Topic: DUTY CALLS: The Flame's Renewal

Elessaria

Date: 2010-09-05 23:35 EST
~~"You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world" Don't listen to them when they say "You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world" Oh, the smallest thing can make all the difference Love is alive, don't listen to them when they say "You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world"

The world's so big, it can break your heart And you just want to help, not sure where to start So you close your eyes And send up a prayer into the dark

"You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world" Don't listen to them when they say "You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world" Oh, the smallest thing can make all the difference Love is alive, don't listen to them when they say "You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world"~~ ——- ((Lyrics from "Change" by Carrie Underwood))

Elessaria

Date: 2010-09-05 23:42 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 5th of September (2010); Late morning.

"Excessive feminine tendencies." Yes, I am a complete twitter-pated dolt! I cannot believe I actually used those words!

I have worked so hard these many years to keep a low profile, hiding much of my true nature, that sometimes I wonder if I have become too good at the ruse. It chafes at me incessantly when others do not take me seriously; but, I am the one to blame— not them.

At least it provided some much needed amusement for Connar. I am certain he will get quite a lot of entertainment out of it for a long time to come. That is fine with me. I will get my payback...eventually.

Elessaria

Date: 2010-10-13 03:03 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 13th of October (2010); In the wee hours of the morning.

I was finally well enough to travel the portal back to RhyDin. Trying to smooth out the conflicts between the opposing elven lands of Alanterial and Ondersharion weakened me and left me susceptible to some sort of sickness that has been plaguing Alanterial. Luckily their king was very appreciative of my assistance in their reaching a peaceable accord, that he assigned his most experienced healers to me.

I finally felt well enough to venture to the Inn where I tended one of Gem's friend who was wounded by a sword. In a way I was relieved he was averse to magic, so I didn't need to weaken myself by healing him.

I spent some time with Shylah. She grows restless and tired of RhyDin much like Connar according to what she shared with me.

I have a strong feeling that one of these times, he will not return and it will not be due to his death, but because he his drawn by Duty, Honor and a commitment to his god. I do not blame him nor begrudge him. His god is much more worthy and deserving of his love...his devotion....than I am.

What do I have to offer him' I cannot accompany him in his world. He views me as a burden. He would be distracted by his concern for protecting me. I am not a warrior like Shylah. I can hold my own in RhyDin, but in a land where magic doesn't exist"

As I mentioned earlier to Shylah, I will simply live my life from day to day and accept the joys and heartaches that it brings.

Hope" Well, that is for children...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-10-17 22:44 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment above ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 17th of October (2010); In the wee hours of the morning.

Sometimes it is easier to find another's words to express my thoughts.

~E

~Puisque j'ai mis ma l"vre " ta coupe encor pleine ; Puisque j'ai dans tes mains pos" mon front p"li ; Puisque j'ai respir" parfois la douce haleine De ton "me, parfum dans l'ombre enseveli ;

Puisqu'il me fut donn" de t'entendre me dire Les mots o' se r"pand le coeur myst"rieux ; Puisque j'ai vu pleurer, puisque j'ai vu sourire Ta bouche sur ma bouche et tes yeux sur mes yeux ;

Puisque j'ai vu briller sur ma t"te ravie Un rayon de ton astre, h"las ! voil" toujours ; Puisque j'ai vu tomber dans l'onde de ma vie Une feuille de rose arrach"e " tes jours ;

Je puis maintenant dire aux rapides ann"es : - Passez ! passez toujours ! je n'ai plus " vieillir ! Allez-vous-en avec vos fleurs toutes fan"es ; J'ai dans l'"me une fleur que nul ne peut cueillir !

Votre aile en le heurtant ne fera rien r"pandre Du vase o' je m'abreuve et que j'ai bien rempli. Mon "me a plus de feu que vous n'avez de cendre ! Mon coeur a plus d'amour que vous n'avez d'oubli !~

- "Puisque J'ai Mis Ma L"vre " ta Coupe" by Victor Hugo.

Elessaria

Date: 2010-10-23 14:26 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 23rd of October (2010); Early afternoon.

I have been so busy of late with the added burden of traveling to Alanterial at least once a week to assist their king. I am beginning to wish they had never discovered I was alive; but, a promise made by the Elders of Evandar must be kept - even if they are all deceased.

When Evandar yet flourished, I was schooled in comportment, diplomacy and protocol along with many other related subjects so that I could assist various rulers with my unique gifts. My training was cut short with the destruction of my homeland and I never thought I would fulfill the duties expected of me so many years ago.

As much as I have always enjoyed the balls and festivities in RhyDin, I find sitting at the royal court and listening to the various nobles drone on absolutely mind-numbing. With one dispute with a neighboring land settled, this King insists on my assistance in resolving a possible coup against the royal family.

It is not only tedious, but it doth drain my energies as well. Hopefully we will ferret out the conspirators soon and I can avoid going there so often. Word of my survival, however, is now spreading and more are coming to see my aid.

I am tired almost all of the time what with the extra work at the Inn. With the holiday season drawing nigh, there is an increase in orders for custom work here at the parfumerie. As weary as I may be, I spend much of my free time in the Inn. I grow restless if I stay at my place unless I am buried in my work.

And that is how I survive....immersing myself in work and living one day at a time...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-10-23 21:06 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 23rd of October (2010), Early evening.

As I prepare for Lirssa's birthday celebration this evening, I must admit that I am looking forward to spending more time with my friends. Even though things have been hectic, time spent recently with friends — old and new — has done much to help me maintain my optimism.

The healing of Evandar came at a great personal cost; yet, if I had not succeeded the price would have been much, much steeper. It is what fuels me of late....I have this feeling that there is so much that needs to be done and I no longer have the luxury of knowing I can take my time to accomplish it all. I must make the best of every waking moment.

And now there is a possibility of adding another candle to the chandelier that I am "burning at both ends".

My curiosity is very, very, very much piqued....

~E ~Maybe I'm a dreamer Maybe I'm misunderstood Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should Maybe I'm crazy (Maybe I'm crazy) Maybe I'm the only one (Maybe I'm the only one) Maybe I'm just out of touch Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change And leave it all behind I've never been one to walk alone I've always been scared to try So why does it feel so wrong To reach for something more To wanna live a better life What am I waiting for" 'Cause nothing stays the same Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless (Maybe it's hopeless) Maybe I should just give up (Maybe I should just give up) What if I can't trust myself" What if I just need some help"

Maybe it's time to change And leave it all behind I've never been one to walk alone I've always been scared to try So why does it feel so wrong To reach for something more To wanna live a better life What am I waiting for" 'Cause nothing stays the same Maybe it's time to change~

————— ((Lyrics from Maybe by Sick Puppies))

Elessaria

Date: 2010-10-24 20:52 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 24th of October (2010); Early evening.

