Topic: The Sorrow of Joy (AU)

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-10-09 16:19 EST
A hunter's funeral was a solemn occasion. There were no official words, no blessings to send the soul off into the dark night beyond death. Hunters knew what was waiting for them. The pyre was just a way to be certain that their friends, their family, could not be used by the darkness that resided here on Earth. There were never many people at a hunter's funeral, but tonight, Bill Harvelle became a rare exception to that rule. He was honored by presence of not only his friends, but by his friends' family, too, and though he had no family to speak of, there was one person there who could perhaps claim that honor.

Firelight flickered in through the upstairs window, illuminating the darkness of the room where Dean and Nim had lain unconscious and recuperating for most of the day. It stroked, golden and dappling, over Nim's face as she stood at that window, looking down at the sad scene, her arms wrapped about herself in quiet regret. The flames had already been burning when she woke, and so she had chosen to just stand here and say her goodbyes, to make her peace with the man who had given his life defending hers, and hope that they could make his death worthwhile in the battles that were to come.

Dean had slept like the dead for most of the day, recuperating from pain and exhaustion. There had been no celebration following the wedding, no toast, no feast, no drinking, no dancing. A day that had begun with a wedding was ending with a funeral, and Dean did not yet even know that anyone had died. He was slow to wake, not long after Nimue had left the bed, as if somehow sensing she was no longer there, eyes opening slowly to find the room lit by what appeared to be flickering flames outside the window. An umistakeable silhouette stood near that window, and Dean's heart suddenly thumped in alarm. Fire had never been one of his favorite things, always associated with death, ever since he was four. "Nim?" he asked from the bed, shoving a hand through his hair as he pushed himself up to peer over at her in the darkness.

She drew her eyes slowly from the pyre outside, somehow knowing without needing to ask that the other hunters would hold vigil over the burning embers until Bill was well and truly gone. A faint smile, not quite without mirth but sadder than any Dean had seen from her, touched her lips, darkening her eyes in the flickering illumination from below. "Hey, baby," she murmured, holding out a hand to him. "I didn't want to wake you."

He didn't have to ask what was going on outside. He'd seen enough death to know they weren't just roasting marshmallows over a bonfire out there. His heart sunk at the look on her face, sensing the sadness in her even from clear across the room. Everything had happened so fast. Who had died" Was it Brian' Had everything they'd tried to do been in vain" What was the point of knowing what would happen if it couldn't be changed" "Who?" he asked, as he threw the covers off and climbed out of bed to go to her side.

Her eyes turned back to the flickering pyre outside as he rose from the bed, quiet and sorrowful and tortured with guilt. "Bill," she told him softly, in enough pain to feel the loss but grateful she hadn't grown attached to the hunter. That would have been too cruel. "He saved my life, and this is what it got him." The unspoken comment was loud and clear. This is my fault.

Dean felt like he'd been kicked in gut at the news that Bill had been killed, yet at the same time, he felt a sense of relief that it hadn't been Ellen or Bobby or Brian. A life was still a life, however, and each life was as valuable as another. It struck Dean as ironic how they'd initially tried to prevent Bill from being killed but had ended up with the same outcome, despite their efforts. Dean sensed the guilt in her voice and the sorrow. Though Nim hadn't known him very well, the part of her that was Jo had loved him and now had to mourn him all over again.

"I'm sorry, baby," Dean said as he went to her side, taking her hand and pulling her toward him to hold her close. He hadn't seen what had happened to Bill in the church, how he'd given his life to save Nim, and he felt a deep sense of guilt and grief at the man's death, but he knew that was not what Nim wanted to hear right now or needed. What she needed was for him to be there for her, to comfort and console her and try to make Bill's death in some way meaningful and not senseless.

She turned easily into him, only too happy to hold and be held, to keep the guilt and grief at bay just a little while longer. Her face pressed into his chest as she breathed him in, looping her arms about his waist to console him as he consoled her. It wasn't anyone's fault, truly, and they both knew it, but that wouldn't keep the guilt from falling on both of them as the days rolled onward. She tipped her head finally, resting her cheek over Dean's heart as her dark eyes turned once again to the scene outside.

