Topic: SHROUDED BY SHADOWS: The Struggle of The Flame

Elessaria

Date: 2008-07-12 19:17 EST
SHROUDED BY SHADOWS: The Struggle of The Flame

RhyDin The Red Dragon Inn Saturday, the 12 of July (2008); Late Afternoon

Last night I returned from Alarialdensheen where a small group of sylvan elves gather some of the most rare and enchanting essential oils. My purchases will help me begin my business venture — at least I hope so. I need to do more with my life than simply tend bar and amuse myself with shopping excursions.

Since my capture and release, there are irrevocable changes in me that I am trying to embrace instead of fight. This is yet another new chapter in my life; thus, I have started to pen a new journal. I have disposed of the last vestiges of my time with Wil from my suite and what remains are treasured gifts from dear friends with some new furnishings. I believe starting a new journal will help as well.

I saw Eva, Antonio, Piper, Tass and Julie last night. I am glad to see my friends well.

Upon my return, I have also learned that I am not the only one who has suffered from Dreams...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-07-26 21:41 EST
RhyDin Red Dragon Inn Saturday, the 26th of July; Late afternoon

Last night was Tara's masquerade ball. The costumes and gowns were incredible — enthralling! Skid gave away my identity at the very beginning, but I was not very good at disguising myself anyhow. Even a stranger with an elven name knew who I was.

My Misfits were slackers and will be whipped with wet noodles accordingly for missing the event.

That stranger disconcerted me and yet made me feel comfortable at the same time. It was very, very odd. I trust few after my captivity in the Dark.

Rena found a place for me to open my parfumerie. It also has rooms upstairs where I could reside. I'm seriously contemplating this. I will keep my rooms at the Inn, of course. They'll just go back to their 'normal' one room in my absence. I think the change would be very good for me although I don't know where MMMM Headquarters will go. Rena said she's already thought about that and by the sign of boxes there, something's up!

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-10-02 10:12 EST
RhyDin Upstairs from "Heart Notes" Wednesday, the First of October; Late morning

I have about finished purchasing the initial stock I'll need available for when I open this parfumerie. My friends believe my disappearance is solely related to immersing myself in this entrepreneurial adventure; however, I have been using my mini-sorties to try to figure out more of what happened to Thelrain. We were....are....soulbound, but why do we live apart' The answers elude me in my dreams; thus, I must seek them out during daylight. Perhaps then the Dark can be held at bay.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-11-08 18:45 EST
As the elven empath slept fitfully late into the day, it seemed as if a whisper of a breeze fluttered open the pages of Eless' journal - little used of late. Words, written in silvery blue script formed upon the delicate pages.

~Let me be your soldier I'll stand up for you When your world comes crashing down I'll be the one to hold you Let me be your soldier I'll fight the fight for you When you're up against the wall I will pull you through

There comes a time In everybody's life When alone is not enough To make things right There comes a time When we need to ask for help When you're lost and just not strong enough To make it through the night When your love is on the frontline...

Let me be your soldier I'll take the pain for you When no one else is on your side I'll defend you Let me be your soldier I'll carry the cross for you When you're down and on your knees I'll protect you

There comes a time In everybody's life When alone is not enough To make things right There comes a time When we need to ask for help When we're lost and just not strong enough To make it through the night When your love is on the frontline... Let me be your soldier

There comes a time In everybody's life When alone is not enough To make things right There comes a time When we need to ask for help When we're lost and just not strong enough To make it through the night When your love is on the frontline When your love is on the frontline When your love is on the frontline...

Let me be your soldier, I'll die for you...~

(("There Comes a Time" Chanson compos"e par Jorgen Elofsson / Liz Rodrigues ))http://www.celinedion.com/celinedion/francais/music.cgi"album_id=24&band=1&song_id=17

Elessaria

Date: 2008-11-21 20:21 EST
RhyDin Upstairs from ~Heart Notes~ Friday, the 21st of November (2008); Early evening

RhyDin is even darker that usual. There are too many ominous omens that are converging at virtually the same time. Piper is worse after her father's arrival in town. She has informed me that it is his duty to kill me as I am not human. Melantha, Sid, Artsblood and Scottie all did battle with Sid's White Dragon. I lent my aid where I could after the fights. Now there is yet another evil plaguing the world.

Due to my assistance, I am now on the protected list of the Bloods; but, not all of my friends are. Now I am not permitted to attack Veighn directly - in spite of what Black Scarab did.