Well last night turned out to be tremendous fun! It started with a little bit of dancing, an awesome snowball fight and ended on a very amusing note with Kazzy trying to explain "macking on" to Shylah, Tormay and Tannie. I washed my hair three times last night and I still do not think I have gotten out all of the Insta-snow and confetti (compliments of Kazzy)!

I managed to placate the Countess of Avignon for her delayed order when I delivered it personally to her this afternoon. I had to stay up most of the night to make the additional lotions, soaps and bath oils to match her custom fragrance. I added them to her order of the eau de parfum as an apology. I will exact some sort of revenge upon Kalamere for corrupting the delivery boy!

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-10-30 21:52 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 30th of October (2010); Early Evening.



Why in the heavens would I share such personal information with a complete stranger in the Inn? And one who made me considerably uncomfortable at that' Although, I have to admit I had only spoken in generalities about matters of the heart and it was before the man made me uncomfortable with what he had shared. I was very relieved when Lang showed up and reminded him of his manners. Still, there is truth behind my words. Whenever I finally trust someone enough to give my heart, it is not so long after that it (and I) are usually abandoned.

Time possesses such a duality for me these days: there are times when I feel that it drags on and yet I also feel it slipping through my fingers. I have realized that I busy myself in countless activities because there is so much that needs to be done (and much yet that I wish to do), and I do not know how much time I have left; but, also to help dull the pain of the loneliness that threatens to engulf me in the moments of solitude and rest.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-01 22:25 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 1st of November (2010); Late evening.

It was an exhausting and boring day spent at the royal courts in Alanteriel. I missed last week and wished I had a valid excuse not to attend this week. I entertained myself with thoughts of the crazy antics that always seem to take place here in RhyDin.

One of things I do not understand is that some people have a "distinct" type that they seem to go for. For example: Connar prefers brunettes; Kalamere has a soft spot for blondes; Shylah enjoys older gents (and cowboys at that); Teagan has a propensity for elves - female or male.