"He took out an Alpha with just a machete," she murmured softly, honoring the death by telling the tale as calmly as she could. "I didn't even see it, really. He just appeared out of nowhere, and suddenly the Alpha that had its hands on my throat was headless. He helped me up on my feet, made sure I was okay. I didn't see it coming. Just ....one minute he was there, smiling and looking smug, and the next his throat was wide open." She shook her head, her arms tightening around her husband. "I took my eye off the ball, and it got him killed."

Dean listened quietly as she said what she needed to say, just holding her close as she told the tale, stroking her hair, doing his best to comfort her in her time of grief. He knew how much Bill had meant to the Jo he'd known back home, and even if she wasn't his daughter in this place, he was still her father. "He was a hero," Dean said quietly, just as his own father had been a hero, sacrificing his own life so that Dean lived. It had never occurred to Dean until that very moment just what that sacrifice had meant. He'd always felt guilty that his own father had made that choice for him, but he suddenly seemed to understand it, knowing if it had been Sam or Hope, he'd have done the same thing in a heartbeat. "It's not your fault." If it was anyone's fault, Dean thought it was his. He should have stuck to Nim like glue, protected her, instead of going after the Alpha alone.

"It's not yours, either," she murmured softly. Though the grief was there, it felt detached, far away, as though some part of her she couldn't reach or touch was feeling it to spare her the immediacy of that pain. "It's Hades', and whoever Sam and Hope came back to deal with. We owe them so much, Dean. They didn't just save us, they saved our family. All of our family."

"They're real then," he murmured, half wondering if they'd been part of some strange dream or some half conscious hallucination. He sighed a little as he held her close, glancing toward the window. "We should pay our respects," he told her quietly, unsure if they should go down there or Bill would mind if they paid their respects from the privacy of the window. It was a hell of a way to celebrate a wedding, but at least, Hades had failed in stopping that, and Dean felt a debt of gratitude toward the man who was Jo's father. If it wasn't for him, he might already be a widower.

"I don't want to go down there," Nim whispered guiltily. "I can't face the others, not knowing that he wouldn't have died if it hadn't been for me. Not yet." Not to mention the fact that she genuinely couldn't get her head around the fact that the child growing in her womb was also walking and talking, had a younger sister for a shadow, and apparently just turned twenty-one. "I'm sorry ....You go down. I'll just - I'm staying here tonight."

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-10-09 16:22 EST
Dean pulled away from her just far enough to lay his hands on her shoulders and look her pointedly in the eyes. "Listen to me, Nim. He didn't die because of you, okay' You said it yourself. It was Hades, not you. He made his choice. He knew what he was doing. We all made our own choices. We all knew what could happen. Every hunter knows that today could be their last day, but you don't let it stop you from living because once you do that, there's no point anymore. Do you understand?" he asked, gentling his voice, trying to make her understand without being too harsh.

She looked up at him, small and fragile in the flickering firelight from below, looking nothing like the capable hunter she was. For once, she looked young and vulnerable, ageless in the golden glow of the fire, and if he let his gaze wander just a little down her almost too slender body, he would be able to see the tiny, almost imperceptible swell at her waist beneath the cling of her tank. "I understand," she promised him in a soft voice, dark eyes clear as she turned his firm insistence back on him. "Do you?"

Dean hesitated a moment to think about that, really think. If they had a chance to do it all over again, would things be different' He wasn't sure. What was done was done, and there was no doing it over. Not this time. "We're fighting a war, Nim. There are bound to be some casualties. Do I wish things could be different' Yeah. Do I think we could have done things better" Absolutely. But Bill knew what he was doing. He knew the risk and he accepted it." He drew her close and pressed a kiss against her forehead, protective and loving, his thoughts turning toward his own father again and the ironic fact that both their fathers had sacrificed their lives to save their children.