His attack did more than wound me physically and magically. If Blue had not been there to confirm that Black was gone; I may very well have killed the innocent form of him. He is not well and his presence causes me much discomfort on many levels. It's about all I can do to keep Connar from striking him down upon sight.

I worry about him now that he's left for Le Grand Conseil in his world. If anyone attracts more trouble than I do, it is him. Still we managed to share some wonderful, quiet moments amidst all the chaos and he invented a "secret" just for me.

I'm off to get ready to attend Katarina's ballet. I have never been to one and am looking forward to it immensely. On the morrow I hope to get to the Kaiser brothers glass shop.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-11-26 21:45 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Living Quarters of ~Heart Notes~ Wednesday, the 26th of November (2008); Late afternoon

I sometimes wonder if I will ever be fully rested these days. Connar returned from the Grand Conseil mostly unharmed. I did not speak to him of the bruising and marks about his wrists. Obviously, he had been bound against his will. He gave me his blade to keep which worries me. I understand his reasoning behind it; but, still I am uneasy. Then again, I am mostly uneasy.

The peaceful moments are rare, but pure pleasure. I've learned that Connar really likes my latest fragrance creation that combines the heart note of freesia with additional floral notes of violet, iris and jasmine. Truth or Dare amongst friends can be a terrific way to ease tension too.

Piper refuses to find anything worthy in that game and it seems in any game. There was such tension around her the other night and she appeared to threaten Eva and yet warn her at the same time. Melantha, Eva and I discussed a bit more about her and her very wicked father, Thomas. For a supposed "holy man", he just feels soul-less to me. I was so frustrated that night. I hoped Connar could explain in more detail to me what I garnered from Melantha; however, he seems troubled much more now.

I can just feel the pressure building; the tension rising; the storm brewing.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-11-28 20:09 EST
RhyDin Upstairs from ~Heart Notes~ Thursday, the 27 of November (2008); Early afternoon

What a lazy bed bug I have been today! I slept late after spending a late night giving Connar ice skating lessons. He shows promise in spite of falling and he was a very good sport to allow me to drag him out in the middle of the night, in the freezing cold to....fall! And I can definitely add to my List! I feel like a giddy little lass at times.

Life in RhyDin is just odd and never predictable. We can have quiet nights where my Misfits and I share a meal, other nights there will be some sort of dispute, and other nights we will just eat or drink around the chaos.

I need to check on my friends. I have not seen either Rena or Piper in a couple of days, so of course I am worried about them. People may joke and tease about the Misfits; but, at the very core it's about family. I do not have any family or even anyone left from Evandar. Other than my adopted heart sisters, these people are my friends and family— especially the founding members. It's my job to worry about them, care for and about them, protect them...

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-12-01 21:54 EST
RhyDin Upstairs from ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the First of December (2008); Late afternoon

~Le Monde est Stone~

J'ai la t"te qui "clate J'voudrais seulement dormir M'"tendre sur l'asphalte Et me laisser mourir

Stone Le monde est stone Je cherche le soleil Au milieu de la nuit

J'sais pas si c'est la terre Qui tourne " l'envers Ou bien si c'est moi Qui m'fait du cin"ma

Stone Le monde est stone

J'ai plus envie d'me battre J'ai plus envie d'courir Comme tous ces automates Qui b"tissent des empires Que le vent peut d"truire Comme des ch"teaux de cartes

Stone Le monde est stone Je cherche le soleil Au milieu de ma nuit...

Laissez-moi me d"battre N'venez pas m'secourir Venez plut"t m'abattre Pour m'emp"cher d'souffrir

J'ai la t"te qui "clate J'voudrais seulement dormir M'"tendre sur l'asphalte Et me laisser mourir Et me laisser mourir

—— ((By: Luc Plamondon & Michael Berger))

Elessaria

Date: 2008-12-15 21:30 EST
RhyDin At the Teas N Tomes Monday, the 15th December (2008); Mid-afternoon.

I am tired. The Blood Rains have returned and Darkness' hand grows stronger in RhyDin. There is discord sewn everywhere - even amidst my Misfits. The holiday season draws near and I had wished for the Misfits to celebrate our new Headquarters with a general party to encompass the festive season.

It is so cold. Terribly cold. I do not feel as if I will ever be truly warm again. If not for my friends, I would consider leaving RhyDin. Their impromptu sledding party and antics helped eased the weight that seems to drag me down. And I do not dare leave Piper whilst her father is in the realms.

I keep trying to remember the saying "After the rains go, there are rainbows."