I don't think I can grasp it fully. The only thing my past interests have had in common has been they're male. Oh, and well tall; but, really considering my height everybody is tall to me.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-06 00:57 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 6th of November (2010); In the wee hours of the morning.



~~~"Where does my heart beat now" Where is the sound That only echoes through the night" Where does my heart beat now" I can't live without Without feeling it inside. Where do all the lonely hearts go?"~~~ ——————————- ((Lyrics from Where Does My Heart Beat Now by Robert White Johnson and Taylor Rhodes))

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-09 20:05 EST
RhyDin The Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 9th of November (2010); Early evening.

Why after all this time is it easier for us to share our true feelings with acquaintances or strangers"

Are we deluding ourselves by thinking we are protecting each other or are we simply protecting our own hearts"

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-13 17:44 EST
RhyDin The Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 13th of November (2010); Late Afternoon.



Well, I partially unburdened my heart and I guess that is why I only partly feel better. Sharing some of my sentiments that have been building up for so long, allows me to breathe (and even think) a bit more easily.

Even though I now believe that hopes and dreams are best left for children, the realization that a couple I have held onto will never come to pass still hurts— deeply, very deeply.

One day I hope I might be good enough.

But alas....hope is for children...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-14 20:41 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 14th of November (2010); Early Evening.

The grayness of today matched my mood. I have been summoned back to Alanterial tomorrow by King Korath which I had expected. I did not visit last week, but I do not have a convenient excuse this week. Besides, it is probably wise for me to see where he is at with his plans for binding me to his son and his kingdom.

I am current with my custom orders and am very thankful for such a loyal clientele. Rena's candles and the glass pieces she makes are selling wonderfully. She is going to be very surprised to hear of my interest in swords when I tell her.

I am still unsure what Kalamere saw in me to even mention it, but I look forward to finally learning some bladework— something I have wanted to do for some time now. I am slowly getting used to the heightened emotions which surround the rings. How I manage really varies on who is present and how they feel. Kal is helping me determine what sort of blade might work best for me. As of now, we are leaning towards a rapier which most likely will need to be custom made due to my height. I almost cannot believe he suggested we scout out Kruger's shop even though it is closed! Note, I wrote "almost". That man is a bundle of mischief and trouble wrapped up in an appealing package....I even told him so. As far as being safe....that is very much up in the air.

Taneth's Cheerleading mission, although a bit out of my comfort zone, has been helping me adjust to the emotions surrounding the duels. She is such an effervescent and usually joyful person whose bubbly moods are often contagious. With all of us behaving more lightheartedly, it becomes that much easier for me to withstand even a few of the more serious duelists. Kal has offered to let me focus on him, but I have not dared to delve any deeper than the surface and the enjoyment of what he calls the "dance".

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-15 22:14 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 15 of November (2010); Evening.

Two years later and life has come full circle.

When Connar mentioned my being "unfit" for marriage as a reason to void the forged marriage contract, I was simultaneously livid and hurt. Just because we will not wed does not mean I am unfit! He apologized for his terminology, but on the heels of our previous conversation, it simply adds salt to a currently raw wound. Yes, things are different and mostly because I no longer have the luxury of time on my side. It is not his fault, but mine.

Duty and honour prevail.

So far King Korath has not made the supposed marriage contract public knowledge. As of now, he seems to hope that Prince Firian can win me over with flattery and gifts. I was briefly tempted to go along with his plans. Life as an elven princess in such a powerful and wealthy land would not be exactly difficult to endure; however, my heart would not be in it.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-16 21:51 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 16th of November (2010); Late Evening.

Oh, Collie makes the most delicious chocolate cake! Absolutely heavenly! I'm so glad she sent home a couple of pieces for me. Last night my stomach was a bit queasy from the stress of spending the day at Alanteriel. The days there are tedious for me and traveling the portal twice in one day is draining; but, the less time I spend there around Prince Firian, the better.

Now that my temper has cooled and my hurt eased, I can see that Connar makes several strong arguments that would invalidate a marriage contract if King Korath decides to pursue that avenue. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that I would have a chance to argue on my behalf. I think it might be more beneficial if I can "disprove" that one of their people is a true Elder to me. I might need to discuss matters with Lucien in the near future.

My thoughts and emotions are so confused these days. Sometimes I wish I had not returned from Evandar this summer. Evening visits with my friends—especially a couple— have definitely become a bright spot in my day to which I eagerly look forward. However, that often makes the solitude when I return home that much more of a stark contrast. ~E

"I've been through so many changes I don't know which way to go Yet I've got it so together I can see with my eyes open or with my eyes closed Late at night I cry and wonder why my life's goin', goin' nowhere But during the day everything is okay, I'm having it my way, I say My teachers tell me that I am a lost soul, in a black hole But my mind, it tells me that I'm doing just fine Oh if everything is peachy, why can't anybody reach me I've always said I don't need anybody else Chorus: I'm so confused So confused And I'm destined to lose Unless I follow another way"

—————————

((Lyrics from Confused by Out of Eden))

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-17 22:13 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 17th of November (2010); Late Evening.

What did I get myself into this time"

There is no going back now. Kal and Antonio put their heads together to determine a suitable sword for me to use. Antonio said it could be ready as early as this Friday. No more excuses!

Although, I must admit that in spite of my apprehension, I am excited to begin a new adventure. Not only do I have to conquer the whole empathic obstacle, I have to get past my self-consciousness. Few know that about me as I try to hide it or overcome it. All that in addition to learning the actual blade work!

I wonder if poor Kalamere knows what he has gotten himself into too"

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-19 19:31 EST
RhyDin The Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Friday, the 19th of November (2010); Early Evening.



The busier I stay, the less time I have to think which I believe is a good thing. I get the sense I am approaching a crossroads in my life and I will have to make some difficult decisions.

I attended part of the Baron tournament to determine the next Overlord. Wyheree did a fantastic job, but unfortunately she lost to somebody named Aya. Their last duel was incredibly tense the way they kept trading the lead back and forth the last few rounds. It was much more difficult for me to watch this tournament than it is the regular duels when every body seems to be less serious. Once Taneth had left, it became even more difficult for me; however, I pushed myself to see it through to the end. Of course I gave myself a sick headache, but I am glad I got to see the end.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-21 22:10 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 21st of November (2010); Late Evening.

Two nights of no sleep. Two nights of losing my composure in the Inn. What was worse than the looks? When others tried so hard not to look out of respect for me. Then adding insult to injury was Anubis' purposeful miss on collaring me.

My thoughts are not much clearer nor is my heart any lighter.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-23 23:12 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 23rd of November (2010); Night.



I finally caught a few hours of sleep this morning after I returned from my night time meanderings. It helped. I think.