She nodded as he drew her in, her eyes closing as his lips found her forehead, understanding everything he said. But nothing could take away one sense of guilt, one thing that was irrational and yet completely reasonable all at once. "I feel like I sacrificed Bill to save Brian," she confessed in a tiny voice, squeezing her arms around Dean. "You can't tell me that's right."

He frowned sadly, holding her close, glad she couldn't see the guilt and the grief that was written all over his face. What was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives had turned to tragedy. "You didn't know. We didn't know. No one could have known." Despite his reassuring words of comfort, he was feeling his own sense of guilt, wondering if they'd done the right thing, after all.

Nim was silent for a long time, pressed close into his embrace, acutely aware of the unfamiliar weight of silver enclosing her ring finger. She'd thought that being married would feel different, somehow, but perhaps it was overshadowed by the many shocks and griefs of the day. But despite the hurt and loss, there were good things that had come out of the battle in the church, things they could cling to in the darkness. "You think Ellen'll mind if I whup her to town and back for not telling me I'm pregnant?"

He smiled. Despite the grief and the tragedy, there were some good things that had come out of it, and Dean at least knew that Bill had gone to a better place, like so many others before him. "I think she'd rather you gave her a hug. You're gonna make her a grandma." We're gonna make her a grandma, Dean thought. "We're gonna have a baby," he said quietly, in a bit of wonder. The proof was standing right outside the window in the form of a son and daughter.

She chuckled, a short huff of breath that promised the grief was waning for now. "And just think," she teased softly, squeezing her arms around his waist, "the poor little bastard's gonna look just like you." She tipped her head back to look up at her husband, her lips quirking into a smile that was not unlike the smile their daughter habitually wore.

Dean huffed right back, a short chuckle that wasn't as full of mirth as it might have been, given the circumstances, but he was doing his best. "Poor him. Probably has trouble getting dates." He looked into her eyes, and felt his his heart swell, like he was looking at her for the first time and falling in love all over again. "I love you, you know," he told her, the words getting easier and easier to say as time went on.

She held his gaze for a long moment, forcing herself to push aside the grief for tonight as she rose slowly up onto her toes, touching her lips tenderly but oh-so-lightly to his. "I love you back," she answered him in kind, heartfelt and sincere, knowing how much those words meant to him. There was a pause as she gazed up at him, fathomless dark of her eyes reflecting his face back to him in the silence. "I guess I'm gonna have to get used to being a Winchester."

There had been a time when Dean had been convinced that being a Winchester was a curse, but now he wasn't so sure. He'd been given the gift of a second chance, and he wasn't about to waste it. He brushed his fingers against her cheek in a tender, loving caress as her lips touched his, looking back into her lovely, dark eyes. "Too late to back out now. Guess you're stuck with me," he told her, as he brushed her hair back from her face.

"Mmm, whatever am I going to do?" she teased impishly, smiling back at him as his fingers attempted to tame her hair out of her face. "Maybe I should take lessons from Ellen on how to be a wife, whaddya think?" It was a funny thought, especially given how imperious the older woman was with her own husband. Bobby never seemed to stand a chance when she started in on him, and yet somehow their marriage still worked as a joining of equals.

"I think you'll do just fine in your own." In fact, he knew so, He'd seen the future, after all. He'd seen how tender and loving she was with Sam, yet possessing an inner strength she probably wasn't even aware of. As much as Dean wanted to pay his respects to Bill, there was too much death, too much sadness there. He'd pay his respects in his own way, privately and alone. Bill would understand. "Come back to bed," he told her quietly, tenderly stroking her face. It wasn't because he wanted to rob her of the chance to grieve, but that he wanted to save her from the misery.

She didn't resist, allowing herself to be drawn away from the darkness of the soul that was grief and loss. She could finish her farewells another time for the man who had saved her life and consequently the life of her son, only too willing to be enveloped in the tenderness of her husband's arms and held safe away from the world for a few hours. "Your faith in me is disturbing sometimes, you know that?" she murmured in a wry tone, but there was a tilt to her mouth and brows that proved the lightness returning to her under his affectionate caresses.