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-12-22 23:36 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment of Heart Notes Parfumerie Monday, the 22nd of December (2008); Early evening.

My heart is filled with sorrow, grief and despair. The worst of the Dark Rose's bite has been healed by Melantha's gift. Or at least the worst of the physical part of it. I sleep with the silver acorn beneath my pillow, but that does not help me when I am awake. I am very, very grateful for her stemming the poison; yet, I wonder at times if I should have not accepted the healing. Perhaps Eva and Piper would be more gentle with one another without my meddling. Daily life goes on appearing as if all were the same; but, outward appearances aside, life has changed its course for me once again.

Peace eludes me once more.

~E

After the diminutive elfess set her ink quill down, she moved to sit in the window seat she had built as part of her bedroom renovations. Her delicate palm pressed against the chilled pane of glass, she stared out into the bleak, cold evening and softly sang:

~Et si tu crois que j'ai eu peur C'est faux Je donne des vacances " mon coeur Un peu de repos Et si tu crois que j'ai eu tort Attends Respire un peu le souffle d'or Qui me pousse en avant Et

Fais comme si j'avais pris la mer J'ai sorti la grand'voile Et j'ai gliss" sous le vent Fais comme si je quittais la terre J'ai trouv" mon "toile Je l'ai suivie un instant Sous le vent

Et si tu crois que c'est fini Jamais C'est juste une pause un r"pit Apr's les dangers Et si tu crois que je t'oublie "coute Ouvre ton corps aux vents de la nuit Ferme les yeux Et

Est-ce que tu seras pr's de moi Sous le vent ~ - "Sous Le Vent" (Duet w/ Garou and Celine Dion)

Elessaria

Date: 2008-12-29 22:01 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartments at ~Heart Notes Parfumerie~ Monday, the 29th of December (2008); Just after midnight.

Tonight was a small, but successful WinterFest at the Glenn where a pond was frozen. We had ice skating, hot drinks and snacks and lots of fun. There was a sable dog there that made me miss Nuage all the more and the skating....well, it wasn't nearly as fun as my lesson with Connar.

Artsblood was taken against her will according to Melantha. My heart aches for the loss and frustration she feels with the disappearance of her Love. My own heart bleeds silently; yet, the sorrow echoes in my emotions and my words. I need to be careful of how it colours my actions. Piper interceded in time the other night, reminding me to breathe....asking me all too pointedly just whose pain did I wish to alleviate that night.

I answered truthfully: Anyone's, since I cannot alleviate my own.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2008-12-30 22:32 EST
RhyDin The New MMMM Headquarters Tuesday, the 30th of December (2008); Late morning.

I came here to air out the building and to begin decorating the Hall for our Misfit celebration, but I cannot shake the feeling that something is very wrong. Sometimes I wonder if we help the fates along by getting caught up in all the worry and cause the Darkness to fall. I cannot get settled and when I try to finish creating my presents, I cannot focus on the finer details.

I still wear Connar's ring. My heart is not ready to release its tenuous hold on my hopes and dreams. It's selfish of me to endanger him by loving him, but how can I just stop? There is no web of spells that prevent me from remembering his smile, his scent, his touch or his voice. I know there are magical barriers that affect my memory of my past life and past loves....

And as I pace within these walls I wish it were not the memory of his voice whispering, "Du calme, chere" and reminding me to breathe; but, rather his voice in the present. That I could just look up into the depth of his eyes and draw from the strength that lies therein.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-01-05 21:22 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment from ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 5th of January (2009); Dawn

I spent another night wandering; last night it was the streets of RhyDin instead of the forests. At least the Blood Rains did not visit again last night. I am so tired, but have not been able to sleep. I have tried a variety of drinks since my teas haven't been working and they help little. Eva very gently reminded me that was not the best way to gain sleep and will give me something to try. I would be more nervous if I did not trust Eva implicitly. Human medicines are quite foreign to me — especially the more "modern" types.

The New Year has brought me closer to my friends and yet at the same time I feel more alone than ever in my struggle with the Darkness. The realization that the Darkness is growing in me wounds me to the very core. My precious friends reminded me to focus on pleasant, happy experiences and Connar counseled me to stand strong and fight it. He knows me better than most and understands the burden of duty all too well. The softness of his gaze grounded me and it was all I could do to keep from falling into his arms.

