him in the circle, no matter what happens," he warned, knowing she most likely knew this already.

The look she gave him was one that could possibly be described as 'old-fashioned', though it did also promise that if he kept telling her to do things that were blatantly obvious, she was going to start talking back. "Everything on that list is in the rooms downstairs," she told him, avoiding engaging on this subject. "Do you wanna invite Death into the kitchen to eat, or are we setting up a table in the basement?"

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-07-21 06:52 EST
Dean had to stifle a shudder at the thought of allowing Death to take a tour of their home - the home Nim shared with their son. "No, I think we should stay downstairs. The food is just a peace offering anyway. I'm not even sure if he'll eat it. You and Sam should stay in the circle. I'll deal with Death."

"Just make sure you stay in sight," she told him quietly. "If you take Death someplace else, I will walk out of that circle. I know I can't convince you to stay in the circle with us, but you stay in sight. You hear me?"

"If we go anywhere, it will be Death's doing, not mine," he replied, frowning thoughtfully as he looked back at the journal laying open before him. "There's one thing that's bugging me. Where's Zeus figure into all this" Doesn't he give a sh*t what?s going on or is he a deadbeat father, too' And how did Hades get the upper hand?"

He hadn't had time to read through the entire journal or even the summation Nim had written regarding the four years that had led up to his arrival in this time. "If Death does send me back, what am I supposed to do when I get there?" He thought it might be better if he knew what to expect ahead of time, rather than trying to sort it out after he arrived.

"I don't know exactly what happened, all right?" Nimue shook her head, her fingers curling into her hair as she settled back in her seat. "We never really found out. Just that Zeus' allies were going missing, just like Artemis and Apollo eventually did. And the more of them disappeared, or switched sides, the stronger he got. But nothing compared with the power jolt he got when demons started to bow down to him. I don't know what he did, how he managed it, but he seemed to subvert Hell and Heaven themselves. They don't exist anymore; they're just facets of Hades' Underworld ....Tartarus and the Elysian Fields. But demons have no access to Tartarus, and as far as I know, angels are hiding as humans on Earth. Everyone who goes to the Underworld ends up under his control." She let out a low, harsh sigh, licking her lips awkwardly. "And no one knows exactly how it happened. Maybe Death can tell you that."

Dean never thought the day would come when he would be disturbed to learn that demons were no longer in control of Hell, that Heaven and Hell no longer existed, that angels walked the Earth in fear of Hades and his legions. Crowley, Meg, Raphael, Balthazar....What had happened to them' Were they dead" Would Nimue even recognize those names, were he to ask" "Someone has to know," he mulled quietly, mostly to himself. Maybe calling up Death would serve more purpose than just sending himself back to his own time.

"If we'd known, if we'd even suspected where the point of no return was, you know we'd have tried to stop it," she told him in a low, fervent tone, but it was clear in her face, in her voice, that she felt the guilt for missing that all important moment. If only they'd seen what was happening, they might have prevented all of this. "You're right, this isn't living. As it stands, all I can do is bring up our children to be able to defend themselves in a world that's a living hell. I don't want that for our kids, for anyone's kids. There's gotta be a way to change this."

Dean reached across the desk for her hand, as if the distance between them was too great, partly to offer reassurance and comfort and partly just because he loved her. "We're going to change it, Nim," he promised, looking as determined as he sounded. He refused to believe this wasn't going to work. Not even Death could be that cruel.

"Good." Her fingers twisted through his, squeezing tightly, her eyes locked on his in a strange mix of trust and concern, and yes, there was a fondness in her gaze that couldn't be suppressed. She wasn't fighting against having him nearby, not after today. "We can't do anything more tonight, can we?"

He locked his fingers with hers, even as they locked eyes, shrugging his shoulders noncommitally, unsure how to answer, unsure what she wanted from him, if anything at all, other than fixing the mess it seemed he'd made of things. "You should get some rest. I'm going to do a little more reading," he told her, giving her an out, if she wanted it, not wanting to force himself on her or make her feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything she didn't want to do.