He drew her gently by the hand back toward their bed, away from the darkness and finality of death. Their life together was just starting, and he didn't want their first night together to be overshadowed by grief and sadness. There would be time for that later. "Yeah, well....I've seen future you, and you're pretty awesome." He drew back the covers and slid back into bed, pulling her along with him, wanting nothing more than to hold her for a few hours longer.

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-10-09 16:28 EST
She couldn't help a soft laugh at that, crawling after him onto the bed to take up her accustomed place close in against his side, reaching down to draw the covers to the line of their waists as she propped herself on one elbow to look down at him. "You make me sound like some kind of super-mom in three years' time," she smiled, part of her wishing she'd thought to close the crack in the curtains before moving away from the window. Her smile took on a faintly delighted note. "But I won't have to be, will I?" she pointed out belatedly. "Because you'll be there."

He settled himself against the pillows as she climbed him after him and drew the covers up over them. Smiling a little, he lifted a hand to brush a thumb against her cheek, just wanting to touch her, memorize her face, let her know that he was there for her and always would be, so long as he lived. It's what he'd promised not hours before, wasn't it' To have and to hold 'til death do us part. "Yeah, I'll be there," he told her. "If Ellen and Bobby can do it, so can we."

The play of her own fingers against his jaw betrayed a similar wish to memorise and reassure, the pad of her thumb drawing tenderly over his lower lip as she gazed down into his eyes. "We're gonna have to think about a place to live, to bring our kids up," she mused softly, though admittedly the thought of having a fixed abode anywhere with children was still just a little too surreal and beyond reality for her to grasp as a concept just yet.

"We're gonna have our own house someday." He knew it was true; he'd seen it with his own eyes, and it was all there in the journal. "You know..." he started as he met her gaze, feeling hopeful despite Bill's death. "Those kids out there are proof that we're gonna make it, that we're gonna succeed." Of course, he didn't yet know what future their children had come from, but the mere fact that they had children who were nearly adults gave him hope that they must have changed things for the better.

Nim's smile softened tenderly. "You know, those kids aren't much younger than your sister right now," she reminded him playfully. "Although one of them is also in here ..." She took his hand, shifting a little further onto her side to touch his fingers to her relatively flat belly. She gave Dean speculative look. "You think I could get away with grounding the big him for making me constantly nauseous now?"

He watched as she drew his hand toward the place where their son was growing inside her, feeling an odd sense of wonder and excitement, different from the wonder he'd felt in the future. The future, no matter how real it had felt, was fluid and changeable; this was all too real. They really were married, and they really were having a baby. It wasn't just a dream or an illusion. It was really happening. He smiled as a thought came to mind. "Only if I can get away with grounding your daughter for calling me hot."

"My daughter?" Nim burst into quiet giggles at this, loving the ease with which they'd both accepted the two young people out there as a part of their future. "Wait, are you saying you're not hot?" she asked him teasingly. "Because, as I recall, she called you a babe. Isn't that a compliment?"

"Not from your daughter, it's not. It's kind of creepy. And if I'm a babe, what?s her brother?" He didn't bother to mention how he'd said the same thing about his own mother once upon a time when he had visited his own parents' past. He couldn't help but smile when she giggled, almost girlishly, knowing instinctively at that moment that they were going to be okay. He drew her close to nestle against his shoulder, which no longer showed any sign of injury. "I have a feeling they're a handful."

"Two handfuls," she corrected him with a grin, curling warm to his side. It was a pleasant thought, that in a single decade they would have two small people running around at their feet and maybe a third on the way. Two small people who would grow up into the capable and affectionate siblings who had saved their lives that day. A thought occurred to her, and she found herself laughing softly, nestling closer in against Dean as her arm draped over his chest.