I wish we could return to the short time of happiness and peace that we shared only a few weeks ago. I can only hope and pray that one day we will share such again. It took us quite awhile to share that path and if the gods and goddesses grant us favor, perhaps one day we will do so again. We were not in a rush before and there is no rush now for we are both blessed (or cursed) by an extended lifetime.

There are many hearts hurting: Alain's, Sianna's, Sylvia's....

My friends....I need to stay strong to help them, because a broken empath is not just useless, but dangerous to be around.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-01-08 17:06 EST
RhyDin Her Apartment Upstairs from ~Heart Notes Parfumerie~ Thursday, the 9th of January (2009); Late afternoon.

It is amazing what a little bit of sleep can do. Two nights ago I tried one of the pills Eva gave me - a half of one actually. I followed her instructions to the letter and slept soundly until some time after Noon yesterday. I was able to tidy up my work-room at the shop and prepare some more distillations and macerations for the next batch of fragrances for my friends' gifts. So far they seem to like them which means I can open the shoppe soon. Maybe in time for Valentine's Day.

I didn't have to leave the Inn last night when tempers flared. I was even able to promise Connar that I would not give up my battle against the Darkness. I also confessed my fear of losing him....to him. I was trying to follow Eva's advice from earlier that night.

RhyDin can be a terrible place, but friendship and love can brighten the shadows that haunt this realm.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-01-10 22:28 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment from ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 10 of January (2009); Early Evening.

I kissed a toad last night. That was even before I took one of the sleeping pills Eva gave me. Connar and I had one of usual winding conversations that begin crazy and after much meandering and a few sharp turns, end even odder. It was light, but the tone was cheerful at least. Our playful banter is a cover for deeper held emotions, but I believe at least our hearts know the truth — even if we do not know how to act upon it.

The conversation was loosely based on the human fairytale about a human lass who kisses a toad. The toad then is supposed to turn into a handsome prince. By the end of the night, Mishka gave me a tiny, bright orange toad, whom I named Prince. I kissed him and he did not turn into a prince. Tass kissed him and still nothing. Sometimes a toad is just a toad wearing a little gold crown. I asked Anya to give him to Antonio's son, Dominick, or to keep him for the children at the clinic. I believe he'll be safer than residing with me. I mean....look what happened to Nuage and this is just a defenseless little thing.

I needed air desperately last night. Tass gave me a little magical boost just as I left; it was enough to see me safely home. When sleep eluded me for a couple more hours after that, I broke down and took one of those pills. Now it's early evening and I slept the day away, but I know I needed it. I'm unsettled, there is something lurking just outside of my periphery and I know I need to be rested to cope with it.

~E

"And I think you need to stop following misery's lead Shine away Shine away Shine away Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are We're all waiting Waiting on your supernova Cause that's who you are And you've only begun to shine

Yeah you've only begun to shine..." - Shine by Anna Nalick

Elessaria

Date: 2009-01-19 21:10 EST
Twilight Isle Tower of Air Monday, the 19th of January (2009)



A year ago I had been planning my wedding to Wil until I had been captured by the Dark. So much has changed within the span of a single year and yet so much remains the same. A week ago I was caught and imprisoned amidst the Veils. I tortured by the Servants of the Dark as they forced me to relive parts of my past. This time it was the miscarriage of my daughter after Hans' death at the claws of demons.

I've been spending my nights with Rena in the safety of the Tower of Air. She won the the key and title of Keeper the night before my attack. The three of us agreed it would probably be the most secure place to stay right now. The wounds from the bindings around my wrists and ankles are healing, but very, very slowly. I'm sure it's because they were magical, spiritual and physical bonds. Most importantly, they are healing and I escaped alive.

My friends need me. I've not seen Piper since the turn of the new year and Mason's sister has been painted by that evil mage. Mason is a wreck, but Eva is right there helping him. They're really very good for each other— at least I think so. Connar prepares for the divisiveness and chaos that his world will incur due to a crusade by some king. I believe he said his name was Richard; the same king who knighted Connar in hopes of keeping Connar at his beck and call. The man is clever, but obviously not insightful enough to realize that the only one to whom Connar answers is his god.

There is an assassin targeting some of the Bloods. Lord Yhaull is more unpredictable than ever.

I hate this cursed cold.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-01-24 21:46 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes Parfumerie~ Saturday, the 24th of January (2009); Early evening.

For the first time in a long while I feel grounded. Now that Tass helped speed up the healing of the injuries from my capture, I've decided to return to my apartment here at the shop. I spent most of the day re-keying the wards and reinforcing them in hopes of preventing another attack by the Dark.