On a more upbeat note, Antonio delivered the rapier we had discussed the other night. It is gorgeously crafted and feels comfortable in my hand. He also included a smaller blade that is called a main gauche and wooden practice replicas. Kalamere wisely informed me we would be starting with the practice blades for the first few lessons. I had a brief moment of panic, but truly I am excited to begin a new adventure. Friends have been very positive with their encouragement and even duelists I do not know very well have been kind also.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-25 15:29 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Thursday, the 25th of November (2010); A few hours before dawn.



"On demande : - O" sont-ils " sont-ils rois dans quelque "le " Nous ont-ils d"laiss's pour un bord plus fertile " - Puis votre souvenir m"me est enseveli. Le corps se perd dans l'eau, le nom dans la m"moire. Le temps, qui sur toute ombre en verse une plus noire, Sur le sombre oc"an jette le sombre oubli.

Bient"t des yeux de tous votre ombre est disparue. L'un n'a-t-il pas sa barque et l'autre sa charrue " Seules, durant ces nuits o' l'orage est vainqueur, Vos veuves aux fronts blancs, lasses de vous attendre, Parlent encor de vous en remuant la cendre De leur foyer et de leur coeur !

Et quand la tombe enfin a ferm' leur paupi're, Rien ne sait plus vos noms, pas m"me une humble pierre Dans l'"troit cimeti're o' l'"cho nous r"pond, Pas m"me un saule vert qui s'effeuille " l'automne, Pas m"me la chanson na've et monotone Que chante un mendiant ? l'angle d'un vieux pont !"— Excerpt from Oceano Nox by V. Hugo

I know I behaved horribly, but I just cannot....I just cannot do this anymore...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-11-27 22:41 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 27th of November (2010); Late evening.



A long, hot soak in the bath tonight was just what I needed. Winter has finally come to RhyDin and the temperatures have turned cold rather suddenly.

I met with Mister Ephram today and worked out the details of my donation to High Spires House. Having lost not just my entire family, but all whom I loved dearly at a young age, makes this cause close to my heart. Lirssa is such a fine example of how a young person's life can turn around. I am glad I will get to keep her services through the holiday season at least. I really do not trust many with the tasks I reserve for her.

My heart breaks for sweet S'jira. She endures Panther's disappearance with such quiet grace, but I know the pain she feels. I had to intercede on her behalf with the distrustful Karras fellow last night. Luckily, other friends were near to offer assistance if matters went awry.

I am blessed with good friends.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-05 22:03 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 5th of December (2010); Late Evening.



Something ails Taneth since her return. Both Ewan and Tara have different, but related theories as to the cause and possible solutions. Encouraging Taneth to have a small sip is distressing to us both. However, last night I tentatively reached out to her with a tendril of my mana and she drew upon it. I was not sure if it would have any ill-effects, but some color did return to her cheeks and I stopped at that since I did not wish to trigger any potential problems.

I realize why I have such a soft spot for the lass. She reminds me a bit of how I was when I first arrived in RhyDin many years ago. However, somehow she has managed to maintain her innocence through it all when I could not. Taneth brings out the good and the caring in most. I have watched some very closely when they have been with her and by those interactions, I have determined they are not truly as they are reputed to be.

This, of course, only increases my curiosity and desire to unravel an enigma.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-08 22:42 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment above ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 8th of December (2010); Evening.



I remember my very first crush here in RhyDin as if it were yesterday. Why' Because I am absolutely insane and shared that little tidbit....with him...yesterday! I did not know Kalamere very well back then. It was a decade and a half ago, maybe even more. He hardly noticed me either. But, that's what crushes were all about— that giddy little feeling from afar.

I think I wore that blush my entire walk home. I felt my cheeks flushed the whole way despite the cold.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-14 21:59 EST
RhyDin The Ruins of Asheby Manor Tuesday, the 14th of December (2010); Sunset.

~Everyone told me to be strong Hold on and don't shed a tear So through darkness and good times I knew I'd make it through And the world thought I had it all~

Making the Number One spot on Emmet's List this year fills me with mixed emotions. Not that having conflicting and topsy turvy emotions is anything new for me of late. I am quite honoured and surprised, and was literally rendered speechless when Riley and David shared the news. I know I should be grateful because I am blessed with good friends and a successful business. So many believe I have it all; but, I do not. They would be quite surprised to discover how lonely it is at the "top". Then again, my life has almost always been a study of contrasts and contradictions.

Business was brisk at the parfumerie today; yet, between customers I managed to put the final touches on Aja's fragrance as well as work on a couple of birthday presents for Kalamere. It is the very least I can do to thank him for his kindness. I swear the man has bardic talents for he gets me to trust him rather easily. I narrowed down what was in the tincture he had me give to Taneth (which did not harm him, but rather seemed to help her); yet, I willingly drank his concoction for my sick headache. Granted when I suffer from one, death sounds appealing but still....

The headache was stopped before it became full blown. The side effects were mild, but not something I would wish to experience often, and it tasted much better than one of my medicinal teas.

Beneath the banter and teasing is an underlying current of something....and after spending a horrible day at Alantariel, just spending time in his proximity seemed to cause the tension to fade.

We mentioned "trophies" again the other night. I am not sure what to think of that. It sounds conceited, but it is how I am used to being viewed.

Coming here to what remains of Asheby allows me to think, but sometimes I believe I think to much. Mayhaps, I need to just be....

~E

——— ((Lyrics from A New Day Has Come, by A. Nova & S. Maccio))

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-18 21:07 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 18 of December (2010); Early Evening.

Soon I will be getting dressed to attend a winter festival at the Hall tonight. I fade it with mixed emotions, but that is nothing new. It has been so cold in RhyDin and I can only hope it is not nearly as frigid where Connar is. There were several winters where I was never warm and I know how it can wear away at someone on so many levels.

I will not be closing the parfumerie this weekend at all. Too many customers rushing in, panicked, seeking gifts. I can rest on Christmas for I have no plans other than to sleep. The positive part is that it keeps me out of Alanteriel for the celebration of the Winter's Solstice.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-19 19:55 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 19th of December (2010); Early Evening.

I probably should not have lingered as long as I did at the party last night, but it was nice to spend time as usual with friends. Kate and Sylvia were full of mirth and mischief which made for much laughter. Stephen and Diana were very kind and gave me a lovely pair of earrings as a gift. Father Christmas, Santa Claus, Pere Noel....whatever the name is used, was there and passed out presents. Of course there was much teasing to get me to sit on his lap, but I did and got my gift! Supposedly the gift would be what one wanted most, but it did have to be something that could be boxed and wrapped. And since what I want most cannot be boxed and wrapped....oh well. Instead I received a beautiful snow globe. I have never had one before and am thrilled with the miniature winter wonderland captured inside. It is a lovely keepsake from the evening.

Staying up so late and then rising at dawn did not bode well for my doing intricate work first thing. I ended up slicing my palm and one finger while trying to carve some scented soaps into the shape of lily of the valley blossoms. Unfortunately the blood spilled over the entire batch and I have to start over. This is going to be such a hectic week, but at least keeping busy helps to keep the melancholy at bay.

Lirssa has been a terrific help with the deliveries — even helping direct the other temporary hires! I will definitely miss her when she is away at school. And somewhere along the line I need to finish getting holiday gifts for my friends.

Ah well, off to make a couple of late deliveries and then some time at the Inn to unwind before I get back to work. I really might escape to Aja's resort before the saint's holiday. The sunshine and warmth sound incredibly inviting.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-22 21:09 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 22nd of December (2010); The wee hours of the night.