He wound an arm around her shoulders as she nestled close, arching a brow over at her at the unexpected laughter. "What?" he asked, curiously, wondering what she was thinking that made her laugh, but glad to hear the sound of it.

Tilting her head back, she grinned up at him, the quiet closeness enough to relax her away from her darker thoughts. "I was just thinking ..." she mused impishly. "Last few months, we haven't really been able to keep our hands off each other. Wedding night, and we're cuddling in bed like an old married dude and his favorite nag." She snickered, hugging her arm tighter about him for emphasis.

"Is that such a bad thing?" he asked, wondering what Bobby and Ellen would think if they heard her analogy of a long-married couple. "We've got plenty of time for that." An impish smile touched his lips as he looked over at her. "Of course, if you really want to consummate the marriage, I won't deny your request."

She laughed again, propping herself onto her elbow once more to show him her grin for the second time. "You know, this is the one night a couple are supposed to be naked and in weird positions," she murmured teasingly, leaning down to nip at his smile with a playful little purr of sound. "I don't know, I guess it's kinda funny that mini-Dean has yet to make an appearance." Dark eyes twinkled laughingly down at him as she drummed her fingertips on his chest.

He arched a brow up at her, wondering if that's what she wanted because if it was, he was only too happy to comply. A smile touched his lips again, an amused expression on his face. "If that's what you want, I think it can be arranged, but I'm not so sure mini-Dean is all that mini."

"Oh, really?" Her response was thick with teasing laughter as she leaned down to kiss him, enjoying the banter back and forth even if nothing came of it. It felt normal, something that not even Death could touch and mar, something they had had between them for longer than she had memory for. "I'd ask you to prove it, but I think you might end up over-exerting yourself," she added impishly against his lips, brushing the tip of her nose to his. "I'd hate for you to start something you couldn't finish, baby."

He snickered at her doubting remark. "Oh, I can finish, believe me. I've never had a problem finishing. Never had much of a problem getting started either, come to think of it. But I wouldn't want to wear you out, being in a family way and all." It was his turn to tease, green eyes dancing in the moonlight, the grief set aside for now. Life went on, and Bill wouldn't have wanted them to stop living, even for a minute.

Jo Winchester

Date: 2012-10-09 16:36 EST
She smirked back at him, her laughter soft in the stillness that had settled all around them. "Oh, you mean you're going to abstain for the next eight or nine months, just because I have a passenger?" she asked, daring him to contemplate keeping his hands to himself for the better part of a year. "You know, that's pretty funny. Just married, and by your logic, you're not gonna consummate your marriage until after your first son is born." For some reason, this struck her as incredibly funny all of a sudden, and she dropped onto her back, giggling up at the ceiling as though someone had told her the best joke she had ever heard.

"Abstain?" Dean exclaimed, snorting in derision at the very thought. "Hell, no, I'm not abstaining. I just thought, you know, that you might be tired....or something." He furrowed her brows as she dissolved into giggles at his expense, propping himself up onto a elbow and glaring down at her. "What's so funny' It's not like I've ever had a kid before. Aren't you supposed to take it easy and stuff?" He really had no clue, not having ever really known anyone who was pregnant before except his mother, and that was a long time ago.

It took a while for Nim to compose herself, and even when she did, she grinned up at Dean as though any moment could see a fresh round of giggling. "You want to invite Brian up here so he can tell us all about what women can and can't do when they're pregnant?" she offered with cheeky innocence, deliberately picking the only person in the household who could tell them anything about it. "Or do you wanna trust me when I say I'm not tired, I'm not gonna break if you touch me, and I kinda wanna find out if marital sex is as good as fornication."

"No, I don't want you to..." He broke off, giving her an odd look. "What, do you think it's going to be boring now that we're married and it's no longer taboo?" he asked, having very little doubt that sex after marriage would be just as interesting as before marriage.