Mason is in terrible shape over the loss of his sister. Eva looks exhausted. Piper stopped at the Inn last night briefly. She left us even more confused than ever. She mentioned something about Eva having a voice, Rena returning home and my having learned my mistakes. Rena and I tried to puzzle our way through it; but, we had little success. Piper also spoke about Clay having no boundaries or something like that. She totally caught me by surprise.

Connar walked me home last night. For the first time in a long while we just talked simply without any tension nor frivolity. It felt so good to hold hands again. It's such a simple gesture that so many people take for granted. I, however, kept my hand tucked over my heart while I slept. Melantha's acorn under my pillow and the image of soulful, hazel eyes kept away the nightmares.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-02 22:31 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment from ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 2nd of February (2009); After dusk.

Many of the denizens of RhyDin do not know how blessed they are. They are free to love and free to act upon it. Do not misunderstand me, there are many whose burdens weigh much more than mine. I'm just so thankful for the short time Connar and I were able to share on Saturday night. We were blessed by quiet. It seems like such a tiny thing, but it means so much to two such us. I know he is troubled by matters in his own world even though he doesn't wish to dwell upon them for several reasons. I am just glad that we have been able to find time together where we can put aside our concerns for a few hours and simply enjoy one another's company. Happiness doesn't have to be complicated. "Mes r'ves sont d"j" devant moi. Je les vis m?me maintenant." With those simple, poignant words he solidified his "title" as Le Gardien de mon coeur.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-03 22:22 EST
RhyDin The Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 3rd of February (2009); Near noon.

I finally feel refreshed and whole enough to renew my perfume making and to continue preparations for opening ~Heart Notes~ in time for Valentine's Day. I think it's appropriate since those who celebrate it usually buy special gifts as a sign of their love. I wasn't ready for the yule season, so this is my next good opportunity as far as business is concerned.

Love is both simple and complex. It's been an elusive dream for me — one that I am daring to hope is finally coming true.

~E ~J'ai vu les anges et les d"mons Les yeux baiss's et les sermons J'ai vu les ombres et la lumi're D'une femme seule et guerri're J'ai vu les flots et les rochers Les r"v"lations, les secrets J'ai vu les vastes Am"riques Et tous les mirages de l'Afrique J'ai vu l'azur et les glaciers Se confondre et puis se briser

Mais ce qui m'"tonne tu sais C'est tout l'"clat de nos baisers Tous les d'sirs, tous les sursauts Comme des "toiles sur ta peau Comme l'immensit"~ "Immensit?" by C. Dion

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-06 22:48 EST
RhyDin The Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Friday, the 6th of February (2009); Just before Noon.

Just a quick break from the seemingly endless preparations required before I can open the parfumerie. I'm so excited! And yet, I am struggling to work through the lingering fatigue and nausea from last night's events. Eva and I got to meet the Muse. She took Mason's form and had almost lured Eva away; but, we discovered the ruse barely in time. I was not prepared for such evil, so suddenly. I had been lulled by the brief respite of peace. The Muse radiated such a foul taint and I was nearly swept away by the force of all those tortured souls she tormented.

I am still unsure as to who or what she is. Talitha explained a bit more of the mystery surrounding the Muse. Now I fear that Eva is her target in order for her to get at Mason. Anger and fear fuel her; so, I managed to clamp down on the emotions that she fed on. I reacted instinctively and thus weakened myself. Still, Eva is safe— that is what counts. Mason is safe too — except for being the recipient of Eva's redirected punch. That is another nifty and annoying trick that the Muse has mastered.

We've been blessed by glimpses of Light; yet Darkness still comes.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-09 23:30 EST
RhyDin The Workshop at ~Heart Notes~ Monday, the 9th of February (2009); Dusk

I love to watch the way the sunlight streams through the windows of the shop, bathing the entire front room in its golden glow; the way the cut crystal and glass bottles sparkle and shimmer in a rainbow of hues as the sun moves across the sky during the day. I am equally nervous and excited about this project. It is hard to believe after all the work and planning, I will actually open for business!

Connar was both sweet and practical with his reassurances. Last night was the second time we fell asleep, snuggled together in the commons. He is exhausted emotionally; he is drained physically as well. I know he doesn't wish to add to my burdens; so, I have tried to reassure him that it is less trying on me to know what troubles him rather than shield against the unknown. Sometimes I know he would just rather forget. I try to leave it up to him to share as much as he feels comfortable with. That he relaxes enough to catch a brief respite with me makes me feel like I am helping him. I must admit, it helps me too.