He thought it ironic how he'd once given her the "Last Night on Earth" speech, and she'd shot him down, and now that it was most likely the last night they had together before he tried to return to the Nimue of the past, he was reluctant to point it out, wanting more from her than a simple roll in the hay.

She held his gaze for a long moment, her thumb rubbing up and down over his knuckle, unable to deny that there was something she wanted. Something she was loath to ask for. Like Dean, she didn't want to put pressure on him, to push for something he wasn't happy to give. But she couldn't just leave it at that. "You know, if this works ....you'll be gone," she said softly, feeling her way through her words as she spoke them. "And I really won't see you ever again." She hesitated, her mouth working without sound for a moment before she tried again.

"Would you ....I mean, I ..." Chickening out, she shook her head, her cheeks flushing in longing embarrassment. "Never mind, I shouldn't even be thinking of asking."

"Are you giving me the Last Night on Earth speech, Nim?" he asked, smiling a little ruefully as he watched her from across the desk. "I gave you that speech once. You shot me down. Told me you wanted to keep your self-respect. But that was before..." Before what? Before she became Nim' Before they fell in love" Before they got married" Before the world went to hell" "You're going to see me again. We're going to get married and have kids, and they're going to know what it is to walk in the sunlight. I promise."

"I know." She nodded, one hand rising to tuck her hair behind her ear, her smile forced to try and disguise the sense of rejection. She knew all about that Last Night on Earth moment between them; he had told her plenty of times in the past. She just hadn't realized that he'd shoot her down if she tried to turn the tables.

"It's just been a long time since I felt -" Nimue cut herself off before the shake in her voice could betray the wish for tears, gently pulling her hand out of his grip. He didn't need to know how much his being there meant to her, even if it couldn't last. "I shouldn't be distracting you, I'm sorry." She rose to her feet, laying the journals down on the table quietly.

He moved to his feet as she did, reaching to catch hold of her hand before she could leave, sensing the turmoil in her, the desire to keep him here with her, if she could. He pulled her toward him, brushing her hair back from her face, trailing a caress of fingers against her cheek. "Don't do this to yourself," he told her softly, gentling his voice more than he had since he'd arrived here. "I'm not leaving you. I'm going back to you." He searched her eyes for something that might help guide him, tell him what to do. Should he follow his heart or follow his head?

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-07-21 06:56 EST
Drawn close, it was a moment longer before she dared to lift her eyes to his, hating herself for the wetness that lingered there, for showing him the conflict warring in her heart. She wanted one night for herself, just as Sammy had had one day, and yet ....it was such a selfish thing to ask for when more than just her peace of mind rested on the success of his venture the next day.

"But you won't be here," she said reluctantly. "I'm sorry - I know if it all works that none of this will have happened, and I won't have to miss you at all, but ..." Her head ducked forward, trying to hide from him once again, not wanting to hurt him with her own selfish desires. "Today ....it's been wonderful. It felt like we were a family again, I felt loved again. And I haven't had that in a long time."

He listened quietly, his heart aching with love and longing. It wasn't so much about the desires of the flesh, though there was that; it was about sharing and connecting. It was about two hearts and bodies and souls coming together to form the most sacred union between a man and a woman. It was about giving something of yourself and receiving so much in return. He wrapped her in his embrace, content to hold her close, realizing that he was not only holding her, but the small life she carried inside her, and he felt a yearning deep inside, like a knife piercing his heart. He lowered his head to rest against hers, his voice soft as a whisper. "You know, I....I never told anyone I loved them before. Not since I was a boy."

A soft sob escaped, muffled into his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her, as her hands rose to cling to his back, forcing herself not to give into the self-pitying sadness all over again as she listened to him whisper to her. Her lips curved faintly, surprised and touch deeply all at once. "You told me every day," she whispered back to him. "Not always with the words. But a thousand little ways ....I always felt loved."