"Well, you know, I didn't know it wasn't supposed to hurt until you came along, so I guess I still have a lot to learn," she offered with a smile, belatedly considering that perhaps mentioning this little part of her inexperience with Rob the idiot wasn't the best thing to do. Dean already wanted the guy dead, after all. Her fingers trailed up over his arm, tracing a line along the ridge of his ear before caressing over his cheek. "You're still taking me way too seriously, baby."

"Yeah, that's because your ex-boyfriend was a jack*ss." His hand found her stomach again, only this time, he was drawing her shirt up, his fingers grazing her flesh. "You want me to exorcise him from your memory?" he asked, as he leaned in to brush his lips against her neck. "I'm pretty good at exorcising things."

"Mmmm ..." The sound she made was a cross between a moan and a sigh, sweet and clear beside his ear as she arched from the bed into his touch, her head turning to offer him more to tease with lips and tongue. "You promising to sweet-talk me in Latin now, baby?" she breathed against his ear, smoothing her own hand up along his arm and down over his back.

"No, I have other methods," he said with a grin as his arms went around her waist and he pulled her atop him while he rolled onto his back, not wanting to admit that he was afraid of hurting the baby. He drew her tank top upwards and over her head, his hands sliding against her sides and along her arms, watching her with appreciative eyes as he peeled off the first layer to admire the beauty before him that was now his wife.

She laughed huskily against his ear as he drew her over him, letting him strip the tank from her as she leaned down to touch her nose to his. "Man of many methods," she murmured playfully, her hands fisting in his t-shirt to draw him up with her as she sat back on his thighs. Her lips found his in a slow, consuming kiss, her hands smoothing down his chest until her fingers found the hem of that shirt to begin drawing it upwards. "I plan on experiencing all of them. If you think you can manage." She winked at him teasingly, urging his arms up to draw his t-shirt up and over his head.

"Mmm..." he mumured appreciatively back at her as she pulled him upwards and captured his lips, returning her kiss with a slow, searing kiss of his own. "Not all in one night," he warned, as she tugged his shirt up over his head. His eyes wandered over her, and mini-Dean wasn't so mini anymore, a rush of heat spreading through him like wildfire. Not one of many words while making love, he silenced her with another kiss, slow and deep, while his hands cupped the luscious curve of her breasts.

A curve that was decidedly more luscious compared with the first days and nights they had shared together. She couldn't believe that she had failed to notice how sensitive she'd become, how much more snug her bras were; how had Dean managed to miss that he had more than a handful to play with' Of course, there was barely time for these thoughts to sweep through her mind, that new sensitivity urging a low gasp from lips that melded to his with tender desire as her arms tightened about him, drawing her fingertips down over the smooth firm definition of his back.

Now that he knew she was with child, these small nuances were all too obvious, and he wasn't sure how he hadn't noticed them before. He plied the soft swell of flesh beneath his hands, fingers teasing gently as his lips found her neck again, leaving a soft trail of kisses from her ear to her shoulder. He was letting her lead the way, taking his time, though his body felt the urgency of desire.

It was an urgency that swept through her, too, thrilling every inch of her with the knowledge that this was not just any night. Despite the sorrow of the flickering firelight that danced on walls and ceiling, this was their wedding night. This was their first night together as man and wife, the consummation of the love that had inspired a goddess to break the rules laid down by her ruler and bring their souls together for a second chance neither of them wanted to waste, made all the more special by the knowledge that their marriage would bring forth the two young people below into the world, and a younger brother, too. In the years to come, they would have a family, despite the dangers that now beset them and the tasks they had set themselves.

But everything came down to this moment in time, this sealing of the promises shared in the church before the people who were all the family either of them had left. In love and faith and the knowledge of what could be, Dean Winchester took the woman who had once been Joanna Beth Harvelle in his arms and made her, now and forever, Nimue Winchester, the partner of his life and soul, never again to part ways until Death himself came for them.

((Took a while to get them officially hitched, didn't it' And with three storylines going at once, it might take a while longer to sort things out. But hey, that's the fun part, right' :lol: Fabuloscious thankiflubbles to Dean's player for being awesome!))