Trying to explain the term "hottie" to him and its origins made for an interesting, amusing and pulse-quickening side conversation. For a man with such strength, his touch is infinitely gentle. He follows the path of a warrior, yet his kisses and words are wonderfully soft and tender.

Wisdom' Well, Wisdom is for the birds.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-10 22:04 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment above ~Heart Notes Parfumerie~ Tuesday, the 10th of February (2009); Early Evening

I was too exhausted to work on my preparations for the parfumerie's opening. Last night was frightening. I have not been that scared other than when I've been captured by the Dark. The Muse was at the Inn last night and I remained outside until she left. However, after I tried to clear my head and my emotions from the hate and evil that remained just from her proximity, I found she left a "gift" for Eva. It was a severed wolf's head. It was obviously an attempt to infuriate and scare Eva; yet, she handled it so bravely. She, Rena and I brought the basket and its contents out to the Back Alley where we incinerated it with a magical fire. The Muse doesn't know that she's up against some very strong women who love each other like sisters. I know Piper would have stood by us as well.

I'm so proud of Eva. She is her own worst critic, but I admire her strength and convictions so much.

And Rena is excelling at manipulating the magic that comes with being Keeper of the Tower of Air.

Somehow, some day....I know all of us will finally break free from the Dark and bask in the Light.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-12 22:39 EST
RhyDin Buried Under a Pile of Dresses Thursday, the 12th of February (2009); Mid-afternoon!

I am so terribly nervous! Locke did fantastic at his debut in Mercer Park, next I am on my way to Koy's show. After that there will be mingling and networking and I am so nervous - I do not know what to wear! Me! I shall have just enough time to stop at the printer's to pick up my business cards. They had better be ready or I shall look like an idiot before I even open the parfumerie!

I have finished a signature scent for Koy to thank her for introducing me to the New Haven crowd. I am dragging Rena with me if I can manage to pry her from her Tower and books. I need somebody to keep me grounded or I may actually start to chew my nails.

And tomorrow I hope to open Heart Notes" Am I insane"

Do not answer that - even if journals can't talk.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-15 12:40 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment from ~Heart Notes~ Sunday, the 15th of Februarly (2009); Shortly after noon.

Koy's show was even more dazzling than I expected. My mind was such a blur after meeting everyone and attending the after party at Club Shade. By the time I reached the Inn, I was exhausted; but, it was a good fatigue. I am very pleased by the first couple of days of business. I'm sure that the holiday helped. I was outbid on Marc Franco for the silent auction. I was disappointed, but we still got to spend some time together at Koy's show. He's a very entertaining fellow and we enjoyed critiquing the various designs whenever we attended the same shows.

Speaking of the Valentine's holiday, I gather Eva (and Mason) educated Connar about it. The poor man seemed both baffled and convinced that inspite of my declaration that I do not officially celebrate it, it was a holy day of obligation. Which then brings me to the note and rose he left me. His sharing his sentiments were the perfect gift. It touched my heart at its very core.

Some were partnered with their loves last night, others were pining and although I greatly missed Connar, I know we carry each other's hearts; thus, he may not be at my side physically, but I am kept company by his love. Of course I worry about his safety — especially with the problems with that Richard king person.

I hope Eva liked Mason's surprise gift. We worked hard on it. I also hope that Connar will like the little surprise I have for him.

Rena should have some candles for me to sell next week! Hooray! ~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-21 22:30 EST
RhyDin Workroom at ~Heart Notes~ Saturday, the 21st of February (2009); Late evening.



The parfumerie has been open a week now and business is doing pretty well. I've just gone over the books. A few mishaps that included several bags of jasmine blossoms being left outside over night have definitely diminished profits; but, overall I am happy with the way it is turning out.

Leah, Silas' daughter, has said The Muse is after Eva, still after Mason and now includes me on her list. Let us hope that I can keep her focus on me instead of them.

Connar is dealing with witches in his realm in addition to whatever trouble he has with Richard and the Crusades. Quiet moments spent with him make the chaos and darkness that much more bearable. I confessed to him that I am not going to run when the time comes for me to face the Dark. By opening Heart Notes, I've chosen to make a stand — at least from my perspective. Our worlds are so different, yet there are some important commonalities.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-25 20:58 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment above Heart Notes Parfumerie Wednesday, the 25 of February (2009); Evening.