I am beginning to think mayhaps it was the "real" Father Christmas at the Winterval celebration and I got what I had wished for....it just took a couple of days is all. While decorating the Inn for the holidays, I ended up falling for a man. Literally. Do I really need to explain how? This is Rhy'Din and the craziest things can happen — even if Tara's no where to be found. I slipped from the upstairs landing's edge when I was cutting the rope we used to tether the gigantic tree to keep it stable. The tree was perfectly steady. I, on the other hand, was not. Luckily, I was caught by a very handsome and charming man who also just happens to be Kendall's father. I never knew she had a father until now.

And somehow a simple, "You must have something to celebrate this season", turned into "let's celebrate it together", evolved into somehow being invited to my first "family" Christmas at Kendall and her new husband's place. Only to be preceded by a genuine date. Dressing up, dinner and dancing type of date.

And it was absolutely wonderful.

And it ended with a surreal escort home to my door, a sweet kiss at the front steps and my brains and emotions scrambled more completely than any egg at Cor's omelet place.

And 'tis nay even Christmas yet!

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2010-12-28 18:06 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 28th of December (2010); Late afternoon.

I saw Connar sooner than I had thought I would. Our talk was a bit awkward, but I do not think either of us were surprised. As kind and as understanding as he was, I know it hurt him. However, I could not continue to live any longer with hopes and dreams of what may never come to pass. I am unsure of why he returned the pendant I had gifted him several years ago since we were not a couple when I had given it to him. He tossed it to Michael and that surprising gesture pierced deeply. I deserve it. With the return of it, I believe he means our promise is completely severed — that little know clause that if I happened to be free when his life's work was done. There is one who will be greatly pleased by this knowledge and will step in quickly to console him. She has often toed the line of impropriety with him even when we were a couple. Now I am beginning to believe that her friendship was just a means to keep in contact with him. We will see.

A lovely lass named Genevieve, whose family owns Plumes of Blooms, arrived with her delivery just in time to assist me with an overwhelming mob of customers. I look forward to learning more about her and am considering inquiring of her regular assistance. Only, I do not wish to pull her from her family's business and leave them shorthanded. My only other concern is bringing her on staff with the breaching of the wards.

This was the first Christmas I actually celebrated since Wil. Michael and I had dinner with his daughter, Kendall, and her husband, Bashir, who happens to be Alper's brother. Rhy'Din's family tree is the most convoluted I have ever encountered. No blood was shed between Michael and Bashir, and Kendall's sharp comments were fewer than I had originally expected. Some dancing and a little champagne followed, leading to a magical night.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-01 20:27 EST
RhyDin The Red Dragon Inn, Room 56 Saturday, the 1st of January (2011); Early evening.

Twice the wards have been breached at my home. My friends have not wished for me to stay there alone. Michael has been kind enough to let me stay with him. Michael. I am not sure where to begin or how it has all happened, but there is something there and it is very strong. It was totally unexpected. I admit I am scared of being hurt again. Of getting swept up and then abandoned just as suddenly. However, I dared to lower my shields completely with him and unless he is another skilled empath, he cannot hide his true feelings for or from me. Nor I for or from him.

My heart is lighter than it has been in months. I have slept more peacefully than I have in years. It feels so natural, yet so magical. Is it so wrong for me to want this?

~E

"We're heading for something Somewhere I've never been Sometimes I am frightened But I'm ready to learn Of the power of love "

——————- ((Lyrics from Power of Love, performed by C.Dion))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-03 22:00 EST
RhyDin Third Floor of ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 3rd of January (2011); Just after dawn.

I have just finished re-keying the portal to recognize Michael's aura which means he is the only other who can use it. He may have been able to cross because of our connection; but, it is much better to be certain. After sharing my fears and concerns, it is easier to face the day ahead. Hopefully, it will all go well and nothing unexpected will happen.

~E

~~All of your fears Just cast them on me How can I make you see I'll be your cloud up in the sky I'll be your shoulder when you cry I'll hear your voices when you call me I am your Angel And when all hope is gone, I'm near No matter how far you are, I'm near It makes no difference who you are I am your Angel~~

——————————— ((Lyrics from I'm Your Angel, duet by R.Kelly & C.Dion))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-04 22:02 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 4th of January (2011); Late morning.

He waited for me. When I crossed the portal back last night, I could see the relief register upon his handsome face. What a difference coming home to the embrace of strong arms, ready to soothe away the day's cares. I believe he may have worn a path in the oaken floor with all of his pacing. I was mostly surprised, but admittedly not entirely. It was a good thing that at the last minute I had decided to modify the protective wards on my building to grant him access— all part of the "just in case" bit. We have determined that I need better locks, though.

His concern touched me deeply. I am used to being alone. How quickly both our lives have changed in our focus on one another. Is this how it is supposed to be?

I could easily get used to this.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-09 22:41 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 9th of January (2011); Late evening.

I am both terrified and exhilarated at the same time. Feelings that have lay dormant for too long have been awakened with Michael. Not only have those resurfaced, but new ones are sprouting and joining the mix. It is a bit unusual — I find I can sense him vividly through our connection even when my shields are fully in place. I have not experienced such clarity nor strength before.

And it scares me. He holds the power to wound me more deeply than any in my past because of it. Yet, I trust him. His feelings are genuine and even a bit surprising to him. He has been truthful about his past; how he survived; what happened with Kendall....and more. He really wants a fresh start and I believe everyone deserves a second chance.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-14 01:38 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Thursday, the 13th of January (2011); Night.

~~I wanna be the face you see when you close your eyes I wanna be the touch you need every single night I wanna be your fantasy And be your reality And everything between I want you to need me Like the air you breathe I want you to feel me In everything I want you to see me In your every dream The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you I want you to need me, need me Like I need you I wanna be the eyes that look deep into your soul I wanna be the world to you I just want it all I wanna be your deepest kiss The answer to your every wish And all you ever need I want you to need me Like the air you breathe I want you to feel me In everything I want you to see me In your every dream The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you I want you to need me, need me 'Coz I need you more than you could know And I need you to never never let me go And I need to be deep inside your heart I just want to be everywhere you are I wanna be the face you see when you close your eyes I wanna be the touch you need every single night I wanna be your fantasy And be your reality And everything between... I want you to need me Like the air you breathe I want you to feel me In everything I want you to see me In your every dream 'Coz baby I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you I want you to need me, need me Like I need you~~

—————- ((I Want You To Need Me by Diane Warren & Matt Serletic, performed by C. Dion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJGsBdpUoSw))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-16 19:33 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 16th of January (2011); Early evening.

The other evening not only was Bashir at the Inn, but Alper as well. Little did Drake know his playful teasing about my possibly being pregnant would be met so poorly. They were not pleased by the possibility at all;however, Bashir was very gracious and said if it were true, the baby and I would be welcomed into the family. Despite my reassurances, the tension was very palpable — especially after Michael's arrival. Bashir's failure to mention Michael's acceptance was not lost on me. His feelings are quite understandable, but Alper's reactions were less so. I'm not sure if he was just a bit upset at the inappropriateness of the conversation and how it appeared that Drake was less than respectful to me. Anya and Antonio's presence and intercessions helped ease some of the tensions.