No, he hadn't even told Sam - perhaps, his one regret. The only other person who'd ever heard those words from him was his mother. He held her close, fingers stroking her hair, feeling her heart beat close to his, her breath at his neck, her life and her future in his hands. It was up to him now to save her or damn her to a life of hell on earth. The knowledge, realization, and depth of the love her felt for her astounded even him. He'd never felt this way about anyone before who wasn't his own flesh and blood, not even Lisa and Ben.

He knew they only had one more night together in this time and place, and even though he knew if he succeeded, none of this would matter, none of it would even happen, but somehow he wanted - needed - for this last night to be special, something for her to remember him by. "No matter what happens, I'll always love you," he told her quietly, probably reminiscent of whatever his future self had said to her before he'd sacrificed himself to try and make things right.

She felt everything he felt in those moments and one thing more ....Nimue felt their child moving between them as tears dripped from her lashes, a watery expression of the loving regret she, too, felt. "I've been so angry with you for so long," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper still as she clung to him. "I couldn't believe you would just leave us like that. I know why, I know it made sense to you at the time, but I couldn't forgive you for it." Her head tipped back, wet eyes seeking his as she let out a low sigh. "I'm so tired of being angry and hurting. I just want everything to feel the way it did, just for one night."

He felt that old familiar grief and guilt weighing heavily against his heart once again, though it wasn't him who'd made that decision, who'd made that mistake, and if all went well, it never would be. He saw the tears in her eyes, so genuine and so rare, piercing his heart like a knife. He lifted a hand to brush his fingers against her cheek, in wonder of the tears that she was crying because of him, not wanting to cause her any pain ever again. "Please don't cry. You don't have to be angry anymore. I'm never going to leave you again. I promise."

"Just once more," she corrected him quietly, her smile as genuine as the tears as her own hand rose to curl against his cheek. "I only have to watch you leave once more, and then everything will be the way it should be." And I will believe that until the day I die, no matter what happens after tomorrow. "Don't make promises you can't keep, baby, however much you want to. You're not a liar." Rising up onto her toes, she touched her nose to his, nuzzling lovingly as her dark gaze burned into his, taking the same chance she had taken on that first morning he'd woken in this reality. Just one kiss ....and if that was all it was, she would be content with it.

He opened his mouth to disagree with her, to tell her how his promise was genuine, how by returning to the past he was keeping that promise, but she cut him off as her lips touched his. Just one kiss, but a kiss that set off a flare of emotion burning inside him. One kiss that silently told her all he was feeling, one kiss that might end in itself or that might spark something further. In that moment, he wanted the same thing that she did - he wanted to remember and rekindle the love he'd felt between them, but not just for one night. This night was only the first of many to come. He had to believe it; otherwise, there was no point in living.

He returned her kiss, softly, gently at first, wanting to draw it out, to linger in it, to hold her close for as long as he could. After a long moment, he reluctantly drew his lips from hers, leaning his forehead gently against hers. He wasn't very good with words. He wasn't one for flowery speeches, but he knew what he wanted, and he thought she wanted the same.

"I want to hold you," he told her simply. No more, no less. Just to be close. If that was all she wanted to give him, it was enough. He wanted to fall asleep in her arms, with their child moving between them. Dean brushed a thumb against her cheek, gently, lovingly, his eyes soft and warm with longing. "One more night."

I want more. But she wouldn't say it. The words felt selfish even in her own mind, and she knew she was lucky that he was even comfortable to touch her. Despite knowing that she and the woman left behind him were one and the same, she was still a woman he knew very little about. He had no memory of the night they had made the child stirring in her womb, or any of the defining moments of the last four years. And she wouldn't force anything on him.

"One more night," she agreed, her own voice echoing the tender warmth in her eyes as she gazed up at him. One more night to be his wife, to make her peace and say goodbye. One more night, before everything changed all over again.

((Confused yet' :grin: Thankity thanks to Deano!))