So much for a quiet night at the Inn. There was an under current of tension all evening to start, but Tara's suppositions that Piper is dead was disconcerting to say the least. Eva lasted only minutes in the common room and eventually I had soothed away Connar's tension — at least until the female Klingon, Leskit, drew her blade. I know very little of Klingons, other than from my previous conversations with this warrior; but, I know a bit more than Connar. In his world, men are dominant; In Leskit's, women are. She took insult from my words, leveled her sword at me and thus raised Connar's ire. His frustration with Rhy'Din and the vastly different interpretations of honor and morals is tangible. Luckily, we managed to leave the Inn, our respite of peace interrupted, without any one coming to blows.

I got to witness the flaring of his temper and for a brief instant, almost felt sad for those whom he battles. I admire his strength and his determination to adhere to his strict code of honor — even if it meant we fussed at each other on the walk home. I cannot blame his tension, not only does he have his duties in his realm; but, the news that someone had breached my wards a couple of nights ago did not sit well with him. I know it is not the quality of ale in Rhy'Din that has him returning so often. I promised him and my friends I would not be foolish and remain guarded.

With all of my efforts turned toward Heart Notes, I had forgotten that I, too, have duties. Even though I believe my god has forsaken me, I still am a Servant of the Light. I must hone my skills— all of them— in order to help restore balance between Light and Dark. Connar was both wrong and right. I can learn from him and perhaps I am not to vanquish the Dark, but rather maintain the balance.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-02-27 21:37 EST
RhyDin Heart Notes Parfumerie Friday, the 27 of February (2009), Early afternoon.

Balance. One of the most difficult parts of living is maintaining the precarious and delicate balance within ourselves. It is not just the struggle of light versus dark; but also the reconciliation of mind and heart, duty and desire, physical and emotional.

RhyDin tears many apart; yet, it also can be where one can gather up the shards of one's self and endeavor to become whole.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-03-03 22:07 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at ~Heart Notes~ Tuesday, the 3rd of March (2009); Early evening.

I only opened the shop for a few hours today as I was too worn to do otherwise. Shea's healing helped ease the bruising and the headache from the attack the other night; but, I am still unsettled by the dream....nightmare really.

Ever since I was caught between the Veils, I doubt my ability to distinguish between the two. I know dreams are just dreams. I am nay gifted with Foresight. I just cannot shake this heaviness that has fallen and I know Connar shares this sense of foreboding.

I know I need to listen to him and my friends....to be more careful. I am going to try. Seeing their concern last night just upset me all the more. I probably should have stayed home, but I did not wish to be alone.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-03-05 23:48 EST
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream till the current ends and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage can seldom see through his bars of rage his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.

—— RhyDin Heart Notes Parfumerie Thursday, the 5th of March (2009); Around Noon

It never fails. I grow exceptionally anxious as Spring draws near. I must ready myself for my annual pilgrimage to Evandar and I am woefully unprepared. Last year I was caught and held captive amidst the Veils, so I was unable to perform my duties there. This year it is a must.

Where ever I go, the bodyguards follow. I respect my friends' wishes and the promise I made to Connar to remain safe. Yet, I feel as if my wings have been clipped. Once the two attackers have been found then perhaps I can convince them that I will no longer need their services. My requests to reducing their numbers from four to two were turned down.

Eva tried to make it a little sweeter by telling me I got my royal entourage and that it suits me. I think I ended up surprising both her and Mason when I told them that I am not of royal blood, but in fact a servant of sorts. At least there is Tass and Kitty's wedding to look forward to.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-03-27 22:36 EST
RhyDin Apartment Upstairs from Heart Notes Friday, the 27 of March (2009), Early evening.

I have been exhausted since my visit to Evandar. Reinforcing the wards as well as crafting and traveling through the portal drained me more than I expected. Emotionally it was a brutal as ever.

It has been a week since I have seen Connar and my worry grows every day. He was injured more severely then he would let on when he fought with Scarab. I know it is very bleak in his world right now and it weighs heavily on him. RhyDin only makes things more difficult on him.

Eva is healing from her attack by one of the Muse's pets. I am furious. Somehow I think she is behind the recent injuries that Mason has sustained via a dream. I saw the Muse, but knew I was not strong enough to oppose her. Still, I am reading fervently during my free time in search of a way to try to curtail her strength and reduce her ability to control her former "pets".

Tannie and Tormay's engagement party was lovely. If only I had had time to recover properly before attending. Rena is doing very well with her duels. She has been a source of steady strength for me.