And Lirssa, bless her heart, is trying to like Michael or at least pretend to. We have an agreement: if he ever were to hurt me, she can pretty much beat his arse from here to and through the West End and back again. She added a clause that I would let her take me in and I would allow her to take care of me/console me if necessary. If Ali and Fio had not taken her in, I seriously would have contemplated adopting her.

Eventually I hope matters will sort themselves out among Michael, Kendall and Bashir. Michael is still plagued with nightmares about it all. Kendall is still distrustful and hurt. Bashir is protective of Kendall. What I respect about Michael is that he does not expect to be forgiven or for everything to be gotten without putting in the hard work. He knows he has done things wrong and accepts the consequences for it. I wish they could see that. I wish they could see what I see in him.

And just what is up with everybody's interest in my becoming pregnant or infected as Lirssa called it' I know this is RhyDin and all, but really! Even Kal joined in the teasing, but it was sweet that he suggested Michael put a ring on my finger first. I playfully huffed at them for discussing me in the third person in my presence, yet it was good to see they seemed to get along fairly well.

Mostly I enjoyed the silly banter, but there was a part of me that ached. It is not their fault. Few know I was ever married never mind that I miscarried. Even fewer know that there are physiological changes and residual side effects from the time I was transformed into human guise for my protection for a quarter of a century.

Who knows what the gods and goddesses have planned?

What will be, will be...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-24 22:54 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 24th of January (2011); Late evening.

I may not be able to count premonition amongst my skill set; however, I was right to trust the sense of unease that had pervaded my happiness a few days ago. After I was followed to the Inn the other night, Michael made me promise never to go anywhere alone and preferably with him at my side. I could not sense much of who followed us home other than that there were two auras— cold and calculating— and not like the typical RhyDin night time predator.

We were ambushed right at our doorstep after a successful business dinner with Signora di Morro. Luckily neither of us was injured (other than one of my shoes!) and Michael managed to get a name before he finished off one of the assailants. It was all I could do to reassure him and to try to assuage the guilt he harbors over this. There must be some way to extricate him from this mess and keep Kendall out of it as well.

Together, we will face this. And together, we will succeed.

No matter what others might think or believe, he is not planning on leaving anytime soon. I believe him.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-25 22:17 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 25th of January (2011); Late Afternoon.

I wish Michael were not so harsh on himself. I know he has done not just questionable things in his past, but things that I would consider "wrong". The difference with him is that he sees the error of his ways. He has wanted to change previously, but either did not have the strength or the means to do so. Maybe not the motivation either. He wants to change now and while I cannot make his decisions for him, nor make the changes myself, I can help give him both the tools and the motivation to do so.

Things have been proceeding rather well until this whole mess with some guy named Hammett has come back to haunt him and therefore, us.

We all make mistakes. Even I have made some. Some dreadful ones. I have also had blood on my hands — including that of an entire race/realm. Yet, he has this view of me....and the way he looks at me....that I just cannot put into words. I wish I could let him know I feel the same towards him. I think he is beginning to understand...

~E

~~Made a wrong turn, once or twice Dug my way out, blood and fire Bad decisions, that's alright Welcome to my silly life Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel Like you're less than f*in' perfect Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing You're f*in' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead So complicated, look happy, you'll make it! Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game It's enough! I've done all I can think of Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel Like you're less than f*in' perfect Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing You're f*in' perfect to me~~

—————— ((Lyrics to F'in Perfect, Pink))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-29 18:59 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 29th of January (2011); Early evening.

I just closed the shoppe a little early in order to leave plenty of time to get ready for Fiora's Gala tonight. It should be fun to see everybody dressed up and amusing to watch the date auction. I look forward to mingling with friends, old and new, and introducing Michael to those whom he has not yet met.

My parents taught me two wise lessons long ago. The first was to treat others in the way you wish to be treated. The second was also to comport yourself in such a way that you will be treated the way you wish. Or something like that. It just puzzles me why some people act so surprised at the treatment they receive when they behave the way they do. I am not even talking about those who are more extroverted or open-moraled. (If that is even a real word, I do nay think their morals are "loose", just different than mine.) Rather, I write about those who are judgmental of others and then they wonder why they have few friends. Or women who burp in front of men, wipe their mouths' on their sleeves and then wonder why men do not find them attractive or feminine.

In my time in RhyDin, I have learned that there is almost always something redeemable in almost everybody here. There is true evil, there is absolute Darkness....but ....

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-01-30 16:59 EST
RhyDin The Work Room at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 30th of January (2011); Late afternoon.

Well, I believe the Gala last night was a resounding success for Fiora. I am very glad. The auction raised an incredible amount of money and was highly entertaining to watch. I declined a last minute attempt by Rand and Fiora to get me to be auctioned off. I had drunk quite a bit of champagne, but not nearly enough for that! Michael had to leave early, but we got to dance! Oh, it is a simple pleasure that makes me so happy! I have attended too many events where I sat on the sidelines and watched others dance. Tass escorted me safely home. I believe that Calypso, whom we had just meant, might have viewed it differently than for what it truly was.

Tass immediately went into Guardian mode when I mentioned there was potential danger and asked for his escort. I did nay share details of what is going on, but he did offer additional assistance. If Michael should not be able to resolve matters with Hammett, than I might need to suggest alternative measures to him.

Connar showed, much to my surprise. It was a bit awkward, but I am glad to see him well — at least as well as he can be. He thanked me for my song and gave me a note before he left which I will keep in my memory box.

The best part of the night' It was not all the finery, the dancing, or even the orders for custom scents that I received.

It was coming home to Michael.

I hope he likes the surprise I've been working on all day for him. It's nearly finished.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-02-02 19:31 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 2nd of February (2011); Early evening.



~~When I need you Just close my eyes and I'm with you And all that I so want to give you It's only a heart beat away

When I need love I hold out my hands and I touch love I never knew there was so much love Keeping me warm night and day~~ ———

((Lyrics from When I Need You by Albert Hammond & Carol Bayer Sager))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-02-06 21:51 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 6th of February (2011); Late afternoon.

Lirssa is helping me once again with deliveries and other odds and ends on the weekends. Her help is invaluable especially with the crush for the Saint's holiday. In a few minutes I will be headed to a business dinner with a few of the local designers to discuss what I can provide for their "swag bags" as they call them for some of the events during RhyDin's Fashion Week. She had a brilliant idea of Michael contacting the hockey league regarding security matters and he spoke with Kate. It looks like his consulting business is taking off.

Oh! I just realized I have never celebrated this Saint's holiday before and I have absolutely no idea what to get Michael. Or anything really! I only know about the gifts and it is supposed to be about spending time with one's sweetheart. How that has developed from a massacre, I will never understand!

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-02-12 20:51 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 12th of February (2011); Afternoon.

Not too much time to write lately. Trying to make sure the Dragon is running smoothly for Panther, the holiday crush here at the parfumerie, helping Michael get his business started....life is so busy! It is a wonderful busy, though. After Fashion Week is over, Michael and I are going to take a vacation at Aja's new resort. I believe it is called Arcassa. Have I mentioned it before? I might be repeating myself and that is okay, because I am really looking forward to a genuine vacation. I have not had one in several years.

In spite of the hectic schedule, Michael keeps his promise and we go out dancing weekly, usually dinner too. So far we have not heard anything from that Hammett fellow — good or bad. I have not been as careful as I should be, but it is hard to try to coordinate our schedules so that I am never walking alone. I try my best and so does Michael. He would flip if he knew. If I cannot wait for him to escort me home, I do try to walk with a friend. Although the other night I was a bit upset after speaking with Connar, that I stormed off without making arrangements for my safety. He mentioned something along the lines of not knowing which was more difficult — seeing me with Michael or alone.

More later....I have to get ready for Riley and David's wedding and reception in a couple of hours. Their gift is done in time! I will probably not sleep again until after Monday, but that is okay. Maybe someone there will be able to tell me more about Fiora. I heard that she is at Riverview and I do not know what happened.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-02-14 19:59 EST
RhyDin The Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 14th of February (2011); Early afternoon.

I am actually taking a short break and writing this while I have a snack and some tea. Last night Michael found me asleep at my desk upon his return. I was hoping to get some work down while waiting for him, but I guess sleep was needed instead. He and Ginny have fussed at me until I relented to take a break this afternoon. Their help has been invaluable these past couple of days, as has Lirssa's. I do feel a bit bad for having Ginny away from her family's business during an equally busy time for them; however, she is an excellent addition to the parfumerie and it has only been for a few hours a day. Although she cannot do the custom work yet, she has offered to tend the shoppe so that Michael and I can steal away for our vacation. Her offer to help makes me feel much less guilty!

Riley and David's wedding was beautiful. It was very interesting to see how they incorporated their heritage in the ceremony and reception. Everybody looked gorgeous and the happy couple literally glowed!

I squeezed in a meeting with Koy the other day to not only make some items for the Millie & Mallie swag bags, but to do another limited edition fragrance this year. I am very excited and my brain is just buzzing with ideas on how to capture the essence of RhyDin in a scent.

Back to work! And then with an early closing, it will be our turn to celebrate! ~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-02-26 15:25 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 26th of February (2011); Early Afternoon.

So much has happened recently, I do not even know where to begin to write. What is not new is how jumbled my thoughts and emotions are. I have discovered that I like Valentine's Day very much. The expression on Michael's face when he saw me dressed in the gown and shoes he had given me for Christmas had definitely made banishing him to the guest quarters while I primped for the evening worth it! Dinner and dancing followed by a romantic evening at home was perfect. His gift to me was both beautiful and thoughtful — a delicate platinum and diamond chain to which I can attach a charm or pendant of my choosing — to replace, in a way, the one Connar had broken when he returned it.

Why must bliss be countered with sadness" I was lulled a bit into a false sense of security with how quiet it had been. Only to have found my peahen, Helena, killed literally on my door. There were no residual traces of a magical signature or aura for me to sense, so I fear it might have been another message from that Hammett. This does not bode well and I am a bit leery of leaving Ginny here alone while we go to Arcasa. Mayhaps we should only go away for one week instead of two.

Even if somehow this Hammett can be dissuaded, I do not think the knowledge of any of it will sit well with Kendall. And Bashir, well that is a given. My heart goes out to her and I have always been fond of the lass. Both she and Michael have believed that the other is or was aiming at their next "mark". They have much work to do to resolve their issues and heal their hearts. Her conflicting emotions are difficult to sense, but completely understandable. I stay well shielded in her presence and also do my best not to interfere.

Franco and Mimi are both back. Franco is as witty and charming as ever. It was quite fun seeing him at the various shows and his party to close Fashion Week at Club Anatomy was amazing! I stopped on my way home from the Inn last night and it was still in full swing. Mimi goes by the name Ella now, but does not complain nor correct any of us from calling her Mimi. She is a lovely and sweet woman who has been hurt badly. I hope I can help her heal with our renewed friendship. She is coming back to work at the Dragon too!

Fashion Week right after the Valentine's holiday was a formula for exhaustion for me; however, I really was too excited and running on adrenaline to feel it until today. Koy's charity kick off was a huge success and I was honoured to have been included in not only designing another scent for auction, but to participate as a model for her "Icons of RhyDin". When Wyh came out dressed as Jewell, so many of us were brought to tears. Incredibly touching!

Ian approached me seeking my aid. I was already drained from the horrible experience with my peahen's killing and the preparations for Fashion Week, but I can never turn down a plea for help. I am a healer of many things and I was born with certain gifts that are to serve others — even if the cost may be high to myself. I am not very familiar with alchemy, but it seems as if I was able to help him control the changes he is undergoing. Unfortunately, when I went to disconnect from him and withdraw from the healing, something formed on his arm and held me captive to him. It was all I could do to manage not to react instinctively and shatter it, him and who knows what else? He is a man of incredible power, but as I made certain to remind him, I am no inexperienced weakling anymore either. I am relieved at least I was the one in possible danger and not Mimi, who is recovering, or some other innocent. Yet there is a lingering after effect from this working, I am not sure why or how or what....

I also have that sense of unease again. Whether aimed at me or my loved ones, I do not know. As much as I am unsure about the wisdom of going away, I know I need it on so many levels. I am drained. I am exhausted. I am easily overwhelmed and highly emotional. In the shape I am in, I am little good for anyone. I thank the gods and goddesses for bringing Michael into my life. He has become my shelter in this stormy life. I do not even need to try to voice what I am feeling or thinking, he just seems not to only know, but understand and even more so, what to do to help.

~E "How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there and lead it back home."

—————— ((Lyrics from Bring Me To Life by Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-12 17:03 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 12th of March (2011); The wee hours of the morning.

Not even a full day has passed since Michael and I have returned from our blissful escape to Arcasa, and already it seems like a dream that is fading fast. Michael finally spoke with Kendall about his deal with Hammett and it went as poorly as I expected. Bashir and Kendall are rightfully upset. Michael left without a word to me. I had to explain what I knew to both of them, which in truth is not much. I shared all I had learned — including the talents of the assailants. Bashir was kind enough to explain to me that I will be under their protection if needed, but I tried to decline. I am nay their concern nor responsibility. It was hard not to bristle under his tone and his demands; but, I do know it was mostly because of his concern for Kendall.

While I was attempting to soothe them and share the information I had learned, I had to squelch my own storm of hurt that was brewing beneath the surface of my shields. Michael promised me we would face this together. He told me he wanted to be with me. I did not think he could lie to me with our connection. Mayhaps, he had not lied at the time, but has changed his mind" If he pushes me away, I just do not know if I have the resolve in me to fight anymore. My heart is still too tender after Connar.