I returned the bodyguards to Antonio since Mason told me he dealt with the problem and there is no longer any need for me to fear another attack by Frankie and Seamus. As far as attacks from other sources....who knows?

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-04-13 23:31 EST
RhyDin Work room at Heart Notes Monday, the 13 of April (2009); Late evening.

I have not felt quite myself since my return from Evandar. I feel off balance and out of sorts. Other than celebrating an all too brief visit from Piper, the Inn is far too unsettling for me most evenings. The chaotic press of auras thrumming against my shields usually sets off a sick headache and I find that other than my true friends, the shallowness....the depravity....the hate....the discord....

I am too sensitive to endure them as I have been able to in the past. Perhaps it is not all from my pilgrimage; but, also due to concern for my friends and Connar.

I have buried myself in my work. The arrival of Spring and glimpses of warmth have inspired me to experiment with fresh, fragrant florals and herbs. The celebration of Beltane is not long off, but I do not know if I will be able to suffer through it.

Spring in RhyDin can be difficult for an empath— especially one as sensitive as I.

~E

—— Eless set the pen down and closed her journal. The petite empath returned to her work station and cupped a a tender sprig of freesia in her delicate hand. The fragile beauty of the pale blue, double blossom captured her attention and she softly lapsed into song...

~My love we have seen it all The endless confession The rise and fall

As fragile as a child But lately I'm sorry I can't hold a smile

But I stand tall to get by No matter how hard I try to hide How did you know I'd take the time for you? Did you know that I could see you through" How did you know that I would play the part' I must have made it clear right from the start

My love can you give me strength" Some how I forgot how to ease my pain I know I'm right where I belong But Somethin for nothin never proved me wrong

But I stand tall to get by No matter how hard I try to hide How did you know I'd take the time for you? Did you know that I could see you through" How did you know that I would play the part' I must have made it clear right from the start

I would share my whole life with you Would you do the same for me" I would give all I am to you Would you do the same for me"

And I will stand tall to get by No matter how hard I try to hide You could you see" I could break Did you notice all my mistakes" There were times that I felt you read my mind How did you know I'd take the time for you? And did you know that I could see you through? Did you know that I would play that part' I know I made it clear right from the start....~

((My Love, Written by Linda Perry))

Elessaria

Date: 2009-04-18 20:25 EST
RhyDin Upstairs Apartment at Heart Notes Saturday, the 18th of April (2009); Early evening.



Another busy day at the parfumerie - I am very luck this business venture is doing well, so quickly. Time passes rapidly as I endeavor to meet all the custom orders between waiting on customers. Once I know the shop is relatively safe, I can speak with Jolyon and Lirssa about the young apprentice. In the meantime, busy hands keep my mind busy. I am working on a new fragrance for myself for the change in seasons, but freesia will remain the heart note of course.

I attempted to visit the Inn a few nights ago and never made it inside. The Muse was within and her presence made me nauseous all the way out on the porch. Poor Serena and Jolyon were very concerned and at a loss as to what to do. I left rather hastily with only a brief greeting for dear Rena. Thank goodness she understands my quirks or at least accepts them if she doesn't understand them truly.

I am going to make another attempt tonight. I need to. The magic pulls me farther away with each day that passes. Its song beckons as if it spills from a siren's lips.

I need to find some sort of grounding in order to tend tomorrow evening.

I need to find my center period.

~E

Elessaria

Date: 2009-04-21 23:37 EST
Floating up I'm floating high up Far into the stars, below I feel it beneath me, giving way Earth below I feel around me Echoes of the world, dissolved this feels like a dream now, then it comes and it feels so real And then life

Darkness pulls me away I'm falling into nowhere I can't see anything I want it, I want it over now death comes knocking again I'm falling into darkness I can't feel anything I guess it, I guess it's over now

High you're now I'm high above the stars light years away, alone this must be a dream now, to the field terrified I'm falling fast now, into the abyss, the void has called me into, somewhere else and it knows my name then my soul slips away

Darkness pulls me away I'm falling into nowhere I can't see anything I want it, I want it over now death comes knocking again I'm falling into darkness I can't feel anything I guess it, I guess it's over now (now)

Falling into nothing Feel my soul is slipping...away

Darkness pulls me away I'm falling into nowhere I can't see anything I want it, I want it over now Death comes knocking again I'm falling into darkness I can't feel anything I guess it, I guess it's over now I guess it's over now I guess it's over now I guess it's over now I guess it's over now

—- ((Falling Into Darkness by No Motiv))