What is wrong with me" Why am I not worth fighting for" What am I lacking that every man finds it easier to either leave or step back rather than to push forward and to share the difficulties and burdens in our lives"

The fault has to lie with me. I am, after all, the common denominator in all of this.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-16 20:35 EST
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFktJTXNJaTVRNEJHZGJFaDFobXJnRGcAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-20 21:44 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 20th of March (2011); Late evening.

Forty years ago today I celebrated my 100th birthday, only to have the entirety of Evandar decimated and its people brutally murdered because of me. I managed to survive, but each time the Spring Equinox arrives I am filled with such incredible sorrow and loneliness and despair. The first day of Spring should herald a season of hope and joy; yet, for me, it is just another reminder of all I have lost.

I have not celebrated my birth since then and probably never will again. It just seems wrong.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-22 21:59 EST
RhyDin The Work Room at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 22nd of March (2011); Late Evening.

I am simply burying myself in my work and practice. I am still waiting to meet with my first opponent in the Madness Tournament. My commitment to it has kept me from my annual pilgrimage to Evandar. When it is over, I will depart to see how my homeland has fared in my absence.

In the meantime work is my salvation.

~E

~Let me be your soldier I'll stand up for you When your world comes crashing down I'll be the one to hold you Let me be your soldier I'll fight the fight for you When you're up against the wall I will pull you through

There comes a time In everybody's life When alone is not enough To make things right There comes a time When we need to ask for help When you're lost and just not strong enough To make it through the night When your love is on the frontline...

Let me be your soldier I'll take the pain for you When no one else is on your side I'll defend you Let me be your soldier I'll carry the cross for you When you're down and on your knees I'll protect you...

Let me be your soldier, I'll die for you...~

——————-

((Lyrics from There Comes A Time; performed by C.Dion http://youtu.be/5pW60kxMjdc ))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-23 17:56 EST
RhyDin The Work room at ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 23rd of March (2011); Early evening.

"Happiness is not in our circumstances, but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of the fire. Happiness is something we are. " John B. Sheerin

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-26 20:31 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 26th of March (2011); Early Evening.

So, much for it feeling like Spring. Lady Winter still has a vice grip on the realm. We even still have had snow! I am not sleeping very well these days and believe my unease is from not yet having paid my respects in Evandar. What happened so many years ago still plagues my sleep from time to time, but recently the nightmares have been almost daily. I feel worn thin.

I am looking forward to facing Guaire on Sunday night since our bout never happened last weekend. The support of my friends for my new adventure has been heartwarming and helps to ease the sorrow that lingers come dawn.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-03-27 17:35 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 27 of March (2011); Late Afternoon.

There are days that I just never know what to expect. There is no rhyme nor reason it seems in my life, only unpredictability. My match with Guaire was bumped to last night. I won, but by a technicality — the Nexus stole him. However, I led the six rounds that we did manage to get in. I am torn because I am excited to continue to the next round, but I wish it had been a full duel.

On the upside, Michael was able to cheer me on. He has been entirely too busy with work these days, but it is probably for the best. Kal made it in time which was a huge relief for me as well. I probably rely on him too much when I am around the rings, but if it were not for him or Tass, it would be that much harder for me to endure the heightened emotions that surround the Arena. Everybody's support and encouragement in this new endeavor has been amazing. Who would have thought I would enjoy it as much as I do'

I even dragged a newcomer named Matthew. He seems to be a nice enough fellow and as most new folk do, he is attempting to acclimate to life in RhyDin. I was both surprised and concerned to discover he was sleeping outside in this frigid weather. It might be Spring on some calendars, but we even had snow! So, I offered him the use of the room I maintain at the Inn. I have it let for the duration of my life and so, it might as well be used. And if I can help make someone's life a bit easier, all the better.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-04-13 21:10 EST
RhyDin The Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 13th of April (2011); Late evening.

Well, I made it to the third round in the Madness Tourney only to lose to Harris. That is fine, he is a highly skilled opponent. I would like to think I made him work for it since the bout lasted eleven rounds and he only beat me by one point. Unfortunately Michael could not attend, but Lirssa, Kal, Danny and Rachael were there to cheer me on. Everybody has been quite supportive. I really enjoyed myself in spite of the lingering weakness that has plagued me since the return of the Blood Rains.

Thus far, I only know they have returned that once; however, I am hardly aware of them during an attack. I found myself soaked and bloodstained upon the Dragon's porch. Aja, Ebon and Calix tended to me and kept me safe while I tried to replenish my mana from the fire there. Cie and Danny were there and concerned. It does my heart good to see their family has returned to the realm. Ebon saw me safely home and luckily I got all cleaned up before Michael returned.

I need to tell Michael about them but I am afraid. I am afraid he might leave after I heard him tell Kendall that he has considered leaving me. I feel stronger after drawing strength from Tass a couple of nights ago, so I am preparing to return for a visit to Evandar in hopes of finding an answer. It should only take about a week to make the preparations for my journey and then if nothing untoward happens, I will return to RhyDin in time for the Beltane festivities.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2011-04-23 22:56 EST
In the absence of the elven empath, her journal seems to fall open on its own accord and an unseen hand pens the words:

~A million stars light This beautiful night This is not a night to die Let me sing and dance Beneath the sky I have such love to give To give! I want a chance to live Live For the one I love Love As no one has loved Give Asking nothing in return Free Free to find my way Free to have my say Free to see the day Be Like I used to be Like a wild bird free With all of life in me Live For the one I love Love As no one has loved Give Asking nothing in return Though this world tears us apart We're still together in my heart I want the world to hear my cry And even if I have to die Love will not die Love will change the world Live For the one I love Love As no one has loved Give Asking nothing in return I'll love until love wears me away I'll die and I know my love will stay And I know my love will stay~

——————-

((Lyrics from Live by R. Cocciante, L. Plamondon, W. Jennings, D. Foster, H. Gatica Video clip: http://youtu.be/wbrCXe5zeLU))

Elessaria

Date: 2011-04-30 18:43 EST
RhyDin The Work Room at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 30th of April (2011); Late Afternoon

The strengthening of the wards and the continued renewal of Evandar required much more work than I had anticipated; however, I did manage to return to RhyDin in time to assist with the Beltane festivities. The drain on my personal essence actually caused me to black out from exhaustion for what I guess was at least an entire day, but I cannot be sure. I cannot quite put into words what I sensed....something....insidious, mayhaps? What it cost me was quite obvious when the portal returned me to somewhere in the West End instead of the third floor of my building.

I have a tiny hematite amulet hidden upon my person that holds a glamour to keep the worst of my weakness from being noticed immediately. It came in handy last night when I finally caught up with Michael and will be invaluable the next few days/nights with all of the events scheduled. Between my pilgrimage to Evandar and his new business becoming so successful, I do not get to spend as much time with him as I would like. I hope he hires an assistant soon. Still, it felt so good to be back in his arms again.

More later....I must finish deciding on what I will wear tonight. I am so happy Rekah was selected as May Queen! I wanted either her or Lirssa to be named!

~E